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PoisonedApple 16-06-2010 08:46 PM


Originally Posted by Doikers (Post 2356136)
Oh Crimson I'm sorry you are having so many issues , Its sounds the best solution would be to make the sushi in advance and keep it in the fridge and make a weekend of it , And it must be SO infuriating when you are just known as "Davids wife" UGG Poor Crimson *Hugs ya*

yeah sometimes i have to plan stuff out pretty far. i like to cook and on top of plain old liking to cook stuff on my own its cheaper (though the appliances take up a ton of room lol)... i make my own bread and custards and doughs and honey butter and cookies and sushi, etc etc and all that other wonderful stuff and i will make my own pasta, yogurt, beef (and other meats) jerky, fruit and veggie chips and fruit leathers soon... i'm working on expanding my appliances to include pasta making additions to my kitchen aide (less room taken up by attachments to a machine i have than to get a new machine with its own attachments), a dehydrator (hopefully it arrives next week), and a yogurt maker... but with all the make it myself i tend to need a wee bit of extra time to prep for things :) cooking is a good distraction sometimes, especially if you have someone as a sous chef. i'm gonna stop talking about cooking though i could go on forever :blush: *hugs back*
have a good nights sleep *crosses fingers*


crimson, i'm sorry for the **** day you're having but you are not a fail. it may feel like you are but you definitely aren't!! you have so much to deal with every day - as do we all - that i think it's a miracle we're all still around. :) and i am thankful that we are, 'cause you all are wonderful people. *cuddles*
thanks april :) *cuddles back* i just hate feel a way i think is irrational. it's just infuriating. and i totally agree the people in here are wonderful and awesome too.


Crimson: I'm glad you ran into your friend. Those "chance meetings" can be really good for the soul. They can really give you a lift. I'm sorry you had troubles with your anxiety at the meeting. I hope that is passing. *cuddles you*
yeah they certianly are. sadly 'chance meetings' is usually how i run into my friends. though i think part of that is i've never been a partier and even if i was before i have kids and most everyone else i know doesn't or is a new parent. *cuddles* i am feeling a bit better now. hope your sleep cycle gets a bit better soon.

*grabs a no cal dark chocolate hot cocoa with mini mallows* the work day is half over and so is the week *mutters: thank gods* i dunno how much longer i can take r being on half days and trying to juggle everyone's requests and everyone's jobs... we'll see how it goes. her doctors note expires end of next week.

I'mJustMe 16-06-2010 09:25 PM

Hey guys. I hope everyone's OK.

Once again, I don't know how I feel. It's numb most of the time. Numb and scared. Scared when I think of the future. Of living. But it can't even be a simple suicide, because I am scared to die. Stuck in a stupid Limbo. We once studied a poem called Limbo in English, it's pretty relevant to how I feel actually.

Long dark night is the silence in front of me.

The nights are so long, this never ending darkness that I am all alone in. It's so quiet, so lonely and I am stuck in it. Sorry, I am getting all poetic and weird now. I'll shut up. I probably sounded like a total ****. Stupid.

PoisonedApple 16-06-2010 09:37 PM

*cuddles lia* i don't mind poetic posts. :) and you don't sound stupid or like a total ****.

Scarletdreamer 16-06-2010 10:37 PM

lia, i agree with crimson, you didn't sound stupid or like a **** or anything bad... i liked your post, actually - not the topic, but the poetic'ness of it. *cuddles if that's okay?* i wish that i could help you more... but i'm in a bad place myself at the moment... :-S hope you feel better soon though, and i'm glad that you're in a limbo instead of having your mind made up to die. it may not be very comfortable, but still... you are strong, stronger than you know... keep pushing forward, til you break through & see the light of day. we all can do that, and will, hopefully.

i'm really not doing that great right now. i just want to cut... or purge... or die... i'm so sick of living. and on top of everything i'm struggling with, i'm worried about jarrod. think i'll post about that in my r/v in a bit as i don't want to take up space here really with my fruitless worries. :-S (but what if they aren't fruitless?...)

i'm so tired. my bestie was just over for a little over an hour which was wonderful... so nice seeing her. we're going to surprise jarrod with something but i'm not allowed to say what... and he's having a *coughadultycough* op tomorrow so i'm supposed to think up something with which to surprise him when i get home from work. :-S

*hides in the warren*

Scarletdreamer 16-06-2010 10:50 PM

updated r/v....

if you don't want me typing that anymore, please tell me..................

risenfromperdition 16-06-2010 10:58 PM

^ i dont mind <3

PoisonedApple 16-06-2010 11:32 PM

i prefer when you say so april... lets me know when to check. like now :)

PoisonedApple 16-06-2010 11:36 PM

hmmm... anything else tipping you in that direction regarding jarrod, april?

Scarletdreamer 16-06-2010 11:44 PM

how irritable he's been... how impatient with me (although most guys would've given up a long time ago)... how he's expressed that he doesn't feel like he has a direction for his days now that he's on furlough... *adulty* issues... ummm... there's more stuff but that's the main bits. :(

i feel awful. just want to cut and cut and cut... :crying:

risenfromperdition 16-06-2010 11:57 PM

take care hun... what would cutting actually help? [long run]

PoisonedApple 17-06-2010 12:10 AM

you're probably right. but i have no idea how to approach the subject with him. sorry *cuddles*

I'mJustMe 17-06-2010 12:26 AM

Hi April.
I'm sorry you feel so bad. I don't really know what to say that could help, which is odd because I am usually full of words. Just think about everything you have held on for all this time, and at the risk of sounding like some nancy off Titanic, never let go.

You're worries aren't fruitness, if they're making you feel bad, they are important.

Smile- it makes people think you're up to something.

P.s why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead.

Sorry about the stupid joke, but my English teacher told me it and it made me laugh so much, so I thought I would share to try and make people laugh to make up for being such a misery before.

*Hugs to whoever wants them.*

Scarletdreamer 17-06-2010 12:51 AM

crimson - i've already talked with him about it and he does think he's depressed. it's just that... well, i don't know if he plans on talking to anyone about it. he's just waiting now to go back to work (he took a 3 month furlough to keep from being laid off, no pay but still have health insurance). he says that even though he hates where he works at least it gives his days some sense of purpose. i don't know though. i guess he just plans on "toughing it through" the depression? whatever it is, it's not too bad yet... but i'm worried about how bad it'll be before he's called back. :-S

thanks for the joke, lia. :P it actually made me laugh really hard and when i told it to my husband he put it as his facebook status... "a joke from april..." lol. so thank you. :) *hugs* and you weren't a misery before, no worries, love.

i really don't feel good mentally... want to cut so ****ing badly... know right where it would be... and i'm listening to a somewhat triggering song too. not wise but i really like it... not because it's triggering but because it has a good ending. :-/

*hides in the warren*

PoisonedApple 17-06-2010 01:04 AM

for some of us we just won't ask for help until we see no other way. on the bright side he acknowledges how he's feeling.
i'm doing the same thing song-wise... what are you listening to?

lolz @ lia's joke.i like that one

MammaMia 17-06-2010 02:37 AM

Having a really bad night :'( Nobody's around to talk to though.

recoveringrobin 17-06-2010 02:49 AM

mama mia:
i hope your night goes better. PM me if you need to talk.*hug*

MammaMia 17-06-2010 02:53 AM

Thanks honey.

SoMuchMore 17-06-2010 08:01 AM

*hugs helen* im sorry you had such a bad night hun. Always around if you need...

Sorry for the lack of replies everyone.. long couple of days. SI stuff is getting pretty bad *sigh* I wont waste ppl's time.. sorry. (and I know you will all say that it wouldn't be a waste of time.. but i just feel like a broken record sometimes so yea)

risenfromperdition 17-06-2010 08:03 AM

it wouldnt be a waste of time :P
poke me on fb :)
<3 [and yes i did say 20 min ago that i was getting off :P]
take care <33

mouse in darkness 17-06-2010 08:40 AM

*Offers hugs to those that want or need them, and waves to those who don't*

Hiya hope everyone is ok. I am nervous as all buggery I am going to do a speech infront of over 100 people. I hate crowds, bright likghts and public speaking. Oh bugger what did I get myself into?

*Runs to nearesr corner, hides under and invisibility cloak and cries*

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