*cuddles One step* What's up, love?

My Christmas was good, thanks, Scarlett. Family wasn't the best, but there's a thread in general advice on that. Why do you think it's time for YOUR admission? *huggles*

I'm feeling crrrrappy. But not as bad as earlier. I went to the bathroom right after lunch, forgetting that I'm not "supposed" to. Oops. However, I didn't purge, which is good... :)

Went target shooting, which was fun, with my husband and dad. Only shot 14 rounds out of my pistol, and hit the target 5 times... so yeah. :-/

*hugs everyone*

*hugs one step closer* I'm sure that isn't true, what's making you feel like that?

I'm glad your Christmas was good scarlet, sorry about the family - the can suck big time. I'm just tired really, I keep dreaming about a nice long break from the realities of life. *hugs* I'm sorry you're feeling bad. Well done for not purging hon!

Oooh that sounds fun, i'd love to do something like that x x x

Scarlett, you can call me April. Hehe. Otherwise it sounds like you're talking to yourself. ;)

Yeah, target shooting is fun. Only problem is, I have a .45 caliber pistol and the .45 ACP rounds are SO EXPENSIVE!!! ($40 for 100 rounds) So yeh. My husband wants me to work on self defense tactics with his .22 (much cheaper rounds, very similar way of shooting/working)... so I will probably do that.

Blah. I really don't feel that great. :(

*cuddles everyone*

walks in and curls up in coner. dont want to be here anymore,argh!!! why do i always loose people i care about

*hugs April*

I didn't do anything drastic because I know your right he would hate to see me hurt my self. He was the only one that knew the real me and understood me. He was My 77 year old grandfather that took care of me more than my father. His Lungs could not support his body an he did not want to be living off of life support. He died a hour and 20 minutes after I arrived. I miss him so much It hurts :crying:. His Funeral is on Wednesday.

hugs deathdancer gently,im so sorry hun.

*hugs shadow back*
Thanks shadow
I know he is not in pain anymore but is hurts so much not having him here

*hugs Kiera*

Thank you Kiera I will keep that in mind and if you need to talk im here I don't think I'm going to be sleeping lot ether.

*cuddles everyone* Sorry to hear that everyone's low and all... sorry, am in a bad place now so can't offer words of wisdom or whatnot to you all... would if I could but my brain's not really working atm. Sorry...

I am going to quit seeing my nutritionist. Texted my NP to tell her as she was the one that said "it's vital" to have him on my treatment team. So... I have yet to hear back from her. I'm scared. >_< Stupid me.

God knows how sick I am of this!!!!!

*hugs april, kiera, and everyone else* i <3 all of u guys.. sorry to hear that everyone is doing badly. I wish i could give some advice, but I am doing badly myself and it would just feel hypocritical... I just want all of you to know that I am reading...

Some explanation for my last few posts:
When I was about 18 (i'm 20 now) my best friend quit talking to me, no reason given, she just stopped. It was one of the worst experiences b/c i had no idea what I did wrong and nobody else seemed to know either and she wouldnt talk to me... It took me a long time to trust anyone as a "best friend" again... and when I did... all this is happening again. I mean, It's been awhile I guess since he stopped talking to me... but something happened that made it official... he no longer cares enough about me to even keep updated or speak to me, even on the most superficial level. He knew almost everything about "my story"... and now it feels weird to know that someone out there knows a ton about me, yet refuses to even speak to me... Between that and my family stuff, I feel badly... Still trying to resist urges.. and i know its not worth it to SI... I just.. i don't know... I was feeling better, i really was... until the past 48 hours... now i just want to cry

*cuddles everyone but gives laura a big squish*

*huggles everyone*

My housemate woke from his psychosis today and we went by ambulance to hospital to get some answers (and an attempt at help). It really filled in some blanks for all of us. His "heart condition" was actually caused by elevated CK levels - which is an enzyme that shows up when there is muscle damage. The cardiac specialist made the decision to remove all his medication because his CK level was 10,700. This level is commonly reached by athletes immediately after a race etc and is not a critical level. It is elevated but according to my brother (an ICU nurse) not unusual (in his experience). Hence, my flatmate went into a psychotic episode. If I'd been thinking clearly I would have rung the crisis line or an ambulance on Boxing Day, but unfortunately I'm not particularly well at the moment. Anyway yesterday someone from Kith & Kin turned up to do a welfare check on him and he was standing naked on the balcony trying to let her in. She rang the crisis team and they did a home visit and he was unable to unlock the security door so spoke to them through it, and they made the decision that he "wasn't too distressed" and "seemed alright". Anyway, shortly after that he came and crawled up next to me in bed - I was trying unsucessfully to get some sleep. I didn't know about the two visits until we were at the hospital this morning. His mother rang and asked me how he was and I put him on the phone. He was talking about saving the planet and reducing carbon emissions by not charging his mobile phone. Today he woke extremely confused about what had been going on. Apparantly he was thinking of calling a locksmith to unlock the security door until he managed it. Anyway he is able to go back on his lithium tonight - which while it won't help his psychotic symptoms will help control his mood. The crisis team is getting in touch with a pdoc at the hospital and arranging some AP meds.

Sorry, most of you probably didn't want to read all that .... It's just been a seriously long holiday period and I'm over everything. Can I take a dark corner and try and sleep now??

*hugs to everyone*

I'm so sorry death dancer, I'm glad you're grandfather isn't in pain anymore. *offers you a shoulder to cry on and a friendly ear to reminisce to*

Have you heard back from you're np yet April? You can call me Jocelyn btw.

*Cuddle for Kahlia and Laura* You can share my humungous goose down duvet if you want Kahlia x x x

*hugs Kahlia* sounds very hectic over there...hope ur housemates gets better asap..xx

*cuddles everyone*

*gently holds Dancer* I'm sorry that your grandfather died... as I said before, it must be so difficult to have someone that close to you die. *gentle hugs* I think you're handling it pretty well though, as far as I can tell... you haven't done anything drastic, so that's a good thing!! Keep on hanging in there... do you have anyone - therapist, pastor, etc. - to talk with about this?

Laura *squishes* I'm sorry that you're feeling so low... I wish that you could cry, because that's so good for the mind... it releases tension and frustration and stress... that's what you need right now. I understand the frustration of being ignored by people that were "friends" - life isn't fair and this just goes to prove it even more thoroughly. Wish I could do something to help... if you need to talk, though, I'm here, okay? ♥

Kahlia *hugs* Thanks for the update. I'm glad to hear that they found out what was wrong with your flatmate... but how are YOU doing??

Jocelyn *hugs* Nope, haven't heard back from my NP or my therapist. I texted them both the same message last night and no response yet... ugh. :( I hate that. Hopefully they'll get back to me sometime today... I really need some feedback, just to make sure I'm not doing anything stupid with quitting seeing my N. :-/ Anyway, how you doing today? :)

*sighs*

I don't know how much longer I can hold on for. Every day is such a struggle.

Thing is, Kiera, I'm not asking for a different system. I'm just going to quit seeing ANY nutritionist. >_< And that seems to be a recipe for failure... even though part of me doesn't think it will be. *hugs* How are you?

*huggles One step* What's up, love? I understand every day being a struggle... but it DOES get better.

*gently cuddles Franz* I wish I could make things better for you... :( Sounds like you've had it pretty rough over the past few days... if you need to talk you know I'm here!! *hands you a teddy bear*

*cuddles onto the teddy* >.<

This is an awful feeling. I feel like curling up and crying... And my mum caught onto the whole "not eating excuse for being ill."

*curls up to April and falls asleep.*

*blinks up at Kiera tiredly*

*offers teddy*

Wanna talk?

*hugs kahlia* Wow, you have a had a lot going on. Maybe things will calm down a little now.. Remember to take care of yourself too.

*hugs kiera* Its good that your family cares about you though... I know that sometimes it feels like it would be easier if not... but in the end, i think its a good thing.

*hugs franz* That sucks that your sick :-( You should eat something though, something healthy.. it may help give your body some strength to help fight off the chicken pox

*hugs april* thanks for your kinda words. I haven't cried in months tho. I know that life isn't fair, and I know that I probably shouldn't complain as I know so many people have worse things going on... but sometimes it still seems like too much. Anyway, enough about me... how are you doing?