Helen ~ Can't complain because things will get worse if I do .... *cuddles you tightly*

*hugs Katey*

*cuddles everyone*

It's Sunday and I have nothing planned to do. I've been for a walk this morning already but am contemplating taking another walk while my housemate is visiting his folks place ... when I'm left alone too long I start to think and that is very dangerous. My housemate thinks that my weight loss goal is too low and will make me too skinny. But he thinks I have the mind power to get to it and agrees that the problem will be stopping there. I had an ED and still have disordered thoughts about food and eating and have to constantly fight not to purge or get excessive with my exercise and so forth. I guess I'm just tired of fighting... Can someone stop the world I want to get off .......

*Cuddles Helen, Katey and Kahlia*
xxx

Thankyou

hope everyones doing ok x

*hugs everyone*x

haha im looseing it again. not sure i give a **** anymore. curls up in ball in corner and crys.

*cuddles everyone*

Could really do with some mega hugs tonight :'( I have to say goodbye to my best friend tonight, then we won't talk again ffor over 5 months. She's going on holiday. Then when she comes back (whilst I'm away!) and then goes, on a section, into an ED clinic for 5 months.

:( She's going to miss her daughter's 1st birthday and christmas. Her psycho sister is trying to blame me andd callijg me a selfish bitch. Maybe she's right.

I don't want to say goodbye for so long, I know I'll be there for when she returns, but don't want to do this :(

*hugs Arwen*
*hugs Katey*
*hugs shadowedsoul* ~ have a tissue
*hugs Helen* ~ I know how you feel Helen. Nicole moved to WA from QLD and has gone into a treatment clinic. We can't even contact her until later this month due to the clinic's rules.
*hugs everyone*

I'm on edge at the moment. I don't really know why either. It could just be that I have nothing planned for today. I always get edgy when I have nothing planned. It's driving me crazy.

*walks in and collapses*
IM SO TIRED!!!
My mum keeps reminding me how unless I find a job in Sheffield...Im not gonna have enough money at uni.
Its okay. I dont need to eat. I mean god....it'd be absurd for her to HELP me or anything....
How silly of me to think my MOTHER might help me out...psht

*Cuddles Helen* It's not your fault, and you know that. She wouldn't need to go into that clinic if she didn't need help, why would you be resbonsible for that? Just let her sister, and her, know that you're there to support her.

*huggles everyone*

I just want to disappear..... I'm going to go and sit in a corner until I finish crying.

*hugs Kahlia* It's hard isn't it :( *cuddles some more*

I know it isn't. Her sister (being a complete psycho) was blaming me because of various things, including to do with the fact my best friend was more interested in me being okay than eating. Well that's partly to do with her ed making her not want to eat anyway *shrugs* So not my fault. She worries more when I don't tell her stuff. Then last week they were apprantly trying to get her to eat when her daughter was seriously ill but getting better but she was more interested in making sure I was okay because I had a pretty rough week last week and because she always does...My best friend knows I'm here for her always.

We had our last conversation on msn today. Was only a short one. Too emotional. She's leaving the last goodbye for over 5 months til tonight when she's at the airport. (As she's off to Algarve with her daughter & aunt til Sunday and then obviously goes into ED clinic).

Got so much stuff to do today and can't face anything.

*hugs and love for everyone* Sorry, i don't really have brain capacity to answer all of you individually, plus there has been a lot of posts since i was last in here.

I'm pretty much drained. Thank goodness class is canceled today b/c i don't think i have the energy to go. I just want to curl up in the corner forever.

I feel rough, and I start my access course tomorrow.
Poop.

sorry there's been lots of posts since I last posted so i'll leave hugs for everyone and try to get back quicker next time! *cuddles*

I'm really not coping well with things at the moment, not sure why but I'm not. I broke last night, not sure the last time before then I'd done it, not been eating or drinking unless made to either. Downward spiral hello.

*hugs everyone*

Sorry no individual replies, I just wanted you all to know that I have read your posts and am thinking of you all.

*hugs everyone*

I'm just going to curl up in a corner until I disappear.

*hugs arwen* Hope you're feeling less rough
*hugs kirkland*
*hugs secrets* Downward spirals are no good, you have to try to break the cycle... which i know is easier said then done. Try to do something distracting to take your mind off of it.
*hugs kahlia and offers her a blanket for the corner* But don't disappear please! we would miss you.

I'm starting to have full on panic attacks... It's not fun at all. My mood is also jumping all over the place.. actually i don't know if its actually jumping or i'm just feeling a lot at once.

*hugs Kahlia* I may come join you in your corner if thats ok?

*hugs fallinstar* Do you know what triggers there panic attacks, maybe try to see if they are related to your mood.

Thing are still just bumping along, I have to go out tonight though don't really feel safe enough to drive.

*leaves hugs and homemade soup*

*Hugs anyone who wants one*
Sorry, just got home and feeling a bit drained - And still pretty rough - So can't do replies right now.
*Retreats to smoking shelter*