*hugs Crimson* I hope you get things sorted soon.

*hugs Angel*

The repairs are done, now is just waiting for the appraiser on wednesday and then the process to close on the loan... debating forcing the in law to not just buy her own food but a mini fridge and pans but i doubt i'd be successful... at least after we move she'll be in the basement and about 6 months later out of my house.
i was hoping to have easter at the new house but thats ok...

*huggles all*

Had a bad night last night followed by me being exceptionally tired and depressed this morning. Had a fairly large chat with my fiancee about my suicide plan and various things like that night. He told me that if I don't feel I can say something I can text, email or write it out for him and tell him whether to mention it to me or not. Having lots of trouble this morning with simple tasks - decision making, walking, carrying things, staying awake, keeping out of my bedroom and so on.

I hope the rain stops soon, for anyone who isn't doing so crash hot.

*leaves hugs and safe love and care packages for all*

:-) im checking myself in to this virtual psych ward.

welcome! *Huggles and gives chocolate*

do you wanna sit with me? or just be alone for a while?

*Hugs Louise*
*Hugs Angel*
*Hugs Crimson*
*Hugs Oliver*
*Hugs Kahlia*
*Hugs Habibi if okay?*
*Hugs Megz*
So My Friend Hannah L and I kissed 3 time back in hospital , then she said she wanted to take things slowly , this was 2 years ago, Last night I worked up the courage to ask her if I could kiss her again and she said "Actually , Can we just be Friends?" I am crushed beyond repair , I am so in love and she isn't even interested . I've never had a girlfriend , I'm 30 , I scarred all over and she knew all this and still let me hope and fall deeper and deeper in love with her. She had me spend the night on her sofa as she was worried about me , I don't know what to do...I even cried in front of her , How manly:S

EDIT:-
Oh She Called and wants to talk over dinner later , I don't know what to make of this , she said she didn't think our talk got finished earlier.

* hugs mark*
Welcome Habibi * hugs*

cuddles all. curls up and cries. cant seam to catch a break. really feel like giving up now.

*Hugs Angel*

*Hugs Jill*

hugs everyone

*huggles Megz, Habibi, Angel, Jill, Louise*
*extra big huggles Kahlia and Mark*
Sorry you're struggling so much Kahlia but I'm glad you have someone so supportive and understanding.
Mark, I don't have any idea what to make of your situation with Hannah... It seems like she wants to but then she doesn't, and then she does maybe... I dunno. I'm confused by it all. You'll have to let me know how the dinner goes. And I'm just a PM away if you need to talk.

As for me, I'm getting fed up enough with my back hurting I'm considering seeing a doctor about it... Then I remember the main problem with that. I haven't got a doctor and since I'm practically doing 2 jobs I have no time to find one. When I asked a couple of coworkers if they have a doctor to suggest they told me they just go to walk in clinics... There is a reason those places are low cost... Most of the 'doctors' in them may as well have gotten their degree from a cracker jack box. I think it's time to spend my lunches looking online and calling to find places that take my insurance and won't turn me away for having Medicaid as a secondary insurance.

Thankyou Crimson *Gently Hugs your Back*

I'm off back to Hannah L's Back Later tonight or tomorrow middayish *Hugs You ALL*

*hugs all*

great so i was honest with the different GP I saw today and she has got really worried and has made me an appt with a psych on friday, I guess I can see why cos I told her I was going to OD on monday no matter what, but now I have to convince the psych I'm not going to cos I dont want to get kept in hospital cos I'm going out with my friend friday afternoon to something she has had booked for ages, then sunday I'm moving. I hate this, I tell the truth and then I have to lie cos I can't let other people down.

*huggles Oliver* Could you maybe explain that you need to be outpatient at the least till Sunday night? Maybe since you said it'd be Monday, if you explain you need to move on Sunday they'll kind of compromise. Then you could be honest and safe and still be able to go with your friend and move in the mean time.

that sounds like a good plan thanks Crimson, I've just been stressing over it for the last hour.
how are you?

Well, Thats that , we can continue to be friends but nothing more , Life can take a ****ing running jump.............

*Hugs Oliver* I'm sorry you're in such a predicament too.

That's it... I'm looking for a different state job and whoever wants to throw a temper tantrum and make my work harder can go **** themselves. *screams out frustration*

*cuddles Mark* Did she say why?
*hugs Oliver* Glad I could help. :)

She just doesn't feel the same way I do , she Likes me as a friend , I am besotted with her. Not her fault , I'm ugly inside and out and totally unlovable. I need to sleep.

*hugs Mark* I disagree 200% with the second sentence and whole heartedly agree with the third. Ok well it may not be her fault but you are not "ugly inside and out and totally unlovable". I'd expand on the subject but I'm not in a place to do so atm...

I agree with Crimson Mark, your not ugly at all. I'm sorry though that things havnt been able to work out for you with her. *hugs* I hope sleep helps

*hugs Crimson* I hope you can find a new job thats not so stressful

*hugs Oliver* It wouldn't be so stressful if the people here weren't grown children... My boss tries to just be nicety nice to everyone and that just doesn't work. She asked about an issue earlier in the month and when I told her ALL about it I get an apology -not from the person who was wrong- and a praise in the next staff meeting -that I didn't even get to go to- and now is the 2nd time since our email session that someone has intentionally messed up my office. When I brought it up (with pictures I took with my phone) she said 'people do strange things', 'maybe it was an accident', 'theres been a lot of people in your office lately', 'we can't just accuse someone', 'even if we asked no one would admit it' yet when i bring up putting up a spy cam i get 'we can't do that'... why the f not? the court has cameras everywhere... if it's a matter of it being me to put it up, I can have one of the guys in IT install it for me...and I can't lock my door to keep people out while I'm off doing roving clerk duties... *shakes head* I've just had enough of working with people in their 40s and 50s that act more childish and throw more temper tantrums than my 4 yr old. That is the sad truth, I work with people 25-65 and the ones that act like children are (for the most part) in their 40s and 50s...

*Hugs Mark* Your not ugly mark, i know its hard when someone says they only want to be friends but you are not ugly. Your a great guy. I'm sorry that it didnt work out.

*Hugs Louise*

*Hugs Oliver* Sorry your struggling

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Megz*

*Hugs Jill*

*Hugs Angel*

*Hugs Kahlia*

*Hugs Habibi*

*hugs ian*

Ok, so, it has been a stressful couple days, but somehow I have survived with minimal damage. Wish I could say I was SI free, but I can't lie. Looks like lots of activities going on for everyone, please stay safe.

Leaves a tray of cookies and heads to corner to hide.

*Hugs Oliver*
*Hugs Crimson*
*Hugs Ian*
*Hugs Angel* I hope you're safe hun :)
*Hugs Mors Certa*

Thankyou to everyone for being so kind :)

Hello all. I'm apologising in advance for not doing everyone in individuals as I'm still not that good myself.

Oliver - I had almost this exact same experience last year. They put me in with a new doctor and she freaked out and overreacted (yes I was extremely depressed and suicidal and only gave her the facts). This doctor immediately ordered me to go to the hospital. If that wasn't enough (could have been ignored) she fought with the director of the practice to get me an ambulance!!! Not that the psych ward here did anything much, but I do have some understanding of the situation. Whatever you reply, I hope that you get what you need.

Okay, I know that I'm seconding the opinion of many others but Mark, you are definitely not ugly inside. Being "ugly inside" can be said to also refer to your personality. You have shown compassion to many of us in here and you are trying to improve your situation. You are not an ugly person. I'm not going to start on "unlovable" because I'll end up quoting my mother and my fiance and they might someday find out I actually listened. :tongue2:

Crimson: 1) I hope you manage to find a new GP that is okay with your insurance, and 2) I hope you can find a new job easily that severely reduces your stress! You've been fighting for so long with the housing situation and work especially. I am really hoping that you can finally get some relief. Really seriously crossing my fingers for you hun.

We are moving. We got approved for a place $20 a week cheaper and it has just been renovated to boot! We take possession on the 5th of May and are trying to find people to help us move (given that my R shoulder has nerves that are damaged and keeps cutting out my R hand).

I got a phone call from the psych ward (which really freaked me out to be honest) saying that my psychiatrist had organised scripts for two of my meds I wouldn't otherwise have been able to afford. We had to catch the bus to the hospital and wait about an hour before they were ready but $11.20 per month versus $200 per month. Whatever currency you use that is so much better.

It looks like things might be finally looking up for us, but I would not like to say that too loud at the moment! Really missing you all and very sorry that I've been pretty distant since I got home from hospital. :-)

Yay Kahlia Hun , *Very quietly whispers that I'm happy things are looking up for you* And Thanks Too :) *Hugs*

hugs everyone

*Hugs Louise* How are you hun?

soso, How are you?

Numb from Lithium I think , It stops me being upset to much but it stops me being happy , *Dusts off my happy mask for the weekend*

hugs mark, i know this is a bit late, but i second what other people are saying. you are no way shape or from ugly inside. you are amazing, caring guy. who even when he is struggling still helps people. i think the world of you mark. you will find the right person mark. huggles

*hugs everyone*

Mark - I echo what everyone else has said. You are in no way ugly.

Sorry. That's all I can do right now. I have really not been myself the past few days. I need to SI.

*Hugs Jill* Thanks Hun :)

*Hugs Laura* Thankyou too hun ,please stay safe .

Thanks Kahlia. I think I found a doctor office that is decent and seems to take both insurances... Their hours are the same as my work hours though :( I suppose missing a couple hours of work for it is okay though. I have the leave time and at least they'll take my insurance.

Glad you found a more affordable snazzy new place and hope you can find someone to help out/ And I'm especially happy for you getting your meds in a way you can afford to be on them.*hugs*

*hugs Mors* We may all have stuff going on but we're all here if you wanna talk to us. *turns into ward mum* Now be sure to keep those wounds cleaned and cared for! *snags a white chocolate macadamia nut cookie*

*hugs Louise, Laura and Jill*

*hugs Mark* I got your PM and will reply properly a little later today (have to clean up my office and such from yesterday and don't have time right now) but I said to PM if you need so it is not dumping it on me. *extra hugs*

P.S.~ I may be a bit hyper later... I had already been drinking a soda and Kelley insisted (actually said she wouldn't leave me alone till I agreed) on getting me a coffee as a thank you for her file the other day... I finally gave in and told her what drink I'd like and she got me a 20 oz latte... seriously... 20 oz. Oy vey. But the Milano Chocolate is delicious.

*waves to everyone*

*Hugs Crimson* Thanks Hun :)

*Hugs Lindsay* How are you hun?

*hugs all* sorry I can't manage more, I have a horrible headache from the heat, but know I have lots of cuddles for you all

*Hugs Oliver*

*hugs Crimson*
*hugs Lindsay*
*hugs Mark*
*hugs Oliver* headaches suck, maybe take a nap?

My brother and stepbrother ate my pizza. We only have cereal left, and I already had that 3 nights for dinner in the last 2 weeks. It's too easy to develop and ED here. I'm already funny around food and everytime I'm actually hungry and in the mood of eating there's nothing left. My mom wants to send me to a nutritionist, but she's the one who keeps promising me that she'll safe food for me and then there's nothing left. wtf

*hugs Lindsay, Oliver, Mark, Laura*

*Hugs My Wardies*
I'll respond tomorow Crimson

*hugs Mark good night*

Not safe... scared :crying: no hugs please

*offers Angel a plushie to cuddle and sits near by*

Thank you ... my husband called the crisis team..took an extra med ...i give it an hour if it don't work i have to call and make an appointment with them.
Good Friday is hard ...because of abuse in the past ...No hugs please

*Hugs Crimson*
*Waves to Angel*