Hey guys. It's OK, you can all breathe again. I'm back! I know you must have all been lost without me ;)

Camp was good, I wasn't lonely all week because there were 499 others on the camp and 50 others in my part and 5 including me in my tent. Now I feel really lonely because I'm used to being around people and now I'm all alone, but on the upside I didn't cut and I only had a massive urge to once. The type I usually give into, but I had just left the tent to go to 'toilet' (I just needed some alone time) and it would have looked weird if I had gone again and besides, I was too lazy to get out my sleeping bag and find my blades.

Anyway, how is everyone? I need a good catch up.

*Hugs all*

xx

*hugs lia tight*
high five! well done, thats both of us that managed to go away from home and not SI. *shows lia how to do her victory dance*

*hugs lia* I'm aweful, how are you?

*hands nicole a teddy*

*takes teddy* thanks :D whats up?

Hey Nicole. Go us! Who ever said laziness was a sin? The energy of getting out of my sleeping bag and finding my blades was the main reason I didn't bother.

*Hugs Jess* What's wrong?

xxx

nicole: i'm in a terrible pickle.
hi lia.
hi wolf (remind me of your name,.....?)

Just feeling really low again. I have had a couple of days of being better then this and now I'm back to being this bad again. :( I was also supposed to see my doctor this morning to hand over my blades and I couldn't get out of bed. It will have to wait until my next appointment and he is probably going to be rather pissed at me.

*hugs Kat* It's Jess. :) Why are you in a pickle?

lol, i went and had a cold shower! am so glad i didnt cut though, even though i had SO many urges, and i was smoking like a chimney!
kat-aaw, why are you in a pickle? *hugs*
jess-that sucks. sorry *hugs*

*hugs jess back* i'm having a really switchy dissociated day, cant keep my head straight for more than five mins and i keep loosing moments of time, only like 5 or 10 mins at a time, but enough to mean that I'm never going to achieve or finish anything on time. the littles keep coming out, and there's so much chatter in my head that I feel like it's about to explode.

It would be alright if i could stay home alone and just sleep it off.. but i've got to get my stuff together, leave the house, walk to the train station, buy a ticket and get on a train....

EDIT: nicole edited! :P *huggles nicole* see above!

*Hugs Kat* Sorry you feel like that, but maybe it's good to get out of the house. I have been busy all week and although I am exhausted now, it meant I never had time to dwell, I was even falling asleep within minutes of getting in the tent! It can be a good thing to get out and about, even if it's the last thing you feel like doing. Less chance of doing something stupid and the distraction can really help. Hope it all goes ok for you.

I'm okish. Surviving.

xxx

EDIT: Spies April and Kahlia. How are you guys?

I just don't know if I can cope with my anxiety levels, i'm shaking like a leaf and feel so sick. I dont even know what i'm afraid of out there, and the stuff I know im afraid of is so irrational, but I can't convince myself otherwise.

*hugs kat* i know how that feels, just try taking deep breaths, nothings gonna hurt you.
lia-what sort of activities were you doing then?

Nicole- I was at campfires, kyaking (now that was funny, I was almost attacked by this moor hen because I crashed into its nest and it burst out making 'MAW!' noises at me and kinda glaring. The guy was yelling at me to reverse but I couldn't, it was pretty scary at the time, but I was hysterical with laughter afterwards). Did a lot of things really, there was an inflatable slide! Oh the joys of life. There was a sports day which me and my friends skived and hung around the campsite instead. I had a really good time over all.

If you're scared of it, it's not irrational. It's alright to be scared of things. I'm scared of public toilets, which is just plain weird. Do you have any pills you can take? Anyone that could go with you that might make you feel a bit better? If I was with you, I would do my epic breahting exercises which most people basically just end up in hysterics over and can't breath at all, but it does the trick of relaxing them!

xx

*Hugs Lia* Way to go on not S.I.ing:)

*Hugs Kat* I'm sorry you are so anxious , maybe a cup of tea would help? Cammomille or normal tea.

*Hugs Jessica* Don't worry about not giving in your tools , I'm pretty sure your Dr won't be too pissed off at you , he/she must realise it's a HUGE step.

Hey Mark *returns hugs* how are you?

xx

*cuddles everybody*

Lia & Nicole, I'm really proud you both managed not to cut whilst away.

Oh I forgot to tell you all, hope you don't mind me sharing, but it's been 11 months since I last OD'd. Might not be a big deal to some, but it really is for me, I've (obviously) had really shitty times since then & really struggled at times to not, but I still haven't. Haven't gone this long since first taking an OD.

*hugs mark, Lia, nicole, jess*
I spy helen *hugs*

hels well done on the 11months, and lia and nicole well done for not cutting while you were both away, all 3 of you should be proud of yourselves

Thank you Oliver =]

Hey Lia , I'm okay-ish still a bit flat but glad this week is over and done with . Still struggling with my S.I. though :(

*Super Hugs Helen* 11 months is a huge acheivment , I'm so proud of you :)