Hey. I'm ok, slighty ashamed by last night and the mother is driving me nuts. Other than that I consist of minute particles. This 'family meal' is fun. Not. Hope everyone's ok and that you manage to stay si free. Mark. X

*huggles everybody*

I read 5 Chapters of my textbook today and my course starts officially tomorrow. I'm excited and I've got a headache. Woot. I also have to go for a 2.5 km walk tomorrow to get some medication from a nasty chemist. It's going to make for a fun day ...

Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes ^_^ had a great night.

*hugs Mark* Hope your day goes okay

*hugs Lia* Technology is awesome :) Enjoy the christening :)

Kahlia!! Thank you :) How are you doing? I'm doing okay actually atm. Had a bit of a moment last night fighting ED urges while we were out but managed to fight them and I think I'm still on a high from my birthday :D hehe. *hugs* What are you studying? Sorry, might have missed that :/ Good luck with it! My new study period starts tomorrow too :D Hope your headache goes away x

*sends hugs to everyone* Sorry guys, I'm really tired so might come back and reply better later.. hope everyone has a good day/night :)

Yo wardies. Someone's been drinking. Why do I feel the need to drink to forget? I'm 16 I should be drinking for the fun of it, not for the peace. 'Tevs. I don't care. X

Spies Kaytee* hi. Would you like to join us? X

Oh you have. Sorry didn't seee it.

Hi everyone, hope we're all feeling a bit better today *hugs*

* hugs everyone *
I feel unsafe right now raw feelings of fear

Hey Reaper. *Hugs* What is it you're scared of? Please try to stay safe, is there anything you can do to distract yourself? Anyone you can go and bother just so you're not alone? We're always here to listen and give support if you need us to.
x

P.S Sobered up a bit now. Feel sick though.

*hugs everyone* I'm here if you need to talk.

I'm still so triggered to overdose but i'm trying to remind myself of the bad things about overdosing and being in hospital: worries about them not being able to get a cannula in and getting liver damage (they had trouble cannulating the last time I was there), being judged, the food, not getting much sleep, being pestered by other patients. But I am still so tempted. I don't know what to do.

I'm SO ****ING ANGRY still.

:crying:

And hurt, and betrayed. I should know better than to trust people IRL other than Jarrod and my bestie.

Should know that damn well by now. No more telling my sister stuff about my private life. No more. I'm tempted to block her entirely from my LJ.

I ****ing hate my life.

*hugs everyone.*
i am such an idiot :(

*hugs April* I'm sorry you are so angry , thanks for the reminder of the name too!!

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Lindsay*

*Hugs Kahlia*

*Hugs Claire*

*Hugs Kaytee*

*Hugs Reaper*

Hi guys,

Hayley has moved house and she texted me her new address .
I think it would be a good idea for the ward to send her a happy new home card.
I will buy one and post it.
Will everyone who wants their name to be signed on the card let me know and I'll sign it from them .
Thanks:)

*Hugs Nicole* Whats up ?:S

Lindsey- Please try and stay safe. Keep on remembering those bad points about ODing, and how much it could go wrong. We're all here to support you as long as you need it. *Hugs*

Nicole- You're not an idiot. *Hugs* What's the matter?

April- Sorry you still feel that why. Have you spoken to your paretns or sister yet? I refused to speak to my bestie for weeks when she did what she did. My initial reaction was to refuse to ever trust anyone again. With anything. You will calm down in time and begin to see why she did it, as I did, but you'll never really forget and you're never gonna be happy about it either. But it gets better.

And Mark, you can sign my name :)

*hugs mark and lia* i AM an idiot, i had a argument with my mum last night.
*trigger, SI.*
then i cut quite deep and my mum steri stripped it and bandged it and now ive had an allergic reaction to the bandages :(

I'll sign the card, Mark, of course. :)

Nicole, sorry you're not doing well. *huggles*

Lia, you're right, but right now I feel raw and numb. I'm forcing myself to compartmentalize and stop thinking/feeling it or else the anger overwhelms me.

I feel awful.

*huggles april* thanks, i just feel like an idiot :(
oh and mark, can you sign the card for me aswell please? :D

nice idea Mark, can you sign my name please.

*cuddles all*

Ooo Mark sign my name!

*hugs everyone* My mind isn't stable enough to do many individual replies atm, will try to get some in later.

*hugs April* Thanks for the long response. No, I don't think I've ever been fully psychotic, at least I hope I would remember if I was =/ But no... and it's hard not to let the drugs mess with my sanity. They're supposed to be stopping the crazy thoughts, but I just keep hearing "crazy. freak. psycho." on repeat, over and over...

I'll stop complaining now though. Gotta work for 5 hours, so tempted to cancel it...

*hugs everyone*
i just stood on some broken glass and cut my toe and now i cant feel my foot :/

Oh dear Nicole, at this rate you'll chop your whole arm off by the end of the day :) Don't be too hard on yourself, we all slip up, we all did it.

COULD BE TRIGGERING-I did last night too, worse than I have done in ages, but it felt fantastic at the same time. Sorry, couldn't work out how to hide it.

Glad it went well Oliver :)

Hope you're OK Taz *offers hugs*?

xx

*Spies Helen* How are you?
x

*hugs lia* aaw, souds like we both had a bad night :( i had the same feeling, i hated it, but at the same time i loved it, and i didnt mean to cut my toe :( i accidentally stood on the glass. i have no idea when im gonna get the feeling back in my foot though.

Hi everyone, I'm home. Been about four & half pages since I buggered off yesterday, so no individuals.

My bestie is really really really sick right now :'( I feel utterly useless and worried sick about her.

*curls up and rocks*

*huggles helen* welcome back hun, how was it?
sorry your friends not doing to well, hope she gets better soon, are you ok though?

It was okay thanks Nicole. No I'm not ok, how can I be ok when my best friend is in hospital seriously ill, my other best friend won't ****ing pick up her godamm phone and nobody else gives a **** right now???

Sorry. I know that seems like I'm having a go..

*hugs Helen* We care.

*hugs helen* sorry, im not gonna answer that cause i dont want it to turn into an argument, but i hope your ok as in safe. obviously your upset.

Why care about me? Not worth it. I'm just...argh. Never mind.

Nicole, I suppose I'm safe. Even though I don't want to be "good"

*hugs helen* we all care about you sweetie, and you are so worth it! im glad your safe, please try and stay that way

*Hugs Helen* I care about you and I think you are worth it. I'm sorry about your friends. I really don't know what else to say other than I pray that she's OK. I know that's useless. Sorry.
x

*hugs Nicole and Lia* Sorry, I'm just worried =[ Don't mean to be like this.

Lia, not useless at all hun.

*hugs helen* dont worry hun we all have bad days.

i really wish i could feel my foot :/ its starting to worry me.

Can you get it checked at all darling? *cuddles*

Oh I forgot to say, found out why my best friend wasn't picking up the phone & is going to call me back later..

Is it something you want to talk about Helen?

Nicole, Helen's right, any way you could get it checked? How deep was the cut?

xx

no way of getting to the hospital to get it checked and theres nowhere else to go, hopefully it will be better soon....:/
lia-i dont think its that deep but its right on the bottom of my foot where i cant see, its not bleeding anyways, its just numb

Helen , would you like me to put your name on Hayleys new home card I'm sending from us wardies ? *Hugs*

What about you Lindsay ?*Hugs*

*Hugs Nicoles foot*

Can I just give up now? I've lost control of my urges.

I suck at life.

Mark, please put my name on the card. Thank you.

Felicia, you don't suck at life. What's happening for you right now?

* hugs everyone *

Am home alone am scared am going to do something dangerous

Is there someone you can be with, Reaper? Keep talking to us.

No there not my husband has gone to take my nephew home he will be about an hour all of my friends are away the other side of the country so
i cant get them to come over

If you're feeling really unsafe can you get to hospital?

*hugs reaper* what about calling a help line, samaritans if your uk, or I guess there will be one where you are.
Or anyone else you can ring, please keep talking to us.

Nicole I hope the foot is ok, please try to get it looked at asap.

Helen we do care abut you in here, I'm sorry to hear your friend is ill.

Felicia you don't suck at life

*hugs all wardies*

I cant leave the house on my own i have social Anxiety i never leave the house with out my husband coming with me

Mark, yes please, forgot to mention it in my post.

Nicole, maybe it's numb because you hurt it but it'll be ok in a few hours? Depends where it cut your foot I guess.

*cuddles everyone else*

I'm scared. There's something in my closet.