Hi,
Just checking in and sending hugs all round.
Laura x

I've just seen your posts guys and I've got to finish getting ready for uni but will reply at my earliest chance.

*cuddles to all*

Keep strong you amazing people xxxx

Love you all x

*hugs everyone*

I can feel myself breaking again, nothing seems to be going my way at the moment. Huge bust up between my boyfriend(Tom) and one of my closest friends(Rob) yesterday. The two of them wandered off somewhere, and apparently Tom was very close to punching Rob. He came back and did the hug thing, and he was actually shaking with anger at Rob. The thing I should probably also mention is that I went back to my parents' house (even though every instinct was telling me not to) and well, lets just say my brother's the violent sort and I came back with a few cracked ribs.

I just... I can't deal with people being that angry around me at the moment, I can just about deal with people shouting, but anything else... it really freaks me out.

I'm sick of being stuck in the middle of Tom and the rest of the friendship group. Out of about 15 of us, he only talks to 3, and it's... well it certainly makes things difficult, especially when he expects me to stop talking to them as well...

Urgh, it's not just that, but I'm so damned triggered at the moment.

Sorry it's so long.

Zowie, is everything ok?

Hana, I'm so sorry you're going through such a tough time at the moment *cuddles*

Zowie..what's wrong sweetie?

Auburn Shadow -I'm lost for words at the moment, but just wanted you to know i've read it and understood, and wanted to leave you special Laura *hugs*

Er - I just got diagnosed with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder).
Bollocks.
=/

*hugs Laura and Helen* your having tough times at the moment and im sorry i dont have the words to help

*Hugs Kahlia* im sorry about your friend and about ECT

Sorry. Just feeling really bad at the mo. Voices wont leave me alone and I feel really vunerable. x

*hugs zowie* i know how that can feel, i'm here listening to you

thank you shadowedseraph (forgot your name - i suck at names)
I feel so unsafe right now. I'm at that point where I think I need to go to A&E to stop myself doing what the voices say. But I don't want to be admitted, I'm meant to be meeting my baby cousins on Saturday.
The voices are telling me to hurt my sister (16), I mean really hurt her. I'm so scared, I kept telling them there was no way I'd do that and then my sister was an idiot and treated me like ****. Now I'm in a bad mood with her and it's harder to ignore the voices when they keep reminding me about all the horrible things she's done to me. I keep trying to think of all the nice things she's done for me so I stop caring about the bad things the voices say.
They're being so graphic about what I should do. They say if I don't do it, they'll possess me and make me do it. I'm so scared, I can't tell my dad because he'll panic. What do I do?? x

*curls up in a ball* can someone please invent a pause button? I just want to escape from the world for a while :crying:

Zowie babe, i think it might be well worth going to A&E. I know you don't want to be admitted, but, if they do decide to admit you..maybe it's for the best, it will keep you safe and out of harms way until the voices settle down. I know you're meant to meet your cousins etc, but i'm sure they'd rather meet a more content Zowie, than an unhappy/unsafe Zowie. *squish*

Keep your chin up hun.
And thanks Becca for the huggles. *Hugs back* Hope you're OK sweetie. xx

I can't. I really can't. I wont have another chance to meet my cousins for ages. I think I'll just take my meds and hopefully sleep (mirtazapine helps me sleep), miss college tomorrow so I'm not near people and stay in my room as long as I can. xxx

Realistically Zowie you can't do that forever.
When will there be a right time to go into hospital?
You're putting yourself and others at risk by not seeking help hun.
I understand your upset about your cousins but you may not be admitted, it may be a case of seeing the on call psychiatrist. What about going in after your cousins have gone?
x

Zowie if you do this and get better surly that would be a great thing for you, your cousins and everyone?

no no no no no no no no no

*rocks in the corner*

movie scenes... triggering... can't get them out...

sooooo triggered..... fark fark fark fark....

what am i doing? why do i suddenly feel like this? *cries*

*cuddles PrincesskT* It's ok sweetie. It's just a film, you can fight the urges xx

Zowie, I agree with Laura and Iofmany, but whatever you decide to do, I hope you manage to stay safe *hugs*

*hugs anyone else who needs them*

Thanks for the Laura hugs earlier. Really appreciated them. I'm hana by the way.... haven't been around for a while.

Lost control. Completely. Got so violent. Hurt one of my best mates, someone I'd never normally hurt.... Threw my phone and smashed the screen. Everything's just going wrong tonight. Can't stop crying, so triggered, but... I don't want to do anything cause I'm scared of the damage I could cause without realising it. I just.... I want this life to end.

Please keep holding on for better days Hana. Keep fighting and maybe one day soon things will be alright *hugs*. I know it's not much but I will be thinking of you xxx

Thanks....
Just sooo scared by how I'm feeling I guess...
But anyways must concentrate on my uni for now be back later xxx
*cuddles*