.....

*cuddles everyone then disappears back into the darkness once again*

*hugs laura and laura (and anyone else who wants hugging)*

I'm Ayla. Feeling quite low.

I've got a lot of uni work piling up.

I've been in control of urges for almost a year but it's suddenly got really hard this week. I can't really talk to anyone in my house, they get too freaked out.

I know I should sleep but I'd rather be doing something rather than just staring at the ceiling driving myself crazy.

How is everyone else?

*hugs laurafriend* try not to hurt yourself hun.

*cuddles helen* I read what u posted before u deleted it i just didnt have a chance to respond.. i wont mention it specifically since idk if u dont want it up or something but... Im sorry about all of that... U okay?

*hugs kahlia*

*hugs ayla* Uni can be so hard.. I have a lot of work for mine right now too. Im sorry u cant talk to anyone in ur house... can u tell someone else? u can always talk on here...

I had to delete it because partly of the people involved, two of them are here. Partly because it's not 100% true right now.

Everything's really bad right now :/

*hugs everyone tightly*

*runs into the darkest space she can find and curls up into a little ball crying into bear*

*hugs Ayla* uni work sucks. i dunno why they bother cos it's not like we went to uni to get a degree or anything.....:/ lol hope you manage to get it done...i know the feeling of having far too much to do..*hugs*

*hugs Laurastar* how you doing?

*hugs Helen* aww hun....hope it gets better soon.

*hugs Kahlia* .... *hands a dry teddy and blanket*

i've got to the point where i'm only just holding it together...i occasionally get these moments where it all goes red and i feel EVERYTHING for a few seconds and it hurts so much, but then it goes and i know i've got to deal with it at some point. i'm scared....
*curls up to sleep in the denial tent*

It hurts too much. It really hurts, but I have to deal with it, the other option hurts far too much more and I really would lose everything. *sighs* Been crying pretty much since 1am, except when I was asleep, it's 12pm now :/

*cries some more*

aww helen *hugs* i...i'm a bit rubbish at being helpful at the moment. :( sorry. have some more hugs and some tissues. lol *hugs* hope you feel better soon. anything i can do?

*gratefully accepts tissues and hugs*

Nothing anyone can do except the person it involves and they are. I wish I could get rid of this nasusa, shows that I've cried tons and tons. Thought it might go away after sleeping, but clearly not.

*curls up and cries*

aww *huggles* i always find that if i'm really upset going for a walk helps...i dunno if its the fresh air or the fact that i'm moving that helps... i dunno if it'd help you. altho having said that, if the weather's anything like it is here where you are, you're not gonna want to go out! lol
*hugs* look after yourself :)

Well I'm going out with my Dad in a bit, maybe that'll help :) Hopefully. Just had a shower, feel better for it, cleaner...

*hugs some more*

curls up in corner and sleeps, needs some sleeps 2 hours last night, had a very bad night, even worse morning. trying not to hurt myself really want to. crys

*hugs Helen* hope you have a great time out with your Dad and you feel better when you get back :)

*hugs shadowedsoul* sorry, i don't know your name :/ try and stay strong. we're here if you wanna talk. *hugs and hands a blanket and a teddy* :)

i just hurt myself. for no apparent reason. this is why i'm scared to actually let myself feel anything because if i can do this when i don't feel anything what am i gonna do when i feel really bad? :( i'm so scared
*hides under a blanket*

*cuddles both*

It's so nice to be back, I'd forgotten how helpful it can be to talk to people without being judged. I'm feeling a little more with it today, aside from having woken up with flu-like symptoms, I've obviously exhausted myself.

Laura (Fallin_star) - the people I live with are by far my closest friends but I can't even bring myself to talk to them about it. I think talking about it face to face often makes me feel worse. Nice to know there's a few of us feeling the pressure of uni work. I've just let it get on top of me and haven't been doing as much as I should have. Going to try and get myself back on track this week.

Laura (Imaginary_friend) please try not to be so hard on yourself. You say you hurt yourself for no apparent reason - I don't know anything about your situation but perhaps you hurt yourself because you're not letting yourself feel anything? I know for me when I let the shutters come down on my emotions I'll do anything to feel real again. It can be really scary to embrace even the positive feelings, let alone the negative ones, just take it one step at a time and try and show yourself some love. *hugs*

shadowedsoul (again, sorry I don't know your name), I feel for you. I often have trouble sleeping and it makes everything seem a lot worse, and when you feel worse it's harder to sleep and so on. Try and at least let your body rest though, maybe get in bed and try and read a book or something. *big hugs* i hope you get some sleep soon.

*cuddles Helen* you alrite chick?

*hugs Ayla* thanks :) yea maybe that is why i'm hurting myself but....i dunno. like i said in an earlier post, i do occasionally feel everything all at once and it's really scary. it's like i can't separate out my feelings...i have to feel everything all at once. i don't wanna let myself feel all that while i'm by myself because i'll end up doing something stupid or hurting someone else....i dunno. guess i need to talk to my counsellor about it tomorrow. i wish someone could help me *cries*

Oh Laura you poor thing. I understand feeling that way - it becomes impossible to separate the feelings out, know where they came from etc etc. It really can be scary. Sounds like talking to your counsellor about it would be a good idea. Do you have a good relationship (it's taking me a while to get up to speed with everyone)? Just take the rest of today bit by bit. *hands Laura some tissues and puts the kettle on*

thanks :) *takes the tissues and cries some more* i've only just started going back to counselling...like, last week was my first session! i think she thinks i'm a bit stupid tbh but i don't know who else to go to...it doesn't feel like the kind of thing i could go to the doctors about. i don't know. i just want to be somewhere safe where if i go mental i'm not gonna hurt anyone. or me. i just don't know what to do anymore *hides in a corner*

Laura - I'm sure your counsellor doesn't think you're stupid, it just takes time to build up that trust you need to feel safe in that environment. I've always had trouble with counselling but I think if you can make it work it can be a really good place to get it all out of your system. Keep your chin up sweetie, I'm around for the rest of the day so feel free to PM me as well.

*Sits close to the corner where Laura is hiding, just in case she needs more tissues and cuddles*