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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

effervescence 06-05-2008 10:36 PM

hey guys. i have to run to a lecture but just to say thanks for all your wishes for my cousin. i can't visit him as i'd have to fly and yeah, plane tickets, cost, time, exams etc :(

will reply to all you lovely peoples later xx

Detour. Derail 06-05-2008 10:40 PM

blaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh >.<
Im no use to anyone tonight :-(

Katey-lou 06-05-2008 11:20 PM

i'm sorry everyone i cant do it any more :crying:

Detour. Derail 06-05-2008 11:49 PM

Hun whats wrong?!?!:(
*hugs*

Katey-lou 07-05-2008 12:00 AM

i'm hating everyhting right now i've had enough i want it all to go away and theres only one way i can see it happening but no 1 is letting me. i'm feeling so low tonight, my thoughts are really really bad and i cant deal with it i dont know if i want to

~*forever_broken*~ 07-05-2008 12:02 AM

*hugs Cloe* will you keep us updated luv?

*hugs Alexx, Helen, Zowie, Katy, Jeremy, Katch, Emma, and anyone else in here she may have missed*

Helen I know I've told you this already but I am SO so proud of you.

Zowie, please don't OD hun, the consequences can be serious and long lasting.

Alexx hunni you are SO of use to folks if only us on here as you are SO kind and good at encouraging.

Jeremy, how goes it friend? Any better since this morning?

Katch, hun, feel free to talk if you feel you can.

Emma? *squishes* missing you sweetie.
------------
Me? I'm exhausted, hormonal (TMI I know but most of us are girls so...), my meds a screwing with me and I just don't want to do this any more.
*curls up in her corner and naps*

Detour. Derail 07-05-2008 12:04 AM

sweetheart..things might seem bad right now...they might seem really shitty...but it will get better...I cant promise it straight away...although god I wish I could because you deserve to be happy...but eventually..they'll get better and it will all go away.
You are stronger than you think...and I know that because you're still here....you're still fighting...sure you might be struggling at the moment...but everyone struggles...everyone needs help...thats what makes us human.
You have been doing so well to get this far and if I could help you...if I could take all the pain and hurt away....god help me I would....
But unfortunately I cant....what I can do is be here for you though. Ok?
You can do this.
Please keep trying.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Detour. Derail 07-05-2008 12:07 AM

Quote:

~*forever_lost*~
Alexx hunni you are SO of use to folks if only us on here as you are SO kind and good at encouraging.

Thanks Ally *hugs*

Has anyone seen Callie or Emma around recentlly?:-(

Detour. Derail 07-05-2008 12:10 AM

I should probably go....I have a shitty blood test in the morning...but I dont wanna be alone...

Katey-lou 07-05-2008 12:12 AM

thanks, i wish i could believe i know you mean it i really do i wish i could beleivbe it will go away its been going on for so long i cant see the light its not there. i've tried so many times to get through to keep going. i've tried to get help. i've been in and out of hospital and i hate it i want it to go away so bad. i know people will say that the negative feeling/thoughts is just because of my state iof mind and all that but itrs more than that i kno what i want right now and nothigns stopping me thinking/going through it.

Detour. Derail 07-05-2008 12:19 AM

I know its hard...believe me I do...and it feels like you'll never feel any different, like you'll always be this way...but you wont.
Can you try think back to a really good day? Maybe a specail day like a wedding or a birth or maybe even just a day out with a close friend and try focus on that?
Have you called anyone like a crisis team or the hospital?
Sorry for all the questions...
Im really worried about you :(

Katey-lou 07-05-2008 12:25 AM

theres nothing, i can be happy on the outside to other people so theres days people think i'm ok and i kno everyone does that but i cant think of anything my minds so full its empty if that makes sense ythe only thing i can think about is what i wann do.

i'm sorry i dont mean to worry anyone i just wanted to get it out. i have the crissi team if i need them i spoke to samaritans earlier and the mental health helpline, i saw my CPN today who knows i wasnt too good. the crisis team last time i spoke to them told me i hould be ok because i was at uni now!!!!!!

Detour. Derail 07-05-2008 12:28 AM

Im sorry to hear that :(
And that the crisis team were so useless....it seems theres a pattern forming with people in here and bad crisis team experiences ><

How about trying to rest abit? or maybe writing down everything?
Just any way to get the thoughts out of your head where they can do the most damage...

Im sorry....I wish I could help you more....

Katey-lou 07-05-2008 12:32 AM

it varies with me and the crisis team it does depend whos on, as with most things. some i can talk to others i cant.

i am so tired but i cant sleep, i cant seem to sit still properly at the minute. i might try writing things down see if it helps at all i've got music playing to try and drown thoughts out and its not getting n en where.

your helping just being here

blondiebear 07-05-2008 12:35 AM

*runs around screaming and slamming doors and thinking about the tents on the buildings in the upper half of the complex and thinks about best scissors vs. rubberized canvas*

*looks at the pretty little red potatoes and the tomatoes that my husband is preparing so he can take them to the photo lab and photograph and wondering about pre-mashed potatoes and tomato puree.*
*thinks about the strawberries her husband brought home. Wonders how they'll taste if he has to pick them out of pavement*

Yeah, I am that angry. Total defense mechanism. Totally hormonal.

Katey-lou 07-05-2008 12:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blondiebear (Post 744633)
*runs around screaming and slamming doors and thinking about the tents on the buildings in the upper half of the complex and thinks about best scissors vs. rubberized canvas*

*looks at the pretty little red potatoes and the tomatoes that my husband is preparing so he can take them to the photo lab and photograph and wondering about pre-mashed potatoes and tomato puree.*
*thinks about the strawberries her husband brought home. Wonders how they'll taste if he has to pick them out of pavement*

Yeah, I am that angry. Total defense mechanism. Totally hormonal.


*hugs* shout and scream as much as you want here xxxx

Detour. Derail 07-05-2008 12:44 AM

You know what we should build?
A crash room...
Where if you get really annoyed...you can just go break stuff...and it doesnt really matter....
Anyone else like that idea?

Katey-lou 07-05-2008 12:47 AM

that sounds like a good idea to me, i'm thinkin it will get used a lot x

Katey-lou 07-05-2008 12:58 AM

aarrgghh the writing didnt help, i think i've just written a goodbye note!!!!!!! no rather i kno i have:crying:

Katch 07-05-2008 01:08 AM

Katey -lou so sorry I typed a whole message and lost it - now My mum says I have to unplug the router as it's too hot!!! Really wish I could make you feel better - but know that we are thinking of you and sending you hugs. I will look in tomorrow and see how you are doing. Take care

Katey-lou 07-05-2008 01:10 AM

thankyou *hugs*

blondiebear 07-05-2008 02:26 AM

A crash room sounds great. A few weeks ago when I found out about the fumigation I smashed a saucer on the floor so hard that I had to pick a piece of ceramic out of my hair! This is a brand of dishes that is supposed to be indestructable.

My husband says that he will finish the bagging tonight. I will let him.

Not only do I have five new romance novels, junk food for the brain, I also found a reproduction of the 1987 Sears Roebuck & Co Catalog. I love this kind of history. Dress Goods!:hop: Sewing machines. Horse drawn carriages and, omg surveyors insturments i want. Obviously I'm feeling better.

~*forever_broken*~ 07-05-2008 05:28 AM

Hmmm, I'm drunk... And I think I have an ulcer... And I don't care. I'm going to eat my mac 'n' cheese and then go upstairs, cut myself to pieces and then go to sleep.

blondiebear 07-05-2008 07:06 AM

Ally Dear, If you really think you have an ulcer, your mom Blondiebear sasy to get rid of the alcohol and get to the doc. And when you drink your gatorade in the morning, don't drink any red gatorade.

I had mac n cheese too.

Bless my husband, he has been bagging stuff. Bless the catalog, for an hour or two I didn't have to think. Surveyors tools...I want a set! In 1897 prices please? Oh yeah, and some jet earrings! So few people these days know what jet is and what it symbolizes. No, I'm not goth, i'm into the history and language of clothing. Last I checked, goths don't have a wardrobe full of souvenier T-shirts.

~*forever_broken*~ 07-05-2008 07:08 AM

Never mind, I've lost the urge (as well as most of the effects of the alcohol).
Damn:crying:I f**king hate these meds:crying:I hate them because they f**king work (how sick is that), I hate them because they make me f**king flat and colorless... I just f**king hate them:crying:

I suck:crying:

*snuggles her RYL mother* Mother-Susan, I am sorry you're having such a hard time of it. I love you.

effervescence 07-05-2008 08:07 AM

ally, that's the reason i refuse to go on meds - i dont like how they make everything seem flat and colourless. but the important thing is, they DO help, cos they take the nasty urges away, and that's a good thing hun, and eventually you'll be able to come off them and not have the urges and everything will be proper again.

susan, i really want to slam doors too. really, really hard, so i can take out all my sadness on the doors and not myself. but i cant, cos they're not my doors, and i'd get fined. looks like its self-destruction then.

emma, jeremy? how are you? callie, i havent seen you around lately?

i'm sorry you are feelng so bad katey. do you need to go to hospital? sounds like these crises lines are useless.

alexx, how was the blood test?

Jetforce 07-05-2008 11:48 AM

Hey chloe

How r u doing there? i'm trying to keep well over here. But i do lurk around here especially during times when i can't sleep. Anyway, u tc there *Squishes chloe*

How is every1 else doing? *hugs every1 who have been chucked in the psych ward and leaves some chocolate milk on the table*

Margo 07-05-2008 12:09 PM

*pops head in, looks about, farts and runs off*

Katch 07-05-2008 02:03 PM

Juts popped in to say Hi to everyone and wonder how you are all doing today. I'm struggling but I am trying to distract myself by sorting out my belongings - I've got so much stuff and just don't know what to do with it all - not sure if it's helping me or just makinf me more dispondent about everything. Why do I bother?

blondiebear 07-05-2008 02:33 PM

*lights a candle to burn off penguin farts*

I'm just dropping in to check and see how everyone is. As he promised, my husband did finish taking care of things last night.

I am feeling better. Exhausted but better.

I do need to go shower. I have no idea about what time the exterminator will be here. My current night shirt is very well worn, plus I have to pack clothing for the motel stay.

~*forever_broken*~ 07-05-2008 03:30 PM

MATTHEW!!! *tackles Matthew, hugs him and then hits him with a pillow for farting in our 'sanctuary'*
I haven't seen you in forever! Of course that could have something to do with the fact that I rarely venture out of the psych ward *shrug*

*hugs Cloe* Thanks for trying anyway. *sigh* but they don't take the urges away, the thoughts... They still haunt me, they're just muted, blunted. And they make my hands shake so much my therapist noticed it :-( I know once I get to the dose I'll stay at and am there for a while it'll get better... But it's a pain in the a** right now. As for coming off them, the guy that originally prescribed them made that sound like it was rather unlikely. Been depressed too long. That, on top of the fact that each major depressive episode makes you exponentially more likely to have another (and I've had a good handful)... Doesn't leave me with much hope...
But I'm whining, sorry.

*hugs Jeremy, Mom-Susan, Katey, Katch, Matthew, Cloe and anyone else she may have missed*

Take care all

*retreats to her corner, wraps arms around knees and stares forward, vacantly, attempting to grasp the feelings just beneath the surface or make them go the f**k away*

blondiebear 07-05-2008 04:53 PM

I made the mistake of sitting down. I am so stinking tired. I just so had to edit this. My husband is still prepping stuff. My Sudafed/psuedoephedrine! That stuff is now a controlled substance and it is a pain to buy it! Bless my husband.

I'm so tired!

My husband is complaining about the suitcase. He said that I almost pack less for a trans-continental trip! Yeah he's right. I want options!

Katey-lou 07-05-2008 05:06 PM

i'm sorry i've not been in to let you kno how i am. its been a horrid day i wasnt good i rang samaritans again this morning and a couple of times last night. just about got throguh the night and then what did i get this morning throguh the post my CRB for uni i might aswell just give up now because theyr going to take one look at it and ask me to leave!!! i knew something would be on it and i did disclose that to the uni about the arrest (even though nothing happend and it was purely for my own safety!) but apparently now i'm a risk to children/young people and vulnerable adults!!!!!!!! are the forgetting the fact that i run two youth clubs, i do rainbows and brownies and do voluntary work with the councils children/young peoples services!!!!!!!! well that made my day just topped it all off theres no point now theres nothing left to fight fpr. i tried the uni and didnt really get anywhere the women that deals with it is horrible!!!!! :crying:

MammaMia 07-05-2008 05:06 PM

*hugs for everbody*

Alex how was your blood test?

Ally, I know you're proud :D I hope you're feeling better today.

How's everyone else?

I'm verrrrry happy, but fed up. People keep asking about my hand, which is kinda raw today since it bled a bit and the blood stayed there and dried up....and it kills at times :( But jesus it's not people's business really. One neighbour of mine even didnt believe my excuse about the sun making me really itchy (which people do actually have during summer, like I do)....so she turned around and said "that's self harm that is" and then paused and then asked if I had a mental illness....I made a joke about how I'm having that checked next week =\ WHY HELEN? WHY? Then before that (a couple hours before) my friend Zarah who did actually see my bad hand last week but didnt make comment....bumped into me today at the librairy and asked and asked me if it was self harm....which I admitted to and she's like you shoudlnt do it etc you're only causing yourself harm.....why? So I told her a bit and she's like you go talk to people...not harm you *sighs*

I don't want to cover up cus it's toooooooo hot atm! But I then kinda deserve all the questionning then?

Auburn Shadow 07-05-2008 05:19 PM

ARGH! Can I just hide in a corner somewhere and forget today actually happened at all?

~*forever_broken*~ 07-05-2008 09:34 PM

Oh just f**k it all! I am trying to find an apartment that will allow me to have my cat and it is SO not working

blondiebear 07-05-2008 11:10 PM

I'm now in my husban's office working on a keyboard that is tiny. Oh well. Be patient with typos please. We'll leave in about an hour to check into the motel before Philip has to go to class. He says though that he won't have to do much more then check in.

I'm so tired that I'm almost drooling on the keyboard. And I have puppy tummy, nice full tummy, want to sleep now. Bozo cat is comfortable enough that he has come out of his carrier and is doing figure eights around our legs and eating too. Philip's boss doesn't know that Sage tortoise is here.

Sorry I'm so upset and self centered. I care heaps about all of you.

Ally, why the new apartment?

Hugs and reeses miniature peanut butter cups all around.

~*forever_broken*~ 07-05-2008 11:58 PM

Oh. My. Gosh. I feel SO crap!:crying: what happened I thought my meds were working. Cut this morning, ODd this afternoon...
Damn it:crying:

RYL Mom-Susan, I graduate (hopefully) at the beginning of June and since I live in campus apartments I need to find a new one. And a job (I work on campus too).

*curls up in her corner and cries*

blondiebear 08-05-2008 12:22 AM

hands you tissues

blondiebear 08-05-2008 04:49 AM

I'm staying in a motel four miles from home and I'm homesick! At least my husband is here. Bozo cat is doing very well. He's spent some time hiding under the bed but he's also come out and explored and had some of his glop in gravy.

Sorry I'm so self centered right now.

effervescence 08-05-2008 05:39 AM

susan im glad your cat is eating - always a good sign.

ally, some people suck but im SURE there will be flats who are fine with having a cat - u just have to search some more hun.

handed in my latest psych report today :s i really want a good mark on this one. at least better than the last one. im soooooooooooo nervous! and i want my chemistry results too. argh.
im supposed to be studying, as usual, but im too tired and depressed.
my psychologist is going away so i dont see her for 3 weeks, which is a long time for me to go without. argh.

Sugar and Spice 08-05-2008 06:11 PM

Sorry in advance for my brief post - it's not because I don't care. I guess I'm being selfish but I'm trying to pour all of my energies into staying positive and overcoming some of my obstacles. While I am doing this, this isn't really the best place for me.

I will pop in regularly to see how you are all doing though :-)

*hug everyone in need*

I hope you are all doing alright and keeping safe. Thinking of you all in these difficult times x

Detour. Derail 08-05-2008 07:00 PM

I want to go out :-(
I really want to see him :-(
But I'm so ill...
It's not fair >.<

MammaMia 08-05-2008 07:03 PM

I'm soooooooooooooooooooo good :D

Haven't cut since yesterday afternoon!!! Things are going good!!!!!! Feeling positive about loads of stuff atm :D Yaaaaaaaaaaay and my tan has started already lol!

zowie 08-05-2008 07:41 PM

Helen, it's lovely to hear you're feeling so happy!
Alexx, I'm sorry you're feeling ill...Get well soon hun :)
effervencence, well done on finishing you're report, try not to get too nervous and work yourself up.
blondiebear, you're not being selfish. We like knowing how you're doing, and I hope you don't feel too homesick!

As for me, I've finished my psych coursework and am travelling the two hours to college to hand it in. A bit nervous, I never felt safe at college, but pleased I've got the work done.
Didn't take my meds last night. Beth wouldn't let me, she wants me to save them up for an OD. She's scaring me quite a lot at the moment, very intent on making me feel worthless and shitty - Been harming myself alot just to calm her down.

Hope everyone's doing okay. Love you all xxx

Detour. Derail 08-05-2008 08:58 PM

hmmmhmmmhmmmmmm ><
lalalalalalalalaaaaaa
*sings loudly*

Katey-lou 08-05-2008 09:30 PM

ARRGGHH am sat here waiting for the crisis team to ring meback and i'm debating just rnning i changed my mind i dont wanna talk to them. i dont want them to try and talk me out of it. i cant. theres no point me living anymore!!!! not going to be on ym course n e longer after theyve looked at my CRB tomorrow!!!! so whats thenpoint

MammaMia 08-05-2008 10:19 PM

Thanks Zowie :) xxx

Alex, u okay hun?

~*forever_broken*~ 08-05-2008 10:24 PM

Katey what's up sweetie? What can't they stop you from doing? *snuggles* Please stay safe hun.

Cloe, how ya doin' sweetie? I'm sorry you've got such a wait till your therapist is back *massive hugs*

Zowie, sweetheart, do you have someone who can help you be stronger than Beth? You need to take your meds hun *hugs you gently*

Carole, that sounds like a very responsible decision. Take care luv.

Alexx,*snuggles her RYL little sis* I'm sorry you're ill. I hope you feel better soon hunni.

Susan, you're not being selfish! *hugs her wonderful RYL mom* When do y'all get back in?
------------------------------
Had a meds appointment today. Was told that I could stay on 300 mg Wellbutrin as long as I didn't cut... But since I just cut the other day it's up to 450 mg now :(. I'm not too happy to have been given an ultimatum (you can, if you don't). And while I did learn that I could continue to go to the uni health and counseling center this summer (means I've got more time to save money and figure out what to do)... He then told me that after that I need to find a therapist and a doctor... Yeah, like I can afford both:pinch: I don't even know where I'm going to live and work:crying:. Last night I kept thinking it would just be easier to die... Then I wouldn't have to worry about an apartment (that let's me have my cat) and a job... I don't want to go home:crying: I need to stay here, away from my well-meaning but nosy family:crying:

blondiebear 08-05-2008 11:09 PM

Hugs to all. I'm still so tired that the circles under my eyes go to the corners of my mouth and I'm afraid that I will drool on the keyboard. My vision is swimming too.

Two more nights in the motel, we go home Saturday morning. Philip says he will go over to our place for a few minutes on Friday evening to open the windows so it can air out overnight. That and the fact that the gas won't be turned on until Saturday morning is why we are staying over Friday night. We could go back to our house on Friday if we wanted to. I dunno how it is where the rest of you are but here our hot water heaters run on natural gas.

I'm here in Philip's office with him. It is not a place I spend much time but it is not as strange to me as the motel room. I don't mind motel rooms at all, we travel so much, i don't want to be there alone and it is weird to stay at the motel yet do our regular day to day things.

More hugs toi y'all. Maybe I'll get enough sleep on Saturday and be less dain bramaged on Sunday.

Ally, you will find a place.


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