I told him that I'm getting close to just stopping taking my meds. I take up to 25 tablets a day including sleeping pills and PRN meds. From where I'm sitting they aren't really helping anyway and I've started gagging when I'm taking them. My head is telling me that they are going to kill me.

He wants me to keep taking them but he said he could see where I was coming from. He also said he wants me to have ECT again. I've told him no but haven't been able to verbalise the reason and he keeps trying to talk it up.
The reason: I did get improvement when I had ECT three times a week but the improvement was not sustained .... which means it's not sustainable .... which means that in order to really live, I would have to have ECT three times a week for the rest of my life. This means I could never work, it would be pointless trying to study, and realistically, I would not be able to have a life. So if you're going to do that ... wouldn't it just be quicker and easier all round to euthanise me now ??

Sorry, I just feel like poop now.

*hugs* i'm the worlds worst at taking tablets so i won't lecture you over it but do try to keep taking them, unless its possible to convert some of them to injection format as i have done?

As for ECT if you keep saying no they can't make you have it *snuggles* i can understand why you feel bad though my poor friend

*Hugs Kahlia and Dramatic*

Feeling a bit shitty. Just had English and have Media in 20mins. The voices are really bad, but I can't afford to miss anymore lessons.
It's not fair. x

I'm on 2 antipsychotics and 2 mood stabilisers ~ so they can swap the antipsychotics over to injection format. He doesn't want to do that right now. They have done that before because I got to a point where I just couldn't take what I was on.

Actually, they can give me ECT even if I say no. They would have to put me under an ITO to do it, but they could. Hopefully it won't come to that.

*hugs you back*

*hugs Zowie*. I'm really sorry that the voices are bad. Good luck.

Why doesnt he want to swap them over to injection?

I hope it doesnt come to an ITO, surely he'll respect your right to choose

*hugs right back atcha*

Zowie i'm sorry your having troubles with the voices *hugs*

I'm not sure why he doesn't want to swap them over. I think it's just that I have so many issues with medications. He just said that he didn't want to change anything right at the moment.

I want to start crying again. I've barely stopped since I came out of my pdoc's office.

Sorry everyone. :(

*hugs Kahlia and offers tissues and a shoulder to cry on*

*hugs emma tight* I just sent you a text and then this post reminded me you probs wont get it....*hugs you some more*

*hugs Hana* I do indeed know where you are. Need to talk when I finally get home tonight (it's gonna take a while possibly, cus hoping to meet up with Jess quickly...)

*hugs you back* Thanks darling.

*hugs Kahlia, Laura & Zowie* I'm sorry you two aren't having good days either.

I'll explain more later, but I think I'm beyond help, I just can't stay safe :wow:

*hugs you back* No one is beyond help sweetheart

*hugs more* going out tonight hun, (more free food, lol) but I'll have my mobile on me if you wanna text or anything, and I'll be home around 10 or so, we can talk properly then or something.

Loves you sweetheart.

*hugs you again* I feel like I am at the minute :blink:

*hugs more* You & your free food :laugh: But okies, talk to you later hunni :]

*more hugs* it may feel that way, but it isnt true, i promise

I believe you :) Why are people so hurtful??

people can be hurtful without meaning it, and sometimes because they want to be. I try to ignore it the best i can even though it still hurts *hugs*

Hey everyone. I am back from Texas, didn't get a chance to come on while I was over there. Hope you are all ok.

Hi all. *hugs all round*

It has been a weird day. I had an asthma attack after taking my meds last night (I do realise the two most likely aren't related) that lasted for about 4 hours. I was thinking I was going to have to get myself to the hospital to be put onto a nebuliser. Then I crashed out at about 4:30 am and basically slept until midday. I kept feeling like I wanted to go back to bed. It was really hard to keep myself awake.

Now I'm wide awake and it's 10 pm. I think I might end up doing some of the packing and repacking that I need to do.

Hope that everyone is surviving. *hugs for anyone who wants them, and I have chocolate for anyone who wants it as well :D*

*pounces on the chocolate and grabs a hug* glad your ok sweetheart

I'm glad you're ok sweetie and welcome back 1ofmany

I threw up this morning, so had to miss uni yet again. Then I checked what time this assessment is for next tues and realsie I'll have to miss Tuesday of next week and therefore wont do a full week then. Hopefully the second half of term will have me attending every single lecture & tutorial without fail :D Cus this side hasn't been great, though some of it wasn't my fault!!!

Sometimes it seems as if life conspires against what we want to do *snuggles* but i know you'll manage it soon

Having a bad day. Had to leave my lesson and now I'm worried they're going to kick me off the course. I was feeling really risky, couldn't stay there. Getting the train home was really hard. I kept thinking about dying and killing myself.
I just had a bath and found that really hard too (I have little stamina to actually bathe and change my clothes) And seeing my body makes me cry. There are cuts, burns and bruises everywhere and I'm so fat.
I weighed myself and I'm STILL gaining. I felt so pleased that I was a healthy weight again, but now I'm overweight and still gaining. This isn't recovery, it's over eating and not purging as often.
Hate myself.