Ooh Laura Enjoy your nap and your dinner and your night out :)

I hope you have a good time, Laura.

How are you, Mark?

I'm triggered Lindsay , still triggered :(
I went 9 days without harming and a little part of me REALLY beleived I had it beat and I got bad news and I've been harming almost daily since :S . I'm so worthless and a little "voice" in my head keep telling me so and telling me I need to harm , I SO want a drink , to blur it all out . I'm sorry I'm so negative

So guess what my Creative Writing assignment is on?
"Dancing with the Skeletons in your closet"
So basically, I get to pick a traumatic event in my life, and twist some names, time frames, etc, and write a short story based on it... by Tuesday. Oh ****, where do I even start?

And Mark, you are not worthless. I'm sorry you're triggered *hugs*

Thankyou Felicia , Good luck with your creative writing short story :)

Mark hun, please stay safe and don't drink. You are not worthless. *hugs tight*

Mark mate you are not worthless please dont drink it makes things a lot worse in the long run it is a depressant it will make you see things even more negatively
dont listen to the voices in your head they dont have good advice at all

here if you need to talk

Thanks Crimson and Reaper *Hugs*

I'm Trying SO hard not to harm watching youtube videos , maybe I'll watch "The Big Bang Therory" Later , that makes me smile :) I don't feel like smileing but I'm trying......

Oh and Reaper , does FTM mean in FTM transexual? Sorry I don't know.

it means female to male

Oh okay :)

*cuddles everyone and then curls up crying*

*hugs mark* you are not worthless.. please please try not to drink and keep your harming under control.

*hugs crimson and reaper*

*hugs lindsay* thanks, how r u doing now?

*hugs felicia* good luck with the assignment. I know that things like that can be hard, when i took a creative writing course we had to do an assignment just like that... but really i found that everyone was very understanding and respectful of each other.

*hugs helen* whats wrong hun?

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Helen* Whats the matter?

*hugs Helen* I'm here if you need to talk.

I'm so low and desperate to overdose. :( I don't want to stay safe.

Everything =[ I just want her better :'( I nearly had a go at my other bestie because I'm so tired, stressed, worried and even more sensitive than usual >.< I didn't sleep too well last night. I half napped when I got back in this afternoon. Just letting everything get to me now. Haven't really eaten today either. Weather is so lousy outside. Scared of everything blowing up in my face when it's starting to go right again, bar my bestie being so poorly :(

*hugs lindsay* Please don't overdose. Keep talking to us here. Being safe is worth it.

*cuddles helen tight* i'm sorry that everything seems to be going wrong and that one of your besties is so ill. I wish I had some advice other than to try to hang in there. Things will work out eventually... and then hopefully they won't blow up again. Someday things won't blow up though... or at least they won't in such a bad way.. Just give it time. (I know that none of these things are particularly helpful for how you are feeling right now though :-/ ) I'm here if you want to talk. You know my PM box is always open.

one_step_closer please dont overdose it isnt worth it

Well , I'm going to head of to bed , I have a (For me) early morning as I have to have Lithium bloods taken yet again , I guess they'll tell me when I need to stop . Then 40 minutes later I have my Nurse appointment , I've written down about the S.I. and feeling worthless and stopping my Antabuse and generally being DESPERATE not to be 30 and a harmer , I have roughly 10 weeks to stop , I've been doing it for 15 years . I'm a failure and turning 30 really drives that home :(

Anyway goodnight fellow wardies :) Sleep well and stay safe :)

I swear I'm still sedated in the morning from my evening Olanzapine , Does anyone else have this trouble with meds?

night Doikers

The voices seem to have stopped for the moment
hope they stay that way

Night Mark, and I don't take meds,so I don't have a clue.
x

Urf so exhausted, but...

...the interview went well!! I was the first one that they interviewed (dunno what that means? good or bad or neither?) and after the (one and a half hour long) interview, the woman in charge of the program in which I'm trying to get a job told me that I did "very well" or something along those lines (was too frazzled to remember much of anything that was said word for word!!). It sounds like a challenging but good program. I would definitely grow during it, as it practically REQUIRES growth. And recovery. So yeah. I'm a bit hesitant about it but I think that I would be/do okay. I don't know though... They (there were 2 women interviewing me at the same time) told me that I ought to know by the end of next week whether or not I've got the job, if they don't call me I call them. So yeah.

*deep sigh* SO freaking glad that's over though!!!

Also... thanks for all of the good luck wishes you guys!! <3 means a lot.

*cuddles all* Will try & do individuals later, I know I always say that but I do try!!! :-/

*waves @ Becci, Reaper and Claire & any newbies I might have missed* I'm Kahlia.

*huggles everyone on the ward*

Sorry for the lack of individual replies but there were four (4) pages of posts since I was last in here!!

Sorry to hear that we all are struggling so much, but I'm glad to hear that we are able to share our good moments too.
Our internet is supposed to swap providers (hopefully) today in approximately an hour when "business hours" start so if you don't see me around, that's why.

*leaves huggles and safe love and care packages for all on the table then goes to play with Puppy SinClair in the garden*

Am off to bed night everyone * hugs everyone *

*hugs everyone and waves at all the new people*
im scared. what if i cant handle college?

You'll be fine Nicole, there's plenty of help in college. What are you doing there? It might be an oppertunity for a new start, as cheesy as that sounds. I'm scared too. Things are gonna be so differnet now and not in a good way, the one thing I constantly lived for has been taken from me, but at the same time, it's given me my freedom. Are you still moving out?

xx

*hugs lia* im doing health and social care hun, what subjects are you taking for sixth form?
at the moment no im not moving out, things are going ok with my family and i thought i might give it a try.
i know its so scary! i just dont know if its too much for me at the moment, i can feel myself getting worse again (mentally) and im worried its pushing it too far :(

*squishes everyone*
mark- you're NOT a failure
felicia- good luck with your creative writing assignment
hels- hope you have a better day tomorrow. sorry for the useless comment
laura- sorry you're still triggered :( wish had advice

*hugs to everyone else*

im stuck home with nothing to do all night... goody :/

I'm doing English Literature, philosophy, psycology, theatre studies and sociology. I got decent marks in the onces I did for GCSE (English, drama and soc) so I should be OK.

You can always drop out and go back later in life if it gets too much and it might be a good distraction anyhow. I'm scared too.

Hey Heather. How are you?

xx

ah cool, i took sociology as a GCSE, loved it. i suppose i could, idk, im just scared.
im so triggerd right now, lots of things going on in my mind and my mums not helping

wow, 5 pages!!! things are moving so quick!

hey to all the newbies, i'm steph :) !

well had my college interview today, was at 1 pm. i set my alarm for 9 am, so i would have enough time to do everything, but didnt manage to get out of bed til 11:30 am! i am now in love with who ever created dry shampoo!!! so i think i did alright on the written part, couldnt think of all the right words, but didmy best. i know i rushed the practical, which was demonstrating how to wash your hands properly. when it came to my 1:1 interview, the head of health and social was the one interviewing me, "because she knew me". i tried to explain to her all the differences between how my life is now and how it was in october, when i got kicked out for being off sick. i hope i convinced her.
she told me that they were going to start ringing people at 4pm. my support worker met me afterwards, and we went for a brew etc. and she stayed with me til 5pm, but by 6pm i still hadnt heard anything. i think it was unfair for them not to ring me, when they said they would, cant believe i have to wait til tomorrow morning. if i get in, i start on wednesday... thats 5 days away... crap!

sorry for lack of individuals, i am thinking of you all, and have read every post, just cant keep up with everything/everyone, and dont want to miss a lot of people out, or say the wrong thing to the wrong person.

*leaves safe care packages and snuggles everyone*

I know that this is unfair, and pissy, and everything... but... it really feels like no one cares about my news. :-/

Sorry. I know I don't deserve the attention or anything. This is April's bitchy side showing. I just hate feeling like I'm being ignored. :'( Too much like IRL...

Sorry April :) Glad the interview went well and I really hope you get the job. You deserve a break. Don't feel bad, I feel like that sometimes too.

It's officially my nana's deathday. How joyful.

xx

Aw Lia, thanks - and I'm sorry. *cuddles* How you doing other than that? Also, meant to say that your courses sound really intriguing. You'll have to let me/us know what you learn in your psych course. :)

april, sorry hun, i have read your posts. didnt mean to ignore you *big big hugs* glad the interview went well, and i really hope you get the job. i know what you mean, sometimes i feel ignored, but as we all say, the thread is moving so fast these days. i AM really pleased for you though xx

lia, im sorry that today is such a bad day, but please try and remember all the happy memories, and we are here to support you :) xx

reaper, please try your best not to cut, i know how hard it can be to resist the urges, but as ive already said, we are here for you, stay safe xx

I couldn't sleep feeling so very numb i need to feel pain need to cut

I'm kinda worried about psyc. The first thing we learn about is memory.

I'm alright thanks April. Not even really feeling that. Maybe the ice queen's not just an act anymore. It's becoming me.

x

Reaper, are there any distractions you usually use? Please try to stay safe. x

Reaper, please try to do something not to cut - like the 15 minute game, or something artsy, or even ripping up newspaper/old telephone directories, to get the energy out. You don't NEED to cut, love. You can get through this. :( And even if you do end up cutting, we're still here for you... just please, take care of the cut(s) if you do. Just try not to.

Lia, I can (try to) help with psych if you find you need help. I love it... :) It was an amazing major for me and not just because I learned about psych disorders (lol). I just liked the people, as well as the content that I learned. Although admittedly the "beginner stuff" is kinda out of my brain right now, sadly...

Steph, thanks. :) Sorry I've been neglecting individuals lately (apology to everyone)... I'm sorry that the college people haven't called you back yet, that's kind of ridiculous. :( Especially since they said that they would. Sending hugs your way!! Stay strong, sweetie.

I'm bummed right now because Jarrod refuses to read the parts of my LiveJournal that are about my ED, because he has tried to "help" (by "making" me eat X amount of calories by X time) which has only made me panicky and feel even less in control of my life. My NP talked with him about that last night so now he's not reading the parts of my LJ that deal with that. That hurts. Because he used to be my biggest supporter, the one I could go to to talk about anything. And now, just because I'm not eating "enough," he's not that person anymore?? :crying:

Sorry............. *hides in the warren and cries softly*

*squishes lia* message me if you want. same with april and steph and anyone else.

im... eh. i'll be fine. *nod*

april, maybe jarrod just doesnt want to say or do something wrong to make you feel worse so he's backing off a bit? i dunno sorry :(
*squishes tight*

hey april. its ok sweetie, we all neglect individuals at times, i know i have recently. yeah the college has pissed me off, but i have to show that i am getting better, so am trying my hardest not to do anything, just feel rejected (again).

*huge cuddles for everyone*

Hi all, really sorry I havnt posted in a while, just havn't felt up to it and now I'm back and there are a ziollion of pages which I have skimmed through so I will try to do a few individual replies, but if I miss you out I really am sorry, its not cos I don't care just cos my brain is ****.

Hi new people, I'm Oliver *waves*
Also Reaper I'm also a FTM transsexual

April glad the interview went well, sorry I didn't get a chance to say good luck beforehand, *hugs* sorry Jorrad didn't want to read your stuff on live journal

*hugs Heather* whats up?

*hugs everyone* sorry i feel so crap missed so many peope out, sorry

my head is a mess, I've sunk into a bad depression again, really bad cutting, no motivation and lost all the little trust that I had began to build up in people, its just gone out of the window, cos of him. **** he text me the other day saying he missed me and was sorry and didn't want to say about the woman he was cheating with cos he didn't want tme to find out (sorry mean Alex btw) **** my head is a mess atm, my gp told me I had to give my spare meds into the recpetion and collect them weekly cos I said i would OD, but I havn't cos I need them near me to feel safe, how stupid and messed up is that

sorry

Hey i never read this thread before and dont kno any of u on here but im feeling really unsafe at the moment and wondered mayb if i was allowed to check in here? x

hi needhelp, course you can come in here. you want to talk about anything?

im just so alone... its a bad time for me and my gf just left me and my flashback are getting worse and i just wanna do something bad... :(

I.Cannot.****ing.So.THIS.Anymore.

I guess no one is in

needhelp, *hugs* I'm sorry, you can PM me if you want to. I'm always up for listening :)

Lex, I'm so sorry I didn't see this earlier. I hope you did find some support though, sweetie. If you ever need someone and no one's in here, you can email me (link's in my profile) and it'll get delivered to my phone and I'll read and reply ASAP. *hugs*

*Hugs all* Too much to do individual replies this early , sorry
Just One

April , very well done on your interview !!:-)