Dayna, yeah hun, somwhere :)

Was having such a good day...I gave myself a break from my calorie restriction and had a meal with my friend. Then the anxiety set in...then just when I was feeling shitty already, some guy points at me, and says to his friends "Look at the ****ing face on that!". So now I've come home and used a scalpel that I promised myself I wouldn't use. My arm's all bandaged and I feel like ****. I just wish I'd had enough balls to use the scalpel on this "****ing face" of mine.

Tomorrows plan...no food for Hans. Try and think of a decent excuse for the bandage for my flatmates and boyfriend.

I just wish I could curl up and disappear.

And now I've found out my landlord has put our house back on the market, despite telling us we could stay here regardless of the fact we'll be one person short. AAAARGH!!!!

*sighs*

oh Kat don't let the drinks get the better of you, alcohol is evil, says she who has let the alcohol get the better of her, please on't give in.

Kdoll, *hugs*

I've given in, sorry

It's dangerous, don't do it, please kat don't let the alcohol win, I lost

can I please curl up in a corner and pretend I don't exist? I'm cold and scared

*wanders in and hugs everyone and welcomes new members :)*

hi all; sorry haven't really checked in recently... been feeling "off" and been quite busy; hope to reply properly to people tomorrow.

*leaves hugs for those who wander by and want some*

*Hugs all tightly and passes out in a corner*

Omg, someone help.. I just dozed off and had a nightmare

Omgomgomg. So scared.There was this music... from a band, dunno why, but Evanesance comes to mind.. one of the band members had died. And you know how you get some music that really touches you? Well that's not even how to explain it. It... moves you... you... feel something...? Well this was the type of music, but because one of the members had died it didn't have the same feel to it. And it had become distorted. I was asleep (in the dream) listening to it and suddenly it was like I was being possessed by the music.. I guess.. something like that. All I could hear was the distorted music blaring. I couldn't move, couldn't speak, couldn't do anything. I tried to scream, first for mum but then remembered she's dead, then for dad, then realised I don't live with him anymore.. then I tried to scream out for my boyfriend and.. that's when I woke up.

I guess typing it down doesn't make it that scary... but **** it was.. I'm still freaked out by it. Not sure how I'll go sleeping tonight now :\

Hugs to all.

And now my depressive moods are coming back.. I can feel it. Then right at the end I'll have a quick hyper (or hypo, what word is it? I never do know) state which will then lower and my mood will stabilise. What the hell is wrong with me? How the hell can I control it???

*hugs Snuffles* nightmares can feel so real sometimes, did you get to sleep later on?

*hugs Wildy Insane and offers a duvet* what are you scared of sweetie? Are you okay?

*hugs Kat* I know how tempting those stitches might look but hope you managed to resist them.

*cuddles Helen* hang in there honey

*hugs P.C., Kahlia, KDoll, JetForce, Ravyn and leaves hugs for anyone else coming in later*

Despite what I think was a decent sleep I woke up exhausted, at work now. I was doing really wel with my eating habits for a while there but this constant exhaustion has led me to eating junk just to stay awake :(

*hugs back* Thanks Mary Anne, no, no sleep yet. It's still only 6pm here.

*hugs Snuffles* hope you got to sleep (guessing it is nightime with you now)

It is Mary Anne :) Well it's about 10.55pm for her anyway :D

I am so cold. I am so tired but I slept so good last night. Well managed to sleep from 10.30-6.30 non stop and then got woken up at 7.25 to get the day started!!!! Only got another 5 hours and 35 minutes left in here or so.....

I'm cold too Helen!

Also, I didn't bother reading the instructions fully of a microwavable meal until I'd put it in the microwave. Turns out you can't do it from frozen, which is what I've done. Oops. Put it in for another five minutes to see if it defrosts :P

Oppsie Arwen!!

I'm having an emotional day from hell to be honest, I mainly blame the PMS (damm peroid is due) and the alcohol I had at lunch. I went to uni today feeling ok, then to anxious, then to tired, then to awake, then to excited, then to hyper, then to ok, then back to really low and bleh.

What a day this is turning out to be :(

*hugs Mamma Mia* hope the mood swings settle down, hope you are okay.

*hugs Zowie, Mary Anne and Snuffles*

*hugs Katricia* You know it's for the best hun

I gave in last night, knew it was going to happen sooner or later I'm not in control any more and I'm a control freak!!! Is anyone brewing a cuppa?

*hugs wildly insane* just try again hun, you've done it once.
*hugs Kat* sorry I have nothing to say.
*hugs Mamma Mia* are you on normal uni timetable? I hate mood swings in PMS, they seem 100x worse.

Todays been a wierd day for me, emotionally Ive been all over the place, however I've managed to revise over half my module and Ihave a gym induction in an hour so its been fairly produtive. Im just so stupidly stressed and was made to watch Clare Sweenys Big Fat Diet yday, not good...I wish I was thin. Its thrown my eating majorly.

*leaves hugs for others*

xxx

*hugs Secrets* I avoided watching that show for the same reason you wanted to. good luck with the continuing revision

*hugs Helen* how you feeling? Hope the afternoon went quickly for you

*hugs Kat* like wildy insane says getting your arm fixed is for the best, hope the stitches are not itchy

*hugs wildy insane and offers a cuppa* how are you feeling today?

*hugs Zowie* cooking ain't my strong point either, I put a frozen meal in the oven tonight and then fell alseep and missed the timer going off - it was incinerated!

*hugs Snuffles* hope you slept well

*leaves hugs for Kahlia, P.C. Ravyn, Jetforce, KDoll* hope you are all okay

As I said to Zowie I am exhausted today, have had to skp the gym all week cause I am so tired all the time. Only got enough energy each day to go to work, think pretending to be happy all day takes it out of me. Just wish I could take a day off from feeling like this.

*leaves hugs, tea and biscuits*

x