Kahlia - I wish I had more words of comfort to offer you or some constructive advice, but I just don't know how your mental health service will react.
I would like to think that your complaint would have been taken seriously and made them 'pull their socks up' and that if you need to be hospitalised there again, that they would double their efforts, with a new approach, to help you this time and avoid another complaint. I'd also like to think that they would want to help you, as that is after all what they have trained for, and perhaps your complaint would come as a suprise to them that they weren't helping you, but prod them in the right direction....that is what I would hope for you and for any others who have also been mistreated and unsupported by them.
For anxiety until you hear back from them, try rescue remedy a bach flower remedy. It may not be for everyone but I know that it has got me through some very very tough anxious times. It didn't get rid of my anxiety completely, but it reduced it to a level where I was still able to function. Also herbal sleeping tablets and camomile tea.
*gives extra calming huggles to Kahlia*

Hayley - I know I shouldn't say I'm fine when I'm obviously not. There's so many people who say that's there's nothing wrong. Including professionals. It's a joke. They say oh it is/could be xyz, but nothing's wrong, you're fine. You just need counselling. But I've had it (and will again) and am I happy? AM I ****!!! I'm sick of doctors. Since trying to get help, I'm now on a different GP. He is much better than my last one. Although I haven't seen him since my last 'episode' i.e. being suicidal & stuff. Nobody's ever going to ****ing help :'( Well feels like that. My amazing best friends keep trying to help. My friends keep trying to help. I even opened up to my sisters and NONE of them have even said a thing. I know they're busy. So it doesn't matter. I feel like giving up. I almost feel like I have. I'm not a kijnd hearted person, I'm horrible & need to get off. Nobody needs me. Nobody wants me. It's all just pity. I know it, why does everyone keep pretending to care, love, whatever me. I want happiness. I've been put through so so so ****ing much these last few years. More than most perhaps. I don't want anymore ****. But it keeps coming. Oh well, will eventually succeed at getting off. I'm sure. Writing this post is even scaring me :'( *rocks* I'm sorry. I'm so sorry :'( I think I'm finally hitting to a place I don't wan to go again. I can't. Please don't let me go there, le me come back up :'( Let me keep recovering & trying o fix everything. Oh I'm so dizzy :/

*cuddles Hayley & Kahlia*

Helen: *hugs you* Maybe you aren't able to see that some people really do care about you right now from where you are? Depressive episodes with suicidal thoughts and ideas can put you in that type of place. Maybe some of what you are feeling about other people now is related to how your head is making you feel? Just a thought. *sits with you*

Hayley: Thanks. No-one knows how the Health Service will react. They have responded to complaints with a serious "aggressive defensive" attitude - a sort of "we have done absolutely nothing wrong and anyone who says anything else is lying" - and my treatment from them in the past has been ... bordering on dangerous. I actually use the Rescue Remedy, my case worker for my Employment Agency put me onto it a few years ago. It's really coming in handy now I'm in the process of quitting smoking. *hugs you back*

*grabs Helen and pulls her out of danger*

now I'm gonna take off my nice side and let rip at you.....
*Shouts in Helen' s face*
"OI YOU SILLY GORGEOUS MUPPET!! YOU ARE A KIND HEARTED PERSON! YOU ARE LOVED!! I DO NOT PITY YOU! I DO LIKE YOU AND LOVE WHAT I KNOW OF YOU! I AM NOT PREPARED TO LET YOU 'GET OFF'! I WILL BE HERE UNTIL YOU FIND THE RIGHT PEOPLE/TREATMENT TO HELP YOU!"
So missy, do you understand me?! Do not apologise for you post, its so good for you to get out how you are feeling. We will be here to help you keep recovering, we won't let you go back to that place. I wish I could tell you when it will all get better, but I can't. Going back to councelling is a good starting place though. With all that you've been through, you're not going to be 'fine' in the 8sessions the NHS like to give us. You are going to have to keep going back to your GP and councelling, but if your not persistant and let them know how you really feel - as much as its scary and sooo much effort when all we want to do is hide - you won't get the help that you deserve. Please hang on and keep fighting. *huggles Helen* oh and sorry for shouting....I got a bit carried away with my emotions.

Perhaps you're right Kahlia *sits with you*

I do understand you. But I am sorry for my post. It is good for me to get out how I'm feeling. I hope I won't go back, I just can't. I can't :'( I know nobody can tell me when it'll get better. I know I have to go counselling, at least. I just can't face opening this lid again. Even though it is open. Ha. Pathetic. You're right, I won't be 'fine' in 8 sessions. Don't even know how many sessions this particular place is. Don't even know where it is exactly either. I know I'm going to have to keep going back, but I'm so tired. Nobody listens. It'll end the same result as always. Well that's how I & past things make me feel. I keep trying but I promised myself that I'd never go back into that circle but it looks like I have to. On my own again. Treated like ****. Again. *cuddles Hayley*

Kahlia - bloody stupid health service if they don't take complaints seriously and basically call people liars. I know its probably something that you don't wish to do and don't feel you have the strength to continue the fight - so possibly is there someone who can help? - but... I would take your story to the papers. You don't need to give the personal ins and outs of your mental health, but you have an illness that as a human being you have a right to medical treatment and intervention if we have the knowledge to do so for you. It should be done in a way that is reassuring and safe to you, with understanding, compassion and sympathy. It has not and you fear for the future. That is all the papers need to know and that you've done the official complaint procedure and they didn't take you seriously. In the UK, when things like your story go to the papers, usually someone (not sure who) will take notice of the case and has the know how, or the power/money/friends-in-high-places, to make a difference in your favour. I wish there was an easier answer for you. Maybe someone else will have different more managable advice?

I'm glad you've got the rescue remedy and good luck with the giving up smoking. Having given up 3 times in as many years I know how hard it is. I was thinking about giving up again, but I know at the end of september when Eoghan deploys again I'd start, so I don't see the point. Anyhoo, I'll just slip off silently with puppy sinclair into the garden from now on as I don't want to tempt you.

*is baffled at why Helen doesn't seem to be viewing this thread but is posting as I'm typing* Helen have you got an invisibility cloak like harry potter?!

On a serious not though Helen - I know that with some councellors I got worse. I mean when I first went to my gp to ask for councelling it was 'cos I was worried I'd start SI'ing again and didn't want to give in to the urges. Well that bloody councellor made me go to a place where I cut the worst I ever had. Other councellors I've just not felt comfortable with and told them what they needed/wanted to hear. It wasn't until this last councellor (who wasn't actually fully qualified!) that I felt comfortable and felt as though she really listened and on some level had some understanding and sympathy....what I'm trying to say is that unfortunately with our system, it seems that we have to try out many crap, shitty, triggerring things before we get to the place/person that can help us. I also know from experience with certain issues that come up and get dragged out from the back of the cupboard, that it gets worse before it gets better. BUT, I also know that when I was going through that worse phase last year and someone was always there to give me hugs and tell me to hang on - it was you! I did hang on and I appreciated those hugs so much. So now I hope that I can do the same for you.

*puts one arm round Helen, the other round Kahlia* oh my sweet lovely ladies...."it can't rain all the time" I have that on a post it note on my mirror to remind me. Lets hope the rainy season comes to an end real soon.

I'm sneaking in & out of this thread like magic, I might have an invisibility cloak like Harry yes haha. I love Harry Potter <3 Oddly, it says you posted at 19 minutes past, well I know for a fact I refreshed around then & 20 past but your post hadn't come up. Silly RYL >.>

I know sometimes you have to get worse & drag things back out into the open to get better. I'm just not comfortable with doing it & have to I guess. I agree with what you said about our system. It's ****. I could rant about it for hours. I even have on many occasions, have even gone as far as reducing people to tears over it!!! How do they think *I* feel? Although it helps when I'm ranting about it to my best friends, as they know how **** it is. I know I have to hang on. I also know, as someone kindly reminded me, that I have been here before, didn't think I'd get through & have. So that I will again. I am just so desperate not to be suicidal again. I'm glad you appericated those hugs so much, means a lot to me. It really does.

*joins in group hug* You're right, it can't rain all the time. I hope it ends soon.

*rubs eyes and decides at 3am its probably best to try and nod off again*

*blows goodnight kisses all around the ward*

I'll put you all in my prayers and hope that they help. night night.

Night Night Hayley xxx

Morning all!!!!

Been awake nearly an hour. Not feeling much better but got some super news so I'm all ecstatic about that!!

I don't know if anyone remembers me sending my complaint letter/email last week? Well they finally emailed me back :) Have cancelled my contract (should hope so, law breaking idoits) and cancelled the termination fees & my next bill as a gesture of goodwill as they can't backdate the payments back to me (i.e. pay me back what I paid). They accept I was right & that they had broken the law bahaha!!!

*jumps up & down*

How is everyone??

PS HAPPY ST GEORGES DAY TO US ENGLANDERS =D WOOOO!

*jumps up and down with Helen* too right you were right and mobile phone company was wrong. I'm glad they've accepted that and done something about it. Shame they can't back date what you've already paid, bloomin' cheek!

I thought I'd be having a lie in this morning to catch up from my disturbed nights sleep, but alas I woke up at 7.50am and had so much running through my head, that despite my best efforts to get back off to sleep, it didn't happen. I didn't roll out of bed til 9am though when my reminder alarm to take my meds went off. I'm now waiting for half 9 when my best mate asked me to phone her...sounded ominous....oh dear.....

*looks at clock and waits by phone*

Thanks Hayley!! Only taken them since frigging October to sort it out!!

I'm sorry you were awake early :( *cuddles* Hope the phone call is going okay.

I'm going to hunt for some breakfast ^_^

best mates bloody battery died, she was walking back from dropping her youngest at nursery. So I'll just have to wait til she gets home to complete the saga, lol. Doesn't seem too bad afterall.

Any one for coffee?! *makes a pot of coffee*

Oh that's tooooo bad!!

I don't like coffee (or tea) myself :( Boo!!

I spy a Mark!!

*Hugs group* I'm sorry some of youare struggling so much , Hayley I hope your friend has good news and Helen remember we here care , you are a kind and caring person :).Happy Saint Georges Days to you too!

Sorry for the short post , net access is more limited here at my parents house

*hugs helen* I'm glad your phone company have sorted it out, thats good to hear. I don't like tea or coffee either, my grandma says I'm very unsociable because of that.

*hugs hayley* I hope you get to hear from your friend soon

*hugs Mark* I hope its going ok at your parents

even though i feel like complete **** I am determined to tidy my room, go to my lecture, go to Asda and start the reading for my essay.
*off to get his morning toast and fruit juice*

*hugs everyone*

Mark, I know you guys care. Just have outbursts of paranoia & convinced everyone's pretending to care etc. I guess I am a kind & caring person. Well I know I'm caring. Don't always agree with kind hmm. Hope it's going okay at your parents

*hugs Oliver* I'm glad they've sorted it out too. Just got to take on real phone company. I.e. the one I wanted to take a phone contract out with & a second one aswell. As they need to cancel my old contract now. Wow, we're 'very unsociable' together then :P Wonder what she'd say about us drinking Hot Chocolate instead? Assuming you drink Hot Choc!! I'm sorry you're feeling complete **** too. Go you for being determined to tidy your room, go to your lecture & Asda. Aswell as reading =) Good luck with that :D Think I might attempt to tidy my room :/

oh yes I certainly drink hot chocolate, and according to my grandma that just isn't good enough, she said you can't expect everyone to have hot chocolate in their house, she is rather strange. good luck with tidying your room too. :)