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Scarletdreamer 09-07-2010 02:29 AM

updated r/v in case anyone is curious... :-S

i feel so crappacious tonight. :( sorry to whinge so so much... :'(

Scarletdreamer 09-07-2010 02:30 AM

oh, and the enter key is working now - maybe has something to do with javascript??

risenfromperdition 09-07-2010 02:44 AM

hope you feel better julie <3
excited mum and dad are back?
<3

Kahlia1981 09-07-2010 04:42 AM

April - that makes sense. You can't run a "rich-text" box without JavaScript. All the little "bits and bobs" inside work on JS. The problem wasn't with FF.

xxjuliexx 09-07-2010 07:11 AM

*curls up in a corner* 2 minutes
thats all i got
2 minutes between them getting home and dad starting to yell at me it was a nice 2 minute just wish it had been slightly longer

wolfos3d 09-07-2010 07:44 AM

*cuddles julie* :(

Kahlia1981 09-07-2010 08:58 AM

*huggles everyone*

Feeling kind of bleh. Hoping I get a full nights sleep tonight. I won't hold my breath though. But I did get quite a lot done today. Even if I have nothing to show for it.

I am such a waste of space. :-(

MammaMia 09-07-2010 09:15 AM

*offers hugs to everyone*

shadowedsoul 09-07-2010 10:54 AM

*Curls up in corner* urgh can today be over already, can't handle any arguments with my mum today. Don't feel strong enough for that today.
=(

Doikers 09-07-2010 11:13 AM

*Hugs Julie*

*Hugs April* you don't need to die at all , unfortunatley I didn't underdstand anything about firefox or javascript so can't help you there :S

*Hugs Jill* I'm sorry you had an argument with your mum :(

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Kahlia*

*Hugs Jessica*

*Hugs Crimson*

*Group hugs for everyone else*

Scarletdreamer 09-07-2010 11:39 AM

Kahlia - thanks for the help... I'm going to keep JS running from now on. Silly me for not remembering that Jarrod had it turned off!! I'm glad that you got stuff done... that's wonderful given how awful you've been feeling. How're your anxiety levels? *cuddles*

Heather *cuddles* Are you really truly glad that your parents are home? where did they go? Sorry, your post didn't make a lot of sense to me, I'm a bit dense I know. :(

Mark, how are you doing? *cuddles* Thanks for the support/encouragement, it means a lot - same goes to all who have supported/encouraged me throughout my "time here at the ward" - it's really wonderful that you are all so caring and thoughtful. :) ♥ Oh and did you get WoW to work yet??

Jess, sweetie, how are you doing? *cuddles gently*

Julie, hon, what was your dad yelling at you about? *cuddles gently*

*cuddles Hels* How are you, love? did you manage to get a good night's rest? I hope so!!

*cuddles Jill* Keep fighting, sweet. You can make it through. I know you can. You're much, much stronger than you know.

I just got up, myself, after a muggy night in bed. Guhhh. Actually slept pretty well considering the circumstances though, although I didn't fall asleep eventually. :( Grrrr. And Jarrod came to bed around 1am-ish so he woke me up then. But I did fall back asleep... it's just that it's so freaaaaaaaaking humid out!! :'( Anyone want some muggy air??

*sighs*

Anyway. Today I have no idea what the plan is - maybe do some dishes or summat, clean up the apartment a bit more whilst Jarrod powerlevels my toons on WoW. I don't know. I need to send some stuff to my internship place to be completely done with it... or maybe I'll drive over and drop it off and say hey to everyone there that's there that I worked with. :) That might be nice. I don't know. I got a thank-you card for them because they were so very kind to me & made my internship not a "thing of horror," as Jarrod would say... hopefully they appreciate that. Hehe.

*extra cuddles for all* ♥

MammaMia 09-07-2010 11:59 AM

Thanks April *cuddles tight* I did get a very good night's sleep thank you :) Still feeling a little bit sick.

wolfos3d 09-07-2010 12:06 PM

*huggles Mark* Hope you are doing okay. :)

*huggles April* I'm holding in there. I have so little energy right now. The urges don't wanna let up either. :( It's back to school next week too.

Doikers 09-07-2010 12:15 PM

*Hugs April* No WoW still isnt working . I will try the only thing they suggest unistalling and reinstalling it *Sigh*

*Hugs Jessica* I hope you're doing okay too :)

Scarletdreamer 09-07-2010 01:06 PM

Hels, I hope you feel better soon. :( *cuddles* Feeling ill is not fun at all.

Jess, keep hanging in there, okay? *huggles* You're worth fighting the urges... you're stronger than you know. I know I say that a lot but it's true. It's only in situations like the ones we're in that we find out our true strength (and sometimes not even then). School... ugh. I'm so glad that I'm (just about) done with uni. Whew. I hated high school and I got sooo sick of being at uni (took me 6 years!!). Anyway... best of luck with that. What grade are you in? or are you in uni? Sorry, you probably said sometime & I just forgot. :-/ I'm dense.

Mark *cuddles* I'm sorry that WoW isn't working yet. That's stupid... lol. Blame the game, don't blame yourself. ;) That's my motto for WoW at least... Got my druid up to 61 the other day and then this morning prior to breakfast, Jarrod helped me with his level 67 druid in Hellfire Peninsula. It was awesome. I got some MUCH better gear, some blues and some greens, and I'm glad that I did. Makes me more able to survive fighting enemies, given that I was wearing level 38 gear (not item level, but character level) before!! :P Anyway... how are you doing??

*spies Kahlia and glomps*

Scarletdreamer 09-07-2010 01:13 PM

Oh & Luke... I KNEW I was forgetting someone!! So sorry... and I'm sorry about the "FB dumping" ... that really sucks, finding out that way. That's one downside to Facebook & dating/relationships... guhh. I don't know. It's just infuriating sometimes how people "let you know" - by not telling you face to face like they used to have to. I hope that makes sense... *huggles* How otherwise are you doing? I'd imagine that you're kind of upset... I know that I would be. But I also know that that doesn't hold true all the time. Anyway, I'm just rambling now... sending extra hugs your way. Hang in there... keep fighting. :)

Scarletdreamer 09-07-2010 01:32 PM

I just finished updating my r/v, if anyone cares to read. :-S (link is in sig - //My Venting Spot\\)

MammaMia 09-07-2010 01:42 PM

I feel sooooo tired LOL

Doikers 09-07-2010 01:54 PM

I'm SO F'ing Frustrated , the patch wont even begin to download for WoW and Ive reinstalled the game and I've treid Blizzard technical support site and I can't get it to work , I'm so useless , I'm REALLY triggered over this , I am so F'ing stupid , I REALLY need distracting today and whist blizzard are distracting me it's pissing me off and I'm about ready to give in and give up on WoW and cut too , I know it's a stupid reason to S.I. but I feel so low and this is just adding to me feeling like an IDIOT , It's the straw thats Breaking the camels back , I don't know why I bother to try , I need to get out of the flat , I'm going to the ....... I Don't know where I'm going , just for a wander I reckon , If I don't get out I'll harm .:S

wolfos3d 09-07-2010 02:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scarletdreamer (Post 2393301)
Jess, keep hanging in there, okay? *huggles* You're worth fighting the urges... you're stronger than you know. I know I say that a lot but it's true. It's only in situations like the ones we're in that we find out our true strength (and sometimes not even then). School... ugh. I'm so glad that I'm (just about) done with uni. Whew. I hated high school and I got sooo sick of being at uni (took me 6 years!!). Anyway... best of luck with that. What grade are you in? or are you in uni? Sorry, you probably said sometime & I just forgot. :-/ I'm dense.

Thanks April. :) I'm doing my best. It's getting rather difficult and I imagine it will get even harder once school is back. Ugh. So much stress. I'm currently doing year 11 at a Tafe instead of a high school as I dropped out a few years ago and moved to the city. I'm too old to do it at a regular school which sucks because I've been stuck with two four hour night classes. :( *hugs* I'll read your r/v in the morning. I'm falling asleep at my keyboard right now.

Mark, if you are going to have to reinstall WoW, make sure that you copy the patch files out before you do so that you don't need to redownload them.

hidingme 09-07-2010 02:15 PM

feel like i belong here..or maybe in a real one.

nothing is going right lately.. lots of probs internally with my others and with emotions..

really feel depressed, alone, rejected, unwanted.

keep telling myself to stop posting but..it doesnt seem to work..making myself mad.

im sorry. im no good to myself or anyone else. *curls up and hides in corner*
Hiding

Doikers 09-07-2010 02:41 PM

Hey , Hiding me, Welcome *Hugs*

I didn't do that Jessica but I can't get the game to download the patch , am SO Frustrated sorry.

nicole94 09-07-2010 03:15 PM

hey guys, im back from butlins! lol had a great time actually, there was a totally hot woman working there, i think i have a little crush :/ lol

Doikers 09-07-2010 04:27 PM

Welcome back Nicole ,*Hugs* I am glad you had a good time :)

Scarletdreamer 09-07-2010 04:40 PM

Guhh, I am so frustrated & I don't even know why. Now THAT is frustrating... so I'm frustrated about being frustrated!! heh. Fun times.

Mark, I'm not sure what to tell you about WoW, just please try not to harm, and if you do, not badly. I'm getting worried about you. *holds you gently* I wish I could make your pain go away - and everyone else's too - I just feel so helpless. :'(

Nicole, welcome back!! Glad you had a good time. :) That's lovely. *hugs*

Jess, I hope you sleep well. I'm still confused about the whole schooling system in Aussie/NZ/etc. (sorry to lump you all together!!)... well, and the UK system as well. I only really understand the one in the States... lol. How old are you, if you don't mind me asking? *huggles*

Hels, are you feeling any better? *cuddles gently*

Well, time for us to get lunch... blah. :-S Just finished breakfast a bit ago... don't really want to eat again... but at the same time, I do. Guhh. I'm so STUPID!!!! :crying:

I'mJustMe 09-07-2010 05:01 PM

I had an absolutly bang-tidy week at W/E. I was actually happy there. It wasn't a mask. I wish I was going back for another week, some people are doing two and I wish I was one of them now. I was sort of dreading it, but now I'm really glad I picked the vets and not a school since it was something differnt and the assistant nurses were all really nice and funny and dead childish. Mind, I am looking forward to a lazy day tomorrow!

Nicole- Glad you had a good time in Butlins, and I hear you about the fit girl, there were a few of those at W/E ;) Seems you managed to resist the urges as well, I am glad you did decide agains drowning yourself, you would have been missed and it shows what a strong person you are. :)

Mark- Computer rage eh? Know the feeling. I hate it when you get so mad over something so stupid and just feel like screaming or punching someone in the face, yet you know you're over reacting and it's all just argh! Anyway, from ecperiance, you calm down as time passes. Try doing something that relaxes you. Listen to soothing music, or angry music, either one can help. Tear up paper, I find that pretty theraputic or start a fight with a random chav (joke, don't really. I don't want to be respoinsible for you getting a shaking).

Hey HidingMe *Hugs?*- What's your name? You're always welcome here along with all the rest of us loons (I mean that in the nicest way possible. I love being a loon with you guys). You're wanted here and can tell us anything, we are all unshockable :) Hope you will feel welcome and able to open up here, we will wait as long as you need. I've been here a few weeks now and still haven't opened up, or told anyone what brought me here in the first place, and no one's sick of me yet!

Jess *Hugs*- Sorry you're struggling so much at the momnet. I know school's stressful, but it can also be agreat distraction, and it's not all that bad. There must be some lessons you like, some parts you enjoy. If nothing else, it's something to do with your time to stop you wallowing and thinking dark thought. Carry on resisting those urges, I know it's hard but it's worthwhile in the end and it means you can do the washing up without getting your sleeves wet ;)

Helen- Hey, how are you today? Glad you had a good night's sleep.

Jill *hugs tightly*- What's up sweetie? Anything triggered you in particular? I tend to stay out of the Mother's way. Try getting out of the house, although it's 5.00 o'clock now and you've probably already either thought of that or had an argument with your mum, but still. Or ignore her. Put in some earphones and block it out, it's what I do when I don't feel like hearing how useless and stupid I am. Keep fighting sweet, you're worth it, no matter what anyone else says.

Julie *hugs*- Sorry about your dad yelling. The Mother is just the same. Like I said to Jill, maybe you should just stay out of his way, go out or lock yourself in your room. I find it's just best not to get involved with the Mother half the time. Don't let him bring you down, you are worth so much more and don't let anyone make you forget it or think otherwise.

April-*Glomps*< You always seem to be glomping others, I thought I would give you a taster :) Not really sure what else to say. If Jarrod knows how you feel, there's not much else you can do. You may not want to hear this, but I'm going to tell it to you anyway. If you stop him going out right, he will just end up resenting you and you will hate yourself for making him stay for you and it will all basically go tits up. You can't force him to stay, but you can talk to him about it as much as possible. Maybe he won't go. There's nothing definate yet, and he wouldn't be in the front line right away. Maybe he won't even get in. You're not stupid and there's nothing wrong with eating lunch, it is 5.00 in the afternoon! Try to calm down, like I said to Mark, rip up some paper or something, it's very therputic. *Massive hugs*.

Luke *Join the the huge freaky group hug I have going on here*- I'm so sorry about your ex. No one deserves to be facebook dumped and in my own personal opinion, althought you may not want it, you shouldn't have him back even if he asks. The way he did it was horrible. He should have at least had the guts to tell you to your face, or if you live too far away, over the phone. You're worth so much more than that and deserve better.

*You too Kahlia*- You're not a waste of space sweet, you're a strong, lovely and beautiful person :) Hold on sweet, I know it's hard and sucks, but I guess there are good times out there. I haven't found them on a permenant basis yet, but there are fun moments. Look to those and smile. Sorry you're feeling so anxious, is there anything you can do that makes you feel better? Any methods you can use? I know just the thing that would work, but it would require my friend Miranda and you to both me here, so that would be a fail. Good that you got a lot done though, and you do have something to show for it. You didn't spend all day wallowing in bed, which is an achievment and shows you're strong :).

*Hugs and cups of tea to anyone else who needs them*.

As I am in a decent mood, now would be a brillant time for me to tell you why I am here since I am in a drunk sort of mood but completly sober, so everything seems like a good idea. Hmm...I might shock you all into a heart attack though and like being drunk, I will regret it in the morning.

xx

SoMuchMore 09-07-2010 05:21 PM

^epic reply lia!

Sorry I'm not posting much. Have been reading/trying to keep up though.

nicole94 09-07-2010 05:27 PM

*hugs everyone*
thanks guys, and uhuh. i mean she was MAJORLY fit though, i was like just staring at her, it nearly made me ignore my fear of heights and go on the bungees :/ lol

I'mJustMe 09-07-2010 05:30 PM

Hey Laura *hugs* how are you today? xx

Lol Nicole, maybe she would have held onto you to help you with your jumps ;)

x

nicole94 09-07-2010 05:34 PM

;) lol. i think i ,ay go back just to see her, damnit brain, i SO have a crush :/

shadowedsoul 09-07-2010 05:39 PM

Hugs lia and April. Not really sure what triggered me off.wish I could stay out of my mums way but I need to go out with my perents today. Hmm I'm walking around like a zombie that's mabye why there hasn't been
Any arguements because imjust giving in to my mum today. =(

one_step_closer 09-07-2010 06:31 PM

I'm worried that i'm going to overdose tomorrow and make people very annoyed with me because I did it last weekend too.

I'mJustMe 09-07-2010 06:31 PM

Ok, I am going to try and get some of my story out. In third person because I don't like talking about myself using first. I just hate myself too much and sound far too whiney when I do that, so here goes.

Lia was a little girl when it started. No older than 3. That was the first time her mum hurt her, Lia bit her sister so her mum bit her, after that, she didn't stop. She didn't just bite, she used her stick to hit Lia with, or her hand. Anything she could reach really. Once it was a hockey stick. It wasn't always just one hit either, sometimes, it was several. Lia's mum didn't just hit either, she threatened her. She told her she would kill her, she said she would lose it one day then Lia would be dead and she would be in jail. Or even worse her brother or sister would be and she would be in care. Lia couldn't stand the thought of losing her mummy and tried to be good.

Lia's mother's comments hurt too. She would call her names. Stupid cow, bitch, useless, pig, dirty cow etc. Lia's mum doesn't hit anymore, but the threats are still there. She used to sit with the stick by her side as a threat of what would happen if Lia was bad. She still brings her down and calls her names. She once found out about her cutting and although Lia told her it was a once off, she asked, calmly, if Lia could do a better job of it the next time so she would have one less mouth to feed. Lia wasn't even hurt by this, to her, it was and still is the complete norm.

Ok, I can't do this anymore. There's more, but I have to stop. Said too much already. I don't even know if I should post. Maybe I should just click it, just click the button, clicky click click...

I'mJustMe 09-07-2010 06:36 PM

Lindsey- Please don't OD. What's the matter sweet? Try to hold on, think of what has kept you here all this time. Think of all the people you live for, those who love you. We here would certianly miss you. Just don't give up, not yet or if you have to, wait until sunday. Then when it gets to sunday, say you will do it on monday etc etc so then you never will! Stpid plan, but actually kinda works...

Jill-Sorry you feel so bad :/ I don't know what else to say really. I tend to just go with the flow when it comes to the mother, I don't care anymore. Boggartify her (you know, like in Harry Potter) and imagine something that would make the situation really funny. Like when my mum was yelling at me once, telling me to wash up, she was stabbing a plate with her finger as she spoke and I thought about how funny it would be if the plate broke. Only then I had to hide my smile or I would get another bollocking for insolence.

xx

shadowedsoul 09-07-2010 06:39 PM

Hugs lia very tightly. I'm so sorry that happened Hun, you are not any of those things Hun, your a caring lovely girl who doesn't deserve any of that.

Scarletdreamer 09-07-2010 06:44 PM

Lia, that was indeed an epic reply!! Well done. Now on to reply to your post... I am so sorry about what happened to you as a child & continues to happen... no one should undergo physical/emotional/verbal abuse and it is NOT the norm. I understand how it may feel like it is for you and may be your way of blocking out the bad parts of your life, making them seem normal, but once you can move out, I would say do so. You are such a lovely person, and you definitely deserve better. Also, I am so, so proud of you for opening up just a little - well, more than a little, quite a bit - and that wasn't too much to say, although I understand why you would feel that way. I wish there were something I could do to help you... know that I'm always just a PM away, 'kay? *gentle hugs*

I'm not "bang-tidy" at the moment... just ate lunch & feel so full. I knew it, but I want to purge... stupid life of mine. :'( I won't, but still... it SUCKS wanting to and not being able to. The same goes for cutting. I really am trying not to cut right now because I know that I NEED to quit... but... it's so ****ing hard. And I really, really want to do that right now too. :'(

Anyway. Enough about me. Sorry for always blathering on about how I'm doing...

PoisonedApple 09-07-2010 06:45 PM

*cuddles Lia* Good job getting that much out. I know it's hard to do.
*hugs April* I'm glad you found the post helpful. I hope Jarrod does too. If either of you have any particular questions I can try to answer them. If it's about particular branches of the military I can probably find out the answer... Aside from my deployed bro-in-law, my husband's aunt was in the navy and his uncle was in the air force and i have a friend in the marines, so I have resources if I don't know the answer :)
*hugs Lindsay* Is there anything you can do tomorrow to distract yourself?

Sorry it's not more guys but I'm kinda fighting with myself today...
Yesterday had good parts though... I'm trying to hold on to them...One of the nice things yesterday: My boss had bought a pair of earrings that were handmade that she liked but the posts were to thick for her ears so she gave them to me since she knows I like earrings. *wills self to keep holding on to the good things and for the mind to not eat them*

PoisonedApple 09-07-2010 06:48 PM

oops April I was typing a reply and missed a post... don't be sorry about telling us how you are I'd worry if you didn't. I prefer to know how my friends are doing. *cuddles*

I'mJustMe 09-07-2010 06:56 PM

April- Thanks for the Pm offer, you never know, I might take you up on it one day :) Try to hold on, resist the urges. Go for a walk, that's distrating and if you don't take your blades with you, you can't cut. And purging would look a little odd as well...You're doing so well already with resisting urges, please continue to do that. You're done it before and can do it again:)

As for me, yes, I did open up too much. I shouldn't have done, but there's very little I can do about it now. Except go back into the hole and put the mask back on. Hide behind myself again.

I'mJustMe 09-07-2010 06:57 PM

Oh and Crimson, carry on thinking about those things and let none of the bad stuff in. Get yourself some mind boucers to chuck out all the unwanted bits. I hear they sell them on ebay.

xx

one_step_closer 09-07-2010 07:16 PM

*hugs everyone* Sorry for no proper replies, I feel so bad right now.

The thing is, I don't want anyone, or myself, to stop me from overdosing. I'm not doing it to kill myself but at the same time I don't mind if I die.

Doikers 09-07-2010 07:23 PM

*Hugs Lia* It was very brave of you to open up , abuse like that is not the norm and is not right.

*Hugs April* Try not to cut , going for a walk like Lia said is a good idea.

*Hugs Crimson* That was really nice that your boss gave you ear-rings.

*Hugs Lindsay*Please try not to OD this weekend , I know its hard but you can do it!:)

PoisonedApple 09-07-2010 07:33 PM

Quote:

*Hugs Crimson* That was really nice that your boss gave you ear-rings
*hugs mark back*
yeah it was quite pleasant, especially since she's usually not the most pleasant. still kinda waiting for the other shoe to drop though I know I shouldn't...
Quote:

I'm not doing it to kill myself but at the same time I don't mind if I die.
I totally understand this statement but try not to all the same *hugs Lindsay*
Quote:

Oh and Crimson, carry on thinking about those things and let none of the bad stuff in. Get yourself some mind boucers to chuck out all the unwanted bits. I hear they sell them on ebay.
LOL @ mind bouncers on ebay *hugs Lia*

PoisonedApple 09-07-2010 08:36 PM

I rushed through a test earlier this week and got a 65%... I did the retake today and got 100% but since it was a retake the highest % that can go on my record is a 70% FML.

Doikers 09-07-2010 08:44 PM

Awww Crimson that royally sucks *Hug* I wish I had better words of advice than that .:S

Doikers 09-07-2010 09:01 PM

I updated my R/V/ thread
Trigger warnings for those who choose to read it.
http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...80#post2335180

shadowedsoul 09-07-2010 09:05 PM

What the hell is wrong with me I'm watching somthing on tv, and I start to cry, over nothing, god I'm pathetic. Should just curl up and die. Sorry =(

PoisonedApple 09-07-2010 09:24 PM

To lighten up the day... A coworker (B) was telling us about his son talking to him this morning before work... The son is 3 and this is how the conversation went:
E- "daddy do you have to go to work today?"
B-"yes"
E- "to catch bad guys?"
B- "to put bad guys in jail."
E-"do you shoot them?"
B- "no"
E- "do you slap them?"
B- "nope"
E- "why not?"
B- "because I put them in jail."
E- "why?"
B- "because jail is like a really big time out"
E- "why do they go to jail?"
B- "because they didn't listen to their mommies."

LOL

PoisonedApple 09-07-2010 09:26 PM

*huggles Mark*
read your r/v. and you are not useless, pointless or a piece of crap.

Scarletdreamer 09-07-2010 10:46 PM

*cuddles all*

Sorry in advance for the lack of individual replies... I'm in a shitty place mentally - still, or again, or whatever you want to call it - and I just want some hugs and cold weather!! I'm warm & sticky and pretty anxious... need to send in a mail-order form for my Klonopin but haven't gotten 'round to it yet... I don't know why, I'm just a lazyarse I guess. :'(

I don't know anymore. I just want to get out of this life. :'(


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