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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

happiness...its all a lie 05-05-2012 10:06 PM

They know i self harm but they have never said it to me and i wont say it to them its a bit taboo - they all think im stopped and never do it etc so its a bit complicated. Ill go out it'll be ok im sure. Yeah i have thanks, very few things work for me when im like this ive tried reading a magazine, colouring, sitting with my mum (without her knowing im triggered) and nothing works. Im done and out of ideas.

Do you stay with your dad often? would she ring him to ask?etc think of situations that she may find out and that may be worse than telling her about the home team.

Im sorry to do this but im going to attempt sleep as im in such a state. Ill come back 2mz or inbox me if u want to chat more xx

Fire Fly 05-05-2012 10:13 PM

Okay, hopefully you will sleep tight and hopefully you will feel a tad bit better tomorrow. Let us know how you are doing tomorrow!

My dad knows i have this choice and he said that if i choose to go ip and dont want to tell her then he will cover for me. I sometimes stay with my dad but its complicated.

happiness...its all a lie 06-05-2012 08:21 AM


Well if hes happy to help with that then thats good but have you thought about if you do go IP then you wont have any freedom to go out etc?

I didnt sleep well at all and ive woke up the same as last night. So not going to be a good day but hey life is life i just expect it now.

Doikers 06-05-2012 09:55 AM

*Glomps my wardies*

Fire Fly 06-05-2012 12:43 PM

Im sorry its not looking much better Happiness! This is just an obstacle and you will get through it, you just need to have faith.

Hope you are okay x

happiness...its all a lie 06-05-2012 02:59 PM


been out for a while, im a bit calmer but still same thoughts and feelings just going to hide and hope it all goes away

Laura2.0 06-05-2012 04:35 PM

*hugs Georgia* attack thingy = state of hyperarousal (I think.. dunno the translation actually, doesn't have anything to do with sex though)
*hugs Louise*
*hugs happiness..*
*hugs Tinkles*
*hugs Mark*

how are you all?

happiness...its all a lie 06-05-2012 06:33 PM

thanks for the hugs, how are you? im a bit mixed i told my bf something and i feel relieved but also terrified at the same time

Laura2.0 06-05-2012 07:03 PM

*hugs happiness* if you are relieved then it sounds like it was a good thing that you told him. Why are you terrified?

Yesterday was possibly the worst day I remember.

Louise 06-05-2012 07:07 PM

hugs Laura and Happiness

Laura2.0 06-05-2012 07:23 PM

*hugs Louise*

happiness...its all a lie 06-05-2012 07:29 PM

Thanks louise

why was yesterday bad mute?

Since i told him i lost the urge to cut but im scared that he may think im damaged goods or look at me different because of what happened (my bro touched me inappropriately when we were kids)

Laura2.0 06-05-2012 07:52 PM

*hugs happiness* I think it is really good that you lost the urge to cut, why do you think might your bf think otherwise? Did he know about your brother before or did you tell him that, too?

Yesterday was really bad, cause I had 2 attack thingies and didn't know what to do so I asked a friend to drive me to the psych hospital where I talked with my former psych doc from there for a while. Then I went hope and straight to bed, because I was tired from all the emergency medication.

happiness...its all a lie 06-05-2012 08:12 PM

*hugs* im sorry you had those attacks, did your friend help at all? could you talk to them? im glad you got help that was really brave well done. Take it easy for a couple of days til you feel brighter :)

He didnt know what my brother did to me, he just knows i struggle at times with my brother and this made him annoyed. He cant express to me how he feels i asked to see him and he said he needed to process it but im thinking maybe he cant look at me? i dont know if im just being paranoid.

Laura2.0 06-05-2012 08:19 PM

*hugs happiness* I hope he doesn't think badly of you now.

I lied to my dr. Told her that I didn't cut but I did. I was scared that she'd want to keep me there. She even suggested to send an ambulance to get me but I told her that a friend could drive me.

happiness...its all a lie 06-05-2012 08:33 PM

still well done for going, its not easy to tell everything. How are you feeling now? if you still want to cut maybe you should go back but if your calm and in control just keep talking to us and friends etc xx

Fire Fly 06-05-2012 09:55 PM

Mute- why would they keep you at the hospital for cutting? Can they do that for self harm? How are you feeling now- any better?

Happiness- I'm sorry I wasn't online when you were down. How did it go? Is your bf talking to you yet about it?

Thanks for the hug mute :)
*hugs mute and happiness *

How is everyone now?

happiness...its all a lie 06-05-2012 10:15 PM

Hi tinkles

How are you today?

Well in total we've spoken for about 4 hours today!! longer than ever we've rowed, cried, shouted and tried to get a solution.

I spoke to my boyfriend tonight. He didnt bring it up he talked as if nothing had happened so i brought it up with him, i asked him if he had any questions to which he said he didnt. Then asked why i didnt tell him sooner? i said because i was embarrassed and tried to just move on and forget it etc and he was ok. Things arent sorted between us, but they are better. Im different though, i dont feel like i want to cut the thoughts are infrequent now. Ive put my blades and pills away.

We've also agreed hes off on thursday so we're going to the doctors to talk about increasing my medication. We are going to try and sort me out together.

Fire Fly 06-05-2012 10:29 PM

Woah. That's made me happy. That things are working out and although they could be better they could also be ALOT worse. It's great that your bf understands and wants to help you and the fact he is taking you to the doctor on Thursday is fantastic. It shows he cares. :)

I'm okay thanks. I'm on new medication which I strted on Thursday and although it's given me tons of side effects I think the worse one is that it's increased my anxiety levels. I think I almost had an anxiety attack on the tube today with the amount of people. Which is unlike me normally.

happiness...its all a lie 06-05-2012 10:34 PM

Thanks, i just hope this burst of optimism and hope lasts i really do. They could be worse it sounds silly but the best thing for me is that ive stopped crying and im not desperate to cut right now and havent been since about 4pm. I know he cares and i want to get better it was my suggestion but he knows i need him to come so i can hold his hand-sounds pathetic but i need support when asking for help.

Oh no that sucks, maybe you could use a bus until the side effects wear off? what medication are you on if you dont mind me asking?

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