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MammaMia 12-06-2008 05:24 AM


YOU'RE HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know you're tired but please tell me SHE IS NOT OUTSIDE BY MY WINDOW WAITING?


Ys I'm still awake and nearly crying because I know she's there =\

MammaMia 12-06-2008 05:25 AM

Thanks for the hugs :D

*hugs back lots*

I love you Emma :)

Pomegranate 12-06-2008 05:36 AM

I promise you sweetheart that she is not there. She is not outside your window waiting, she does not have your address. You are safe, you can sleep and it will be alright *hugs* x

MammaMia 12-06-2008 05:38 AM

Thank you Emma.
Sleep? What's that? Oh yeah...the stuff that brings nightmares.
There's no chance I'll sleep now, but have put my alarm just incase I do.
I'm gonna be falling as;eep in front of Jna e later
My tyois has gone mental.

You okay Em?
We'll talk later yeah?
Is your phone working or still being ghey?

Pomegranate 12-06-2008 05:51 AM

Alright hun, speak later. My phone is sort of working, text seems to have come back but occasionally space button or 0 dies so a textalljoinstogetherlikethisandbecomesquitehardtor ead. I am off to sleep now hun, hopefully for at least 12 hours (I'm being deadly serious here too). Please try and get some rest, not sleeping will make you feel worse if anything! Take care and I will speak to you later. Hope goes well with Jane...tell her about the not sleeping thing x

MammaMia 12-06-2008 05:53 AM

I hope you sleep okay hun, I'm sorry for moaning within minutes of arrival but I knew you'd be the ONLY one who's online right now and understands..gah I'm not making sense ;) Anyway hope your trip was okay and that you're feeling a bit better? Love you Em...pssst we need to dicuss our little meet later too :D

~*forever_broken*~ 12-06-2008 06:19 AM

*grabs her shin in pain then tackles Emma in a hug*
Emma!!!! I MISSED YOU!! Don't ever do that again! I had to get drunk without my 'across the pond drinking buddy'. I hope you sleep well luv, let us know how you are later.

*hugs everyone then wanders to her corner to get some sleep*

MammaMia 12-06-2008 06:23 AM



I feel like we haven't chatted in ages, you don't ever seem to be on msn no more :(

Hope you're okay

zowie 12-06-2008 11:07 AM

Last night wasn't so good. My new meds made me violently sick, and Beth wasn't going to let me enjoy myself.

effervescence 12-06-2008 11:26 AM

aww zowie that sucks :( can they change your meds so they don't do that?

my exam today was horrible. i hadn't had time to study for it, and it was soooo hard, it was just....awful :( i thought i was going to do well in it too :(


Auburn Shadow 12-06-2008 01:09 PM

I have no words at the moment... and for that, I'm sorry. I wish I could make things seem better for you guys. All I can do is hugs.

I've gone from being down and not wanting to do much of anything, to wanting to slice my arms up so much that it actually scares me and there's only one thing that's changed. The one guy who I thought was helping me through university last year, who I thought I could trust.He's now snooping through all my posts on here, and I don't want him to know what I post on here, I can't have him seeing those posts. It's just... he doesn't accept that I need space for myself. *sigh* sorry...

blondiebear 12-06-2008 02:11 PM

No calls last night for call forwarding. I'm off to eat breakfast and curl up in bed for a bit.

Jetforce 12-06-2008 02:14 PM


Originally Posted by Reason[TO]Believe (Post 840278)
Oh noes :(
Keep fighting Jeremy!!!!
*huggles you*
I wish I could help...

thx's alexx

*squishes u bk*

I'll manage somehow and be okies :-)

blondiebear 12-06-2008 03:36 PM

Hugs everyone.

Pomegranate 12-06-2008 03:44 PM

*hugs Auburn* I'm sorry hun, I suppose at least he is showing he cares though. Could you change your user name so he doesn't know who's posts he is reading or something? Or maybe sit him down and talk to him about it?

Chloe, you never know it may have gone better than you think. You may have written the most wonderful and inciteful piece of work since *insert famous person related to neuroscience here* or you may not have done. But you can't change that now and there is no point running through it in your mind. When's your last exam? *hugs*

How are you doing now Zowie?

Here if you want to chat Jeremy x

Hows things going Susan? Did you manage to get some rest?

*points and laughs at Ally jumping clutching her shin* :P I missed you too! BUT I am planning on drinking A LOT tonight and maybe getting stoned as well. Fancy joining me?

Oh and a bit of forward notice for my lovelies here in the tent....I am going interrailing for 5 weeks on August 26th and therefore will not be on here, probably for most of that.

MammaMia 12-06-2008 04:06 PM

Today has been ****.
  • I had no sleep last night
  • My net has gone down and therefore I'm having to use my mum's pc
  • I wasn't seeing Jane at 11.20 like I thought and fell asleep at 11.30 and slept til 20 mins before I was seeing her, thus making me very late.
  • My leg REALLY hurts.
  • I am sooooo tired and feel utter ****.
  • I am craving bad evil things :crying:
  • I analyse everything far too much and need to leave it in the past. What is done..is done =|

MammaMia 12-06-2008 04:07 PM

Sorry that I'm not being very supportive either.

All I ask is for support (dont seem to get much of what I need) and then dont try and support others at times....

Plus I feel quite dizzy and my eyes are going funny :'(

blondiebear 12-06-2008 04:13 PM

Nope, no rest. Especially with call forwarding last night and my doctors appointment in the afternoon. Maybe Saturday or Sunday.
I'm not being supportive either. Sorry

Pomegranate 12-06-2008 04:37 PM

*hugs Hells* How did it go with Jane when you did get there? Why don't you try and get some sleep now? You will feel better for it, promise :)

Sorry Susan, I hope you find away to take it a bit easier if nothing else *offers mocha or pepsi?*

MammaMia 12-06-2008 04:41 PM

*hugs Emma*

What's our plan btw? We still meeting up sometime between Sat-Tues? :)

Jane was sweet lol as always. She was trying to make me think of the good things I've achvied this year. Bit much to ask me that when I am so bloody tired and low but I came up with one :|

lil-princess 12-06-2008 04:47 PM

Hey everyone :) i don't think i've posted in here lately so i thought i better before i go and meet some of my friends not like i wanna go but oh well.

Hells go get some sleep hun, once i didn't sleep for 48 hours and it made me really ill so im never doing that again.

This is going to sound stupid but what is mocha??? lol i'm so dumb.

*sends hugs for everyone*


MammaMia 12-06-2008 04:51 PM

Emmmmmmmm :D

Mocha is some sort of coffee? I think. :P

I should get some sleep, waiting til my dad is home and might just fall asleep on him. Or make him take me out earlier than 6pm and have some sleep when we get home :)

~*forever_broken*~ 12-06-2008 05:07 PM

Helen :-)
Yeah, sorry sweetie. Uni is over and I don't have internet at the apartment:-( so I am not on all that much.
As for not being supportive, sweetie happens to all of us... It's hard to be supportive when you feel crap.

*snuggles Zowie* aww hunni, I'm sorry they made you sick. As for Beth, sod her, lousy gal:mad: take care hunni.

Emma, lol oh:blush:. How are you luv? *sigh* I wish I could join you (though I've never gotten stoned before:ermm: but I'm going home this weekend and my moms a proabitionist:pinch: and she married a Morman who doesn't drink... So that's out:-( have fun though.

LP-Emma, hi sweetie, how goes it? :-D a mocah is a coffee drink with milk and chocolate in it. I prefer a latte (coffee and steamed milk, maybe with some flavoured syrup) myself, or an Americano(coffee and hot water basically).

Susan, I'm sorry you're having such a time of it. Are you going to be able to catch a nap? *hugs*

Jeremy, you ok sweetie? *snuggles* Please take care hunni.
*sigh* going home for my room mates graduation party and am catching a ride with her (with how gas prices are)... So I have to go home when she does... Today. That means I'm home most of today, Friday, Saturday, and probably most of Sunday:pinch:. Ah, well, brought some blades and first aid stuff if I need it.

Take care all.

lil-princess 12-06-2008 05:11 PM

I dunno how i am at the moment, i feel a mixture of feelings but i'll be ok soon enough :) How are you?

Oh ok lol i thought it was some sort of coffee but wasn't sure lol but i hate coffee it's ranky stuff lol.


MammaMia 12-06-2008 05:26 PM


Originally Posted by ~*forever_lost*~ (Post 842789)
Helen :-)
Yeah, sorry sweetie. Uni is over and I don't have internet at the apartment:-( so I am not on all that much.
As for not being supportive, sweetie happens to all of us... It's hard to be supportive when you feel crap.

Ally :-D That really sucks. I might be posting less at the moment because as mentioned earlier, my laptop net decided it hates me again :crying: But we'll see :laugh:

zowie 12-06-2008 07:04 PM

Not doing too well. Everything's too much for me, I shouldn't have left the hospital.

Detour. Derail 12-06-2008 08:15 PM

*kicks off in her corner again*

Kuwairo 12-06-2008 08:25 PM

*huge squishes for zowie & alexx*

what's happening huns?

Detour. Derail 12-06-2008 08:29 PM

>.< Cant.Do.This.
"Stop purging...it'll help you"...stupid counsellor...
I was gonna do it today.
So close.
Then someone came in.
What a ****er.
I hate it all ><

Kuwairo 12-06-2008 08:36 PM

Not purging doesn't make you fatter hun, really it doesn't.
I know you don't see it, but it's good that you didn't purge today.
It's **** that the counsellor wasn't more helpful.
Grrr at them.

Auburn Shadow 12-06-2008 08:54 PM


Originally Posted by Pomegranate (Post 842555)
*hugs Auburn* I'm sorry hun, I suppose at least he is showing he cares though. Could you change your user name so he doesn't know who's posts he is reading or something? Or maybe sit him down and talk to him about it?

I've tried talking, I told him I needed space to be myself before I let him in, he said he'd stay away from here unless I told him otherwise, but he hasn't.

I thought I was feeling better yesterday, but today everything's gone to **** and with him snooping around (I know he could be here for other reasons but his facebook status told me otherwise..) I can't talk about why cause he'll find it and then he'll know and I don't want him to know, he can't know... he just can't.

I'm going to screw up my 3 months tonight, I just know it. I don't have the energy to fight it anymore, I can't do it. I'm sorry...

(oh, and it's Hana btw :))

Kuwairo 12-06-2008 09:00 PM

^ I was in a very similar situation, having someone close reading all my posts etc. I changed my account - that might be worth a try?
Could you maybe write it down in the journals on here - set it to private so no one can see?
We can help you fight hun. And if you do slip up, remember that 3 months is amazing and you can get back there and beyond.
Take care hun xx

Auburn Shadow 12-06-2008 10:15 PM

I could change it, but he found this username, knowing only a few problems, and my name, so why should he not find the next one? or the on after that? I need the replies though, writing it down just doesn't help anymore, just like, if it's set to private and no-one's going to read it, then there's no point trying. I need to talk to people, not just type at myself.. sorry, I don't know if that even made sense :S

Kuwairo 12-06-2008 10:17 PM

It made sense hun.
I don't have my name on my profile, I think it just says Ku, if anything at all. I just PMed the people who I wanted to know about the change, and started afresh.
Just an idea.

Auburn Shadow 12-06-2008 10:26 PM

It's a possibility. Don't have my real name on my profile anyways, and he didn't know I use that name... or so I thought... if he's still snooping around in a couple of days I'll think more about it... Do I need another email for it though?

Urgh, all this thinking, I actually feel sick through anger, if possible? Like I'm not angry at him though, I'm angry at me for saying everything I have up till now, and everything I will say after now... I just... evidently I need punishing for being so stupid.

*sigh* sorry, I want to... so bad, but I can't... I can't let myself down like that, it's the only thing going for me, that 3 months... I can't screw up now...

Kuwairo 12-06-2008 10:29 PM

You do, but you can always set up a hotmail account just for ryl purposes.
You don't need punishing at all hun! It's good that you've been talking, and it's just sad that you're being watched, cos I know how horrible it feels.
Stay safe sweetie

Auburn Shadow 12-06-2008 10:35 PM

Something I did made him realise it was me, something stupid, no doubt... I wish I'd never given up, it's just made everything ten times harder. I can't deal with another account though, there's too many already, but they're too easily tracked back to my other account. Sorry, I just... I thought I could trust him, y'know?

Stupid thing is, that's not even the issue right now, but I can't risk him finding out... I just can't.

Kuwairo 12-06-2008 10:38 PM

^ I felt the same as that. Think it over anyway, make a decision when you're a bit less angry.
Giving up SI is something to be so proud of hun.
Could you PM someone? Then you still get a reply and he won't know?

Auburn Shadow 12-06-2008 10:41 PM

Don't want to bother people though, they've all got their own stuff to deal with, and I don't know who I'd PM anyways. I'll be fine... I have too much at stake to risk cutting now, and... I've got work in the morning, so I can't.

Kuwairo 12-06-2008 10:44 PM

You wouldn't be bothering anyone. There's always live help and the supporters too.
At least you'll be safe then.
And have a big *squish* too.

blondiebear 12-06-2008 10:47 PM

Hana, supporting each other is why we're here. I don't know anything about the snooping people. Be good to yourself.

Ally have a good weekend.

Mocha is a combo of coffee and chocolate I think. I don't know why they'd do that to perfectly good chocolate.

Hopefully I can sleep this weekend.

Auburn Shadow 12-06-2008 10:50 PM

I know, I know. Hell I've used those same words countless times myself, but... I can't. I've emailed the supporters though, and I'll probably try and get some sleep at some point in the next half hour, so I'll be safe for tonight anyways.

Hope you can get some proper sleep soon susan, you deserve it!

And thanks for reading my rambles, both of you, I really appreciate it.

Kuwairo 12-06-2008 10:52 PM

Susan, they do it cos it tastes so good! Mmmm mocha. =)
And I hope you get some sleep too.
And Hana, anytime hun. And I'm glad you've emailed the supporters. They're ace people.

blondiebear 12-06-2008 11:02 PM

Sorry, I can't stand coffee either. But I like foods that other people don't so no worries.

Kuwairo 12-06-2008 11:04 PM

Hehe fair enough. It's one of those things you love or hate isn't it?

~*forever_broken*~ 12-06-2008 11:17 PM

You know what? Never mind, I'm going to stop posting because it doesn't do any good.

Sorry for the tantrum.

Take care all.

blondiebear 12-06-2008 11:20 PM

Ally, I'm sorry that you don't feel that posting doesn't do any good. I care about you. I hope you are okay during your weekend at home.

As your RYL mom I might say something like get your rear end back here where we can listen and talk and help. Love you dear

effervescence 13-06-2008 12:16 AM

hey guys.
finished exams so going home for 3 weeks so won't be on.
hope everyone is ok.
see you in 3 weeks xxx

Auburn Shadow 13-06-2008 12:38 AM


Hope you're ok during your 3 weeks at home. Take care of yourself xxx

Ally, I'm sorry you feel like posting doesn't help, but we're all here and ready to listen and try and help if you do want to talk about anything. Take care of yourself. xxx

Hope you're doing ok susan, and I hope you get some proper sleep sometime soon xxx


I should be asleep. I've got to be up in almost 5 hours for work. First day back after almost 9 months or something stupid like that, so I kinda need to be alert for it and all that. Problem? I'm just not tired at all, and realistically, having had 4 hours sleep over the past few nights I should be. *sigh* I don't know what's going wrong with me and my body lately.

blondiebear 13-06-2008 01:03 AM

Take Care Chloe, take care Ally.

I'm kinda used to living without sleep, uni, grad school...
part of it is that I made myself available to answer the phone last night for my local aa office too. no calls but still slept light to listen for the phone

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