Argh! The more I think about it, the more I regret sending that email to my tutor last night. Ah well. Nothing I can do about it now. He knows everything he was pestering me about all year so... *shrug*

And joy of joys my boyfriend's disappeared off the face of the planet. Never, never stops.

*hugs Ally*

I...in shock.

But I have to go out now, Ally I'll message that blueberry of yours later okay hun? xxxx

*peeks in and leaves some hugs for everyone* Haven't been around much this week and have skimmed through the pages and pages of posts that I've missed... everyone seems pretty low lately :S Hope you're all alright (or as close to it as possible).

*snuggles Helen*
Alright sweetie... Sounds like you may be having a rough time of it... I've got church and work today but work should be slow so I should be able to answer and will ASAP

*hugs Ally* *hugs Helen* *hugs Hana*

Trying to wake up. Set the alarm clock, forgot that it was Sunday when the radios do their public service programs. Turned off the radio as soon as I was awake enough to do so.

Turned off the tv as soon as my husband got in the shower. I don't need to see the weather report 6 times. It is going to be clear and hot today with temperatures in the 90's, mid 30's for those of you in the UK.

Bless my husband, he remembered to put the conditioner in the shower as well as taking the shampoo in. He as short hair so obviously doesn't need conditioner. I use one on the last three or four inches of my hair. Last night I brushed the road tangles from my hair and it felt thin. Have I lost that much to brushing the knots out. Given the temps today, I'm going to let my hair air dry. In this weather it will dry in an hour or two. Starting off a hot day by aiming hot air at my head is not fun!

cuddles all around

Hey guys...Alexx here...but on Jess' account....yeh I'm not weird....I'm just at hers....seeing as my LOVELY mother kicked me out :pinch:
I'll go back tomorrow....or the day after...but I want to find a flat/appartment ASAP...only I dont know where to start...just know i need a job first :blink:....PLUS...i wont have internet access if i move out :blink:

*leaves lots of hugs for everyone*

Ally, In think you should tell your therapist. He can't discharge you for a misunderstanding can he? And it is obviously bothering and affecting you. *hugs*

Auburn, sorry about your boyfriend, hope things are settling with the house etc xx

Blondiebear- the churches sound awesome. I'm very jealous! I am studying religion and religious conflict etc for part of my History degree next year so love that sort of stuff! Glad you are having a good time. Oh, and I'm sure your hair isn't falling out, don't worry *hugs*

How are you doing Katch and Jeremy?
*spots Jess* You alright sweetie?

*leaves hugs for Alexx, Amanda and anyone else has missed*

Hells, got your text but obviously can't text back. PM me when you get back and will reply asap. *hugs* Hope you are ok.
FYI again, figured out exactly what can and cannot do with phone. It's the number buttons that are screwed. So I cannot dial numbers or text but I can usually call people already saved as a contact or who have recently text me. Will try to get it sorted on Monday/Tuesday.

Sorry Alexx, you beat me to posting lol. I'm so sorry about your mother that sucks! Why did she throw you out? How old are you? Some colleges I think have some sort of accommodation and may be able to help organise it. When I needed somewhere to live my college was pretty good (I was 17). Or you can get housing benefit from the council but normally takes about 6 weeks to come through so you have to apply asap and it's quite complicated. ....Just some random info for you. Hope you are ok, or as much as possible xxx

Cheers Emma. I'm 17...18 in October. I'm looking for a job at the minute so hopefully *crosses fingers*
Not looking forward to going back though.....mum just HATES me but oh well :/

Hmmm yeah I'll go and drop you a line in a minute *snuggles* Thanks hunnie.

*hugs Susan* I love being somewhere hot and not having to dry my hair :hop: But once I plaited my wet hair into two plaits and it took aggggges to dry, should have let it dry first and then plaited it :blush: Hope you coutinue to have fun

I can't believe your mum did that, well I kinda can actually :sad: I'm so sorry hun, I wonder if Emma's suggestion would help? I know that at my college we have a youth worker and he helps people find somewhere to live :S

That's no problem sweetie. I'll go PM you now as I'm back. Arrrgh proper annoyed though and you know why ;) Ah okay, I hope your phone can be fixed sooooon ;-)

I've just had an awesome afternoon out with my dad. Bowling again and boy did I do good? Heheh was fun. But I'm feeling all ****- that doesn't cover it but yah. I'm still increadibly sucidical =[

Meh. Exam starts in like 15 & half hours. Eeeeeeeeeeeeek! I am SO not gonna be able to concentrate >.< I should be seeing my counsellor at 2pm, but have an exam so I can't. But gonna try and see her after my first session of the exam is done with. Guh!

Heya everyone :) I thought i'd post not spose to but i am, nowon can stop me.

Hells i hope your exam goes well tomorrow hun i'll be thinking about ya :) and good luck i'm sure you'll do really well.

How's everyone else doing today??

____

I wish i could say how i feel but i can't due to something that i can't say either :( it's not fun trying to hold in how you feel and not allowed to say, but the worst thing is i'm very worried about tomorrow as the police still haven't caught these girls :( xxx

Hi Lil-princess - so sorry you cant say anything - but even though you cant you know we are all thinking of you and here for you 100% - if there is anything we can do.
Really thinking of you for tomorrow - keep safe and keep strong - it's going to be OK. Hugs tons xxx

Hugs to everyone else I will catch up with all the posts later. xxx

Ugh I have a massive headache and am so stressed :(

*wants to cry*

*hugs helen, katch and lil princess*

lil-princess - I'm sorry you can't say anything at the moment, and I hope everything goes ok for you tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you. I'm here if you ever want to talk about anything. Feel free to PM me whenever.

Wraps helen in a blanket with nice stuffs to make your headache better. Good luck with the exam tomorrow sweetie. I'm sure it'll be fine.

----------------------------------
Well, the boyfriend turned up. He's fine and all that, just landed himself in hospital after a run in with the guys that made me have to move out of my flat, and lost his phone so had no numbers to contact any of us. I feel so weak though, I mean I moved 200 odd miles away for the summer just to get away from them, and yet he stood there and tried to save my friend... it should have been me there with her, not him.
I don't know why I'm getting so worked up over it though, because he's fine and everything but... I don't know.

Oh, and to top it all off my dads slightly drunk and in a bad mood. There's a reason I moved out of this shithole goddamnit.
Sorry... needed to put it somewhere

Hi Hana - glad the boyfriend turned up. I should try and stay clear of your dad right now though = you dont need him making anything worse. Sorry you are hating being there right now - thinking of you.
xxx

I can always move back up to uni, or move in with a friend down here for a while. There are options, but... they said it would be different this time, you know?
I don't know why I trusted them. They never kept their promises before, why should they now?
*sigh* I'm doing my best to stay out of his way right now, but... it seems everyone's out to hurt me. Those guys up at uni, my dad, for once everyone apart from me. Though even that's beginning to seem damned attractive. I won't do anything, but... oh the temptations...

Thanks Hana.

I feel so shitty, sucidical, sore, scared and other stuff :(

I think I'm headed for a breakdown *wants to sob in real life*

*hugs for everyone around*

I should be asleep but i'm not hehe oh well only gotta be up in 6 hours another couple hours awake wont hurt. I feel like s*** you know tonight i don't care if i'm not aloud to say how i feel i need to :( cause in like 8 and a half hours i've got counselling and i'm actually really scared about it :( i don't wanna go i really dont xx

I'm so sore. :(

Emma, you've just got to come to southern California! There is a whole trail of Franciscan Missions that goes all the way from our border with Mexico to San Francisco. They were founded in the late 1700's. Some are still parish churches, some are museums or have museums in them. The one closest to me, San Juan Capistrano, is beautiful. It has two courtyards full of beautiful gardens and is known for its swallows!

Helen, hope the pain goes away.

Today we saw a couple of ghost towns, after spending an hour in Taos New Mexico. Got the rest of the fabrics for my quilt, yay! One ghost town had obviously been a railroad town, two of the buildings were old rail cars. The other was notable for its cemetery. It was a coal mining town and nearly 400 miners died in two horrible accidents in 1913 and 1923. The company that owned the mines paid for white metal crosses for all of the deceased miners. So there is one section of the cemetery just for the miners, just row after row of crosses.
btw, for anyone who remembers the Explosion and destruction of the federal building several years ago in Oklahoma City, twice as many people died in these mine accidents. Weird statistic but we have photos of the chairs that honor the people who died there.

My hair isn't falling out. It is breaking off! Helen, if i let it air dry, I can not put it in a ponytail or anything cause like yours it will never dry.

I hope it gets better soon Hells *hugs*

I wouldn't do something like that lol i couldn't walk or go even near a ghost town.

I'm gonna hide in the corner if anyone needs me not feeling to good tonight :( so gonna sit here and cry. xx

Lil princess, I'm confused... Why can't you talk about how you feel here..?

*hugs everyone*

Helen, please be careful. I've told you before, but I will tell you again. This situation is not worth SIing over. Good Luck on your exam and take care ok?

*hugs Emma* it will be alright sweetie. Go about as normal. I will be thinking of you.

Hey Auburn, sorry things are so shitty at the moment but please try and ignore the temptations. You can do it. *starts cheer leading team for Auburn*.....ok that was a tad tacky but hopefully you get the sentiment.

*pokes Ally* your fairly quiet today (for you anywho) you alright munchkin? *leaves hugs and rolos just in case*

Susan, I am actually seriously jealous. Don't suppose I could be really weird and ask you to either post or PM me pictures of the chairs? Sorry, know that is pretty strange but would be really interested if you could at some point. Hope you're enjoying your trip still.

But threatened and warned why?:confused:

PMing you Ally about it x

Thanks Em, I don't even think i'll go to my counselling i just can't deal with it :(

I can't say why or who, i've just been threatened if i come on here and post about everything i'm dead was it's exact words nice don't ya think? yeah i thought it was nice but i want to die right now but i can't :( i would if i didn't have this party. xx

I'm far from careful at the moment. :nono: Barely eating + blood loss (from SIing) + not sleeping well = Helen is not looking after herself at all.

I'm not because of her, well I am, but she's not the only reason. :crying:

Just over 5 hours til my exam. I need sleep but everytime I close my eyes, the nitemare begins. :blink:

Helen, nobody can make you take care of yourself. That is something you have to have the strength to do yourself. Nobody is going to make you do it. You are an adult now, please start taking that responsibility. I know it is hard but it is only you who you are ****ing over in the end. Please be careful. I know it is difficult, but maybe just turn off the laptop and close your eyes and see what happens. You need to sleep before a big exam. Please try and look after yourself x

You're completly right hun. I'm slowly getting back to normal with the eating anyway....and sleep gah it's always gonna be good & bad. It's just ten times harder atm with the nightmares.

But yeah I better try and get some sleep. x

*snuggles lil princess-Emma*
Aww sweetie, so not cool :-( this place is supposed to feel safe... I'm sorry hun.

*cuddles Helen*
Sweetie you quit talking to me... What'd I say? :blink: Please be careful hun, take care of yourself. I hope you manage to get some rest and your exam goes well.

Hey Emma *massive hugs* thanks for the PM. How goes it luv?

*snuggles her RYL mom*
Sounds like you're having a good time, I'm glad.

Me? I had church and then worked for 7 hours... Am exhausted and feeling rather lousy :-( *sigh* c'est la vie
Ugh, and I've got therapy tomorrow, errands to run (getting the title of my car in my name, call about an apartment, call and give thirty days notice for the one I'm in now, study, study, study, pack, clean, and work)... Goodness didn't realise that was such a long list lol

http://www.oklahomacitynationalmemorial.org/index.php

Will that do for a start? I don't remember when we were last there, I'll have to think about it then see if I can find the photos.

http://www.nps.gov/archive/wica/Pronghorn.htm

We saw some of these pronghorn antelope today. They are graceful and beautiful.

My dearest husband just set up a link from my travel thread to his photos. Enjoy!

amanda - go check on your OFOSH thread :)

hello to everyone. i have no words right now :(

Morning everyone :)

How are ya all this lovely morning?? *hugs all round*

----

I so should be getting ready for counselling but i'm far from it, only cause i haven't been to sleep so i'm shattered and soo dreading this counselling session, it's not going to go to well i don't think, oh crikey i better go i'll update later xxx

*leaves hugs for everyone*

Good luck in the exam Helen, thinking of you sweetie!
lil-princess I hope it doesn't go too bad at the counsellors today, thinking of you too

-------------------------------------------

As for me? Well I got an email back from my tutor in reply to that one I sent him on Saturday night, and well, he said he understands why I didn't tell him before and everything, and that my future isn't completely screwed over by all of this, and that there's plenty of opportunity for me to continue my original course in the future.
Why then, does it feel so useless, and like there's nothing I can do to get to my career? Just... I don't know. It hasn't even been that long, but this past few weeks it just feels like everything's changing and not for the better, even. I don't know what I even feel about anything anymore... It's... odd.
Sorry, this wasn't meant to be this long

xxx

*hugs Auburn* I don't know hun, but I guess he knows what he is talking about and analysing whether he does or doesn't is probably not going to help you.

*hugs everyone else*

I will reply later, off to A&E now *rolls eyes*

good luck at A&E Emma - sorry you gotta go though. Hugs xxx

Hugs to everyone for everything xxx

I can't do this anymore I am fed up with the world - everytime i get a bit of strength the world comes along and punches it out of me. I really have had enough of it all.

*cuddles Hana*
I know what you mean luv. I failed to get my act together to take the exam I needed to take to get into graduate school this fall and all of a sudden it's like I have no future, like my dream just flat lined and there's no way to revive it. Seems to me that this guy really reacted well to your email, and that's cool. Maybe a little perspective will make things feel better.

Chloe *snuggles you* looks like you're not doing too well, I'm sorry hun.

'The other Emma'... I don't like calling you that (makes me feel bad) so I'm gonna call you LP-Emma if that's alright. *squishes* Good luck with counselling sweetie, it sucks when you dread going :-(*massive hugs*

Emma *snuggles* I'm sorry you had to go to A&E sweetie :-( what's going on hun?
----------------------
Ugh, I'm exhausted, overwhelmed with trying to pass my courses so I can actually finish uni, dreading therapy and behind on my bills which is not helping how I feel... Which is in the lousy-to-awful area atm

*goes to her corner and naps, cause it's not like she just woke up or anything:blink:*

Oh!
*cuddles Katch*
Sorry luv, just woke up, still groggy...and dense tbh lol

Aw sweetie, sounds like you're having a really rough time of it.*snuggles* What's up luv?

Cuddles everyone.
I think I've figured out in part what is going on with my teeth. Bits of beef jerkey end up wedged between them! For those of you who aren't familiar with it, beef jerkey is seasoned marinated meat that is cooked or dried until it has very little moisture in it and is hard. It makes great travel food.

My husband wants me to go look at some ghost towns in an area in Colorado he is interested in.

*cuddles all around*

I'm back...
*collapses in a heap*

Meeeh.

I can't believe what's happened today hmmm.

:surprised: There are people in the world that don't know what beef jerky is?!!!
*sits in her corner in stunned silence*

I cannot cope.
Seriously.
If it wasn't for exam week, I'd probs go visit that wonderful place tomorrow.
****.

*hugs everyone*

*hugs Katch* You may have had enough of the world, and trust me I understand that but the world, and us, and your loved ones haven't had enough of you. Stay here. Please? How's your mum doing?

Glad your back Alexx *squishes* Hows it going?

*makes Ally a coffee to down with couple of pro plus* You can do it hun, not long and all the working will be done :) Hope you start to feel better a bit soon.

*pokes Helen* I've PM'd you hun, but please stay strong. I am glad it is exam week because I don't want you going to that place.

*squishes anyone has missed*

--------

Got back from A&E, drove to a different one from usual this time. Was ok, apart from apparently there is an new policy whereby they don't stitch self harmers there because it is apparently fairly common for us to unpick the stitches. So instead had two nurses try and pull it closed to steri strip. It is sort of better, only gapes just under 0.5cm now. Great.

*pokes Emma* I know you don't sweet. Besides cant die before the party can I ;)

Thanks for the pm hunnie.

*hugs everyone*

I'm sorry... I have no words... sorry.

*hugs for anyone who wants one*

nd Hells nowon can die before my party and you know nowon can die after my party either :P cause i won't let ya or anyone else.

I've been useless at advice lately sorry everyone :( but i have to go away soon and hopefully i'll be back all refreshed haha yeah right like that's going to happen, i don't even want to go i really don't, i might just hide in here for a week sounds like a good idea :)

xxx