My Mums Taken All My ****ing Blades!!! Thats It! I Cant Live Here, I Cant!

*Makes Nicolle Some calming Camomille tea*

i can't cope, i can't handle this...

...i just want to curl up and die. i'm so ****ing sick of being triggered... can't cope with it all. need to cut, still, again, always. i want to be rid of it, but i can't... i just can't give it up... but i have to... :crying:

pitiful wreck.

and so fat, too. looking at my bestie... and her little sister... they are tiny and healthily so, too. blessedly skinny. i wish i could be small... :'(

so sick of this life.

updated r/v... :crying:

if i scream loud enough will the frustration and anxiety go away?

*hugs/waves at all ward mates*

I apologise in advance for the lack of individual replies. . .

April: Honey, I really hear you on being triggered. AND I really hear you in regards to other people being so tiny. I get it and feel it all the time. I wish I could offer you something that would help. :-( All I can say is that I have read - both here and your r/v - and I want to offer you *hugs* if that's okay . . .

Just want to scream my head off this morning . . .

Oh, but I got RPL'd through 3 Stages of my Diploma. So I guess I should be happy . . . right??

well... i tried to call back a company that called me and left no message. it was a 5 .5 min call. Did I get anywhere? no. I got put on hold 2x and hung up on! when I called back I got nothing but voicemail! so being as I googled the phone number and got the company website I emailed them. This is what I emailed :Sound too emotion filled or angry or seem fair? So anxious now. FML I hate debt collectors... especially when they call me and I don't owe them anything... then I get all in a tizzy for nothing and that just pisses me off in the end. *shakes head and screams in frustration*

well that got a speedy reply of sorts...
the guy called me and bad connection so i didn't hear anything when i answered and hung up after a few "hello?"s then he called back to ask what i was talking about in my email. apparently they are trying to contact my husband for a magazine membership he canceled years ago... *rolls eyes* then the phone on the desk rang and i told him to hold on and while i transferred a lawyer to the attorney they were calling for he hung up.
ah well... at least i now know why they called and that i didn't suddenly get another debt i didn't know about...

ANgelic Monster- *hugs if you want them* what's up? Glad the phone call thing got sorted. Are you OK now?

April- I hope you're feeling a little better. How are things with your dad now? Are they better? I hope so. I know what it's like to be without one and just want to thump the people who come into school and go 'I hate my dad, he won't get my the latest phone' or what not. Can't they see how lucky they are?

Hey Oliver, it is indeed Lia. Lia's really hurting right now. She can't feel anymore, nothing except this hurt. She's going into Ice Queen mode and will soon feel nothing at all. The cold hearted cow mask will go and and she will be distant and emotionally detatched. I love that mask. Why is Lia talking about herself in third person? Oh well, third person means she doens't have to be her.

I hope everyone's doing ok.

*Leave jar of hugs for all*

xx

*hugs Lia back* yes better thanks. just a little irritated and anxious now... mostly irritated at being anxious if i were to be totally honest. *cuddles till the hurt goes away*

Hi everyone
Sorry I haven't posted here for a while.
Ermm, I'm quite possibly seeing a psychiatrist tomorrow... Because there's so much going on with me I don't know what they're going to say.
I'm really nervous.
My Mum's coming with me, which I don't want because I had a HUGE argument with her a couple of nights ago and she said that she didn't understand me, didn't know why I was having therapy, didn't know why I was unhappy or how to help me, didn't think I was helping myself and said that it was all too much for her and that sometimes she wanted to go to sleep and never wake up.
At the time she didn't even care that she made me cry with all this.

i hurt i hurt i hurt

not safe not safe not safe not safe not safe

just want to die
make the pain go away

:crying:

*cuddles april*

*cuddles crimson*

*spies kahlia and cuddles her if okay?*

i hurt.........

*cuddles all*

*gently cuddles April* - cuddles are always welcome sweetness.

*curls up in corner and sighs sleepily*
bleh. fat =[

*cuddles april tight* <333

*Hugs Heather*

**Hugs Kahlia*

*Hugs April*

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs KitKat*

*Hugs Lia*

*curls up in a ball* I just want the hurting part to go away.

jess, before i forgot, i wanted to tell you that i like your usertitle... hehe. i take it that you play some form of wow? :P hayley, crimson, mark, and i all play wow... but not all together, since hayley and mark are in the uk and crimson and i are in the us and they're two totally separate games. anyway, just thought i'd ask. ;) *hugs* i wish i could make the hurting go away, too. :(

mark, how are you? and heather? (you're not fat, btw!!) <3

i've got to go eat breakfast... just got off wow - honoring the flames on my level 80 for the summer fire festival - made probably around 100g just doing that!! woohoo... lol. :) that makes me happy... 'cause if my toons are being powerleveled then i need the gold for training!! :-X

i'll check in later... hopefully everyone's day is gonna be okay. *cuddles those who want/need them and sprinkles magical faerie peace dust everywhere*