*huggles for everyone*

*waves/hugs all*

so sick of this anxiety. the xanax is the only thing that is keeping me going and i'm freaking out at everything. noises, movement, things where they should/shouldn't be, anything that happens suddenly, leaving the house, having to walk outside the house, even just sitting outside on the balcony now. everything just seems to set me off. i keep getting shaky when i've had to leave the house, or when i've had a minor/major "freak out". i can't keep living like this but i don't know what to do.

guhhhh up at 5am... but i did go to bed/sleep at 7pm, so maybe i won't be utterly exhausted today?

mark, yes, i understand what you mean, once again. :) it can be very confusing not knowing how you feel and having it be able to go either way (to good or to bad). hopefully you'll feel okay again today and your talk with your sw won't trigger you. *cuddles and curls up next to*

kahlia *cuddles* am sorry that you're having such a hard time with anxiety... i am too, actually. it's been pretty bad lately, but probably - as i said awhile ago - because i cut one of my dosages of antianxiety meds in half due to not ordering it on time!! stupid me. :( it still hasn't come either... grrrrr. anyway, sorry, that turned into a talk all about me. :-/ i guess because i'm not really sure what words of encouragement to use... :( *extra special encouraging huggles*

*cuddles jk* thanks, love, for the encouragement... one day at a time is right. maybe even one hour, one minute at a time, depending on the day. :( how are you doing?? haven't heard much about how things've been. ♥

*cuddles laura* i hope that your time with your friend goes well... talking about "stuff" should help some i think... i hope. sorry no other words, i'm really tired right now & just waking up too.

*cuddles jill* i guess i'd say force yourself to do something you don't want to do, and go to work. that's what jarrod's told me about my internship. if i don't want to go, then i go anyway - that's how "real life" works. idk, i don't want to sound cruel or harsh in any way... :-S

*cuddles oliver* what's up, love? please don't give up... talk with us, as someone else said, if it helps.

i'm really tired. shouldn't have gotten up so early but i had a cramp in my calf and nightmares so it wasn't like i was going to be going back to sleep anytime soon. grrrr. i hate nightmares!!! :( they suck beyond all belief. anyway... not sure what to say as i'm not sure how i feel yet - too early to tell, not yet 5:30am - so i will leave off here. just tired for now i guess. and a little low. i have therapy later today... am nervous about that. :-S

Been to collect my meds , did they inclde my Diazepam? Nope, I'm so pissed off why can't they ever get this right ? , Triggered me to be angry and low , I'm gonna lie down for a bit I need the headspace.

hugs april, you didnt sound harsh or unkind at all, your completley right. i need to go back to work even if i dont want to. or at least untill i workout how i can get this plan i have to work, i keep hitting bumbs and getting derailed at the sec and it sucks, or someone in my real life points out faults with the plan, and makes me think it will never work. so i guess right now i need to paint a happy face on, and pretend everthings okay. sigh

*hugs Mark* I'm sorry that they messed up your meds. You seem to have bad luck with this type of thing :-/ Hope that you feel better after laying down for awhile.

*hugs April* Good luck at therapy. Let us know how it goes. Nightmares really do suck. Sorry that you had one last night.

*hugs Jill* Hate to say it but sometimes "painting on a happy face" is the best thing to do in a work situation. I pretend to be functioning really well when I'm at work, its hard sometimes, but it keeps me employed. And work can also be a semi-decent distraction at times if you are busy.. better than my uni work is lol.

*hugs Jess* How r u?

*hugs Kahlia* Im sorry that your anxiety is so bad. Wish there was something I could say to help. Can you tell your psych/GP or some other professional about it?

*sits in the corner quietly and watches for anyone to come around the ward.*
Have to try to get some of my online class done today. Oh goody *sarcasm*

*Hugs Laura* I've been in bed the most of the day , I just feel so low , feeling okay yesterday was my mind playing a cruel prank on me , now it's back to crap crap crap , it's like it was saying you could feel okay but STOP NO we( My mind) won't let you

How are you Laura ?


*Hugs Jill*

hugs to everyone

*hugs Mark* It really sucks when you are struggling and all the sudden you feel like things could potentially get better but it barely lasts a moment. That type of thing happens to me all the time. I hate it.

*hugs louise* how r u today?

I'm..... I don't really know. My thoughts are still bouncing around confused. Anxious about talking to one of my friends tonight, worried that my mind will just shut down like it usually does.

i could be better, thank you for asking. how are you

i spy a mark!! *glomps*

therapy was okay. we did a mindfulness exercise, same one we did last week, and it was helpful. she thinks it might be a good idea for me to go into hospital until i go to res to help me stop cutting (she obviously has no idea how long the waiting lists can be). guhhh. i was afraid of that. :( i'm not going to hos though, first off because we don't have the money, and secondly, i'm not cutting very badly and it's not out of control. or at least, that's what i tell myself.

but my internship is done!!!!! all i have to do now is write a report to hand in to my faculty supervisor, and post online at the uni website for internships about my last week (that part should be easy). grrr on the report though... :(

but yey for being done!! am so happy about that... now on to cleaning up the apartment and packing away loose stuff so we can bug-bomb the place after daniel's vet's appt. >_< gotta love having fleas. guhhhh, could so do without them... :(

*hides in a hole*

*hugs all*

*sneaks in and hides in a corner*
reality as a way of life is highly overrated.

dont wanna do this anymore. sick of it. sick of it all. bloody stupid system. why cant it be just me and rosie like before. Why did she have to tell the police. I hate it. I hate her, I BLOODY HATE HER.

Somebody help me die. please.

*offers Amy a hug*

guhhh reality as a way of life is highly overrated. am so ****ing sick of life right now. :'(

and am so anxious, tense all over, feel so stupid. help me die too please?? :'(

:crying:

*cuddles April*

is very lonely around here today.

yeah, it is lonely in here. sorry, i've been off and on today.

so anxious right now it's not even funny. (then again, it's never funny.) just finished "alice in wonderland" (the movie) and it was okay, but still triggering... gahhh. feel awful right now, just want to sleep... so sick of life at the moment.

*cuddles crimson*

*hides in a corner and cries here because she can't cry irl*

updated r/v for anyone who cares... it's a long entry so beware, and kind of repetitive...

:'(