You're not the only one Jill. But it won't always be this bad.

*sits by new friends as tears run down face* Why won't they stop? I don't want to cry anymore today. hugs please? :crying:

*Hugs shadow13 tightly.* I'm Lia. Do you have a name you want us to call you, or would you rather be shadow13? You don't have to give your real name if you're worried about being 'found'. Do you want to share what's bothing you? We're a nice bunch for the most part and won't eat you or anything :)

*Hugs Jill* Sorry you're feeling so low. Is there anything we can do to help?


xx

big bear hugs for shadow13. hello names jill are you okay?
hugs lia, i know what would help, but im not even going there. sorry

Haven't felt this bad in a long time. Feel terrible. Not even overly sure why either :(

*Hugs Sarah* I'm sorry you're feeling so low. I know it's especaially frustrating when you don't even know why.

I'm also sorry for my earlier post and making you all worry then I never even said what it was and everything. I will one day. Maybe soon. Sorry.

Mum's being an ass with me again. Its depressing that I got half my DNA from her. Still not 100% sure I'm even in the right degree, that could be the depression talking or just realising I only did it because I was forced into it or maybe even something else... Just it was always my dream to work with animals and I'm voulenteering with them soon and my work experience felt right... I'm so muddled up right now

you have nothing to be sorry for lia, you can tell us in your own time or you can PM me.

*cuddles everyone*

My face is ****ing annnnnnnnoying. But least I'm FINALLY going to the doctors about it in the morning.

I hope the doctors go well for you Helen

Thanks Louise. Am scared about something, but I think I found a way round it.

*huggles everyone*

Hels: Thanks sweetheart.

Feeling really down and my arm hurts. Just want to ... I don't know ... scream, shout, cry, and lots of other stuff but mostly give in to the bad stuff. *sigh*

Kahlia. I love you, please don't hurt yourself.

Sleepy time now. Night all.

xx

*sighs and looks around the ward* so many people are struggling *sits* best not add to the list hmmm

*hugs all*

I'm sorry I've not been posting in here much recently, I'm in a deep depression and everything is just ****.
I could really do with some hugs right now, I'm really anxious about tomorrow, I'm going to the police station to a report a homophobic hate crime and I'm scared.

i am okay

Ummm you can call me Shad. :) I'm using that alias for this site. As for what's going on... My now ex-friend told me (basically) that I'd changed and she didn't think she could be friends with the new me. But I haven't changed... She started ignoring me and I got really angry and upset and called her immature.
We had an argument a couple of weeks ago and I started going into shock and crying and no one would let me leave. So at lunch, at school, I cut. It's almost healed now...
Then awhile later, one of my other friends got involved (the one who held me against my will while i was crying ) and took her side and they called me pathetic behind my back, which another two of my TRUE friends were there to hear. One of them then yelled at the two that called me pathetic and came and told me.
They've now got a teacher involved saying it's all my fault and that i'm pathetic, immature and they don't like me anymore. I keep crying in school. My mind runs over the memories of my two lost friends (we've been together for 4 yrs) and It's all I can think about. I keep telling myself that it's my fault. MY FAULT. And if I was.... I dunno not me in a way, we'd still be friends.
Yesterday (Thursday) I cried almost all day. Everything would just start the tears and I kept yelling at myself to stop being so weak and pathetic, telling myself they were right...At lunch, after being free for a week and a half, I cut. I felt all my pain wash away.
I WANTED the numb feeling and... I got it. I didn't cry for the rest of the day. The price? My freedom. I feel trapped again in that dark hole with no hands reaching to get me. Just sitting there in the dark waiting for some slither of hope's silver light.
I feel so defeated. I fear I may not recover this time. I've only been on here a few days and I don't know alot of you but... Help. Please. I just want to stop the pain. I want to be free again. I need your help and your hugs and your kindness, if your willing to give it to this pathetic excuse for a 15yr old high school student. :crying:

Hey Shad, my name's Felicia.
*hugs* That's happened to me with a lot of my friends recently. Feel free to PM me, I'm a good listener :)

Sorry I'm being such a bad wardie guys. Today has been ****. And I may or may not be around much this weekend and next week. We'll see. If you'd like, facebook me or whatevs. Link's in my profile.

*Hugs Louise*

*Hugs Felicia*

*Hugs Shad*

*Hugs Becca*

*Hugs Oliver* Good luck at the police staion :)

*Hugs Helen* Good luck at the Dr's :)

*Hugs Julie*

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Kahlia*

*Hugs all my other wardies*

*curls up*

You okay Julie? *Huggles*

*shakes head* yea i'm fine

NOBODY is a bad wardie, we're all struggling right now. Some of us more than others. That's how life goes unfortunately at times. But just because we can't support/do individuals because of said struggles, does NOT, make us bad wardies. So can we all stop beating ourselves up over that please? :( We're all here for one another, even if if hugs are the only thing we can manage.

*cuddles everyone*

Hope the police goes okay Oliver. *cuddles*

*hugs Mark* How you doing?

Shad, I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time right now. You will be able to give up self harm completely, it just takes time and nobody stops one day and never ever cuts again. Well some people might, but most people I've found have stopped/started with recovery and most go on to give it up completely.

Julie, I don't think you are fine sweetheart. You know we've agreed not to say we're fine unless we really are :P I know you don't want to add to the numbers of wardies struggling, but it's okay if you are. We're all here for each other x

i just... *sniffles* i'll be f... i...*sits in a corner and scratches*

What's wrong Julie?

Cuddles all. Sorry but I once again I got stuiped thoughts running through my head feel very unsafe. Got to listen to people bitching and talking bullshit. Just want to scream and say Fu@k off. Curls up and hides. Help please.

I have an appointment at 12pm with Kat whom I have never had a proper appointment with before ( She does the accupuncture ) but she is really nice , I think it will be good to talk face to face with someone :)

How are you doing Helen? *Hugs*

i maded a post
(it's not important)
...:notsure: not that important...

*Hugs Jill*

*Hugs Julie* I read your post , I'm sorry you are so low :( but you do make sense.

thanks marky u didnt have to read it but thanks

Jill, I'm sorry you feel so unsafe. Maybe you should go to A&E, if you're feeling that bad?

Julie, I'll read your post in a minute.

Mark, I feel like **** but better than I was yesterday. Haven't cried so far today. Doctors went okay.

ignore my post it's not important

*curls up in a corner in a box*

All pale and shaky and afraid today. I'm scared of myself :(

*Hugs Sarah* I'm sorry you feel so awful :( I hate it when I'm scared of myself .

*Spots and hugs Louise*

*Hugs Julie and Sarah*

Oh my god, I survived the week! Whoooo! Know what this means? Banned Books week is next week and I have about double the amount of work to do for it that I did this week. Why can't I just learn to say "I can't do everything"?
The campout for this weekend may be canceled, and I'm secretly hoping for that. I need this weekend to catch up on all the schoolwork I've neglected, but I'd feel guilty not going to the campout, ya know?
I can't do everything though. I've pretty much given up most of my life this week to Jesus Week, even though it meant barely sleeping, not having time to eat, basically just going to class, work, Jesus week stuff, planning meetings. I. can't. keep. doing. this. But if I don't our *wonderful* vice president of BCM makes some comment about how I'm the secretary and don't do my job.
I'm going to land myself in a hospital if I don't start caring about me though.

On a non ranty note, my Witchcraft course starts at 1 today! woooo!

*Hugs Felicia* Wow it sounds like you are working REALLY hard , please try and take just a little "Felicia Time" . Glad you are looking forward to your Witchcraft course :)

Cuddles all. Helen *shakes head* I'm okay everthings allright. Curls up

I feel... Lost. Like I'm floating. Like this isn't real...Dizzy.

*worries and sits*
my friend g needs to get her legs amputated higher up (this makes the 3rd surgery since she was 7... she's 26)

*Hugs everyone*

Welcome to the ward Shad. I think I already told you I'm Lia.

*hugs everyone*

*hugs all*

Hope you really are okay Jill, because I don't believe you somehow x

*hugs helen* how're you?

I'm itchy as hell, damm eczema :( Trying not to scratch. Other than that I'm much better than yesterday. How you doing??

aaw, do you have any cream or anything you can out on it?
i'm completley freezing

*hugs crimson* i'm so sorry to hear about your friend. My thoughts are with her.

*hugs julie, jill, nicole, lia, and sarah*

*hugs oliver* good luck with the police. hope that it goes okay. sorry that you are feeling so slow right now, don't worry about posting too much. We just like to know that you are okay.

*hugs helen* you are right, none of us are "bad" wardies. How r u today?

*hugs felicia* wow you are busy.. I really can understand that, uni is keeping me crazy busy too, luckily the last 2 days or so ive gotten to slow down a little. Next week will be back into the craziness tho lol. Please try to take care of yourself. Glad that you are looking forward to your witchcraft course!

*hugs shad* i'm sorry you are feeling dizzy/floating. I think I can kinda understand what you mean by that... it sounds sort of dissociated. Here if you need to talk.

*hugs mark* good luck with the appointment!

Well I think i slept long enough heh.. its 12:45pm... i just got up. Now I have to clean my apartment and try to get some homework done because my parents are coming up here tomorrow so I wont have any time to do things tomorrow.

I had a panic attack at work last night. Let me tell you, was that fun. (sarcasm.. if you couldnt tell heh). I was trying to hide it for so long but then i just kinda walked out for a few minutes. Work people have no idea about anything so they were kinda like, why r u leaving? I think i just said something about having to use the restroom.. i dont really remember. I wanted to SI so bad to stop it... but couldnt b/c at work, and because i dont want my rents to know that i'm actively SI-ing. Anyway, that was my evening. the newsroom was very tense last night, the editors were angry and yelling.. i think that is probably what triggered panic-y feelings.

*Hugs Laura and Nicole*

Hey guys. Somone said to me yesterday, 'you really don't trust anyone do you?' That's not strictly true. I trust people here on the ward. I know you won't judge me. You won't blame me or think any differently of me.

Oh and Nicole, so am I. I have my massive dressing gown on that makes me look about 20 stone and i'm wrapped in my duvet.