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Scarletdreamer 19-07-2010 01:12 AM

Lia, sweetie, it's fine if you PM me. As I said, my inbox is always open. :) *hugs gently* And I'm doing better now that I typed all of that out.

Kahlia *cuddles* Sorry, don't have any advice or anything, but I do think that it's brave of you to venture out of the flat to do those things. (Sorry if that was a dense thing to say... :-S)

*cuddles everyone else* Sorry for no other individual replies...

Kahlia1981 19-07-2010 01:21 AM

April: (cuddles) It's okay. The hospital is a big trigger place for me - especially because of the mistreatment I've received there and the case with the HQCC - so it's hard to go there anyway. Plus there's bustrips, which are bad in this town. And with my anxiety up so high it kind of compounds things.

Scarletdreamer 19-07-2010 02:34 AM

*cuddles all then hides in a corner & cries*

risenfromperdition 19-07-2010 03:38 AM

*sits next to april and offers hugs*

PoisonedApple 19-07-2010 05:17 AM

Quote:

Does this make me jealous ? or just petty? I'm also acutley aware that my online Lil Sis April is Married and Hayley and Crimson and Oliver , all in couples hmmm I think it does make me jeolous , sorry .
No need to be sorry Mark. And it's not petty. Even I get jealous over things I myself think are kinda dumb... I get jealous of my husband because he has close family and friends and I have like 1-2 friends that I rarely see or get to talk to... It happens and you have a right to feel the way you feel...

*hugs everyone*
I did read everything but I'm not up for an epic style reply...
but... Oliver, glad things are going okay with Alex's parents.
*cuddles to those in need*
*calming thoughts to those with anxiety*

misskitty112 19-07-2010 06:15 AM

I feel like I shouldn't post right now, cause I'm just so unable to do individual replies.
I don't even know what's wrong with me anymore. I'm not resisting my urges anymore. I SI more than I ever have, I'm letting my ED rule my life. And I'm not to the point where I can care.
I've debated seeking out someplace I can go once I'm done with my play... 7 more days, just 7. Surely, I can survive. Then maybe I'll let myself seek help.

Scarletdreamer 19-07-2010 10:20 AM

It's 5:15am and I'm awake. Up, because of "the dreams." They were bad last night... scary AND weird. :crying: I can't get away from them. I tried praying, but that didn't work. I tried going to bed later than usual, but that didn't work. I tried talking to people about them, but that didn't work. I don't know what to do next. I'm lost. And I can't keep having these dreams. They make me terrified to go to bed... :crying:

I don't know what else to say...

OH, and Felicia, it's fine if you come here just to let us know how you're doing. If you feel guilty about not doing epic replies, well, toss us a few hugs or something... :) You don't have to do epic replies, I totally understand why you aren't. *gentle hugs*

Doikers 19-07-2010 10:47 AM

Morning /afternoon/Night Wardies :)

I crawled out of bed a little while ago . Such an effort and it really shoulden't be. I am Numb , numb and anxious and I know that doesn't make sense , How can I be Numb AND anxious surly they would cancel each other out but no . I'm not super anxious its just .. there. Still I'm doing .... how am I doing? Not sure *sigh*

Thanks for your reply Kahlia and to everyone else who replyed.

*Group Hugs*

Scarletdreamer 19-07-2010 10:51 AM

*cuddles Mark* I'm sorry you're numb & anxious... that sucks. No matter what it "should" do, cancel each other out or whatever... it still is awful feeling that way. Is there anything that I can do??

Still kind of uptight about the dreams. It's Tegretol/Equetro, I swear. I didn't have THIS much of a problem with dreams prior to starting the med about a week & a half ago. :crying: I HATE dreams. Why can't I dream good dreams for once? I HATE THEM!!!! :crying:

Anyway. Umm yeah, I've got it all together, totally...................

MammaMia 19-07-2010 11:04 AM

*cuddles all*

Kahlia1981 19-07-2010 11:11 AM

*cuddles all*

My housemate and I just watched Dogma. It was really funny. I have to go to Pain Management Clinic tomorrow morning and I'm anxious about it already - and I've got residual anxiety from today. Also, our neighbour asked us to look after her son for a couple of hours and didn't even so much as thank us.

I was standing in my room staring out my window (third floor and no flyscreens or anything) and I think I freaked my housemate out 'cause the next time I was in there he walked in and shut the window. :-(

Sorry for the lack of replies.

*cuddles Helen* - Glad you got to see Mamma Mia.

*cuddles everybody*

Doikers 19-07-2010 11:14 AM

*Cuddles April* I don't think there is much you can do but Thanks for the cuddles :) Very much appreciated :) Can you talk to someone about your Meds/Dreams link ? , A Dr or Text your NP.

*Hugs Helen*

Doikers 19-07-2010 11:20 AM

*Hugs Kahlia* Dogma is funny heh :)
Sometimes people can be really inconsidderate like your neighbour was hmmm. Obviously your flatmate is concerned for your wellfare , It's nice to have people who care but it's not nice to think you are freaking them out .
*Hands over Camomille tea to help with your anxiety*

shadowedsoul 19-07-2010 11:36 AM

Hugs Helen and lia, glad you both had a good time in london.
Damn it I feel so stressed out already, getting worked up over stuff. Damn I really want today to go away. =(

Scarletdreamer 19-07-2010 01:01 PM

It's awfully quiet in here...

*cuddles Hels & Mark back*

Am still feeling low from the dreams. :-/ This bites. It really does. I HATE NIGHTMARES... and WTF is with me having them every night for a week?! :crying: Sorry, the feelings from the dreams are still being acutely felt and I feel so awful right now.....

Plans for the day: clean up apartment as a prospective buyer is coming... maybe hang out with my bestie (not sure)... fill my script for Klonopin... maaaybe get my hunter on WoW to hit level 66 (:D)... that's about it really. Gonna be a quiet day in this household. Heh. And I might play my cello - am super excited as I ordered (finally!!) a top-end rosin for the bow as well as a new book for me to play out of. I'm nowhere near done with the books I have now, but just having this book optional... can't wait for it to get here. :) It might be a little above my current playing level, but I will get there. :D

*hides in a corner & cries some more*

Kahlia1981 19-07-2010 01:19 PM

*cuddles Mark* - Yeah Dogma was great. Thanks for the tea. My housemate is great, he usually doesn't show when I've unnerved him.

Jill: *offers hugs* Sorry it isn't more.

April: *offers gentle hugs* Sorry about the nightmares. I know how bad/disturbing they can be. When I was learning/playing flute I used to love having music that was challenging. When I played in high school the majority of the music I was playing was too easy for me so I would get bored and start to improvise. Sorry, I was going to say that I hope the wait is worthwhile. :-)

one_step_closer 19-07-2010 03:04 PM

*cries*

Doikers 19-07-2010 03:17 PM

*Hugs Lindsay*

time to change 19-07-2010 03:31 PM

first of all *hugs for everyone*
todays not been great. didnt sleep at all last night, feel very week. had to go into town for "lunch group" with cmht, and thought i would go see if i have been paid. no. another thing to bring me down, having no money.
i cant stop shaking, it is really getting to me. i know i should phone my cpn and tell her how i am feeling, but i just cant seem to. i dont see her til thursday, and 3 days seems like an eternity. dont know how much more i can take of it all, im slipping, and its getting faster and faster. there's nothing to hold on to.

I'mJustMe 19-07-2010 04:02 PM

*Hugs Lindsey* What's the matter? Is it the men? Just to let you know from your previous post, I take you seriously. I know how scared you must be, and that they do have the power to control you and do things to you. I know what it's like not to be heard, to be brushed aside when you're desperatly seeking help, but we won't brush you aside here and we will listen to you. :)

*Hugs Steph tightly*- I don't really know what to say right now. At least you told us on here, even if you can't call anyone else. I have a tip for holding on. Just think, what do I have to look forward to? And then wait until after that to kill yourself, and when that's past, think of something esle and so on and so on. Like for me, I am totally staying alive until I get my GCSE results. I didn't do those damn things for nothing. Then I might as well take a year of A-level as otherwise the results are just a bit of paper. Then all that would have been for nothing unless I complete my alevels and go to uni, then I need to finish that and at least teach for a couple of years to make that worthwhile. Then I can kill myself if I still want to. But that gives me about 7 years to get better.

*Hugs Mark*- How are you now? I've had the whole 'depressed but numb thing as well and I also have no idea how it works. Strange world we live in. I know how you feel though. It's like you're depressed, but nothing can change your feelings. Nothing makes you feel better or worse, you just stay in the same low.

*Hugs Kahlia* How's the anxiety going? Nice to hear you had some good times with your housemate, sometimes it's the small things that make us happy. Today I saw my English teacher and she seemed really pleased to see me, which made me feel as if I am worth somethings. She's the only one who's ever been able to make me feel like that because she can be cold, cutting and saracastic, but she's nice to me and is sarcastic at me, but never really cutting. She is mean, but it's in a jokey way. We like to fight a lot. Anyway, the point is she makes me feel good about myself and has always encouraged me. Sorry, went off on a tangent there. I think the point was it's the little things that make us smile.

*Climbs in corner with April hands tissues and holds* Try a dream catcher, they are supposed to capture our nightmares and keep them so we have sweet dreams. I don't know if I believe in it or not, but they can be a comfort anyhow. So can Winnie the Pooh :) Thanks for listening to me last night btw, it felt good to tell someone and put it all in perspective like that insted of a jumbled mess in my head.

*Hugs Jill* I'm sorry if you're struggling. What are you getting worked up over? And that man who's texting you, it's not your fault. You may have given him your number, but you certainly didn't ask for the texts and if you've asked him to stop and he hasn't, it's harrasement and you could take it to the police. At least threaten him with that, see if he stops then. Whether you will or not is beside the point, he doesn't know that.

Hey Helen *cuddles back* How are you?

*Hugs and cups of tea to all others. Also have choclate orange hot chocolate and coffee if you'd prefer.*

xx


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