*hugs all*

Lia, you're not a rubbish person at all sweetheart.

Lia , that doesn't sound like you over-reacted to me at all , it's totally understandable that you feel that way , I would too.*Hugs*

*Hugs Beki* Be careful with a whole box of wine . Don't mean that to sound patronising :S . Whats up?

Why am I so dirty?

*hides in the corner & cries...*

*sits with April*

Oh Lia I'm sorry you feel that way but I really don't think you are *Hugs*

*hugs April* * Hands tissues *

*Hugs JK* How are you this ?Morning?

No, but I am. I really am. I've been told I am. I feel like I am.

*Sits with April.* What's the matter?

xx

Oh Luke , what happened ? Are you okay? *Hugs*

Oh Luke thats terrible . Could you complain to the Police complaints commission (sp?) . You won't go to prison for that though.
I'm sorry your depression is kicking in too :( *Hugs*

*cuddles Lia* You're not dirty, hon. No matter how you feel or what people say. At least, to me, you're not. And you're not to most of the wardies either, I'll bet. I think that you're a sweet, kind, & lovely person, and that I've been blessed to get to know you. :) That's my honest opinion of you.

*huggles Luke* So sorry to hear that!! Sounds abso****inglutely ridiculous to me... like the police were being very very unreasonable. :( Is there any way that you can try to explain, or something? (Sorry, am very unknowledgeable about how the police work at all, in the States or the UK... so I apologize if that was a dense question...) I hope that you manage to keep your head above the water... wish I could help more. :( But I'm here if you need to talk to someone!! may not understand all of the ins & outs of the judiciary system but I can lend an ear (or an eye, as the case may be, hah).

*cuddles Mark* How're you, big bro?? Haven't had an update from you in a bit... sorry, am just worried about you since you said you've had suicidal thoughts etc. :(

*cuddles Hels* How're you doing now, sweetie??

Me, eh, I'm surviving I guess. :-X I don't really know what's wrong, but this is part of what I posted in my LJ:
"It feels kinda like I have been dragged through a wringer a few times... and then tossed on a shelf somewhere dusty and sad. I don't know. Does that even make sense? I am kinda okay, but kinda not, and am not quite sure how to determine what that "kinda not" really is all about. :-/ ..."

I don't even know what's wrong. Not really. And it's driving me crazy. :(

*hides in the warren again* :crying:

Hey April , Today has been mainly okay , although I did read a post , get treiggered and cut :( maybe I cut before I read the post , sorry I'm a bit fuzzy as to the order of things. I was suicidal all week but at least not today thankfully , I can feel the depression coming back on for tommorow already , I'll fall asleep a bit low and wake up totally crap again , no huge scary Dr's appoinments though , I'm really waiting on my Lithium levels to find out if I can increase it , I'm making loads of typos so I have been correcting as I go , I hope this make sense , I'm not sure how safe I feel .......*Hugs April* thankyou for asking . I HOPE that the okay feeling comes tomorow but I my gut feeling tell me "no you'll feel awful" :(

*cuddles everyone*

Luke, I'm so sorry that's happened.
April, cuddles tight
Lia, you're not dirty, especially if it's not the reason I'm thinking of.

Well...my Dad phoned and asked me loads of stuff, but wasn't making me discuss particular things. I ended up emailing him (well it's his partners email), told him in basic detail what has happened. He's really upset and angry but least I know J will be with him and will look after him like I asked. Both told me I'm really brave and want to see me tomorrow. Dad really wants to give me a hug, bless him =[ Want one too, it's like when he first left and I used to cry every night wanting him and his hugs :'( He's upset and angry aswell, but not with me....

You're welcome, both Mark & Luke. :) *cuddles*

Mark, please try & contact someone if you feel dangerously suicidal... I mean, like if you're planning on actually doing something. (To me, ALL suicidal feelings are dangerous, whether they are passive or not. Hope that makes sense!!) Oh and yes you did make sense... I hope that it wasn't one of my posts that triggered you and also hope that it wasn't too bad of a cut, please try & keep it clean/sanitary... I know you know that but wanted to remind in case you forgot. :) *gentle hugs* I'm here if you need to talk, just shoot me an email or message on FB or something.

Luke, I'm so sorry, that sounds like utter ****. :( Don't have much advice to give, as was evidenced by my last post, but hopefully you can get some legal advice etc. Maybe you will be able to get through by pleading not guilty... as I said before, really don't know about judiciary systems. :( Sorry.

*hides* :(

Hels, hon, I'm so glad that it turned out as well as it did!! :) I bet you're upset and all right now, I would be too having to dredge all that up from your past etc., but well done!! I told you that you could do it. :D So very proud of you. <3 And I'm glad that your dad's not upset at you... don't see how he could be really but keep on hanging in there, and hopefully you'll get to see him soon & get a nice big bear hug. *gentle cuddles*

*spots Lia & glomps*

Oh and this is a very relaxing song... it's a medieval chant (and is in Latin!!) and is somewhat religious but I'm sure that even those who aren't Christian here could probably appreciate the quality & skill of the Anonymous 4 singers. :) If you do object, please let me know & I'll remove it...

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WSHUwpTezK0&feature=PlayList&p=BB31D138263 CCFF9&playnext=1&index=16[/ame]

EDIT: also wanted to say that I listen to Anonymous 4 when I'm very anxious, they're good for helping me calm down. :) Just shut your eyes and try to relax to the song for a bit. Deep breaths, all of that.

April , it was not one of your posts that got me triggered , it was in vets support butI forgot the name of it hmmm . Also thankyou I might e-mail you tomorow if I remember I said that , My whole head feels like fuzzed like I've OD'd but I haven't , ......great thats given me the idea , sorry I have to go to bed now .

Asleep is the safest plave you can be.

Go to bed before I S.I. again , sorry

Hey all.

No Helen, that's not the reason. I can't explain. I just am.

I'm glad you're a little better today Mark and I really hope the depression doesn't come back for tomorrow. We're here to support you if it does though. :)

April- your song really is relaxing, it's lovely, but keeps being spoiled by the 'do du' of msn everytime I get a message. Do you have anymore like it? Thanks for sharing. And thank you for the things you said. I like to think I help people here, but I don't really seem to make much difference. I hope you're feeling a bit better now and the epic music helped to calm you. Did you ever go for that hike?

Helen- I'm glad things seem to be going well with your dad and his parnter and at least they know now so the telling them is over :) Really well done on getting through this, I completly freaked when it was me and cut and had a panic attack and refused to speak to my friend for weeks.

xxx

Thank you April. I am upset and all, been crying for hours on/off. Still haven't stopped yet. I didn't tell them much really, just basic stuff..but gets the message across? Thank you for being proud. It's not fully sunk in yet that I've told. My bestie said it's probably shock. Yeah, seeing him & J tomorrow evening. *cuddles back*


Respect that you can't tell me, but you're really not honey.

Thanks Lia. I just keep crying and getting angry aswell :S So yeah...handling it safely. J at one point said they needed to know I was ok (think they've needed to know that all day to be honest) and I was honest and said to say I am, would be a lie, but I would be safe til I saw them tomorrow night...

*hugs all*

Luke I'm really sorry that happened to you.

Mark I hope sleep helps, sorry you cut and as others have said keep it clean

Hels I'm really glad you dad isn't upset with you and yes like April said really brave to tell him so much, proud of you.

April-did you manage to get out for a hike today? also nice song, and I have no objection to music which has religious content, some sacred music is amazing, the requiems by Mozart and Britten, also do you know Allegri's Miserere, so beautiful.

I feel dead inside, been staring at the screen for the last few minutes, just nothing, don't know how I am meant to feel, but its not good, feel hurt in a way I guess, but don't know what to think.

Thanks Oliver, means a lot. Don't intend on telling anyone else in my family now. My mum knows (told her last April), my eldest sister, possibly two others of my sisters and that's pretty much it :S Nobody else needs to know....

*curls up*