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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

frenchhorn 11-04-2011 05:36 PM

i'm scared, really scared of myself and others, people want to kill me and i has to go out of the flat in about 15mins, I shaking and really anxious and I dont know why. i have to go swimming tonight, and i harmed badly yesterday and i only has a short sleeve t shirt for swimming *hugs*

Emo 11-04-2011 05:41 PM

* hugs* aww hun am sorry you are scared is there anyone you know going to be there ?
Can you stay with them while you are there ?

frenchhorn 11-04-2011 05:43 PM

I is going with my friend, but I still really scared. I sorry I has to go now.

Doikers 11-04-2011 05:57 PM

*Hugs Oliver* I've had someone try to kill me *Listens*

*Hugs Serenity* How be you?

Emo 11-04-2011 06:04 PM

I have decided that am not going to the AA meeting tonight but am not having a drink either though

Doikers 11-04-2011 07:04 PM

Way to go Serenity! I'm failing drink wise and I still am fantasising about injury , I've written the word on my belly , now should I trace it with a blade???? **** sorry , I'm whiney

Billy! 11-04-2011 09:20 PM

*Cuddles everyone*

Doikers 11-04-2011 09:57 PM

I cut , I hte myself , a word FFS, right across My Fat belly I wrote FAT , I looked in the mirror and I'm proud , I am ****ed up, I was "this"close to
Triggor.
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Running the blade across my neck, :( am I beyone saving ? 16 years I've been at this ****.....:S
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Emo 11-04-2011 10:06 PM

* hugs mark * please dont ... please talk to me whats triggered you whats happened ?

Billy! 11-04-2011 10:10 PM

*Hugs Mark*
Can you get to a hospital? I think you should go, we don't want anything to happen to you :(

Laura2.0 11-04-2011 10:15 PM

*hugs mark* please make sure that you are safe. If it means that you have to go to hospital then go.

*hugs everyone else*

Emo 11-04-2011 10:22 PM

The following content has been hidden - Reason : si trigger
really want to cut my arms up ... am a stupid fat bitch

Laura2.0 11-04-2011 10:26 PM

*hugs serenity*
you are not the only one.
what triggered you? if you want to talk..

YodaBearInterrupted 11-04-2011 11:37 PM

Really not doing well... they won't shut up. Sigh. I have tried to open up before, but they brush me off or don't want to listen... I don't know what to do

*sits in the corner and cries softly, rocking back and forth*

ljmeep 12-04-2011 12:56 AM

STUPID HUSBAND! His damn appologies mean absolutely nothing! Why should they if he's going to continue on with the same damn ****... grrr....

*puts headphones in and turns music up as high as it will go*

frenchhorn 12-04-2011 12:58 AM

*hugs Kelly* I'm sorry about your husband :( I'm here if you want to rant/talk at all

*hugs all*

ljmeep 12-04-2011 01:02 AM

*hugs back*

We talked earlier today about what's been buggin me lately and he appologized and we spent the rest of the day well... took boys to the park and what not, but then he left to go to an old neighbors which was one of the things we talked about... so his appology means **** to me... it hurts more than anything

a few months ago i heard a rumor that he had been cheating on me... i chose to let it go cuz it was an unreliable sorce for one and because i believe in trust, but now that the seed of doubt has been planted i always wonder what he's really up to when he takes off :(

frenchhorn 12-04-2011 01:16 AM

*cuddles Kelly* that sounds really tough, I'm sorry I dont have any words of advice, but I have as many hugs as you want.

I wish I could have just one ****ing stable day, is one too much to ask for.

ljmeep 12-04-2011 01:19 AM

I wish you could have a stable day too :( ... and again i don't think anything is gonna help me aside from me getting up the guts to get up and leave, but I really scared shitless at the possibility of tearing my family apart like that... my kids are still so little and I dunno if i can do it all alone

frenchhorn 12-04-2011 01:23 AM

*huggles Kelly* you have us all in the ward.

ljmeep 12-04-2011 01:25 AM

*hugs back* i'm so thankful for that... dunno what i'd do if i didn't have you all to talk to ...

frenchhorn 12-04-2011 01:29 AM

*hugs* the ward is a good place, its got me through a lot of dark times.

its 1.30am and I'm still wide awake, am going to go for a run in an hour and going to do a vlog.

ljmeep 12-04-2011 01:34 AM

wow... i'd be dead on my feet if it was 130 here... it's only 730 pm here... the kids should be getting ready for bed but hubby said he'd be back soon and that was 45 mins ago... so about to give up and put them to bed myself w/out his help ... sigh

YodaBearInterrupted 12-04-2011 01:56 AM

*hugs frenchhorn and Kelly*

Blah. I am just going to sit in here for a while

frenchhorn 12-04-2011 02:36 AM

*hugs Yodabear and Kelly*

Hi Yodabear I'm Oliver. how are you?

YodaBearInterrupted 12-04-2011 02:44 AM

Hi Oliver, I'm Matt. I have this feeling we have crossed paths before on here somewhere :)

Meh. Probably going to go to bed soon. Bouncing around between a bit of psychosis and reality isn't helping things at the moment, plus I cried earlier which I guess helped when no one was home.

frenchhorn 12-04-2011 02:53 AM

Hi Matt, yeah I think we have crossed paths before. I hope going to bed and getting some sleep helps. I'm just about to go for a run, at nearly 3am! but I like going when no one is around as I'm really paranoid that people are going to kill me.

YodaBearInterrupted 12-04-2011 04:36 AM

I can sort of understand that too Oliver, in the sense that I am paranoid of people as well to a part. Sleeps well, I am off to bed myself. *hugs*

frenchhorn 12-04-2011 04:50 AM

Night Matt *hugs*

frenchhorn 12-04-2011 06:02 AM

god its 6am here and I'm still wide awake, cant bloody sleep

Laura2.0 12-04-2011 10:09 AM

*hugs oliver* I hope you get to sleep soon. I always drink a hot chocolate or warm milk with honey when I can't sleep.

Billy! 12-04-2011 10:39 AM

*Curls up*

Doikers 12-04-2011 10:44 AM

*Hugs Serenity*

*Hugs Charlie*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs YodaBear*

*Hugs Kelly*

*Hugs Oliver*

Thanks everyone for your concern , I am safe , I want to bath but am worried I'll open my stomach cuts up, They're not deep enough to rewuire attention but I feel stupid :S

Billy! 12-04-2011 10:48 AM

*Cuddles Mark*

Laura2.0 12-04-2011 11:06 AM

*hugs mark*
if you put less water in the tub and sit the cuts wont soak, right?

Doikers 12-04-2011 11:26 AM

I dabbed at them but didn't really clean the injured area and it didn't seem to make them bleed much again , I Feel so stupid , and what am I going to do today? I'm already ugly enough and I just add scar after scar and I can't help myself :(

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Charlie*

How is everyone?

Kahlia1981 12-04-2011 11:46 AM

*huggles all*

Sorry I've been so quiet - I've had the startings of another week from hell. Things really haven't stopped since I got home from hospital. I am ... extremely over it. It doesn't help that I'm depressed and suicidal. But I guess I just have to "pull my socks up and get over it". By the way that was my parents suggestion. I don't normally wish someone dead, but I'm changing that rule for my parents. I've had enough of being treated like sh*t whilst my older brother and sister get everything they want from my parents handed to them on a silver platter.

Doikers 12-04-2011 12:02 PM

*Squishes Kahlia* I'm sorry you are having such a rough time Hun :S

Doikers 12-04-2011 01:20 PM

So my Dad comes to see me for a second consecutive day , and Tries to open the door to MY flat , my HOME andlet himself in , FFS I had the chain on I could be shirtless , injuring , in the bath anything! Is it reasonable for me to be pissed off ?

one_step_closer 12-04-2011 02:04 PM

I'd be pissed off too, Mark. It's invading your space.

I had the housing inspection this morning and passed so i'll hopefully be getting an official offer of a house move very soon.

frenchhorn 12-04-2011 02:54 PM

*hugs all* my friend who I'm staying with who is also trans is planning on coming out to her mum in a bit, her parents dont know I'm trans and she is going to tell them, cos atm they just think I'm a guy. I'm anxious.

Doikers 12-04-2011 04:31 PM

*Hugs Oliver* Good Luck Mate .

*Hugs Lindsay* Congratulations Hun:) !

Billy! 12-04-2011 05:07 PM

*Cuddles everyone*

frenchhorn 12-04-2011 05:14 PM

*hugs all* my friend didnt do it, I feel so bad for her, its one of the hardest things to do. this time last year I came out to my mum and I remember how hard it is to just do it.

congrats on passing the inspection Lindsey

Mark I'm sorry your dad is invading your space, that is really is crap *hugs*

I'm sorry your having a tough time Kahlia *hugs*

*hugs Charlie* how are you?

Billy! 12-04-2011 05:21 PM

*Hugs Oliver* Feeling a bit empty, but otherwise ok. You?

Doikers 12-04-2011 05:28 PM

*Hugs Charlie*

*Hugs Oliver*

frenchhorn 12-04-2011 05:29 PM

*hugs Charlie* feeling ill, I've ran out of meds as my doctor gives them to me in weekly dosages and I see her tomorrow, but one of them has severe withdrawal symptons.

*hugs Mark*

Doikers 12-04-2011 06:14 PM

What meds are you withdrawing from Oliver? , If it's Effexor I've done that :S

YodaBearInterrupted 12-04-2011 06:41 PM

*gives everyone hugs*

Kahlia -- I can def sympathize with that, cause my parents do that all the time in my family, except its my younger siblings XD

This week is not going well, it really sucks. I hate it when people tell me "I'm here if you need me" and aren't when i need them most... then complain at me when i end up hurting myself. WTH

frenchhorn 12-04-2011 06:46 PM

its venlafaxine, I will get it again tomorrow, but its just making me feel so sick not having it.

my friend is coming with me when I go to the doctors and counselling tomorrow, I'm sort of glad as last week when I was at the doctors I had a big panic attack and ended up in hospital cos I thought everyone was going to kill me, but at the same time I'm a bit meh about her coming. I feel I need some space


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