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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

zowie 09-08-2008 05:40 PM

*Hugs Susan*

coops 09-08-2008 05:41 PM

*coops enters the room, turns the lights out and huddles up in the corner. Doesn't want to talk. Just holds her head in hands and sobs uncontrollably*

~*forever_broken*~ 09-08-2008 06:17 PM

Hmmm. Not sure I know too much about that one Chloe, sorry luv.

*snuggles up to her blondie-mum*
I know Susan... He didn't respond to my last PM yesterday and was worried a bit but then I saw him in the psych ward... I hope they keep him longer then 72 hours... If he's honest about how he has been doing I would bet money they would... *sigh* I wish I lived closer I would have driven there the minute I got that PM...

*settles in her corner to sit there miserably*
Looked at my arm... Decided I didn't like how some cuts were healing and since I was already cutting I just went ahead and opened the others up... I'm a mess :-(
*pulls her knees to her chest, holds her head and puts her head on her knees, feeling like a loser*

risenfromperdition 09-08-2008 06:20 PM

*snuggles jess* hope you're feeling better <3
*hugs susan*

bleh my tummy hurtsssss =(

blondiebear 09-08-2008 06:28 PM

Just waiting is driving me nuts. I asked him what would happen if i showed up at his place and he said he would freak out.

He told me that he hates to be trapped anywhere, so I would almost have expected him to be home by now. Why would they keep him 72 hours, or longer. Can they do it against his will?

I feel awful. Just crawling in my own skin. Part of it is that i'm changing the time of day i'm taking some of my meds. So that will leave me weird for a bit.

I want my brother. Selfish needy me.

I may very well SI today.

~*forever_broken*~ 09-08-2008 08:48 PM

If they feel he is a danger to himself or others then yes, they can keep him longer, though usually for involuntary commitment there needs to first be a petition by a family member or mental health professional to a judge, then the court may request an examination of the individual in order to asses psychological status, the ability for self care, the need for treatment and the potential for harm (to self or others) and then the judge considers the information and makes a decision. Legal counsel is involved and the individual being considered for civil commitment can ask for a jury to hear and make a determination... Very involved process... And now I'm feeling like a need that I could tell you this...

I know mum, I'm going nuts myself. I hope that, with my daughter like charms (and believe me, I can charm just about anyone) he wouldn't have freaked out had I shown up but... I don't really think he... I don't know... :crying: *snuggles up to her RYL-mum and worries with her*

And wanting Jeff is not selfish and needy, especially since a good part of that probably has something to Dow with worry and the fact that, if he were here we would know he was ok...

*sigh* I know, I'm running out of things to clean which means I'm running out of distractions and I can't go to bed for at least 8 hours and since I slept a whole hell of a lot longer than usual (it was almost 9 when I got up and I don't usually make it past 5:30 at the latest) I probably won't get to sleep by then... Not to mention the worry (which I blame the sleeping late on... But please try and distract, dear Susan, and not SI... *cuddles*

BoundNoMore 09-08-2008 09:46 PM

*sits in a corner... rocking self*
I miss my RYL Daddy... I need my daddy...
*cries* DAAAAADDDDYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!

blondiebear 09-08-2008 11:32 PM

It is when I feel this lost and hopeless and hellpless that I feel triggered. I feel like awful. I want someone to talk to. I just don't know what to do. I don't know if this is a short wait or a few days wait or another loss. If I knew, I could cope better. But there is no one who knows or can tel me.

I'm worse today cause I have been taking my meds at the wrong times and am sorting that out this weekend.

And the disappointment about this one person not being in town the last week in August.

And now I don't know what to do with the pieces of the jacket i have cut out, cause now i feel like it will be tainted or something with the stuff from this week.

Please? Help? Please?

Auburn Shadow 09-08-2008 11:38 PM

I wish I could help, I wish I had the words, but right now.... right now I'm lost.

I don't know who I am, I... I can't do this. I... want to cut, want to do worse than cut.... I'm not safe right now. really not safe.

1ofmany 09-08-2008 11:44 PM

*wraps you all in my arms*
I wish there was more i could do.

~*forever_broken*~ 09-08-2008 11:49 PM

*snuggles up to her RYL-mum*
We're all a fine mess now aren't we :crying:

blondiebear 09-08-2008 11:52 PM

Ally, what do I do? How do I wait not knowing if it is a short one or if it is time to accept another loss? I am so very tired of losses.
I haven't si'd yet, but i so want to punish myself. For caring too much.

1ofmany 09-08-2008 11:56 PM

It's not somthing you should punish yourself for...think about the good its done and how youve helped people, youve helped me.
Please hang on.
*holds you tight*

blondiebear 10-08-2008 12:08 AM

I always care too much. I always get too involved. Then I always lose. Maybe I should go to an al-anon or codependents anonymous meeting. Just what I want, that on top of 4 aa meetings each week.
But if i do what my aa sponsor tells me to do...

Oh yeah, please don't mind that i've removed all the relationships from my signature. I've been uncertain about a couple of them, so I saved off the whole list to word and deleted it from my signature.

*sobs on marc's and ally's shoulders*

~*forever_broken*~ 10-08-2008 12:50 AM

Mum, you just pray... There's nothing else I can tell you to do. I DESPERATELY wish we had a way to contact him, I do. But now we just have to wait. It may be longer than a 72 hour hold but that doesn't make it a loss... It means he's getting the help he needs and I don't know about you but I'd rather that happen then he get out too soon and I wind up with another of those PMs that you and I got.
He's not lost mum, he's where he needs to be...

And you can never care too much. Sure it feels like you can because with caring for folks comes the possibility of pain, like now... But you can never care too much.

Casper_Fading 10-08-2008 01:22 AM

stop blkaming urdself for him going inpatient, it is NORT your fauklt and it was very unfir for him to say it was. YOu didn't make him. You pushed, sure, so did lots of us. Does that makeit our 'fault'. and to say 'fault' implies that it's a bad thing. and it's not. whegther or not he likes it, he needs it. his plans wer to clear cut and he was too ready to follow througha nd he didn't care if he hurt anyone on the way out. that's a bad thing. No one ever likes being in hospital... it's not a place yuou're supposed to like! you're suppose too tolerate it to get better! and hopefullly in there he'll get help.

i'm sorry everyone. i'm taking a break from the ard. i justr can't be here right no.w

blondiebear 10-08-2008 01:32 AM

I'm just being selfish and I miss him is all. I'm not sorry for what I said or did. I just am worried and miss him. I just want to know. That is one of my old things from childhood. Knowledge is safety.

Now I've called Porcelain Child something I shouldn't have and she is angry with me too.

Any of you in my family, i'm sorry for changing my signature, for taking it down. I just can't face it right now.


BoundNoMore 10-08-2008 01:34 AM

*rocks and sobs*
Where's daddy?
I need my daaaddddyyy!!!!

~*forever_broken*~ 10-08-2008 02:06 AM

I have to agree with Jess. I'm feeling to lousy to do this right now. The worse I feel the less patient I am.
*hugs* Amanda, if Jeff DOES find some way to get on the net and read what's happening in the ward wailing like that is sure to just make him feel worse. I know he is very good at lifting others up and the fact that he is not here is very noticeable... But carrying on like that won't do you or Jeff any good.

blondiebear 10-08-2008 03:39 AM

Ally, thank you. Good point. I'm feeling better now anyway. Have taken the evening dose of my meds. so that will help heaps.

I have a client appointment on Monday. So I will work on the jacket then and be productive, and look productive too if there is a partly finished garment on my ironing board. No matter if it is for me, I need clothing too. I get shirts and jackets in menswear. This fabric i don't think will be in any men's department. It is indigo denim, with pink pinstripes! And i found such nice silver buttons to go with it, sorta look like flowers.

Jeff, you are in my prayers! I'm looking forward to talking to you soon beloved brother.

*cuddles amanda and sits with her*

BoundNoMore 10-08-2008 03:41 AM

I love you daddy Jeff!!!
thanks Blondie

risenfromperdition 10-08-2008 04:19 AM

f*ck :\
im a brilliant one arent i :s

BoundNoMore 10-08-2008 04:28 AM

*hugs Heather*
what's up hun?

risenfromperdition 10-08-2008 04:54 AM

hah heather thought it'd be a wise idea to be dumb without checking her bathroom first O.o
*applauds self*

blondiebear 10-08-2008 05:39 AM

Please note, As much as i have wanted to, i have not SI'd! Yay me!

BoundNoMore 10-08-2008 06:17 AM

Yay Blondie!!!

effervescence 10-08-2008 08:27 AM

well. it's the end of the weekend (near enough) and i am still alive.
was that planned?
i don't know.

aimless 10-08-2008 09:24 AM

I dont want to be ill. Can I hide here?

Pomegranate 10-08-2008 09:32 AM

Of course you can!

Well done on not harming Susan! *hugs*

I have the worst cold I've had in a while and have to go to work :(
Can I have some hugs please?

Snuffles 10-08-2008 10:18 AM


*sneaks in and hides in a corner*

Jetforce 10-08-2008 11:20 AM

*waves at emma and hugs katie*

:( my back of my shoulder hurts like hell..ugh...

and yay to chloe and susan...u both stayed safe!!!!!! xxx

blondiebear 10-08-2008 03:39 PM

*hugs emma*
*hugs aimless*

Starts to accept that part of being old is that I will no longer wake up easily.

Misunderstood. 10-08-2008 04:31 PM

something to perk me up perhaps? not mentally, ~ physically.....meds have whacked me....urgh.

zowie 10-08-2008 05:56 PM

Want to cut. . . Have to ask my dad for my blades back, which is going to be awkward.

Auburn Shadow 10-08-2008 06:19 PM

*hugs everyone*

I feel rubbish. and I don't know why. Stupid, much? I mean, I should have a reason for feeling like I do.

Got angry at a mate earlier, and I don't know why. All she did was sign off MSN, and it made me angry. God's sake what's wrong with me? People have lives apart from MSN and yet apparently I don't realise that.

****. Want to cut. Won't let myself. I don't think anyways.

blondiebear 10-08-2008 10:57 PM

I want to not hurt for a while. Isn't going to happen. I have a big soft heart and can't help but care. The best thing I can do is distract myself.

I work alone tomorrow so I will see if Philip can record a couple of cd's of aa speakers. The work i'm doing is straightforward, so i can listen to what the speakers say and get out of my own nonsense. Otherwise, i have a couple of favorites already.

1ofmany 10-08-2008 11:25 PM

*love for all*
Auburn i get like that too, mines usualy with texts though.
Blondie i am so happy you didn't SI you are so strong! I wish i was stronger.

Very confused with myself at the moment.

Auburn Shadow 10-08-2008 11:33 PM

stupid thing is she's phoned several times since then. I've told everyone I need a break from contact for a while. get myself together again. causeI'm going to self destruct soon if im not careful, it's like walkinbg on a knife-edge (sorry, couldn't think of a better way to put it) and being close to falling off the wrong side.
Too much is happening to too many people and I need to help myself first and foremost, but they don't understand that. at all.

1ofmany 10-08-2008 11:35 PM

Good on you for being brave enough to take action.
I had another screaming in my head moment to talk today but didnt. I wish i wasnt so weak, any ideas on how to get stronger?

Auburn Shadow 10-08-2008 11:39 PM

It feels almost like the wrong thing to do though, there's too much going on up there for me to withdraw completely, but... I can't keep going like this. I'm worried about too many people at the moment and I can't keep helping them. It's something almost trivial that they're arguing about anyways and they seem to think I can help them from 4 hours' drive away.

I wish I had advice for you but... I'm almost exactly the same.

BoundNoMore 11-08-2008 12:05 AM

it is 7pm and I am just now gettin out of bed... ugh

blondiebear 11-08-2008 12:14 AM

I don't think of it as being strength. I think of it as being doing what i have to do no matter what.

I so don't feel strong today. I'm not doing what has to be done, i'm asking my husband to do it.

BoundNoMore 11-08-2008 12:17 AM

*hugs Blondie*
no one can be strong all the time...

All I'm Living For 11-08-2008 02:58 AM

been just over a week *sighs*

BoundNoMore 11-08-2008 03:01 AM

*huddles in corner*

All I'm Living For 11-08-2008 03:09 AM

*cuddles manda*

BoundNoMore 11-08-2008 03:15 AM

I feel so... I don't know.... numb, depressed, sad, afraid, lonely, hurt, confused, etc, etc, etc (any and all negative emotions) right now...... and the worst part is: I don't know why I feel like this!!!!!
It's like I want to cry but I have no tears, and I want to scream, but nothing happens when I try to let it out...

All I'm Living For 11-08-2008 03:17 AM

maybe dont try and it will just happen? *hugs*

BoundNoMore 11-08-2008 03:19 AM

I don't know what's wrong with me... I feel like such a loser for feeling this way and not knowing why

All I'm Living For 11-08-2008 03:20 AM

your not a loser *hugs*

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