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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Eclectica 05-01-2009 03:40 PM

Hey ravynsoul :] Nice to meet you too. I've woken up ill unfortunately. And I'm no good at handling physical illness and anything physical right now. Also got an infected sore.

Got to go to a posh, fancy restaurant for dinner tonight with my mum and her friend and daughter... I don't feel up to it both physical and mental :<

@Accidentally abstract: I'm also the same today *hugs* Spent ages just lying in bed. And it's hard to make that first movement to get up.

*Gives hugs to everyone*

Accidentally Abstract 05-01-2009 05:38 PM

Aww I'm sorry you're feeling the same way today.
I managed to get up & bathed & dressed. Go me. =]

Mary Anne 05-01-2009 07:39 PM

Hi everyone,

sorry I have been so rubbish at supporting recently, I am having trouble just putting one foot in front of the other just now.

Had to delete his number today as it is just too much for me now.
Feel totally empty and worthless.

Even the denial tent doesn't help

*hugs everyone*

Damnation. 05-01-2009 09:33 PM

Helen: ;o Nice. Enjoy that snow!

Ravyn: Yeah, we finally had the talk we needed. I still feel terrible though ;-;

Zowie: *Hugs back* I'm sorry to hear that you're getting such trouble off your mates >___O

Lucy: Mmm, I know what you mean. I hardly want to do anything today, either

Kat: >__< *Hugs tightly*

Mary Anne: Don't worry about it, it's perfectly understandable. But I'm glad to hear that you've gotten rid of his number. I might not know your situation, but I've read enough to get the impression that the less contact with him, the better *hugs*

*Hugs anyone she missed*

* * *

Like I said earlier, I feel. Like. ****. I think I had a mini-breakdown last night or something. I think all the pain about this whole ****ing situation that I'd kept more or less to myself came tumbling out. After our conversation, my mood kept swinging dramatically. I was fine one minute, then blinking back tears the next. And I was okay when I came offline to get ready to go to bed, and sort of crumpled. Kept struggling with horrible thoughts of suicide again, as well x________x.

Went into the living room, and the tears just started. And I cried. And cried. And cried. ****, I actually ended up collapsing to my knees and clinging onto the Goddamn armchair just for something to hold, and sobbed myself stupid. I could hardly stop.

I don't have trouble with crying. I well up, and tears fall easily, but it's just crying for more than a few minutes that I have trouble with. It tends to stop after five, tops, and it's really rare when I cry for more than that. Last night, I must've sobbed for about half a ****ing hour. I ended up walking around the house sniffling and ****, praying my housemate couldn't hear. Only calmed down when I finally got into bed, and then couldn't sleep, and the tears started again. Not as bad, but even so x_x. So yeah, I'm irritable thanks to lack of sleep, and I just generally feel like absolute ****ing ****.

[/Long post is long]

mouse in darkness 05-01-2009 10:07 PM

*Runs out of denial tent, hugs everyone*:hop:

Lucy glad you could get up and on the go *hugs*

Kat hope you feel better soon *hugs*

Mary Anne glad you took a step foward *hugs*

Dayna Maybe it was the release you needed, hope your day and feelings change for the better *hugs*

*Hugs anyone I missed and runs back into the denial tent*

Damnation. 05-01-2009 10:09 PM

Nicole: Perhaps. I hope so x_o *hugs back*

Eclectica 05-01-2009 11:25 PM

*Hugs Dayna* Crying is good... we can't cry. It's a hard thing to do after events. So to cry is good. It's a good release. To not cry... is hard. And get harder and harder, and more painful. Be glad you can cry *hugs again*.

We, maybe I'm, feeling quite... suicidal and things. Want to hurt myself. Want to OD (really really bad). Want pain and suffering even more so. Also feeling empty at the same time. Don't know what's going on. Very switchy too.

Mum's friend and her daughter went to dinner with us and talked of the psych visit we had. And that set us off to switching. The night was nice too... But now feeling empty and craving to OD and SH in many ways.

Mary Anne 05-01-2009 11:41 PM

*hugs everyone*

having the worst night I have had in months, I need to get up in under 6 hours and I just can't go to sleep, I went to bed but for the first time I couldn't sleep there because it is 'our' bed. I tried the couch but it is not big enough.

*hugs Dayna tight* - crying is good, I had a record breaking cry tonight (we are talking hours here), it is a good release.

I was a month si free and that has gone tonight too (crappy cuts tho - first knife out the drawer was pretty blunt) I want to bleed but don't have the energy to do it.

I desperately want to be close to someone :(

*hides under a duvet to cry some more*

Accidentally Abstract 05-01-2009 11:50 PM

Could I have a hug from someone..?

Jetforce 06-01-2009 12:09 AM

**cuddles lucy**

Accidentally Abstract 06-01-2009 12:14 AM

Thank you.
Are you okay?

Snuffles 06-01-2009 12:38 AM

*bangs head on desk*

why Why WHY do I continue to try with the church people?? They don't give a **** *cries* Time to give up on them I think

*huggles everyone who needs them*

I'm so sorry I haven't been around lately... blah.... just have hit rock bottom, missing my family, struggling with who REALLY cares... gah hate life.

ravynsoul 06-01-2009 12:53 AM

*hugs everyone* it seems like everyone is having not so great a day. *cuddles* sorry I don't have more to offer right now; quite drained/triggered... take care everyone.

Kahlia1981 06-01-2009 12:55 AM

*cuddles everyone*

I'm just going to curl up in a corner for the next few weeks if no-one minds.

Accidentally Abstract 06-01-2009 01:13 AM

*joins Kahlia curled up in the corner*

ravynsoul 06-01-2009 01:17 AM

*joins Lucy and Kahlia in the corner if that's ok*

Accidentally Abstract 06-01-2009 01:18 AM

Wow, crowded corner now.
*hugs everyone*

Kahlia1981 06-01-2009 01:24 AM

Lucy, I think the corner expands to fit in anyone who wants to be there.

Ravyn, join away.

I'd really like to get into Schrodinger's cat's box right now. Although I bet I would come out in the state of alive or (my suspected unknown third option) totally furious when someone opened the box.

ravynsoul 06-01-2009 01:27 AM

Thanks Kahlia - lol! i love Schrodinger's cat's box... but until someone opens the box you can be anyone or all three things at once... that's kinda cool.. i like that idea... we should have a Schrodinger's box in here beside the denial tent...

Accidentally Abstract 06-01-2009 01:29 AM

I'm glad. 'cause I don't want to be kicked out. =[

ravynsoul 06-01-2009 01:31 AM

*hugs lucy* i wouldn't have gone in if it meant kicking you out

Accidentally Abstract 06-01-2009 01:44 AM


ravynsoul 06-01-2009 01:46 AM

*hugs* how are you doing?

ravynsoul 06-01-2009 01:48 AM

*offers hugs to everyone else too* sorry i haven't been good at supporting today... i've read your threads and i'm thinking of you all... wish i could do more... sorry..

Accidentally Abstract 06-01-2009 01:49 AM

Everyone has off days Ravyn. We can't all be superwoman every day. & hey, I never give any support in Vets so you're beating me. =\

ravynsoul 06-01-2009 01:53 AM

thanks lucy... i like trying to be superwoman though... it sucks when reality comes crashing in... and so the record's straight.. i have seen you give lots of support in here!

i'm going to call it a night... take care everyone..

Accidentally Abstract 06-01-2009 01:55 AM

Mm, I think I'm just gonna try & go to sleep as well.
Beats sitting up feeling like crap.
Night. x

Kahlia1981 06-01-2009 02:03 AM

I'm going to build a Schrodinger's cat's box in here if no-one minds ... hmmm, perhaps one that changes size whenever someone wants to get in ??

Pomegranate 06-01-2009 02:08 AM

Go for it Kahlia *hugs*

*squishes everyone who needs it*

I am not even feeling overly low tonight, but I need to harm. I don't understand it but that is what has to happen.

Kahlia1981 06-01-2009 02:18 AM

Thanks Emma. *cuddles you* If you do harm, please do it in the safest way possible, although I hope you remain strong and survive the night without harming.

Accidentally Abstract 06-01-2009 02:23 AM

Or not.
Soon as I closed my eyes, thoughts raced so so fast.
Couldn't take it.
I'm back. Sadly for you guys.

Damnation. 06-01-2009 02:29 AM

Yikes, I missed a fair bit O_O;;

*Hugs all*

Accidentally Abstract 06-01-2009 02:33 AM


Pomegranate 06-01-2009 03:47 AM

thanks Kahalia*hugs* think it is manageable at home. Trying to ignore urges to continue :(

Did you manage to get some sleep Lucy?

How are you Dayna?

Accidentally Abstract 06-01-2009 03:49 AM

Nope, no sleep for me.
*sends hugs*

Pomegranate 06-01-2009 03:57 AM

:( *hugs* hope you are ok there x

Damnation. 06-01-2009 03:59 AM

Emma: Rather volatile. Up and down like a yo-yo again x_o. Although I'm okay for the moment, having said that, and you?

*Hugs all again*

Accidentally Abstract 06-01-2009 04:00 AM

Hope you're okay xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Pomegranate 06-01-2009 04:09 AM

Please take care there Lucy :(. Here if you want to talk. I hope your thoughts control themselves soon xxx

Any idea why you are up and down Dayna? *hugs* Glad you are ok atm though x


Me? I am ok. I have SI'd some more and think it could do with a few stitches. Problem is, my pride won't let me go get it sorted atm. My mind is telling me to harm more but I'm not sure I have the energy tbh.

Accidentally Abstract 06-01-2009 04:13 AM

Don't do anything else *hugs*.
Get them looked at?

Kahlia1981 06-01-2009 05:08 AM

Emma, although it is probably too late. My hope is that you didn't SI anymore. *hugs you*

Lucy, sorry you were unable to sleep. It's a bit of a nasty (sometimes circular) situation. *offers you hugs*

Dayna, hope you are okay at this present point in time ... after all, that's all we can really look at isn't it ?? *hugs you*

Damnation. 06-01-2009 05:10 AM

Emma: The fact that you have no energy left to harm more is probably a good thing. But if they need stitching, then you really ought to go and get them seen to properly. As for my mood, eh. God knows

Kahlia: Well, I was ._.; *hugs back*

Kahlia1981 06-01-2009 05:16 AM

Dayna : I'm assuming from that [and your mood symbol] that things aren't so good now. *hugs you tight* I sincerely hope that they improve.

Damnation. 06-01-2009 05:17 AM

Kahlia: I've no idea what set it off, either >_< *hugs back* I was alright earlier, and now it's just...wannagoandgiveinagain

Kahlia1981 06-01-2009 05:41 AM

Dayna : That can be really hard. I damaged myself during an incredibly lucid dream and now all that I can think about is making it bigger/deeper/more like a worthy answer for all the evil in me. Sorry, didn't mean to be selfish and take the conversation towards me ... I was originally just trying to offer some understanding and gentle support. *offers you hugs and a choice of stuffed animals to cuddle*

Damnation. 06-01-2009 05:42 AM

No no, it's fine, I understand what you mean (and have done the same sort of thing once or twice myself). I still keep thinking I should go back to my GP, but I just don't know if I can .__.;;

Kahlia1981 06-01-2009 05:46 AM

Aye, understood. Excuse my forgetfulness [sp?] (please), how long have these intense mood swings been going on Dayna ?? Please try and stay safe.

Damnation. 06-01-2009 05:52 AM

Um...a good few weeks now. I think they started around mid December/couple of weeks before Christmas. Around about that sort of time. Really, since I first started posting in here, I think

Kahlia1981 06-01-2009 05:59 AM

Hmmm ... I thought that might be the case. It really doesn't sound good. It's hard enough to cope with the severe emotional rollercoaster for a couple of days let alone a couple of weeks ... Maybe it is time to see your doctor again. It sounds like you need a bit or support irl as well as through us here on RYL.

You know the really good thing about having a virtual psych ward ?? For me it means that I don't have to put up with the supercilious doctors and nurses who have their heads so far up certain doctors arses that they are unable to think anything other than what that particular doctor would like them to think. Whoa ... GD it felt good to get that out.

Damnation. 06-01-2009 06:10 AM

The thing is, what's stopping me is my housemate. I can't go out alone, unless I'm only going down the road for a minute (that and plus I can never remember how to get to the doctors alone =D), but I haven't been able to talk to her. I know she'd want me to, but it's just...gah. I can't do it. I clam up, mumble, stare at my feet, etc etc. And I don't know why, but the typical 'Oh Däyna...why didn't you tell me?' reaction irks me, too.

And heh, I can agree with you there. I have a different GP now (thank ****!) but the first one I had when I moved up here was a complete dick. I mean, seriously. I told him I was having suicidal thoughts when I went to see him a few years ago, and his attitude was along the lines of 'so what do you want me to do about it?'

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