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-   -   Beyond repair. (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=248931)

chinahorse 27-09-2019 01:52 PM

Thank you.

I've been to town. Managed to do everything I planned and avoid the torrential downpour of now.

I don't feel able to call crisis. I don't have anything to say to them.

one_step_closer 27-09-2019 02:15 PM

Well done, that was good timing too by the sounds of it.

Do you feel like you need some support though? Or will you be ok for now? Do crisis have a set time to see you again?

tiptoes 27-09-2019 04:44 PM

You are strong. You are brave. You are resilient

You are not beyond repair, you are awesome and can do more than you can ever imagine.

Thinking of you

Pi.R^2 28-09-2019 12:03 PM

Well done for getting things done yesterday. I know rebuilding your life feels impossible right now, but I imagine that at some point going into town and getting stuff done felt impossible too. One step at a time, one day at a time, you can do this.

When do you next see the crisis team?

chinahorse 28-09-2019 04:54 PM

Thank you all <3

You're right little steps at a time.

Crisis came today and it was positive. They are going to help me rebuild things. Starting with applying for benefits and going for a coffee on monday. I was also able to communicate to them that shits hit the fan if I call them.

Plan for the rest of the day is to have a bath and dinner and snuggle on the sofa.

chinahorse 28-09-2019 04:55 PM

I'm playing fetch with bertie atm and then will run a bath.

one_step_closer 28-09-2019 06:08 PM

That's really great to hear Lillie, I'm so glad you have support and you managed to communicate things. Sounds like a good plan for the rest of the day. Keep focusing on the present moments and not so far ahead that things become overwhelming.

chinahorse 30-09-2019 05:10 PM

My mood is really plummeting. And I cant make myself do anything.

one_step_closer 30-09-2019 05:46 PM

What might help you get going with something? I think inactivity can make things worse since you've got so much time to think and it lowers your energy further. Do you know what's getting you down?

chinahorse 30-09-2019 05:51 PM

I'm just so useless. Worthless. Pointless.

Literally everything is giving me anxiety. Even going to the loo and making a cup of tea.

I have no idea what to do with myself.

chinahorse 01-10-2019 02:18 PM

Strong thoughts of self harming. I'm already ruined so it doesn't matter.

not_so_insig 01-10-2019 03:14 PM

I think that you have to be gentle with yourself. You aren't ruined. Just keep on going baby steps and all that.

chinahorse 01-10-2019 04:39 PM

I can't keep going. It's too much.

tamobhuuta 01-10-2019 05:20 PM

What's happening? X

chinahorse 01-10-2019 06:50 PM

I'm so so anxious. For no reason. Tried some colouring but got worried I was using the wrong colours. Nearly didn't make it to the loo because I couldn't move.

I'm not this person. I can't exist like this. Why do people keep me alive?

tamobhuuta 01-10-2019 06:52 PM

Sometimes I find going for a walk helps with anxiety.

one_step_closer 01-10-2019 06:54 PM

You're bound to be struggling with all of the changes of being home from hospital. I think you can become less anxious, it takes time. What helps with your anxiety? Do you know any breathing exercises that are useful? You are alive because you deserve to be alive and feel better. You do have potential, things are just really hard right now and not where you'd like them to be. Is there anyone you can talk to tonight?

chinahorse 02-10-2019 02:11 AM

I'm too scared to sleep. I think the stalker is watching me again. Because I haven't properly hurt myself in 2 weeks the equilibrium is upset. I pulled a toenail off but that doesn't count.

I tried colouring and mindful drinking tea.

I can't ring crisis. The man will hear.

nonperson 02-10-2019 07:51 AM

Did you manage to get any sleep?

Well done for trying some distractions. What do you think the man will realistically be able to do if he does overhear you ring crisis? Are they visiting you today?

Apologies for all the questions there.

chinahorse 02-10-2019 10:24 AM

I had no sleep last night. Did have a nap on the sofa at 7am.

I'm worried he will punish me.

I don't have a next appointment with crisis. They are calling today. Hope I can explain to them and that they understand.

Feel too horrible to do anything.

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