*cuddles everyone* is sorry and feels stupid he doesn't know everyones name.

hates the fact that even though he had an ok evening he gets back home alone and feels **** again, so much stuff in head to think about and all so scary.

april - I know how stressful money troubles can be. I'm currently living pretty much hand to mouth at uni because i literally only have my student loan and what i earn (which isn't a lot at the moment as i keep missing work). it's hard to stretch that for rent, bills, food, books etc etc. But you'll pull through. Don't be so hard on yourself, we all slip up.

Jill - Anger can be so difficult to deal with but try and be gentle with yourself. People make mistakes at work, it happens to everyone. And it can be quite a shock when you SH for the first time in a while, give yourself some time for your mind to settle. You'll get through this.

I'm still so angry about the cup. It's so stupid that something so pathetic has pissed me off so much. ARGH!

*cuddles Oliver* hi Oliver, don't worry, I've only just started using the site again, it's taking me ages to remember who's who. What's up?

*waves in oliver's direction* no worries on names... i'm crimson *extends hand*

Crimson - I don't think we've spoken yet either *waves*

*cuddles jill* I agree with ayla.. try to be gentle with yourself. I know that being angry is hard to handle, especially when its directed at yourself. Try to take some deep breaths and just relax.. (easier said then done i know)

*hugs crimson and offers a blanket for hiding in if u still want to hide* stay safe.

*gently cuddles april and helen*

*hugs oliver* don't worry about not knowing everyone's name. I'm laura.. or i guess laurastar on here since we have 2 laura's lol.

*hugs alya*

Ahh this place is moving so fast. Sorry i forgot anyone.

Went to class.. I'm glad i only had big lectures today. I don't think i can handle small classes. I really wanted to talk to my bf about some stuff tonight.. but he's busy like usual.. *sigh* Idk maybe i would suck at talking anyway. Sometimes i can't put what is in my head into words.

*waves back to Crimson and shakes hands*
*cuddles Ayla back*
*Cuddles Laurastar back*
I went to a trans swimming group tonight, which was cool as havnt been swimming in ages due to certain issues with trans related stuff, met some new people and saw some people had met once before, but saw how far along in transistion some were and realised how far I have to go and how long its going to take and realised I'm going to have to start coming out to people soon and its scary as hell, and I feel so depressed and really want to cut, but havnt for a week which is so long for me to go and dont want to give in now, just feeling lonely and trapped I guess.
Has moaned for far too long
*hides himself in a corner*

Oliver - it does sound like an incredibly frightening experience but try and turn around how you're looking at it - you may have quite a way to go, but think how far you've already come. Well done for not cutting for a week, just take it bit by bit, you'll be alright. You should be proud of yourself. :)

Laurastar - I know what you mean about it moving fast, I didn't check for a few hours and there was tons of posts to go through. Is your bf at uni with you?

i've had exactly the right amount of alcohol to not be drunk and to feel utterly ****. fab. night of fighting the urges again for me then.....
ARGH ****
*hides head under arm and cries*

*hugs oliver* good job on not cutting for a week. Thats great! Try to stay safe, i know its hard.

*hugs ayla* yea my bf is here at my university. Although sometimes i dont feel like he is as he has gotten so busy that i only see him a few hours a week.. (i know i shouldnt complain since that is more then some ppl get to see thier significant others... but i'm used to having him around).
How r u doing?

*hugs laurafriend* I hope you were able to fight the urges.

I feel like im barely hanging on now. Like if one more thing happens idk how imma handle it... i'm such an idiot. I should be stronger than this.

*hugs Oliver* Hi :) a week is a long time so well done! :) i'm really struggling at the moment and i haven't gone a day without yet so a week sounds amazing! i hope you feel better soon though - fighting urges all the time is exhausting. *hugs*

*hugs Jill* Hi :) i hope today is better for you. If you've been there 10 years I'm pretty sure you know what's going on better than they do so they would be stupid to get rid of you! *hugs*

*hugs April* i dunno what to say rele. i'm a bit crap like that...lol *hugs* sorry. hope you're feeling better today

*hugs Ayla* how are you today?

*hugs Helen* Calm yet? lol

*hugs Crimson* whats up hun?

*hugs Laurastar* don't be silly, you're allowed to not feel like you can cope. it's not a weakness, it just means you need some support. which is fine! everyone does sometimes. *cuddles*

i don't feel too bad this morning. apart from a slight headache...i managed not to do anything stupid last night despite the fact i saw C i don't know how many times. urgh. i feel so crap when i see him. bad times. i'm going out later i thinks....and there's a protest this afternoon so might head down to that. fun times. anything to distract me from feeling crappy is good. lol

For once in my life, I don't think I know what to say :O

*cuddles everyone*

*runs into denial tent*

*wallops head of wall repeatedly*

*stops to wave at Oliver*

Gahhh...

*cuddles Helen* What's going on, sweetie?

*cuddles LauraFriend* Please try & take care of yourself, love. You deserve better treatment of yourself... please try to be responsible for your own safety the best you can - I know how difficult that is but no one else can force you to be safe. Also, about therapy, it may even seem to make you feel worse at the beginning - but that's okay - please don't quit!! ♥

*cuddles LauraStar* You made sense in saying that "please make [your] brain stop racing around from one thing to the next and sometimes feel like its getting caught on repeat?" I totally understand that too... heh. How are you feeling this morning? Oh, and you ARE a strong person already... even strong people struggle. :) What all is going on that makes you feel like you're going to break? *holds you gently*

*cuddles Franz* Good to see you here, love. Don't bang your head!! It's bad. What's going on that's making you feel like doing that? ♥

*cuddles Kahlia* Wow... sounds like you've been through about as many psychs as I have!! and have had your share of awful times in the MH system... holy crap. :( I'm sorry that you've had such a rough time with all of that. *holds you gently* You will make it through this... I'm bipolar with psychotic features & have made it through all of my bad episodes too... and you've come this far... keep on trudging, you'll make it. I know you will. I just wish that I could help you more. :(

*cuddles Ayla* How're you doing, sweetie? are you feeling any better from the flu?

*cuddles Crimson* What's up, hon? :)

*squishes Oliver* I'm sorry that you have so much stuff that you are dreading doing... I can't imagine coming out, it must be so difficult!! Best wishes on doing it... you'll be fine, it may be turbulent for awhile but things WILL settle down. They always do after change, even in relationships. And if people don't want to be friends with you after you come out, then that's THEIR problem. *gentle cuddles* Oh, and congrats on not cutting for a week!!! That's amazing. :D

I feel like ****... :( I just rescheduled my NP appt which was supposed to be for tomorrow but due to weather predictions had to reschedule. She's not going to be too happy... but oh well, she can just deal. Heh. I do care about her, a lot, she's a good person & a close "friend" (as close to a friend as someone who is an authority over you can be)... but right now, I can't be bothered about her reaction to my changing my appt.

:(

I feel like crap. Just want to cut, but haven't in like 3 weeks... that's "meh" for me, usually cut about once a month... but still want to. And have eaten too much this morning so want to purge. My mum - over the phone - keeps pushing me to eat & drink more, which is really frustrating as she didn't see all of the stuff I already ate. :( I feel like a pig, I really do...

Going out for coffee with a friend after my last class... ought to be fun. But I'm not really looking forward to it... just want to come home & play WoW, is that bad of me? I don't want to socialize anymore. I just want to play WoW or read or sleep. :crying: I hate my life. Make it stop... please... make it STOP!!

*stops and clings to April*

Just shitness. I had a super bad dream last night about someone that died, and I can hear the crying and screams still. >.<

*covers head with arms*

*gentle cuddle for everyone*

*holds Franz gently, stroking back* Nightmares suck, especially when they are very realistic. But it wasn't real, you're out of it, & you'll be okay. ♥

Damn uni work, don't wanna do it!!! :(

*closes eyes tight* Thankyou. I know it's just a dream, but I'm ****ing shaking still, and I can't stop hearing him begging.

Gonna put it in my rant/vent thread.

Putting it in your r/v thread is a good idea... & you're welcome, love. Wish I could do more to help than just cyber cuddles!! :(

Got some uni work done & also put a cd from my mum (Anonymous 4) on my iPod, so I'm happy about both of those things. My head aches though, probably because I'm still stuffed up - stupid cold - and I just want to sleep. :(

I think life really needs to be perfect for EVERYONE. :'(

<3333 *Gentle cuddles*

Why don't you have a nap? *head tilt*

I wish life was easier.

*cuddles everyone*

Things are looking up, hence the excitedness in my last post. But at same time, getting worse? :S