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MammaMia 25-03-2010 07:44 PM

*cuddles Hayley lots*

Kahlia1981 25-03-2010 08:28 PM

*hugs everybody*

Hayley - Thanks for the celebratory dance. :D No, I've only been able to have the simple OTC NSAIDs. I've just been put on Tramal/Tramadol. I see my physio today and my GP wants me to see an orthopaedic surgeon. I just don't know what my physio is going to say. :S

I had a really psycho night. I got like 4 hours sleep but I'm up and bouncing. And when I did get up it was fricking freezing. Now it's warming up and I'm thinking about whether to take my jumper off or not! Our weather is seriously bizarre at the moment.

Sorry for the lack of individual replies ... my head's not quite working properly.

*hugs everyone then nicks out to the smoking shelter*

MammaMia 25-03-2010 09:02 PM

*cuddles everyone*

Doikers 25-03-2010 09:29 PM

* Hugs to y'all *

It's been almost a whole day now ( I'm off to bed ) and I did it! first time in 10 ( ten ) conseutive days and I haven't harmed , well I've scar picked a bit but we won't count that ( Should I ?) . So little high fives to everyone:)
I hope I can double my S.I. free time by this time tomorrow :-S

SoMuchMore 25-03-2010 10:02 PM

*squishes everyone*

Mark - congrats on making it a day! great job! Keep it up. *throw confetti*

CrazyHayley 25-03-2010 10:16 PM

*huggles Helen* thanks for all the cuddles :) is there anything other than huggles I can do to help?

*huggles Kahlia* oooh *jealous face* TRAMADOL!! - I LOVE that stuff! How have you found it?! what doesage have they given you? Is it a kick you in the arse version or the slow release?! I used to have in the kick you in the arse version 30mg 3xday, twas rather amusing sometimes. Then they changed me to 75mg slow release, still quite good fun but not as much, now I have a secret stash of it as they took me off of it as I'd been on it for 5years and apparently its dangerous to be on it for longer than 6months due to addiction and what not. I've moved around so many doctors though, this is how I keep getting to be on my meds for far too long and then they go "ot-oh! that's not good...." but even sometimes when I have that on my really bad pain days it doesn't get rid of all the pain. When I went to the doctors they just told me I'd have to accept that due to my conditions I won't have a pain free life, but that medication can make it more tolerable. I hope that they manage to find a med/dosage that suits you and gives you more quality of life.

*huggles mark* well done for managing the day SI free. I wouldn't count picking a scab unless its a regular form of SH for you. But if you did that rather as a distraction so that you didn't cut I think it was a success! So hopefully on waking you'll feel more positive tomorrow and I think the '15minute game' is a great thing to do. I hadn't heard of that until you mentioned it earlier, but I shall keep it in mind if ever I get to that place again - which will probably be next PMDD cycle. I wonder if I could apply it to my ED too? As in try and put off having a binge for 15mins at a time? Or if I have binged, then try (oh gosh, eek) to put off purging. Yeah definately would be easier to put off a binge rather than put off purging.....

My wii fit evening with my friend went well. My legs are getting stronger which is good. Gonna waffle in my journal now - I'm not too sure what about. I know that I wanted to do an entry earlier but I didn't have time due to my friend coming round. Strange how in a few hours something that seemed so important has now slipped my mind....

CrazyHayley 25-03-2010 10:17 PM

*huggles Laura* ooh sorry didn't see you there! *Joins in the confetti throwing!* How are you tonight?

MammaMia 25-03-2010 10:17 PM

Make it stop :'( *curls up*

Scarletdreamer 25-03-2010 10:28 PM

I feel like proper ****.

My pastor told me to go to the hospital ASAP.
My NP called the campus security on me today as I wasn't answering her texts (was in class).

Today has been a royally bad day.
I don't feel safe. Alone or even with Jarrod here.

Screw this.

SoMuchMore 25-03-2010 10:53 PM

*hugs hayley* glad u had a good wii fit night. Its great to feel like ur getting shape.

I'm struggling but ok-ish right now. Looking forward to going to my friends for dinner in a few minutes.

*cuddles helen* I wish i could make it stop for u hun. *wraps in blanket*

*hugs april* do u think u need to go to the hospital? I mean, u dont have to or anything... but... would u be safer there? I would hate for anything to happen to you hun. Keep fighting. I know its hard. *squishes* Maybe talk to ur hubby and see what he thinks u should do.

MammaMia 25-03-2010 10:57 PM

Keep fighting April. Sorry it's been such a bad day *squishes*

Hope you enjoy your friends Laura :)

CrazyHayley 25-03-2010 11:01 PM

oh Helen, if I knew how to make it stop, I would. I wish I had a magic wand so that I could stop all the pain and anguish that we all feel. It will stop sometime, I don't know when, I pray for it to be soon. *huggles*

*huggles April* ooh thats crap bout the security being called on you :( Can you not give your NP a copy of your timetable so that they'll know when you're in class. Or set up a system so that you text them just before you go into something where you won't be able to respond, and then text them again when you're available? As for your Pastor telling you to go to the hospital, with the way that you've been feeling, if you told him everything, then his reaction is kind of understandable - I don't mean to upset you, but he'll be erring on the side of caution and he wants you to stay safe, as we all do. Especially as you're now saying you're not even feeling safe with jarrod around. But I do understand what you said earlier about not wanting to go to hospital as you want to see the semester through to its end. I hope that your determination to finish the semester stays with you and helps you through - but don't force yourself beyond what you can cope with right now, don't continue if it really is too much, there is no point getting within a few days of the end of semester and then, well, I won't even type it, but you know what I mean. Like I said to our younger inmate Nicole, education can always wait, its not going anywhere, we need to put our health - our snaity - first. *extra huggles*

Right thats me all waffled out. *group huggles all in ward* night night, sleep tight...or morning morning, have a good 'un!

CrazyHayley 25-03-2010 11:02 PM

ooh missed Laura again when I was typing - sorry! *huggles laura extra!* Enjoy your friends.

ok, now I'm off to bed. *toddles off to bed with ted*

SoMuchMore 26-03-2010 05:43 AM

.... and then **** really hits the fan....

found out my ex boyfriend was actually cheating on me for awhile now.... He has manipulated and lied to everyone... u would think after 4 years he would respect me more... I hate him.

Kahlia1981 26-03-2010 08:21 AM

*huggles everyone*

My house-mate had to go to hospital again today with chest pains. I'm feeling really guilty because I didn't go with him. My mood is down and I'm feeling really urgy - both towards SI and su. *sigh* Really, really hoping this will pass quickly.

*hugs everyone then disappears into a dark corner to sit, rock and cry*

Scarletdreamer 26-03-2010 09:43 AM

Hayley, what you said makes sense... and I have gotten to the place where I was just a few days away from the semester being over & had to take a medical withdrawal from the whole damn semester, but that was in spring 2006, four years ago, and I would hope that I've made some progress since then... I REALLY hope that I have. Especially as I am in senior sem and will have to give this hugeish presentation at the end of the semester, as well as a hugeish paper (10-20+ pages)... that I haven't started yet!! And then other classes... gotta pull up my grade in advanced counseling to AT LEAST a B+ but I don't know if I can do it... other friends, even smart ones, are having the same problems in that class. I don't know. I'm thinking about not even bothering with an internship and doing an independent study instead. I really don't know. :(

I'm sorry that I am not replying individually, it just feels like too much right now. I hope that you all can understand. *cuddles everyone* :(

MammaMia 26-03-2010 10:45 AM

*cuddles everyone*

Seems in my state whilst sending that email yesterday about my job meant it got the wrong address, added an extra letter. Opps. Corrected it this morning. Start on Monday if I get it!! :O

Got myself into a right state last night. Meh. Never mind.

Scarletdreamer 26-03-2010 10:59 AM

What job is it, Hels? *cuddles* And it does matter what state you're in, whether you feel like it matters or not. What's up?? *more cuddles*

It feels like I have a lot of people doubting my ability to stay in uni at this point... I don't know. It just is... well, crap!! I don't know if I can or not... but I am soo close to the end of the term and to me, uni is more important to me than my health. Especially this close to graduation.

:(

I wish I could just hide away forever and ever.

MammaMia 26-03-2010 11:04 AM

*cuddles April* It's a data entry job, lasts for two weeks (starting Monday!) and could lead into permanent job. Ahh!! Only know about it as my mum's friend/work colleague's husband works there :) Got into a right state last night about missing my baby & stuff. Just really hard & it always seems to hit me the worst when I'm on a low. Particularly when it's a really bad one like this. *curls up & rocks*

Oh sweetheart. Health should come first, before education. But I know how important it is to you & how close. I'm sure you can just about make it sweet? *cuddles* I don't doubt you fully, just know you're really struggling :( *snuggles*

Scarletdreamer 26-03-2010 11:08 AM

Awh *cuddles* I'm sorry about last night, that I couldn't be here for you. :( Are you feeling better today? And that's cool about the job... I hope you get it :D are you working now at all? (no condemnation either way)

Yeh I know that health should be more important than education... but I can't, I can't, I can't!!! I have to finish out this year... it would be easier were I not so stubborn. Suicidal thoughts have pretty much taken up my mind... so hard to find room for schoolwork in that suicidal ideation-stuffed brain. :( I hate being like this...

I think I'mma post the email that I wrote to my pastor in my r/v thread... just because it expresses how I feel really well I think... and his response...

I feel like super ****. Just want to ****ing sleep!!!! :crying:


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