Arrrgh :(

What's up, Helen? *cuddes*

And downunder, I'm here if you need to talk... but I don't know much of anything at all about custody issues, sorry. :(

I'm feeling "meh." Went on a "spending spree" in WoW this morning (in-game gold) and now feel bad about it... oh well. :( I'll re-earn the gold doing quests & dailies, so I guess I oughtn't worry about it. Heh. It's just a game, after all. But it does reflect me IRL I guess... I've been spending a lot lately and I don't know how to control it, easily anyway. :(

I don't know HOW to feel actually, **** it all, because if I'm not sick, as my therapist said, then how am I supposed to feel? Jarrod said that I can feel not well but not sick at the same time... which didn't make that much sense to me...

I think I'm going to go write in my venting spot. :-(

Oh my, so much!

I can't catch up properly. I feel drunk but i've not even had half a drinkl lol. I think its just my mood (apathetic) so i apolagise for spellings and typos.

*hugs to everyone* I'm sorry so much is happeniog in everyones lifes :(

I've been searchuing for a cause to my depression for so long and i think ive found it. I think its because my dad was an alcoholic. he wasnt abusive but it affected me anyway.
Anyhoo this is a break through but i still feel sh*t and nwo idk.

I want to get off my face tonight

Ive got to see my son first then im gna take him back and get bladdered and escape.

Oh thats the other thing, me and my cousellor discovered a theme of escapism through my life.... food for thought


love u all, welcome newbies (if there are any)

talk soonx x x x

i wanna cry. and i can't. i actually physically can't. i'm absolutely shattered and i've ruined everything. again. i'm such an idiot and i hate myself. i want to sleep. i want to be sedated and i don't want to feel like this.
*curls up in a corner to cry*

Really dont feel well :(

*cuddles LauraFriend, Helen, & Joc*

Wish I could help you, loves... :( ...but I'm feeling pretty **** myself.

I'm going onto Depakote soon - have the script, just need to drop it off at the pharmacy - starting at 500mg. Anyone have any experience with it? (divalproex sodium) Also will be increasing my Abilify from 20mg to 30mg... because of the white noise that's been in my head off & on. Yey for being psychotic... :(

And I still feel **** because of that therapist thing. I did text her today & ask her if she intentionally wanted to make me angry, but she replied & said that she was just trying to challenge some of my cognitive distortions. GAHHHHH!!!!!!!!

*hides*

*finds april and squishes*

*squishes Joc back*

Am off to bed I think... before tonight gets much worse. :(

:crying:

*cuddles everyone lots*

*hugs for everyone* I hope everyone feels at least a little better soon.

Looks like it's yet another night of not sleeping, I have things that need to be done tomorrow as well, though I have had things that have needed to be done for a while but I keep putting them off. Oh well.

Any tips on how to get some sleep, or at least something I can keep myself occupied with whilst I can't sleep.

*curls up in corner*

wont be on from thurs-sun btw, am doing a service trip w/ uni- but my email's on here [or fb if you have it] if you lot need me.
love you guys

enjoy your trip :)

Good morning everyone...

I am really struggling with a uni assignment that's due today... ugh. It's scoring a bunch of assessments about myself (like the Beck Depression inventory - I scored a 49, and anything above 40 indicates extreme depression) and I don't know how to score some of them. :( I feel really stupid. And as I said, it's due today so... I am going to have to SOMEHOW get it done before half past noon, when it's due. :(

And I feel like purging... stupid me... I hate myself so much. :(

Try not to purge sweetie and those tests are stuipd. Just don't think about it maybe when choosing your answers?? *cuddles* I usually score 'severe depression' when I do similar ones online, doesn't mean I *do* have it!! Although I did one or two for my doctor and got moderate anxiety/minor depresion or was it the other round and he didn't do anything *shrugs* This is turning into a pointless post, so big cuddles.

*cuddles Helen* How're you doing today? Yeh, I know the tests are kinda stupid, but I have to write a 1-2 page paper on how I scored & one of them I can't find in my packet!! I scored all the rest of them but the SF-26 I can't find, and I don't know if my packet is missing it or if I am missing something... :( feel so stupid!!

I need to escape into a book or WoW or something... but I can't, I need to do schoolwork, damn it all!!!!

*hugs* the Beck Depression Inventory (BDI) is only a scale used by health professional, mainly psychologists to give them a guide to level where to start treatment. It is also used in trying to see whether there is any differences after therapy, hopefully an improvement.

Anyway, u need a health professional to assess u and come up with a diganosis, which does not happen in just one session, rather numerous sessions with that health professional. On another note, depression is just merely a label to give the health professional an idea of what types of treatment may benefit u.

Anyway, enuf about the lecture. Go see somebody, a health professional and seek assistance. Hopefully, he or she may help u feel less depressed.
Take care there :-)

*cuddles April* Jem has very good points there :)

I'm feeling okay, I think. Going out in a few minutes, so I have to be really...

I know that it's used by health professionals & all, and I'm not using it as a diagnostic tool - I've already got diagnoses, plenty of them, don't need or want any more!! heh. It's an assignment - I've got to do the BDI as well as a bunch of others then discuss in a paper how I scored on them, what my psychological/social weaknesses/strengths are. It's kind of an interesting assignment but kind of stupid at the same time, I dunno. :(

I'm so exhausted!!

Helen, where're you going out to? :) *hugs*

*hugs all*

I'm so triggered right now. I don't want anything except self destruction :-(

I might have a nap to try to take my mind off it but I really want to ruin myself right now. I've just had enough and want to crumble completely :-(