I'm feeling really panicky today, no one would believe me until they did my pulse and it was 125.
I am moving into the denial tent permanently with my power shower and luxury shower products.

How are you? least its only 2 days now

yeah, i know, but its getting harder and harder to be "good" :(

are you panicky for any reason? *gives you hot chocolate*

*pounces on chocolate* thanks needed that!

You've done so well just keep going for 2 days we're all here hon, i know how hard it is and i know 2 daays can seem neverending but you can do it!

I'm panicky cos i woke up panicky, then i saw my dr who talked about when i go back to the hostel, i can't call it home, and i really don't want to go back there. My flat won't be ready for another 5/6 mths. Not that they are looking at discharge yet anyway. Its like i don't want to be in hospital but theres nowhere i do want to be :(

Yesterday we saw some great ruins at Chaco Canyon. Only some one I know hot heat sick, not enough to drink. Still it was absolutely awesome. My husband has planned for us to see more ruins today.

I am a week and a half from home and have a tooth ache. My husband was good enough to look it over for me and sees no evidence of a cavity. It is off and on, so I'll just have to remember to eat on the other side. I'm also nervous cause if it needs a filling it will be my first in 20 years! oooh it hurts.

Ignoing what urges....:notsure: If you mean cutting...then you're wrong :crying: *hugs Emma*

*snuggles Ally* Don't drive again when you're intoxicated please? Damm the tme difference indeed.

Jo, how you feeling?

Chloe, hope you're hanging on sweetheart! xxx

Susan, sounds like fun :)

*hugs Jermery, Jo, Chloe, Susan, Callie, Alex, Jess and anyone else who needs 'em*

*huge hugs helen*

I read ur post in Arrrgh, i hope ur ok there...
Have u patched urself up yet? Hope so...try and tc of urself xx

*huge hugs back*

Nah I haven't patched it up tbh. Might put a plaster over it....

I'm... just about ok with meds for the panic.

Hells please take care and patch yourself up *hugs*

At my dads so internet working!!!

You people and my meds, lol. Today will make it a week, I'll see about taking them after that. Just an experiment gone awry *shrug*

Oh. Chloe, you're right... I'd been sick and felt much less intoxicated so wasn't worried about hurting myself or anyone else but you're right... They'ed give a **** and I'd become even more nuts than I already am:pinch:

Chloe, two more days luv, you're doing so well. lol is it strange that I am 'excited' for you that it's two days now? *snuggles*s

Blondie-mom, I'm sorry to hear about your tooth ache :-( I hope it goes away soon *hugs*. It sounds like you're trip is a lot of fun otherwise though.

Helen, you ok there luv? How bads the cut? *snuggles*

Jo *massive hugs* wish I knew what to say to make things better. To be sure I shouldn't be talking with my aversion to hospital but I'm sure if they're keeping you it's for a good reason, for 'your own good' as it were. No help, I know, sorry.

Jeremy, happy birthday :-) hope all is well hun and you've manahed to get some sleep.

Hmmm, I'll whine later, lol, lectures gonna start

Yay for internet working, even if it is at your dads. :hop: *hugs Jo lots* Everyone keeps telling me to patch it up....no point even putting plaster over it...atm anyway!!

*snuggles Ally* It's not too bad at the moment.....I'm not okay *cries*

I'll shut up about it then:)

Whats up hon?

Sorry Jo if I sounded rude. :)

Oh just people pissing me off because they can't get the simple messgae of "I don't want you as my friend and leave me alone"

That's just one of the things, I wrote a bit of ranty post in my thread if you wanna see? :) x

Well at least you are putting yourself first thats good. i had people like that pestering me on facebook and stuff so i blocked them now.

*joins ally and helen in the corner with wine*
I feel horrible.

Jo, yeah I guess it is good :)

Zowie, what's wrong sweetheart?

Ugh. My mum is doing my head in >.< I am wearing my armwarmers again today. No comment yesterday but today she automatically asked if I'd been cutting my hand again. I said no...(forgetting there's a cut on my hand- which was an accident tho)...and she asked anywhere else...and I went nooo. She's like good cus you don't wanna be doing that blah de blah. WTF does it matter if I have? :S Course me forgets she wants me to finish trying clothes on which will bare my entire arm. Godamm >.< I'll try them on when she's out I guess...and hope it's looking more better on Thursday when I go swimming.

**** why do I forget this important situations...>.<

*hugs zowie*
Whats up hun

helen mums are just like that, i think they are sent to try us it like a rule of the universe or something :)

Jo, I think you're right hun. I really do. LOL! I mean I love her to bits and we're pretty close. But I'm still uncomfortable with her knowing bits about my "bad side" as I call it...she still doesn't really understand how to deal with my self harm. I wish she just ignored it tbh. >_<

I've got three papers due the end of this week and I am SO not even close to done with any of them. I've got lectures to attend and work to go to every day this week... I am exhausted and I just don't know how I'm going to get these done...

And I don't know if I want to try and get in to see my therapist tomorrow... actually I know I don't want to... but I'll email him anyway I guess...

What I REALLY want to do..? Go home, climb into bed and sleep forever:crying: damn it all to hell

Sorry everyone is not doing too well... even more sorry I'm so useless atm...

Helen - i know its easier when people just ignore rather than say the wrong thing, my mum has this weird fascination and always wants to see and i hate people seeing.

Ally - maybe seeing someone will help, can you get extensions on your papers? does seem a lot to have on.

I just wrote my partner a letter, because he said he wants to be single for a while (long story - There's a thread in vets support about it). Writing it's really drained me.
Plus I went to a funeral today which bought me down.
And I know that tonight I'm going to break my one month free of SH.