*hugs JK* sorry I was typing while you posted. Dodgy internet is no good. How else r u?

I'm trying not to give up..

Laura - my milestone is 22 months SI free ... at 9am tomorrow morning my time (GMT+10). Almost 2 years free.

*hugs all of you who can accept hugs and wishes she could do more*

Kahlia - *prepares confetti for throwing* wow! almost 2 years, thats great!!

Kahlia 22 Months is amazing :-) < Breaks out the Grin

wow, a lot of posts since the last time i posted... sorry i haven't been keeping up too well, things have been kind of crazy here. :( i feel bad now...

i'm gonna be working from home today - trying to convince my supervisor that i don't need a sick day, that instead i need to be able to be at home, because so *sigh* i hate life at the moment and am very grumpy and icky. :'(

therapy went okay yesterday... it was really tough though. i think i'm going to be sticking with this therapist, as she seems to know what she's doing (lol). we did the two-chair exercise, where the part of me that doesn't want to get better talked to the part of me that does want to get better... it was a little scary to hear how spiteful and angry the don't-want-to-get-better voice was. :-S we also did another exercise that i'm going to try to remember, a centering exercise, focusing on physical and emotional sensations as well as thoughts. it was pretty good actually and she said that it was good i could be as aware as i was. but we talked about the sexual abuse that happened years ago so i came out of there pretty numb. :-X i'm still feeling kind of numb actually...

sorry for the lack of individual replies. :( just am not up to replying to everyone, but i do want to say an early congrats to kahlia. :D

*cuddles everyone*

and i updated my r/v about therapy... :-X a little more in-depth if you care to read. it's okay if you don't though, i understand.

:-/

Hey everyone. I'm not doing too well right now. Really urgy and miserable. I can barely function. I have read through everything that has been posted though. *huge hugs to everyone*

*Hugs April* it sounds like you had a really positive meeting with your new therapist and it sounds good that you'll be able to see her weekly rather every 2 weeks :) , I Never did any exercises like that with my Pychologist , we more talked about my problems as it was specifically aimed at my S.I. . Pychologist/Therapist , very different I guess.

*Hugs Jessica* I'm sorry you are feeling so low and urgy , same here so I can relate

Must STOP Absent mindedly pulling sleeves up.
EDIT:I need a disstration and haevn't played WoW in a week so I'll pop out to the shops and then maybe play it for an hour

EDIT2: Ran into Alex from last summers stay in the pysch ward . he asked if I was "With" "That" girl from the ward , I said we were friends, he said not to let her go , I KNOW THAT hmmpf , Triggered from running into him , and annoyed that he still pryed into my life , I don't feel comfortable around him.

am so ****ing angry with myself. have to take a sick day so now my internship extends into wednesday of next week instead of tuesday. :crying:

i just want some hugs, support, encouragement, anything, because honestly i don't feel like i can keep going. :crying:

*Hugs April Tons* you can do 1 extra day April , you're so close , you CAN do this

*hides*

*gives april a big bear hug.* hang in there hun. curls up and hides, just when everthing going not to bad, somthing comes along and messes it up again. damn it i want to cut really badly or worse. im such a muppet. hits head againts the wall hard. stuiped jill, stuiped jill.

*Hugs Nicole*

*Huggles Jill*you're not stupid at all Jill not at all

*gives you all lots of cuddles*
sorry been absent for a few days, I ended up in hospital!! I was playing football and someones knee collided with my ribs, was in agony and had to go to A and E and then they kept me in because my haemoglobin levels were low and they were worried about my liver being damaged, but I'm fine, just a bit bruised.
Although my girlfriend is out of hospital and is loads better :)
I'm babysitting tonight with her, I've never really looked after little kids before, one is 4 and the other a baby, bit scared.
must dash I've got to go, sorry for the quick visit, shall reply properly when I have time

*Hugs Oliver* Ouch that sounds painful, Glad your ribs and liver are ok .
I have a baby neice I've not looked after before so I know the anxiety of looking after wee ones , I'm sure you'll do fine and your girlfriend will be there to help right? :)

I've been all over looking for distractions , I ate( Even though that makes me hate myself more) I researched online for my Mum and my Sister , I Youtubed , I Played WoW but got frustrated by how slowly I'm leveling ( Advice Anyone? please) I took a bath . I went to he (Food) shops .
But I had "The Urge" still after all that. So I gave in and cut, I DO feel a BIT better , less anxious.but the little voice says why stop there , cut again , you DO enjoy it don't you , you'll feel better after .

Why , but I'll have scars.....but that doesn't matter you already have a ton.
*Sigh*
EDIT:- My R/V Link http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...80#post2335180 triggers!

Damn it I really need to cut, can't distract myself, trying everything, can't keep theses thoughts
Out of my head.the worse thing is I don't
care. so frigging stressed out just want to
Hide and cry. not in a good place tonight.

*hugs everyone*

Sorry its not more. Feeling badly still after last night.

*Hugs Jill, April, Nicole and anyone else who could use one.*

What's up Nicole?

April, you can hang in there, however impossible it seems. Believe in the impossible, it makes life much more fun. And I would miss you, you're a regular on here and I think we would all feel your absance and I don't think it will just be me who will feel they could have done something.

Selfish moment now. I could really, really use some support. Tomorrow, I have got to say goodbye to the person I love most in the world. I love her with all of my heart, she is my everything and what keeps me going. Tomorrow, it's time to say goodbye and I don't know if I can do it. I don't trust myself not to break down in front of her. I don't trust myself to continue without her. I need her. I can't lose her. Please, help me.

As far as WoW advice goes, Mark, I'd say do dungeons if you want to level quickly. Quests can take quite a bit of time to get done. Also, of course if you're having a lack of concentration, it can be difficult. Once you're past level 15 there's a dungeon finder down on the pane just past where your character tab and talent tree tab is... you are DPS, not a tank and not a healer (lol), so click on that in the random dungeon finder (you get some silver and a package of goodies if you do randoms, but you can also queue for a specific dungeon, like Deadmines)... and ta-daa, leveling faster and meeting people from different realms. :) PUGs (Pick-Up-Groups) can suck sometimes, but sometimes they can be good.

Anyway.

Still not doing too well, cut a bunch of times this morning... stupid me. Stupid stupid stupid me. :'(