Contamination
 

Sorry to post this here.

I'm getting really bad voices about the contamination in my blood.
I don't want to let all my blood out because it will hurt.
I also don't want to die.
This does usually happen around Sunday/Monday because my depot is due on Tuesdays but it's so much stronger today. And feels more real.

Most of you will know how this went last time this happened and I'd rather avoid going through that again.
It wasn't nice.

Tuesday isn't too far away now. I think you should bring this up with someone especially as it normally happens anyway but is potentially getting worse. Do you have another psych appointment booked soon?

Is there anything you might have learned last time that might help in the moment or that will get you through to Tuesday?

Thanks for replying np

I was thinking of calling 111 to see if they can help get the contamination out first. Just in case.

I don't have a psych appointment booked. It was meant to be Thursday but no one called.

I don't know. Last time I had to have ECT to get rid of it.
But now I'm just thinking that the ECT somehow killed the contamination and that's why things got better after it.

Unsure what to say because I remember how awful things were for you and I do not want you to go through that again.

Can you get in touch with your CPN or someone tomorrow? If you do not think you can wait that long phoning 111 sounds like a good idea?

Becky I’m sorry things are so shitty. People can ‘get used’ to the depot and need an increase especially if it’s augmenting clozapine etc so perhaps it’s that. The lack of structure also can have a massive impact on mental health shizzle! Like not being able to do normal coping or socialising like swimming or SW....

I wouldn’t panic just yet but it’s great that you’re being so mindful and aware and worth discussing with depot nurse, I would say CPN but I know you said he was leaving?

Would it be worth calling the CMHT this morning? So they're aware, and also aware that they missed your psych appointment (not good on their part).

I know how hard it is when this stuff creeps in (obv don't know exactly how you feel!) and you don't know what to do for the best. But right now, while you're able, the best thing is to get experts involved who can help stop this before it escalates. You're worth so much more than being stuck in hospital unable to allow yourself to eat or drink, or doing horrible things to yourself.

Thanks so much everyone <3

I was going to text my cpn today but I've had a sudden hit of anxiety about it. What if they just section me again?
I nearly called 111 last night and I had planned to go to A&E today to ask them to take my blood out and replace it with new blood. But again, worried about being sectioned. And if they don't help me then that's it, I'll have to deal with it myself and I don't want to let all my blood out.

The lack of things to do is affecting me Emma so that probably isn't helping.
My cpn is leaving yes. I'm not sure when. But bringing it up with the depot nurse is a good idea.

You're right, the best thing is to get the experts involved.
I really don't want it to escalate.
Thank you

Thank you <3

I also agree with everyone else. I think you also get yourself wound up when you have episodes like this and that just makes things bigger and bigger. You're noticing having these feelings and that's a good start, you can get yourself some help. Try not to get too bogged down and obsessed about it all and hopefully this will all settle soon.

Thanks lindsay
You are right
I'm going to bring it up with the depot nurse tomorrow and see what they say.
Hopefully it's someone approachable

Even if you don't feel like they're approachable please talk to them anyway. It's very important.

Most of them are approachable. But one or two of them have been useless when I've tried to talk to them about stuff before.

Fingers crossed that whenever you get your depot it's with someone you can open up to. If it's not an approachable person could you ask them to pass on a message to someone else involved in your treatment? If there is someone else right now.

I bumped into my cpn and briefly told him what's going on. He told me to talk to the depot nurse about it and he'll call me on Thursday and also arrange a review with my psych.
I spoke to depot nurse about it and she was lovely.
They said they'll pass it on.

I'm glad you were able to talk to people today. I hope the right things and people are put in place for you. Did it help at all talking it through?

Thanks.
It helped a bit.
She said it might help to write down a distraction list because sometimes my head gets too much to remember what to do. So I've done that and put it on my fridge

Sorry to bump

My psychiatrist wants to see me on Friday
I'm so nervous

I hope it goes well with your psychiatrist. Use the support you're given and be honest. What can you do in the meantime to calm your nerves?

Thank you

I'm just so worried about being put in hospital again
Especially as the psychiatrist wants to see me in person rather than phone appointments like before
I'm trying to distract myself and not dwell on it too much but occasionally I'll just get a stab of panic