*hugs all*

Feeling .... NQR. My housemate said I didn't smile yesterday. Feeling low, triggered, over it all ... I don't know. Meh.

Hels: Nice to have you back hun. Sorry you aren't feeling so good though.

updated r/v... just for those of you who want to read. :-/

so anxious. so tired. weird combination.

*cuddles everyone who wants cuddles*

*cuddles helen* you're back! I'm sorry that you are feeling so low right now.

*hugs april and kahlia* i'm sorry you are both feeling so badly. I wish there was something I could do to help.

My PM box is always open to any of you if you need/want to talk.

*hugs JK* Not well... how r u?

... I'm so confused, and its getting worse

Sorry I haven't posted til now, did get back in the afternoon but was trying to catch up with lots of things.

*hugs everyone*

Why you confused Laura??

its a really really long story... i dont want to type it all out in here as i feel like it would just turn rantish and i dont want to seem/sound stupid. *hugs*

*hugs Laura tight* I read your r/v hun. Try not to overthink next week, just take one day at a time [I sound like a broken record but that's what I say to myself every day!] I'm going through a break up at the moment too, its been about 8 months of one day at a time now, but I know there will be a day when things will feel OK, I will be a whole single and then I will be able to move on with my life and figure out who I really am without the alcohol and SI and drugs.

Hang in there babe, do something nice for yourself today, no matter how small 'k? You know you can PM me anytime [albeit I have limited internet right now I will check in every morning at the least]

*sigh* its not all about the break up tho.. thats just part of it.. I think I might PM you and see what someone thinks about the whole thing.. It shouldn't be triggering I dont think, I mean, not the problem/confusing situation itself, so no worries about that. Oh and don't worry about getting back to me right away if you can't, i understand that your internet is limited right now.

Just checking in.

*Goes and sits in the corner rocking back and forth, wanting help, but to scared to ask for it.*

*offers listening ear* <3

april, could you ask this girl you're mentoring to not send you numbers? <3

*cuddles everyone*

"hides in corner"
Have got really bad thoughts and bad urges right now. Really depressed and in a bad way emotionally.
"shuts up"

i'm so frustrated and upset and exhausted... i don't even know. last night was okay, but it wasn't what i "needed" - dunno if that even takes priority anymore, over what i don't know. selfish bitch that i am. :'( i just got angry about not being able to stop cutting on my own and how i have to get outside help plus help from God to quit... when i don't even know if i want to quit. gggargh!!!!

plus, daniel crapped on the carpet last night, so jarrod blamed me for not keeping his litterbox clean, and "made" me clean out the whole thing and take the bag of litter to the dumpster all by myself, which is really a 2-person job. i just finished doing that and i am exhausted already. got up around 6:15ish after getting to sleep around midnight. today's gonna be an icky day, i can sense it. and i ****ing need to cut. :'(

feel so stupid. need to die. or something. am so ****ing sick of myself. make it stop, someone, please, make it stop........ :crying:

updated r/v... :'(

just want to die.

I think I will leave the ward for a while, I just cannot be here right now. I am sorry everyone that I cannot help. I appoligize. I really hope that all of you can get better. I am sorry for coming in and just leaving, but I cannot be here right now. I wish you guys all the luck that you need and then some. Please stay strong everyone, you are all wonderful people that are just going through a rough time in your life. *HUGS* bye

*big hugs for April*

*hugs all*

really not doing good. housemate is asking if i'm okay as i'm not smiling and seem unhappy/miserable/upset and i don't know how to answer.

just don't know right now :-(

Ran into Kath G , from Caterering college 12 years ago outside Supermarket today , she had a baby with her , Asked about other college mate they all have babies , partners , she asked what I was doing , , so I was honest "Nothing" . It's sent my mind racing how MY peer group are all of married , haveing babies making a life for themselves and me , I live on income support and houseing benefit and struggle with depresion with no sign of a girlfriend let alone a baby in my life *Sigh* I'm mentally Fuzzy and high-pitched now , I was REALLY low before I ran into her now I'm all over , Why do my peers get to have marriages and kids and not me .......am I SO unlovable , such a failure ? I feel it sometimes.

Sorry that you cannot be in here, Shannon... :( I feel like it's somehow my fault... I don't know. In any case, I apologize in case it was... take care of yourself. *hugs*

Mark, sweet, you're not at all unloveable. You just haven't found "the one" yet... when you do, she'll love you for who you are, no matter what place you're in mentally. *hugs tight* Jarrod has been amazing with me... and I can kind of understand what you mean when you say "why my peers & not me?" because whilst I am married, I still struggle with how friends just a year older than I am (or younger) are already graduated and finding jobs etc., and I am still in uni. It sucks. But anyway, sorry, that was about me... didn't mean to be so self-absorbed. But do NOT tell yourself that you are unloveable, because you are not... *cuddles*

*hugs Jess back* How are you, love?

*cuddles Kahlia* I'm sorry that you're feeling icky right now... is there anything that we can do to help??

I feel awful. :'(

A bit of a mess. Surviving though. And it's been four days since I harmed. I'm not entirely sure I want to call that a good thing right now.