I'm back.

-hugs jill- take care. be safe..

*Hugs* I hope you can stay safe Jill.

Hey Kitty :)

Hey Lia. You doing ok?

-spots and waves to kahlia- How you be?

Kitty: Not too crash hot to be honest. How are you sweet?

*huggles all*

Back pain has been bad the last two days - a sign of the narrowing of the spinal canal and squeezing of the spinal nerves. *sigh* Guess I'm going to have to get used to it.

Mood is crashing - psychiatrist appointment on Wed. What fun ...

Little bit over everything right now...

I'm alive. Kinda blah. Just waiting. Got plans for Thursday and thats far away. So I am just sitting waiting for time to go by and for Thursday to get here. Have my counseling appointment on Tuesday where I will briefly tell her of my plans, but not enough to send me away. Just enough to let her know. Won't be too long now...just don't know when. -hugs- Sorry you aren't doing so well. Anything I can do to help?

I know kind of how that rolls. I have to tell my psychiatrist about me almost attempting suicide early in January. I've only told 1 person IRL about it and how close I came. Everyone IRL (except that person) thinks my depression has lifted when it hasn't and doesn't realise that I still have the "means to my end" in the house. It's going to be a "fun" session. I just wish it was over already.

-spots and waves to just an illusion- How are you?

I can relate, Kahlia. My mom told me, when I was first diagnosed with depression and PTSD as a teenager, that it was just a phase. My husband feels that I should be better because I'm married now. He doesn't see how I can have these issues. My mom still tries to run my life even though I have moved out. She won't stop. I am never good enough for her. I'm done trying..

*hugs all* sorry i've not been around for a while.

-hugs oliver- How are you? How have you been?

not great. you?

Same. What's wrong? -hugs oliver-

where to start. I'm trying to hold it all together so I don't let people down, but inside I'm screaming in agony.
You?
*hugs Kitty*

So tired of everything. Tired of fighting. Tired of trying, but coming up short, not good enough for my mom. That's ok though. I have a plan to make it all right. -hugs oliver- I know how you feel, though. I'm sorry that you are not doing well. :( Anything I can do to help?

*hugs Kitty* I'm sorry, know how you feel too :(
i just want the pain to go, but even though I'm not in uni for this year there are still things I have to do and people I would let down, how do you fight day by day, when each day is absolute agony

-shrugs- I don't know anymore. I am worried I will let a few people down as well. But I have felt like **** since I was 6 years old (I am 22 now, going on 23). My mom won't leave me alone until either she dies or I die, and I don't anticipate her dying any time soon, unless there was a freak accident. I am just never good enough for her. I'm tired of being a failure..

*hugs Kitty* your not a failure

-hugs oliver- Yes I am. I am too fat. I have a skin problem which I don't know what it is it's not acne but it's kinda like it. I don't have a job. I mean, I can't work at this point, but that does not matter to her. She hounds me about me needing to get a job. She hounds me about losing weight. She tells me to exercise but I can't really exercise because of my back problems. If I get a B- in a class she doesn't think that's good it's always "You can do better". I'm never good enough. I figured out I never will be. So I have made the decision on what needs to be done. It's just a matter of when now.

*hugs kitty* you really are not a failure, is there someone in real life you can talk to, like a psych or dr, or counsellor.
I'm sorry I need to try and sleep, its 4.30am here and I have to be up in 4 hours. I didn't take my night meds, which can help me sleep because they give me the most horrific nightmares, which have me waking up every few hours sweating and shaking and convinced its real, so I'm now stuck in insomnia.
please stay safe kitty *hugs*

-hugs oliver- Sleep well.

*Hugs Jill*
*Hugs Lia*
*Hugs Kitty*
*Hugs Kahlia*
*Hugs Oliver*

*hugs everyone*

How are you, Mark?

I'm feeling okay , Want to pop to Morrisons to get cheap cheese and the like because on Sundays they massivly reduce stuff thats going out of date , I could get a huge great block of cheese for between 49p and 99p but I don't really want to brave the rain , I'm still wet from earlier :S
How are you Lindsay hun?

*Hugs everyone*

*Hugs Nicole*

*Spots and Hugs Kahlia*

*huggles everybody*

*Hugs Mark and Kahlia* :)

How are you Kahlia and Nicole?

*Hugs Mark*
I'm, ok. Sorta....tomorrow is the date of my suicide plan...I don't really know how i'm gonna handle it :(

*Hugs Nicole* You know us wardies will be here for you hun :)

*Hugs Mark* Thanks :) I'm a bit worried about how i'm gonna get through it, but I should be ok :)

*hugs ward*

Please stay safe, Nicole. Is there anyone you can talk to.

I'm still sick of being alive. I was too scared to talk to my brother about my possible suicide. Every time I talk to anyone in my care team about it they don't take me seriously.

*Hugs Lindsay*

*Hugs Nicole*

*Hugs Felicia*

*Hugs Mark, Lindsay and Felicia*
The ward is so empty today.....

*spots n hugs Mark* I'm glad you're doin ok today! Did ya go getcha some cheese?

*Hugs Solo , How are you? Yes I got some cheese that was £2.79 reduced to £0.99 :) Red Leister cheese Quite a large peice too , I've got quite a bit of cheese as I did the same thing last week and bought like 3 types of cheese hehe .

Haha, Mark. That is a lot of cheese :p

Going out with my little brother soon. He stayed at my grandparents house last night, so we got to hang out lots. :) I miss him when he goes back to mom's house.

I'm not so good today. I'm happy for you though! Enjoy your cheese fest!

I'm not going to cheese fast , more of a little bit every so often , But I could make a Cheese Sandwich with cheese in the midddle and instead of bread , cheese lol

Whats up Solo?

*hugs Solo* sorry you're not too good. Anything you want to talk about?

*hugs Mark* you go eat your cheese :)

*hugs Felicia* have fun with your brother :) it's always nice to see people we don't get to see too often.

*Hugs everyone*
That is a lot of cheese Mark. And now I want a cheese and onion sandwich -.- lol

Sounds delicious!

Thanks Lia! You're so sweet! I dunno. I have trouble talking about why, but I'm struggling with wanting to break a streak of almost 4 months free.

But it was cheap like maybe £3 for the lot and I would have probably topped £10 on Saturday and cheese doesn't really go off for a while , So yeah , Cheese is good , I haven't had a cheese and onion sandwich in an age Nicole , I'm totally having the for tomorrows lunch :)

*Hugs Solo* 4 months is AMAZING !!! Way to go :) Please try and hold on Hun .

*Hugs Mark and Solo*
lol Mark. Me, my mum and my sister had cheese and onion sandwiches at around 11pm yesterday when we got home from the pub XD
Solo-Feel free to PM me anytime if you need to chat. I know a lot of people have trouble opening up. I've recently discoverd a talent of being able to get people to tell me things they don't normally tell people though :/ XD

Thanks for the encouragement Mark! I'm trying. It's harder to resist because my only support person isn't available right now. In fact, she's rarely available when I need her anymore.