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I had a lovely weekend :)
Sorry I don't have the energy to do individual replies, but I am thinking of all of you and I have read everyone's posts. Love and hugs to all xxx |
*Hugs eclectic*a*
I'm painfully sunburned and only have enough baccy for four ciggies left. |
*Hugs everyone* Sorry I'm a bit behind to do individual replies but I hope everyone is doing ok xxx
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Ugh, I'm sick again.
I came home after first block English today... I feel like someone is sitting on my chest and all my airways are tiny so I can barely get any air. When I cough I feel like I'm dying because I can't get air back into my lungs... it's quite terrifying. Mom thinks she should take me to the hospital, but I don't want to go. I don't want to have to pass the psych ward again. (And I definitely don't want them to re-admit me) This virtual one is fine for me, because I can come and go as I please... and I'm not trapped. *shudder* In other news... I am attempting to get the final few paragraphs into chapter 8 of my fan fic, but I'm having difficulty. And my rp post is actually coming along well. I cannot afford to be sick for another month! I have too many things to do! |
okay... so my best friend, Brittany (who I happen to be in love with), is back together with her ex Anton.
I have torn feelings about this. I know that Anton actually cares about her, and that he's the first person she's dated in over 6 months who actually didn't want to hurt her on purpose... but... when she told me... I almost felt like she had stabbed me in the heart with a knife... I'm green with jealousy, even though I know how much better he is for her, and even though I know, I can't ever have her... Ugh... I feel like such a dolt... A useless, pathetic, jealous, angry, sick dolt... |
I could scream right... better yet... I could... do something... :/ SOO effing annoyed and frustrated and angry grrr
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*hugs people* sorry no more right now, am late again.
Have my ballroom medal test tonight, fingers crossed, should be fine but I'm a perfectionist and I'm not perfect :) *hugs again* |
*hugs all*
Sorry for the lack of individual replies but just wanted to say "go Hannah on your ballroom medals" reminds me of the old RAD and FATD dance exams. |
Ashley sorry to hear things are so bad at the moment. *Big hugs* Maybe it would be a good idea to go to the hospital as you're ill? Or maybe the GP if you don't wanna go to the hospital? And I'm sorry to hear about Brittany. It's so hard to accept these things. Hang on in there.
*Hugs to everyone* |
Blaaaaaaaaaah
Life's crap (Y) Got counselling at 2pm, dreading it, can't say those words *curls up and cries* |
*hugs helen* i hope ur counselloring session goes well there!!
*cuddles hannah* Good luck in ur test..i'm sure u'll do great !!! :-) *Squishes ashley* sorry no words for u atm *leaves some fries for ppl in the ward* Tc ppl!! xx |
Thanks Hanna and Jet.
I stayed home from school again today, I therefore am probably going to the doctor, which I am not pumped for. I feel craptastic... I have yet to go upstairs so my mom doesn't know that I'm awake, but I have to eat soon, so... bleh. My head is killing me... But I finished chapter 8 last night!!!! I'm posting it in the creative writing section on the board "Harry Potter founders fanfic - I Know You're Going To Hate Me" if anyone is interested in reading it. |
*Offers Ashley some cough sweets* Glad to hear you're going to the doctor, it's probably for the best. And I'm sorry to hear about your friend, hopefully it's not hurt you too much *hugs*
*Hugs Katie* What's wrong hun? I'm here if you want to talk. Good luck Hannah! Let us know how it goes :) *Hugs Kahlia and Hannah Banana back* *Hugs Helen* How did counselling go? Hello Jem :) How are you doing? I drank Friday night, pretty much all through Saturday and then Monday night. You'd think that would be enough, and yet I'm feeling desperate for a drink. And a smoke. I don't have a penny to my name and I'm finding it really hard to get by. |
You know that feeling where even giving up seems like too much of a fight? ...
*hugs everybody* Hope you're all ok... |
Counselling was good I guess, as another **** bit is out in the open, its making me very...low and stuff :(
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Thanks for all the well wishes guys, I didn't smile during my waltz and messed up the last lockstep and I rushed the quickstep, but I guess I'm too self-critical, I got 91% for both dances, apparently I rushed my quickstep lol it was a beginners medal and I was doing an intermediate level sequence, am happy with the result but really felt I could have done better.
*hugs Ashley* hope you get better soon hun Thanks Jem, *hugs back* how are you? *hugs Helen* getting things out will hopefully make things better in the long run. *hugs strawberry bananas* I understand completely *hugs Arwen* tis difficult, I've started drinking again, it's the self destruct button, hope you find enough money to get by *hugs hannah banana* how're you doing? *hugs Kahlia* too many nerves, have you got the house you wanted yet? Let us know the ct scan results when you get them. *hugs Katie* scream away *hugs Kat* hang in there, fight him you can do it *hugs Gil* how're you? *hugs anyone else* wondering in, sleep tight, sweet dreams |
ooh dayna, you okay?
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Ugh... god I HATE myself!
I failed, yet again! Surprise surprise! I SIed again tonight.... And I was just past the two month marker... it's bleeding really badly... I haven't cut this deep for a long time... The worst part is... I don't feel like I even tried to resist. I just... felt so numb... and then... I'm such a failure. |
No you're not, I just passed the month and I also feel like I didn't fight enough, but sometimes it doesn't work like that, don't be too hard on yourself.
Maybe you can promise yourself that you can get that far again, a new target to aim for? *cuddles* |
Thanks...
I'm just glad it finally stopped bleeding after two hours of sitting on the phone with my ex (of all people) crying my eyes out. And that I didn't have to go to the hospital. I'm so tired, and I feel like I'm going to throw up, and my head is throbbing, and I have to wake up for school in less than 3 hours... I don't wanna go, but I have to. I have a math midterm to take, and choir and rehearsal to go to. It still stings like crazy, but hopefully it will subside before gym... *sigh* I'm just trying to not do it again later today and tomorrow, maybe I'll be able to set that goal a little later... |
*cuddles ashley* Hope u feel better soon :-) thinking about u xx
I'm not too bad atm :-) just plodding along as usual |
*leaves cuddles and squishes and glomps for all on the ward*
Still waiting on CT scan results and stuff .... sometimes waiting is the hardest part. I did two assessments today for my Cisco Networking stuff and got about 80% for both of them. The perfectionist in me isn't happy but the rest is because it's a pass and in reality that's all that matters. The guy I love just told me that he "still has feelings for me but now is not the right time as he is too unstable". I don't know how to feel about it .... |
Sorry havent been about for a while had so much on!!!! To Much in fact!!!!
*hugs for everyone* sorry its not more just not the right time!!! |
*hugs Kahlia* take it as a positive that you know he still has feelings for you. Make sure he know's you are there for him when he is ready, except sometimes it's easier if he didn't feel that way you could begin to get over it, tough one hun. Well done in the tests, that's ace.
*hugs Ashley* one day at a time hun, sometimes, it's better that way. How did your day go? I hope you're not feeling so ill. *hugs Gil* good luck with everything sounds like you have a lot on your plate at the mo. I spent the whole of the day wantig to just give up, and I've still got the evening to deal with. |
*hugs Widly*
yeah i do have a lot on my plate just now! but i will get it all sorted eventually |
I'm having a bit of a moment.
Voices were very bad this morning. Reminding me how lonely I am. It's their fault I'm lonely - If they had left me alone, I wouldn't have become 'ill' and wouldn't have scared everyone off. At least that's what I think the reason is. Maybe it's just because I'm a horrible person. God. I want to hurt myself. I ****ing well deserve it as much as I don't deserve friends. |
Missed a lot... Hope everyone is doing ok *Big cuddles to all*
I'm doing all right today. Anais came back last night, She's been scared and hiding, turns out She is anorexic. Makes sense. |
Thanks for the support guys...
I'm not sick anymore really, just have a headache and an empty stomach as I really didn't eat anything worth anything today... Nearly passed out in gym. My leg still really hurts... and I feel super guilty, but I'm trying to take it one day at a time, as you said Wildly. |
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Update on me: I'm surviving. I think I'm slightly manic as I can barely sit still enough to type this post. I'm about to upgrade my OS (operating system) so am not sure how long it will be before I can get online again. Wish me luck!! *leaves cuddles for all and leaves whatever everyone likes best including teddy bears and fluffy blankets* |
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Oh Dayna, that doesn't sound good. Please try and take care of yourself. *hugs you*
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Damm it all >.<
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*hugs Helen*
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Kahlia: I'm trying. I guess ._.;. I has another doctor's appointment tomorrow, so woop
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Dear Scottish Power/United Utilities,
You can't get blood out of a stone. So stop ****ing trying |
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update on me ~ No blood clots in the brain scan so it looks like it was a bleed on the brain that was momentary. Just have to wait and see if the face and speech start to settle. Fingers crossed they do because it's driving me mental. GP took me off the Epilim altogether to see what happens because it hasn't been helping. Not that anything has really recently. The injections could still be causing the brain issue but I hope not. Not that anything I hope has any bearing. The flat I like the look of is under contract but they have us on the books and if it falls through we'll make an offer I think. I fear I may be pregnant and have been too scared to talk to my GP about it. :( Oh well. |
Thank you Kahlia. I really think you should see your GP, or at least take a home test? I really hope the face and speech start to clear up, what have the doctors said about the length of recovery time?
*Hugs Dayna* How did the doctors go? *Hugs Helen* What's wrong sweetie? Just ranted in the Psychosis Thread and it's just made me reflect on things that bring me down :( But. Today I had a proper bath, I've put on a nice dress and I'm going to put on nice make up. I'm going to go buy some more pink hair dye today too which I'll apply as soon as I can. I usually see the weekend as the time to look after my appearance, which is good I suppose. xxx |
Thanks Arwen. I know I need to do something about it like take a home test. Maybe I'll pick one up tomorrow and have a go .... No idea about recovery time for face and speech, docs haven't said a word about it.
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Kahlia: Ooof, I'm really sorry you're going through all that x_x *hugs*
Arwen: Not been yet. Appointment's at 4pm * * * Ugh. So. On Tuesday when I get paid, we've got about £40 left to buy food with. For two weeks. Because we need to pay a bit extra for the rent, there's TV licencing and other **** to pay for, and Scottish Power/United Utilities have decided that they want something like £10 per week out of us. Which might not sound like a lot, but my housemate and I are both surviving on benefits. I am in no mental condition to work. My housemate's depression is leaving, and she feels she may be ready to jobsearch soon, which is good, but right now, benefits for both. Money is tight without those ****ers, and now they want more from us. What. The. ****. Oh, and it gets even better! I think it's the electricity company, they've decided to start court proceedings against us! Joy! Hooray! Again! Why? Because we informed them that we moved house, and they knew that we moved house, because the letter they sent telling us of said courts proceedings was sent to. This. ****ing. Address! But they did not transfer our debt over to the new place. So the housemate phoned them up to try and sort things out, but for Christ's sake! Why the **** are they trying to punish us for their mistake?! |
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Tired... tempted to cut again, just because... ugh...
Wanting something baked... Don't really care what. |
I was very drunk last night.
So what's new? |
*cuddles everybody in the ward and leaves some kit kat chocolate for u guys to eat*
hope u r alrite ppl xx |
*Sleeps*
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*leaves hugs for all on the ward*
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*hugs people* take care of yourselves, don't let those bad thoughts win.
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dammit triggered again why wont my head just give me a break :P
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I was thinking about my mom's MS today... It makes me want to cry...
She just seems so tired lately, and I feel like it's partially my fault, what with her driving me to rehearsals and school and everything, I wish that she wasn't sick. I wish that I wasn't sick! I wish that everything was easier... |
*hugs Katrica, Ashley & Hannah*
*finds everyone in the ward and offers them hugs* I feel like cutting. I have 18 days to go till I reach 9 months free but feel like there's no other way out of what is going on in my head. I can feel the knife dragging down my wrist and it''s driving me crazier. And I can go from hyperactive to just standing and staring and don't know what to do. I totally suck. |
Keep hanging in ther Kahlia!! Ur doing very well atm :-)
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