hmm doesn't matter. its all good

My GP referred me to the psych team today. I'm scared of going to it. I'm scared of what they'll want to do.

~Mark~ you, Lia n Nicole were talkin a couple days ago about it bein weird talkin on here now that you know what each other looks like.

Solo (re yesterday's post) yours is a big accomplishment and comparing to others only gets us in trouble i've found... :) at any rate I'm proud of you anyhow.

Thanks Mark! I got yesterday all sorted and even whined till dh agreed we should have chili for dinner ( i was really craving chili last night for dinner...)

*holds Sarah's hand and offers a teddy bear*

Good Morning everyone! *hugs all around*

*spots Oliver and tackle hugs*

Oh Solo , we were commenting on each others Facbook photos , If you want to look at mine I'll PM you the Link.

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Sarah* Don't be too worried about meeting the psych team hun , I've done it for YEARS I'm sure you won't have problams , the first meeting is usually a "Get to know each other" thang:)

*Hugs Jill* *Worries*

*Hugs everyone*

*Squishes Nicole*

*Cuddles Mark*

*huggles Nicole*

*Huggles Crimson* How are you?

*Hugs Crimson* How are you?

*cuddles Crimson* thanks hun

*cuddles Mark* thanks for letting me know, its scary not knowing what to expect

*cuddles Nicole*

My alarm clock is going off for some strange reason :/

*Cuddles Sarah*

I had this really weird/scary dream last night and it has extremely freaked me out, now you all know I haven't cut in.... 4 months now and one day now. And the dream was so vivid.... Here it is:

It was dark and the darkness was filled with screaming... Terror-filled, non-human screams of pain. Suddenly, there was a flash of white and my arm rose. I could see it. My left arm covered in blood, dripping down my forearm from my wrist and hand. My right hand was clutched in a tight fist, a shard of glass piercing the fingers. I lifted my left arm, twirling it round in something akin to fascination, fingers and hand twisting, fingers covered in blood. The lights flashed and dimmed and a three figures appeared.
It was my three saviour angels (as I have dubbed them)... Standing, looking at me with such sorrow it made my heart burn. I remember whispering something 'I'm sorry' before the light flashed again.
My eyes opened again, I was still in the dream, my face was wet - tears - I looked at my hand again, my arm was covered in a black sleeve. The skin was covered in healing wounds, a huge one was spread across the centre of my palm, cuts laced my fingers. I pulled my sleeve down, criss-crossed cuts covered my wrist below the veins...
I remember dropping to the floor after backing myself into a wall, sitting in the corner, I fell to the floor and curled up, holding my arm to myself. Screams came again, as they always do and the blackness followed. I woke up.

I'm so scared guys. If I can't sleep due to insomnia or I'm not having anxiety attacks, I'm dreaming of darkness and screaming - my screams. But this... This was the worse it's been in months. And lately all I can think of is counting the days and things triggering me to cut and the urges growing stronger. I haven't cried in weeks and I'm falling to sleep when I get home. I'm so tired. So very tired.

*Hugs everyone*

It does matter Jill. If it's bothering you, it matters.

Good luck Sarah, I hope it goes well for you :/

*cuddles Nicole*

I just want it to stop now, just feel like other people feel. Be able to feel normal, but this is normal, for me. So ehh.

*Hugs Shad* I'm sorry you're struggling so much my dear. Are you on any meds or anything for it all?

nope, I'm on propranolol for my migrains but this is unknown to anyone but my angels and my wardies :)