oh great, I'm bloody terrified again to turn off my laptop. its 4 am and i have a crisis team appt at 11am, don't want to go though, don't feel safe enough to walk, quite a few roads and a couple of bridges to cross, then if i tell them that they will start suggesting hospital again, but if i lie whats the point of going.

*hides out in a safe corner*

Could you get a taxi? I know they can be a bit pricey but could be worth it to get it out of the way without having to feel too unsafe *hug*

Not really, I hate taxis for so many reasons, plus at my parents atm so they would know. I ma have to try and sleep now, god wish my heart would stop pounding

Oh ok, just want you to get there without feeling unsafe. I hope you sleep as well as can be expected. Hope tomorrow's appointment is over and done with quickly.

i is here

i am ok how r u?

*offers hugs*

Hey julie :)

So freaking tired. Had to get up to start my endoscope prep. As soon as my dad goes out I'm so having a nap.

*Hugs Sarah*
*Hugs Crimson*
*Hugs Nicole*
*Hugs Helen*
*Hugs Kelly*
*Hugs Oliver*Ohh What books? and good luck with your appointment :)
*Hugs Michelle if okay* Hello , I'm Mark ,Welcome to the ward.
*Hugs Heather* 15 books!! wowsers. That's some reading :)
*Hugs Willow*
*Hugs Julie*

How is everyone ?

*hugs everyone*

I wish I had overdosed yesterday, i'm wasting time. I can't take any more of this.

How are you, Mark?

*Hugs Lindsay* It's so good that you didn't OD yesterday Lindsay , You fought through the Urges aand you won , it may not feel like much right now but thats an accomplishment :)

Thanks, Mark. How are you doing today?

SO true :-)

*huggles all*

sorry for the lack of individuals and my self-centeredness in my posts at the moment. can't get online too much and it's hard to keep up when there's so many pages between what i last read and where the ward is now.

really struggling right now. don't know why i am reaching out for help here. i don't deserve it. i guess i just don't have anywhere else to turn. i don't know what to do right now. my head is just telling me that everyone would be better off without me ... i can't help thinking it's right. i have everything i need to do the job, and i could make it so that no-one would ever know what had happened. i would just die in my sleep. i don't want to leave anyone in pain, but i can't live like this either ... and i can't stop thinking that after they got over the initial shock and pain they would all be so much better off.

sorry. i'll shut up.

*Hugs Lindsay*

*Hugs Helen*

*Spots and Hugs Kahlia*

I felt pretty flat this morning , I could barely get out of bed but I feel a little better mentally now . I went for a walk and did a bit of grocery shopping . I got bean burgers , They're new , I think I'm burgering it tonight :) . I feel slightly nauseous , Does anyone know if parcetemol will help that ? or Aspirin? , That all I have and I don't want to go out again righ now.

Oh Kahlia *Hugs* People would NOT be better off without you hun . Please get rid of you stuff you have to do it:( , throw it in the bin , give it to your housemate ? . Oh and you deserve as much support as everyone else , we are here for you .