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MammaMia 06-12-2008 06:17 PM

*cuddles everyone*

Sometimes I wonder just HOW are you supossed to express bad emotions in a HEALTHY way with people, without them shooting you down for it?

Mary Anne 06-12-2008 08:32 PM

Hi ravysoul *hugs back*

Helen - that is a question I too would like to know the answer too.


1ofmany 06-12-2008 08:51 PM

Totaly. *sigh* most people just dont wanna hear it.

ravynsoul 06-12-2008 08:56 PM

I agree.. and then they get mad at you for not expressing emotions honestly... it doesn't seem fair. At least on here, we have a way...

Louise 06-12-2008 08:59 PM

yeah i have had that quiet a lot, recently people not wanting to hear what you have to say. offers hugs to everyone

1ofmany 06-12-2008 08:59 PM

yeh you cant talk about whats wrong or seem distressed but you cant lie and pretend to be happy, either way its wrong and you end up on the bad side.

ravynsoul 06-12-2008 09:02 PM

it doesn't seem right... I know I try so hard to make it seem like everything is all ok with me... because I don't want to seem to be a burden to anyone else, and I'm scared people would avoid me then... but then i'm not totally being myself, because I'm pretending.. it seems like a lose-lose situation...
*takes the offered hugs* thanks

Kahlia1981 07-12-2008 01:58 AM


Originally Posted by MammaMia (Post 1267116)
*cuddles everyone*

Sometimes I wonder just HOW are you supossed to express bad emotions in a HEALTHY way with people, without them shooting you down for it?

Helen, I ask myself that question on a regular basis. . . . Still haven't come up with an answer however.

MammaMia 07-12-2008 02:48 AM

It's okay.
Stef is alive.

Snuffles 07-12-2008 03:18 AM

I ask myself that question as well..
Countless times I tell people whats wrong, how I'm feeling.. then they run away from me coz they don't know how to deal with it.. then when they find out I'm hiding it from they get the shits! And they wonder why I don't tell them??? For gods sake people! GRRRRR

Not in a good moood.. sorry people. *cuddles everyone*

Kahlia1981 07-12-2008 04:06 AM

I'm relieved to hear that Helen, even though you have been going through some hard times just recently. *hugs you*

*offers hugs to anyone who can accept them*

zowie 07-12-2008 11:05 AM

Last night I had my boyfriend, my best friend and her boyfriend over to watch a film and drink a few beers. It was nice, but quiet. We haven't seen each other in so long it just felt...awkward. They left pretty early so I just went to bed.
Feel kinda low today, before they came over yesterday I had a lot of self-hatred going on and I think it showed when they arrived. I was quiet and withdrawn.
Meh. Hope everyone's doing better than me xxxxx

Kahlia1981 07-12-2008 01:06 PM

*hugs zowie - if you are able to accept them*

I realised that I have consistently been forgetting to take my mood stabiliser. I think I'm doing better without it, but I don't think that other people around me are likely to agree. I'm constantly thinking of harming myself and suicide, and really wanting to make an attempt to end my life. It really doesn't help that it's this time of the year and I have practicaly no self-esteem. Which is fair enough because I'm a worthless individual.

Anyway ... one of my closest friends keep saying that he's fat when he is anything but. This really doesn't help my brain because everytime he starts going on about how fat he is and so forth my ED side kicks in and wants me to a) stop eating completely and b) work out till I pass out.

Meh. Sorry I'll stop placing myself as a burden on all your shoulders.

ravynsoul 07-12-2008 02:32 PM

*offers hugs and cuddles around to those who want them*

Please don't feel that you are a burden Kahlia... here is a safe place where you can let your feelings out... even if as we've been discussing people can't always handle the truth, i think here as we share similar feelings and struggles, it's easier to share...

I hope that everyone here will be having a better day today than yesterday...

take care

MammaMia 07-12-2008 03:21 PM


Originally Posted by Kahlia1981 (Post 1268250)
I'm relieved to hear that Helen, even though you have been going through some hard times just recently. *hugs you*

*cuddles* I'm happy too, but I've been to hell & back because of that sick bastard. I got days off uni & everything *shudders* I'm scared people at uni will think I made this up. Ah well.

Kahlia1981 07-12-2008 07:35 PM

I guess Helen that you will have to cross that bridge when you come to it. You can't do anything about it before then.

Auburn Shadow 07-12-2008 08:21 PM

*offers hugs to anyone that can accept them*

Sorry haven't been around for a few days, been kinda ill and that, but anyways. There was something Kent said at church today, that just... it made sense, y'know? It almost gave me a kinda purpose for my life, it was kind of surreal, but at the moment, I'm feeling sorta ok about everything.

Detour. Derail 07-12-2008 09:59 PM

*crawls in*
*waits for the onslaught of abuse...*

Auburn Shadow 07-12-2008 10:09 PM

*hugs you*

What's up hun? Wanna talk about anything?

Detour. Derail 07-12-2008 10:16 PM

i sort one part of my life out.
something else goes wrong.
Why dont you just all admit im a horrible person and you'd rather i left?

Kahlia1981 08-12-2008 06:03 AM

Because it's not true Alexx.

I feel like crap. Meh.

risenfromperdition 08-12-2008 06:21 AM

*snuggles alex* tis not true- thats why <3
message if you want <3

zowie 08-12-2008 10:28 AM

Did something stupid on Friday night. Wont bore you with the details, but now I feel so crap I want to cut. x

MammaMia 08-12-2008 12:20 PM

*cuddles everyone lots*

Kahlia1981 08-12-2008 12:56 PM

I really feel like giving in to my self injurious behaviours at the moment. I keep thinking that there is no point to my being alive. Especially as we are coming up to that time of year again. It's an evil time. Meh. Now I want to cry as well, and there doesn't seem to be a reason for it. :blue:

*sends hugs to all*

MammaMia 08-12-2008 06:22 PM

Is it me or has my sig gone really small? =\

*cuddles Kahlia lots*

BoundNoMore 08-12-2008 06:38 PM

Your sig looks fine to me Helen :-)

1ofmany 08-12-2008 06:53 PM

Howdy peoples.
I had my talk with my lecturea on friday and it wasnt too bad. he was quite understanding but there was no talk about what if I dont get stuff done on time.
Am getting worked up about the assignments and the forced buying of presents for the people I actualy care about but have no money.

How are you lot doing?

~*forever_broken*~ 08-12-2008 08:05 PM

Aww lil' sis *hugs Alex* you are a wonderful person and I love you soooo much... please take care hunni.

*curls up in her corner*
I'm in my corner, I'm curled up, now why can't I just die..? :pinch: :crying:

BoundNoMore 08-12-2008 08:08 PM

Aww God-mommy
*strokes hair*
why do you want to die?

Kahlia1981 08-12-2008 08:23 PM

Thanks for the hugs Helen. *cuddles Helen back*

I got through another night and now I'm asking myself why. I wish I could have woken up and found that all of this now is finished. But I guess I'm not that lucky. Meh.

*hugs all those that can accept hugs then finds a coca-cola machine to curl up next to*

1ofmany 08-12-2008 10:19 PM

every day is a victory. Everyday is somthing we have won. Everything we do is an achivment. We are alive. Every breath is one to be charishied.

I speek not of just ones like us but all people, we can die at anytime yet we don't accept the gifts we have, but that is what makes us human and should not in itself be frowend upon.

horizon_surfer 08-12-2008 10:43 PM

um hello please can i stay a while again..

I know its just a message board, I know its me typing on a laptop..
but right now.. i really need *Somewhere* where i don't have to be ok, and can just fall apart in a corner somewhere. Even if that place doesnt really exist, i just.. yeh.

Hugs to all who need or want them.

MammaMia 08-12-2008 11:13 PM

*hugs everyone*

Having a tough night but some very interesting conversations.

Not looking forward to tomorrow....

zowie 09-12-2008 08:57 AM

Urgh, I've got the flu. All blocked up and having coughing fits, feeling really run down and lethargic. But I've been told if I take much more time off college I will be kicked off the course, so no time off for me xxx

MammaMia 09-12-2008 09:35 AM

I don't think I can do this.
It's like a second & third test now of my strength.
Well guess what?
I aint hurting.
I just can't deal with it still.
****ing hell.

Jetforce 09-12-2008 11:09 AM

*cuddles helen*

Hang in there hon..u can survive it :-) i have faith in u xx

Kahlia1981 09-12-2008 11:34 AM

*cuddles Helen and zowie*

I haven't really got any words of wisdom .... I just completely and totally feel like crap. I really want to hurt myself and the urge to do something dangerous is getting stronger by the day. The worst thing is that I just don't know why. Maybe it's stress from moving house, maybe it's the feelings I'm getting regarding returning to university next year, maybe it's forgetting to take my mood-stabiliser for a couple of weeks .... maybe it's all these things and more. Like the fact that it's coming up to the worst time of the year.

*leaves cuddles for everyone and then hides under a bed crying*

Auburn Shadow 09-12-2008 12:50 PM

*hugs everyone*

*sigh* I woke up feeling indescribably crap. The weather doesn't help I guess, but... I don't know why. Beginning to think I should ask Barbara if I can see her once a week rather than once a fortnight, because I seem to feel vaguely ok for a week after I've seen her and then after that it all seems to go back to how it was before. I dunno.

*leaves more hugs and hides away in a corner*

MammaMia 09-12-2008 02:50 PM

*cuddles everyone*

I have nothing.
She's just going to die isn't she?
Great :(

Pomegranate 09-12-2008 04:37 PM

You don't know anything yet Hells. All you can do is hope and pray that she manages to pull through and is ok *hugs*

*squishes Hanna* I'm sorry you woke up feeling crappy hun. I think asking Barbara to see you once a week is a good idea. Please let me know if I can do anything to help. I am sort of home now, so am around the area etc or my PM box/msn is also always open if you want to talk.

*hugs Kahlia*

1ofmany? Marie Anne? Amanda? How are you all doing now? *hugs*


I went clothes shopping today for an outfit for work christmas do and nothing looked right. I weighed myself when I got home and since I have stopped purging etc two years ago I have put on nearly THREE stone from my lowest! It was never a huge problem, the purging etc, ate too much, purged or didn't eat to make up for it but it was never a full blown ED. I knew I had put on weight but this is ridiculous!!!! I don't want to go out. I have to start throwing up again. I CANT stay like this. I just CANT. I need to lose the weight, I HAVE to :( I will just do it until I am happy with how I look again.

Kahlia1981 09-12-2008 04:40 PM

Emma : that's a slippery slope darl, as we both know. Thank you for the hugs by the way.

*leaves hugs for everyone*

Mary Anne 09-12-2008 04:41 PM

*hugs for all*

haven't checked in for a couple of days, meds making me feel a bit numb just now, I am going through the motions of life but with no care about anything.

Eventually had the 'back to work' interview today, all the questions about why I was off and will it cause me to be off again and can they help, my Bradford factor (measure of sick time) is high so my record is being referred to HR, the HR woman is horrible, poo.

SI has calmed down over past few days, work Christmas lunch on Friday and aware arms might be seen has kept me in check.


~*forever_broken*~ 09-12-2008 09:41 PM

*shrugs* No good reason Amanda, none at all. I just feel **** for no good f**king reason at all so what the hell am I complaining about?! Oh, sorry, that was not at you (well, the no good reason part was but not the yelling, the yelling was for me).

*bangs head against the wall*

MammaMia 09-12-2008 09:43 PM

I love you all.

She's likely not to survive.
But she's trying to.
Bless her.

I just feel so damm useless which is making me feel even more shittier.

horizon_surfer 09-12-2008 10:15 PM

*goes to the centre of the room and leaves a bag of assorted hugs for all requirements, free to all who want them, and then goes back to her corner*

Kahlia1981 09-12-2008 11:19 PM

*leaves hugs for everyone then disappears into the smoking shelter*

I'm sliding down a slippery slope and I don't know if I have the energy required to fight. Meh.

Pomegranate 10-12-2008 12:12 AM

No ****ing blade. Pissed (alcohol) but have nothing to cut with. I HAVE TO. Half tempted to drive drunk back to Warwick JUST so I have something to cut with, so I can DO proper damage, like I deserve. I don't know what to do with myself now. I need it but I have nothing to cut with which will satisfy this urge. I will end up with stitches on thursday. But the thoughts aren't going. I have plans, bad plans for christmas eve, but I need to do them to get through Christmas. I need to ****ING cut, *screams*, what the **** do I do instead???!!!1????? If I dont cut tonight, it will be horrific tomorrow. It HAS to be done.

zowie 10-12-2008 10:23 AM

*Hugs Emma* What have you done since you posted?

Kept having coughing fits in class yesterday so I had to leave. Didn't go in today which was stupid, but I get phobic of social situations without being stared at for coughing, so I just couldn't do it.

I had a meeting with the clinical psychologist, my social worker and my care co ordinator. They have come to the agreement that I will no longer (starting January) be seeing the psychologist or social worker (both from EIP). This is because they have decided my psychosis is not my 'primary' problem, but my Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder is. I will still see my care co cordinator and psychiatrist.
They are enroling me on a course that helps people with personality disorders called Stepps. I have to be assessed before I can begin, so it's not a definate.
I feel okay. I'm glad I finally have a proper diagnosis. And in the meeting I got angry and started saying they are dissmissing the psychosis and they reassured me and said that they don't believe life will get better if we tackle the psychosis, they believe that if I overcome the PD then I will be able to overcome the psychosis and life will become easier.
It makes sense so I'm happy with it.

Mary Anne 10-12-2008 07:22 PM

*hugs everyone who will accept one*

Zowie - glad you have got some sort of positive care plan in place.

Feeling pretty s*** today, want to cry but I know it won't stop if I start and it won't do me any good.

*joins Khalia in the smoking shelter*

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