Thanks Wildly Insane (sorry don't know your name :-) ). I'm just a bit scared. Anouk is really getting angry with me and I'm already fed up of all the well intentions and advice, even though I know I've made a total mess of everything. Urghhhh.

Dayna what's up? How's everyone doing?

*Hugs back* I don't even know what to say. Guess I'm a little in shock of how suddenly a friendship can be terminated. I said some horrible things this afternoon. I don't regret them, though, I feel they were justified. It's just... hard to believe things have ended this way

Know how you feel Banana. Just the other day my sister found an online journal of mine that had EVERYTHING in it. And she found it at school....with friends around... and I just hate that people know about it not just them but my dad and teachers and friends... grrrrrr But it will be ok..

I'm ok... kinda.. not really.. battling this stupid ED relapse thing..whatever the hell you wanna call it...

Dayna *cuddles* here to listen ;)

._. Fingers crossed my friend can stay online with me

Hannah, I'm Hannah too :) I know it's frustrating especially when you know they're only trying to help and they're not helping. I hope Anouk calms down.

sorry to hear you're stuggling again Katie.
I would hate that to happen to me, I think I'd really struggle if my family found out, I hope they never do.

*cuddles Dayna* hope your friend stays online too, friendships are tough and I think we need them more than we need any other type of relationship, so it's understandable that you're finding it hard, try not to dwell on it hun.

This friend online atm is actually a decent friend. Not the **** who randomly decided he wanted nowt to do with me.

I need someone to help me stay safe

I hope they stay online for you then.. always good to have them around :)

Yeah, I almost died when she told me! I quickly deleted it. And I feel :( about that just coz of everything it had in it. I was planning on saving it all to my computer, but I left it too long :( Oh well, maybe it was for the best. I made her promise she wouldn't tell anyone though! Oh and she just turned 14 yesterday too... which is when I started... SIing and EDing etc o.O

Dayna it's horrible when friendships end. I have been in an awful situation this year where my best friend (who I live with) decided he hates me, to be honest I think he was pissed that I wasn't breaking up with my bf if you see what I mean, and it's been a horrible place to live and really painful losing a good friend. But I've realised it's not my fault. Hope you realise that too *Hugs*

Katie I'd go insane if someone read my ranting thingy!! I just feel really exposed, I'm not used to all this *being open* thing. Just wanna escape from it all for a bit, it's too overwhelming. Sorry to hear about your ED relapse thingy. How are you feeling tonight?

Hannah thanks :-) My head feels so crowded. Too many other people in there and too many worries. Arghhh.

Thanks and thanks. You are a kind person.

Egh, she had to go. Figures.

Steel: You're very welcome, and thanks to you too

*curls up in window sill looking outside*

I am so tired of everything.

I epicly FAILED at festival today... *sigh* Oh well... just another failure of something I really care about in my life... I forgot half the words to my songs and I went so off key I almost wanted to just shoot my ears! It was so bad... I wanted to run off the stage and go cry in the bathroom...

And what's more? I have to do MORE tomorrow! Woopie! Just f**king shoot me now! I want to do so well in my musical theatre stuff... I just... seeing how today went... I don't see it happening...

I'm never going to be good enough...

I ate so much fatty food today, laden with grease and calories, and then I wonder why I'm fat. *eyeroll* I seriously can't stand to look at the scale every time I step on it, because I just know that I'm going to have gained weight since the last measurement, and I can't help but step on the scale every time I use the washroom...

I'm soooo close to cutting again, I can almost feel it on my skin... leaving phantom scars on my legs and arms...

Hell... if I fail tomorrow... I see no point in living anymore...

I'm such a f*cking failure.

*Hides*

*leaves teddies out for Banana and anyone else who wants to take one and crawls back into her window sill*

I have a damm sore throat, ugh hope this doesn't mean a cold? Guess what I get to spend today doing?? Downloading LOADS AND LOADS of CD's to my mum's computer. Joy to the world!!! My friend is supossed to be coming over actually, wonder if she slept through the thunderstorm, because I didn't.

Sorry I haven't been around much I had my surgical clinic appointment and managed to get a clinic date - although I don't know when it is yet. On the way home I had a car accident and ended up back at the hospital. I was pretty badly concussed but was released and just wanted to sleep. Today I had to get a blood test and luckily my landlady took me cause I had no idea how I was going to get there otherwise.

Now I have no car again and am going to have to catch buses everywhere that I can't ride to. I just hope that it will all work out.


*leaves hugs for everyone*

*leaves some hugs*

Hope everybody is ok there :-)

*drops by with some chocolate*

Hugs for all. Sorry I don't have more, will stop by later xxx

Sure wish this cold would go away.
Can't stop coughing >.<

Thanks Dayna.

My Mum is refusing to cook dinner. My Dad is going away right now on a business trip. I can't cook.

Tomorrow I am strongly considering to walk along the A3 (a motorway) until I get to bloody Portsmouth 84 miles away.

Is it illegal to walk on a motorway?

*hugs to everyoe*

Well the talks have done good me and my other half are back together
laugh is he plays cricket yet its me who has crickter's shoulder lol

had to laugh at that

Goddamnit! I slept in!
Now, while my body feels WAY better due to the fact that I haven't slept enough in days... I can't get to school... not that I have any particlar desire to go...

I have to live with an 80 year old man (my grandfather) and his wife for a week. This 80 year old man sexually abused me several times. I can't just go out and stay away from him because this will occur in Poland and I can't speak a word of Polish. My Mum will be there though so I guess I'll just surgically attach myself to her and I'll be safe.

Sorry I've not been supporting much

*leaves huggles for everyone*

Its ok MammaMia.

I'm actually quite psyched up because tomorrow I am finally going to perform the Escape.

Ugh! Why Is Everyone Getting Mad At Me!?!?!?!
I Didn't Do Anything!
I Haven't Even Been Bitchy Today, As Stressed As I Am!
God Damn!
Does No One Realize That My Life Sorta Depends On My Performance Tonight!?!?!?!?!
****!
Why Do I Bother?!

*hugs Ashley* good luck on the performance tonight, I hope it goes well
*hugs Kahlia* good to hear from you, sorry to hear about your crash and I hope you get to navigate about successfully
*hugs SteelMaiden* it is illegal to walk on a motorway, what or who's in Portsmouth? take care of yourself, keep resisting Them.
*hugs Gil* glad things got sorted out, now lets hope your shoulder gets better
*hugs Helen* hope you're not getting ill
*hugs Arwen* hope you feel better soon
*hugs Dayna, Jem, Hannah, Hana, Katie, Michaella and anyone else dropping by* I am so tired, haven't been sleeping very well recently, must go to bed *curls up under a blanket*

I have the damm hiccups

*checks back in for a while*
*curls up and cries*

*does happy dance*!!!!!

I did so well today!!!!

Much love, everyone!
Thank you so much for your support.

*huggles*

Gil - Yay! It's great that you're back together. Hoping your shoulder gets better!

Ashley - I was going to say nice things to cheer you up, but it looks like you're doing much better. Keep it up hun!

Steel - Does your mum know he's abused you? Is there absolutely no way you can get out of it? If not, I think sticking with your mum is a good idea. And what's the Escape? Walking along the motorway? I don't think that's a good idea sweets.

Thanks Hannah. It felt like my cough was better this morning, but now I can't stop!! How are you?

Helen - Hope the hiccups have gone. It would suck if they've lasted this long!

*Hugs Alexx* Are you okay?


Got friends coming over tonight which I'm looking forward to, just wish this stupid cough would **** off!

*hugs everyone*

Sorry I can't offer more right now.

My nana is really ill and I'm worried about my grandad.

I just need to get away from everything....family...exam stress...work...just for a while

I really don't know why I bother with some people- THEY ARE NOT WORTH THE ****ING BOTHER.

Whatever.

*leaves hugs for all*

*Hugs Kahlia back* Are you okay sweets?

*Hugs Alexx* I'm sorry to hear your nana is ill, are you able to visit her? Why not go for a nice long walk to clear your head of all the stressors?

*Hugs Helen* Some people can be real dicks. Wanna talk about it?


I'm all prepared for my BBQ :) xxx

What the flying ****ing hell?! You've got to live with him, in spite of what he did? How come?! .__.;;. Jeeeesus x_x *safe hugs*. When's this happening, and will you have net access?

Deeply immersed in self loathing today.

I hate being so ****ing fat, hairy, and ugly. I need to restart my diet, but I can't find the motivation to do so. I just want to eat all the Goddamn time. Triggered a lot as well. Scars are spreading

Ashley so glad your performance went well! Well done :-D

Voice of Reason, Kahlia, Helen - big big hugs xxx

zowie hope you have a fun night tonight!

Damnation is there anyone you can talk to who can tell you how wonderful you are?

Today's been a weird day. Last night I had to put tinfoil up and SI to process the Argon. Today I've been passed out for most of it cos of my bloody new meds. Feel ok now just worrying about Argon and Anouk and Anais...

Just wanted to drop by and say hope everybody's ok...*hugs* for all...xx

Hiya Vicki *hugs* hope you're okay

*hugs Hannah* hope the meds settle down and also help

*hugs Ashley* yay for a good performance, Go Girl :)

*hugs Dayna* sorry to hear you aint doing so well hun

*hugs Helen* you're right some people really aren't, so don't, but you are so look after yourself

*hugs Arwen* things are okay, am very stressed but went to the opera tonight which was ace, hope you have fun at the bbq :)

*hugs Alexx* sorry to hear that hun, sounds like you need some "Alexx time" hope you get a bit of space

*hugs Kahlia back* hugs are good, thanks :) hope you are doing okay

Anyone else who needs a hug? *hugs galore*

I've realised I'm so stressed about the next job interview because I no longer know what I can do to convince them that they want me. If there was one bit of confidence I had it was that I can do my job well but I can't get a job, no-one's giving me the chance to show them and I don't know how to make them give me a chance. Other than that I'm doing okay, by the end of tomorrow I will hopefully be three weeks free :)

BBQ went great! We ate loads of meat and then came back to my place for Ring of Fire. It was fun, I really love these people. xxx

Thanks everyone...

Damnit... I thought things were gunna get better...
They're just... ugh....
Now Brittany, my oh-so-tusting best friend thinks that I'm sleeping with her ex! I most certainly am not! He's just someone I enjoy spending some time with. He's a nice guy, unlike the exes of your's that you still hang out with... At least he's not a caniving bitch... and he isn't getting you drunk every weekend...
If you don't listen to us on Monday... and you end up hating me forever... I will go get laid and then jump off a cliff.

*sits in window sill and bawls her eyes out*

*hugs Ashley* sorry to hear that hun, I hope you manage to sort it out and she trusts you, why does she think that? and if she doesn't trust you then she's not worth your friendship *cuddles gently and offers a tissue*

I'm surviving

Oh Hon .... *hugs* You are a wonderful person Dayna.

Thanks for the hugs - *hugs back*

*squishes back*

I am surviving to anyone interested. I'm offering hugs to all who are able to accept them and that I haven't already given them too - otherwise you can have them again *big hugs*

I saw my GP today and am not allowed to drive for 3 months ... which is good because the car got written off - apparently there was some damage to the chassis but meh. She thinks it might have been a seizure which sent me driving into the pole which would explain why I'm still not 100%. My med levels are all okay enough for the moment so that's good.

My GP told me that I looked like I had lost weight and asked me straight out if I was eating. I didn't lie but said that I was eating at least once a day so she asked me if I was vomitting. When I said "a little" she asked me to define a little. When I said no more than once a day she was not 100% happy with me, and said she'd keep an eye on it. She didn't go mental on me though which was good.

Anyway Nicole [mouse in darkness] wants to add: Hello I miss you guys! *Big BEAR hugs to everyone*:rose:Hope all are well or doing okay.

Ohhh Kahlia *would like to give you lots of hugs*

*hugs for Nicole too* Hope she's doing ok :)

Arwen, glad you enjoyed last night hun :)

Dayna, you're not fat or ugly, loves you :)

Hannah, I hope your interview goes well, am sure you'll be ok, but I know how scary and stuff it is :( Huggles

*gives hugs for everyone*

I, have the HUGEST headache, ow, had about 13 hours sleep which is pretty good, but meh my head REALLY hurts.

*leaves hugs for ppl in the psych ward*

Sorry I havent been around to offer my support.

Jetforce Big hugs back at you

Hannah I really hope you get the job, it is scary isnt it going for interviews. My heart goes out to you.

Helen Im glad you were in a better mood and the headache had gone before we stopped talking xxx

Kahlia Big hugs to you and thanks for the update from Nicola. Hugs to her also.

Vikki thanks for the hugs, hope your ok

Sorcha Hope you can sort it out with your friend

Zowie Im glad the BBQ was really good

::::::::::::::: hugs to anyone I have forgotton ::::::::::::::::::::::

I was having a bad day but it keeps on getting better and better

Love you all
Jade xxx

Love you Jadey <3

...I'm losing my job.

I...I can't handle this...

I did walk along the motorway and nearly Killed myself (see post in Serious) but no police and no hospital or paramedics or anything like that. Although some police cars did pass by, but I guess they were looking the other way...

Thank you for the hugs.

*hugs all back*

I have to go to Poland, but I'll stick with my Mum. And anway my grandfather a.k.a. sick f*cking paedo has prostate cancer and is quite weak, so I could easily overpower him if he tries to "make contact" with me. Anyway if he's a paedophile, I'm too old for him now. I'm 19.

I TALK ABOUT MYSELF TOO MUCH. *hits self with a whip made of live wires*