*hugs for everyone*

*scarlet* I have never really been happy. I have been ok though. Like. Content. Anyways. I just woke up. Slept like crap because the closet door was open. OCD. But for some reason I didn't close it. I think because my bf and I had a little argument before I went to sleep. Home alone again today. Ugh.

I hope your exam goes well. Try not to beat your self up too much. I remember all too clearly how stressfull college was. Some profs are terrible and give way too much work. They act as though you only have their class to prepare for. You're not a bad student or a bad person. And you certainly don't need to die.

It's ok to feel overwhelmed. Take a short break and try to refocus. I think it's great that you finished your portfolio! 1 less thing to worry about. You have several hours still to get things done and worrying about it just eats time. You'll get finished whatever you can.

*Sending you lots of helpful thoughts. And a team of fairies to help with your work.

*Hugs Scarletdreamer* You don't need to die , you are not a bad person , you've been totally welcoming and friendly to me and have helped me fit in and feel comfy here no end .

I am still hungover from my pysch meds and am having issues getting hold of my correct dosage which should be stressing me out but I just feel numb :S

Quiet1 & Mark, you can call me April. :) Much shorter than typing out "Scarlet" or "Scarletdreamer." ♥

Thanks, quiet1, for the support. You're right, the portfolio is one thing down - but I still have to revise it. :( Boo hiss. I have so many things that I need to do & I feel so overwhelmed. The only reason that I'm on RYL at the moment is because a video on person-centred therapy is downloading for advanced counseling. I hope my exam goes well also - but I'm really scared about it & don't feel prepped at all. I guess I do still have quite a few hours to finish up studying for it & getting stuff together for advanced counseling though... I wish I weren't such a freaking procrastinator... I nauseate myself. :(

*cuddles Mark if that's okay?* I'm glad that I made you feel welcome here. :) That's my job :P ... as a member and frequent poster in this thread I want to welcome each new face. Anyway. How're you doing today? how're you feeling?

I just posted in my r/v thread... link is in my sig if anyone cares to take a look. Probably SUI trig. *sigh* :(

*cuddles April*

Work sounds sucky :( You're not a bad student though and you don't need to die :( You need to kee fighting and holding on, which I KNOW you can. *cuddles tight*

*cuddles everyone else*

I still feel rough , I either need to hurt myself or I need a drink .It's been nearly 2 years since I Drank any booze at all and I'm wondering if I could control it now. I haven't S.I.ed since the 22nd of January but its just getting harder and I KNOW I wont be able to control it if I start that again . I Take Diazapam which calms me down some but it's either the drink or he S.I. that I need as a coping mechinism , I just can't cope much longer without at least one of them . Sorry to rant. I've posted about this elsewhere but I needed to get it off my chest .

*Hugs April back (if ok)* Hugs and cuddles are always ok for me April :)

*hugs kahlia* at least the crisis guy called... I hope he does again.

*hugs april* I know ppl tell me they care on here... Its different in real life though. Anyway, im sorry that uni is overwhelming you.. mines really bad too right now. Hopefully some of the pressure lifts soon.

*hugs quiet1* im sorry you and ur bf got in a fight. Hope you are okay.

*hugs mark* Good job on not drinking and not SIing! I know it can be hard when its your main coping mechanism but try to keep fighting it. And its okay to rant in here. I do it all the time :-)

*cuddles helen*

Slept like crap, and tuesdays are my worst day of the week. I hope i can find time to squeeze in a nap b/c i know i'll need it.

*cuddles Laura*

*cuddles Helen* Thanks, love. Yeah, school is really sucky right now - am taking a quick break from doing the concept sheets for health psych, should've done them over the weekend, stupid-ass me, but oh well. I feel so dumb!!! *bangs head against wall* So now I'm going to read about person-centered therapy... :( ...I'm terrified that the prof is going to expect us all to have everything about person-centered therapy memorized, because that's how she is. I HATE that class!!! :crying:

*cuddles LauraStar* I'm sorry that Tuesdays suck so much. My Wednesdays suck, so yeah, I can understand. :( Maybe have a diet Coke or a hot black tea, or something else that has caffeine so you can make it through your 6 hours of class without dozing off? I don't know if you "do caffeine" though...

*cuddles Mark* Sure, hugs & cuddles are always welcome!! :) I am a very huggy person IRL too... hehe. Good job for staying away from SI and alcohol for so long, that's very brilliant!! :D You can keep making it through... please don't give in... you can do it. *more cuddles* I understand about the SI though... I have mostly got it under control but sometimes the urges are really bad. Lately though, I've been struggling more with bulimic urges. :( *sigh*

I'm so sick of uni... just want to make it disappear. I HATE IT!!!! I just want to be done, have a good job, and not have to worry about finances or paying off student loans (although I only have one, thank God!!). I am so sick of going to classes, doing schoolwork, stressing out over everything, etc., etc., etc. :( Oh well. Sorry to whinge so ****ing much over uni though... you all must be sick of hearing about it.

*hides* :crying:

*Hugs April* I'm not sick of hearing about you and uni, I'll listen anytime, sometimes its good to get things out you know .

I think the powers that be have upped my antidepressants without even telling me so I'm a bit irked about that , I went to pick up my AD's and they are a higher doseage than I was expecting , If they are gonna monkey around with my meds it seems to me that the right thing to do is too TELL ME! , ugh sorry.

Laura , I hope you have a nice nap :)

I'm going to my parents from tommorow until friday as my little sister is getting married :) Anyway I'll be on a shared computer so I might not be around for a few days so don't worry if I don't post , things will be wedding grade hectic

argh!!!! im so over all of this ****. just want to curl up and die, i know my freind is worried about me, but cutting is the only thing thats working right now, it get rid of everthing iam feeling, yeah i know its not health, but its that or i do something worse. crap.

*more hugs for helen*

*cuddles april* its ok to whine about uni... its not even whining.. its what is on ur mind. School really sucks sometimes. Think about how close you are to being done.

*hugs mark* sorry your having problems with your meds. Have fun at your sister's wedding!

*hugs jill* You could try to explain the situation to your friend, if u already havent? Try to avoid doing anything worse hun. Hang in there.

Took a short nap... but now its back to more uni work. I am supposed to write an article about a news release... but my sources arent getting back to me and im starting to freak out about it.

tires. and sick KTHNX
:'(

I have finally had enough.
*cries*
I soooo need to go next week, we spent since November.
I need a break from all this **** and my head.
Please :'(

Sorry, no individual responses right now, am not doing well.

Want to binge so badly... there's not a lot of food in the apartment but what there is, I ****ing WANT.

:crying:

Why can't I just let my ED take over? why do I have to keep fighting it? It's not FAIR... it's not easy, it's not fun, it damn SUCKS and I don't know if I can keep fighting it.

:crying:

*cuddles April* I'm sorry your feeling so bad, I guess you keep fighting because somewhere inside you is some strength and determination that wont let you give up.

*cuddles ambear*

*cuddles Helen* I'm sorry there is a lot of stuff going on in your head right now it really sucks

I havnt cut for 3 weeks now, but really need to right now, I'm shaking, heart pounding. I just sent a letter to my quintet, via facebook, coming out to them as trans, I have no idea when any of them will read it and have no idea how any of them will react, just really scared

*curls up and cries*
Just want this to STOP and GO AWAY.

*cuddles everyone who can accept cuddles*

Sorry for the lack of individual replies. I have read all the posts since I last posted but I had to struggle with the simple things (like turning the computer on) and am just feeling a bit overwhelmed.

I remember someone - I think it was you April? - asking about the crisis team. Here they are technically called the Community Assessment and Treatment Team (CATT). They are basically the community face of the hospital - they perform home visits and make over-the-phone or face-to-face assessments. Their scope is fairly limited. Mostly they deal with people over the phone and if the condition of the person is bad enough they can arrange an ambulance or whatever. They can also do things like holding medication if there is an OD risk and the like. Oh, and are able to arrange med scripts if the person is allied with either a Case Manager or a public pdoc. Sorry, not sure if that makes sense.

This morning I wrote the job application. It's for a Medical Typist at an Opthalmology Clinic. Starting out at 1 day a week with the possibility to extending to 2 days a week in the next 6 months.

My mother rang me today. I spoke to her on Monday so I wasn't expecting a call until about Friday. I only mention it because she is traveling around Australia, they are currently in Victoria.

The mood still hasn't lifted. Still strong urges and dangerous thoughts. I'm running out of ideas now ... *sigh* But we make it through minute by minute ... right?

*hugs everyone then disappears into a cool, dark corner*

*cuddles Oliver* I hope that you managed to make it through without cutting, love. You don't "need" to cut... it feels like that because it's an addiction but you really need to find other ways to cope. But aside from that - well done on three weeks!! - that's awesome. :D How are you doing today?

*cuddles Helen* PM me if you ever want to, 'kay, sweetie? how are you feeling now?

*cuddles Kahlia* Yeh, it was me asking about the crisis team. That makes sense. There's nothing like that in the States, as far as I know... would kind of be nice if there were... IF they were effective. Well done on writing up the job app; that can be difficult especially when you're in a bad place!! Hope you start feeling better soon... *more cuddles*

I really really want to binge right now... have already had a "mini-binge" and really want more more more. STUPID ME!!! I hate myself so much... I'm not a good person at all. :( Make it stop, please please, make it stop... :crying:

*cuddles everyone*

I got the best ever post today, am so happy :D :D :D

However I feel pretty ****, almost numb & think I may have made a situation worse :S

How can you feel **** and happy at the same time? lol... I guess I understand but still it sounds kind of off. *cuddles* Want to talk about it? or not, that's fine too!! :)

*hides*