LOL *blows raspberries* gotta do something during my lunch break! Planning a remodel for the house I'm trying to get and surfing RYL is the options that won lol

I'm surfing RYL and trying to ignore the fact that I just sold my wedding dress.. :(

Think of it this way... Will you ever wear it again? If not, would someone else? If so, you are blessing someone else. You can always remember it fondly with pictures. :) *hopes that's helpful*

I guess you're right, i just feel like I did it too soon in one way...in another I know i'm just being histronic! I hate letting anything go and i've been doing really well clearing stuff out to charity shops and ebay, and I guess there's a part of me that wants to cling on to something useless.. and the fond memories.

I'm the same way. I'm slowly getting better though. I've been decluttering 28 years of stuff for over a year now. Some of it I still haven't convinced myself to let go of even though I haven't even seen it for more than 2 minutes in over a yr. Other things I just need to take pictures of them and that suffices. Still other times I just ask myself if I need it or love it and toss it in the donation bag.

I know that one, it's the boxes and bags of complete random junk that's filling our loft I need to do, and I have no attachment really to any of it, i just don't want to get rid of it, it's silly.

Someone once told me I fill the emotional holes in my heart with possessions. >.>

hah. that smacks as so true to me! ouchies, I have such a headache, doing so much switching. Jess is talking on another board, 'miel and sarah are trying to keep shadow under control, and the littles are flying out occasionally to winge about things I should have kept.

i'm falling apart... per usual.
it hurts so much to smile... per usual.
i want to cut... per usual.

i don't even really want to play wow. i just want to sleep. i'm slipping into a deeper depression than i care for (well, i don't care for any depression, but it's been years since i've been truly happy... almost half my life ago). i don't know what to do about it. the pastor that married us, whom i've been emailing since 2006, has said that i need to do "whatever it takes" to get better... including being willing to go into the hospital now if that's what i need. :'( i don't think i need that though... i need therapy. i need res. guuhhhh.... :'(

*hides in the warren and cries there, because she can't cry irl*

Honestly though getting rid of stuff and not being overwhelmed by my own clutter is making me feel better all in all. Once we buy this house and fix it up though I refuse to take and unpack things I don't either need or love with few exceptions. We haven't decided if we're going to have another child or not so I have some stuff I kept just in case. Gotta get around to going through the kids school stuff too. I home school so we have whole books, art projects, science projects and papers. lol We'll get there though. :)

*finds April and cuddles her*

Hmm still feeling low, kicking myself for not going to work today. I'm so weak and pathetic. I hate myself so much, need to get away argh!!!

*pokes head in* no one's been around for almost 2 hrs now,eh? hmmm... *goes for a walk in the garden*
I've gotten a ton of work done today me thinks (not that it's looked like it) but now I'm worn out with another 45 min to go before walking to the transit center and taking the bus home.

*huggles/wave at all wardies*

anxiety is still high this morning. just walking out onto the balcony is setting me off. debating whether to wake up my housemate. on one hand he'll be upset if i don't. on the other i don't know how to explain to him ... even though he helped me through yesterday.

just wish i knew what to do . . .

*curls up in corner* damn it's 1am I'm wide awake again great,got way to many thoughts running through my head, all really stuiped. Freaking out about work again hell knows why. I'm getting pissed off with this now can somebody make it go away please. =[

*gives out lots of cuddles to all who can accept*

I'm falling apart, can't cope, this has been one bloody stressful day, just don't need it right now.
Can't do it, just want to die, cant deal with the responsibility, pressure and looking after and supporting others, just can't anymore, sorry.

*hides*

*hugs everyone really tight* [apart from those who don't want me to]

*cuddles Oliver, hang in there sweetie*

*holds April* believe in yourself babe, one day at a time [my standard line, but well worth trying I reckon*

*sits quietly in the ward and stays out of harm's way*

*hugs Oliver* I'm sorry that you are feeling so badly. You can make it through these feelings though. Don't worry if you can't handle supporting right now. Keep talking to us if it'll help.

*hugs April* Just keeping focusing on res. It'll happen if you really need it too, which i think you do.

*hugs Jill* its hard when your head won't shut down. I struggle with this a lot too, especially late at night.

*hugs Kahlia* I'm sorry that your anxiety level is so high. I think you should tell someone if it will help. Glad that your housemate was able to help the other day.

*hugs Amy, Kat, and Crimson*

*hugs JK* One day at a time is good advice. Hang in there hun.

I'm really anxious too right now. Stupid stupid me. Friend is coming over tomorrow night (which i guess is technically tonight now since its 2am) to talk. I'm going to try to be semi-honest I think. Oh.. and my sister called me again tonight b/c my mom was in the background yelling in pain. It was hard to hear. I feel bad for everyone, my mom, sister, dad. They don't know what's wrong though and there isn't much anyone can do.

*Hugs everyone who can accept them*
*Waves to everyone else*
My mind hasen't yet decided how I feel today , got a SW meeting at 10am hmmm .
Does anyone else simply NOT KNOW how they feel sometimes ? I guess it beats feeling low but I could easily revert to feeling low Hmmmm

Sorry I didn't do any replies I'm waking up