*hugs everyone*

My voluntary work was easier today thankfully. I'm not back in until Monday. Tomorrow i'm seeing my psychologist for the last time because he is moving to a different area :(

*Squishes Crimson* Are you more awake now hun?

*Huggles Lindsay* I'm glad volunteering was better today :)

hugs everyone

*Glomps Louise*

*hugs all*

How are you all?

Oh, you were in my dream last night, Oliver. I was on the phone to you while some girl was dragging me around my old school. It was strange.

trying to make jewellery for distractions. how is everyone else.

*hugs Felicia*
*hugs Mark*
*hugs Oliver*
*hugs Lindsay*
*hugs Louise*
*hugs Crimson*

I went jogging with my horse today. It was fun.
Then my horse pushed one of the lockers till it fell, it kind of broke, but it's locked so we couldn't fix it. Dad got a bit mad.

hugs Laura

Lousie, you'll need to post some pics when you've finished.

Laura, i'm glad you had fun.

*hugs Lindsay* what a strange dream! how are you? I'm okish, managed to not buy pills while at the supermarkt

*hugs Louise* that sounds like a good distraction

*hugs Laura* how are you?

Well done, Oliver!

I'm a bit sad because I will be seeing my psychologist for the last time tomorrow. I have held on so many times just for his appointments and now he won't be there any more. I'm being transferred to another psychologist but it will take me a little while to trust them and stuff.

*hugs all*
Yeah more awake now, Mark. Still somewhat sleepy but functional.

*Hugs Oliver*

*Hugs Louise*

*Hugs Lindsay*

*hugs crimson, louise, oliver, mark, felicia, lindsay, laura, matt, ian, and everyone else*

... last night was really bad *curls up* I've never been so angry in my entire life as I was last night. I actually punched a hole in the wall... stupid. Hurt the nerve in my elbow I think.

It was a lot of things building up. But what ultimately tipped it was that I felt like my sister was being ungrateful for my help with her uni assignment b/c she kept saying "I wish dad was helping me instead of you. I think he could do this better." And then I swore when i got one wrong and she told me that i have "no morals or values," and I just blew up... I definitely overreacted I know.

I press things down so much that when I boil over its really bad. I don't usually have anger issues though.. or never really have in the past. Is this how its going to be b/c I don't cut anymore? I hope not :-/

*cuddles Laura* I'm a bottler too. I find that going for walks or runs help when my anger or irritation gets to that point. But she was definitely being a total brat about the whole thing.

*Hugs Laura* I have very occaisional spurts of extreme anger too , It's not you , it's human , there are 1 or 2 walls with holes in but we , as self injurer are used to pushing crap down, it's going to come out some way , in your new place is there somewhere you could hit golf balls or put a punch bag , these are really good for getting shot of anger.

*hugs Louise*
*hugs Lindsay*
*hugs Oliver*
*hugs Crimson*
*hugs Mark*
*hugs Laura* I punched a wall once, because I couldn't injure. I bottle things up and then eventually they all come out. boom

*cuddles mark, crimson, and laura* thanks everyone.

Bottling things up is really not a good way to deal with things I know. I just do it automatically. At my new place I don't think I'll have as many issues because I will be alone again. I'm better living alone then with family... Usually I do just leave and go for a walk if i feel really angry. But it's not really an option at my house.
*sigh* Ive only cut once in 6 months now. and I'm really proud of it... but I don't want to turn into a monster because I am not doing it.