Shadowedsoul- Sorry, I don't know your real name, it's not on your profile. It therapy doesn't help, then I would advise you not to go back to it, it could only make you feel worse. Is there anything that could make you feel better? You say this isn't the first time, what happened before? Any chance you could do the same thing again? Why don't you want to go to the hospital?

I know how you feel about the dreams. I'm having dreams too. Dreams where I'm in a situation where I just need someone so badly, then I remember the one person I need more than anything isn't there and never will be again and that's when I jerk awake. Worse are the ones when everything's perfect,because then waking up is like losing her all over again. I know how it feels to want to sleep so badly and just being so so tired but not being able to drift off.

I find reading sometimes helps, or writing to get your feelings out. Or do something really really boring that will make you want to sleep.

I hope you feel a little better soon, remember, you've done it before, things can be OK again. I'm always here if you need someone.
xx

Sorry April, I only saw your post after I typed out the other one. Tut tut, talking to us on here when you should be working :P I'm sure you won't be tortured for much longer, they can hardly keep you there all night. Then you can go home with a hot chocolate and marshmallows and watch your favourite movie, the simple life, but I always find the best of times with simple.

I'm OK. Don't worry about me, I just find it hard to talk about my feelings.

xx

i'm a worrybug... so i can't help but worry. :) *hugs*

it's only 2pm here so i could well be here for another 2 hours... well okay, 1:50pm, but close enough. i'm so tired of being here... gahh. oh well. i've entered 190/339 names and addresses so far... i feel like a secretary. this hardly takes any thought at all and i hate it!! but only 2 days left, must keep thinking that!!!! :P

yeah, i know i "shouldn't" be in here when i'm supposed to be working, but my supervisor actually told me to take breaks, so i am. :) i was looking at cello supplies on amazon.com a bit ago, found some really awesome stuff that i want. :) like a new rosin (for the bow), some music books, and an endpin rest. :D they're all relatively inexpensive, the most being $10 i think, so i'll talk with jarrod about buying the stuff sometime soonish. :) he's looking at getting a bass guitar so more supplies for my cello may be put on hold... but that's okay. :) woohoo.

anyway. sorry for rambling on. :-S

*hides again*

*hugs everyone*

Can I hide in here please not feeling to great.

*hugs louise* sure you can. :) i'm sorry that you're not feeling too great at the moment. anything we can do to help?

updated r/v.......... :'(

Hey Louise. What's up sweetie? Sure you can join us, the more the merrier.

April- you sound like me in my ICT lessons. When I was meant to be doing coursework, facebook, writing and fanfiction were much more appealing. I passed the course-just. I very nearly got chucked off it.

Can I share a poem with you all? I prefer to do it here rather than the creative corner, it's a way of getting my feelings across and getting support as well as feedback.

Warning- could be triggering for suicide.

Last Fate


Sadness tugs
At the core of my heart
From you there's no love
No warmth, no hugs.


The loneliness grows
Spreading through me
Diseased and hollow
My soul fights to be free


The break of a plate
Echoes the walls
I shrink back behind it
Cowering in wait.


I wake in the morning
The emptiness is there
As I kneel on the floor
And begin my prayer.


Help me God, please
I can't make another day
Guide me through this
Please show me the way.


There is silence
As I finish my plea
I'm thrown from my safety
completely at sea.


The sparkle is gone
The laughter is dead
Non one hears
What goes on in my head.


I'm all alone now
There's no one up there
No one to see me
To hear my prayer.


I'll soon be free now
That death is soon here
I can feel it coming
I know it is near.


I take one last look
At the world I hate
I smile at the sun
And embrace my fate.

thanks everyone, just feeling pretty low due to my step mum. I hate myself so much I'm so useless.

*hugs everyone*

Lia - that is a lovely poem, very powerful and emotional

*hugs lia* well if you ever do want to talk about your feelings we are all here for you. I like you poem... its sad though.

*hugs april* yay for almost being done with your internship! I read your r/v thread. Sorry that you are not feeling any better at all. Try to do something nice for yourself. Oo and i bet getting new cello stuff would be fun.
I updated my r/v thread too... right after you did actually heh. So if you're still looking for it it should be on that front page for a little bit anyway. But just a warning.. some of it probably won't make sense

*hugs louise* of course you can come in here. you are not useless

*sings to self ~jello, jello, i love jello~ and plays with her food*

*hugs Laura* thank, how are you?

too many pages...way too many pages... *yawns and rubs eyes and neck* Sorry everyone, can't do it, can't catch up..I left on page 1404...so that'd be 18 pages... *cuddles everyone who wants a cuddle*

Do you feel like sharing with us why your stepmum has made you feel this way Louise?

April, I'm so sorry you feel like you do. At least you say you won't kill yourself, hold onto that strength and what is making you feel that you won't end your life. For you to say that, there has to be something keeping you here. Remember all those things you're here for.

How are you Angelic Monster?

xx

Hey Katnovia, how are you feeling?

I am...hmmm... I dunno. Not bad so far today though. *offers jello* it's strawberry banana flavor.and it jiggles :D
Decided to let myself be a kid today if I wanna be as long as my work gets done too so this morning's break was jello-filled fun. lol

How is everyone else doing today? *sorry didn't read all the pages I'd missed this morning*
*leaves hugs and jello shapes on the table for all*

I like your poem Lia , Its very bleak , I hope it's ok to say that. I haven't written a poem in an age, I might if I thought they would be this good

She abuses me calls me names

I'm sorry she's like that, no one deserves to be treated like that.

What do you mean by 'abuses' exactly? You don't have to answer that, I'm just trying to understand a little better. How do you feel about your dad?

x

Oh, and thanks Mark and everyone else who commented on my poem.

She hits me and other things which I find hard to talk about, my dad erm died.