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It's okay. I'll get through it. I think my mind is just preparing me for the holidays. Have to numb myself up to deal with my mother and stepfamily, ya know?
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*Hugs Felicia* You'll be alright. You're stronger than you think. I thought I'd die when she left me, but I didn't. It's been 5 months and I'm alive.
*Hugs Helen* Try to have fun :) |
Yeah , I am a bit freaked out by the Holidays to put it mildly , when will I find the privacy to S.I. and keep it clean and secret? ugh I love my family but I'm not sure I want to spend that much time being forced to be merry and festive . We are going over my Sisters Boxing day which should be nice .
It's SO hard to know what to get a Muslim for Christmas , My Brother in law is a Muslim and I got him gardening tools and a Solitare game , some people have got him a Prayer mat and Prayer Beads , he has only been in the country since Last December 1st/2nd so this is his 2nd Christmas . |
Hi everyone, I'm back. I feel horrid. Like... Suicidal-and-self-harm-thoughts-are-coming-back-horrid. I'm going to update my page (it's in my signature). I just want you all to know how much I've missed you and love you all. *curls up in the corner*
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*Hugs Shad* I'm sorry you feel so awful:( , We are here for you :)
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*Hugs Shad* Try to do something to distract yourself from the urges, you're doing really well to have gone this long and think how happy you were when you went 2 months :)
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K, i'm all updated now. Can you see the torture I'm going through now?
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*Squishes Shad* You're SOOO close to 3 months , Please try and resist those urges, I know how hard and Horrible they are to live with but you can do it . you really can.
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I'm trying, I'm trying, I promise :)
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I've missed you all SO much! *hugs all round!*
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The Random quote on the home page was this , I just thought a lot of us could relate right now :)
"If we weren't all crazy we would go insane" Jimmy Buffett </B> |
I love Jimmy Buffett. That man has to be my idol.
So... my brother just texted me, brightened my day up. Judging from our text conversation though, the world just isn't ready to handle us on Christmas. haha. |
Heh Cool Felicia :P I don't know who Jimmy Buffet is but I like that quote , does he write books?
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He's a singer. Sings mostly music you'd listen to when going to the beach. I know he's written a book.. maybe two?
I like him mostly for his music, and for the fact that he can fall under the category of professional beach bum... which is really what I'd like to do. |
Ohhh I'll look for a video on Youtube:)
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OMD!! I'm just listening to "Come Monday" And I am totally getting his greatest hits after the post is back to normal what with the season and weather . What are good albums of his Felicia? Do you like Neil Young and/or Creedence Clearwater Revival? He sort of reminds me of Creedence a bit :)
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Come Monday is my favorite song.
All his albums are good, honestly. I can't pick a favorite. I LOVE CCR. Never really listened to Neil Young though. Probably because mom didn't, but mom got me into Jimmy Buffett, starting with "man, I'm going to the beach. Jimmy Buffett time." evolving into when I wished I was at the beach, now he's just my "man, I despise life. Make me feel better." music. haha. I am about to spend $102 on clothing for sorority functions. Stop me. |
$102 , make sure they're nice clothes Hun :)
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*sigh* I really don't have that kind of money to spend right now.
I wrote down where I found everything, to see if I still want them when I have money/ after holidays. I don't want to turn out like my past sorority endeavor, where I paid far over $2,000 in dues/fees alone, not counting the shirts I bought, the dresses I bought for formal functions, etc... and then I ended up getting kicked out. |
Maybe it's best to wait and see how you feel in the new year Felicia . Are you buying these clothes online? Shop around a bit when you feel you want them ? sorry if thats crap advice :S
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Going to eat My dinner now , Back shortly :)
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yeah, I do a lot of online shopping. it's so convenient. It's also not a good idea, for a compulsive personality like me.
It's good advice, Mark. I do need to wait and see what the new year brings, especially since it's Christmas, then New Years, then my birthday. Geez... I'm gonna be all partied out soon. Oh, well... |
Ooooh you are compulsive too ? I have OCD which is no fun but Lithium really helps ,bizarely .
*Spots and hugs Crimson* How are you? |
*hops in and hugs everyone*
Sorry but there were too many pages... I didn't read them all :S How is everyone? *Mark~ In my exhausted stupor this morning I forgot the books I was going to PM you about and hadn't had them written down, Sorry. I'll try again later to get them to you. |
I have issues with compulsive shopping. I really need that seeing to :(
*cuddles ward* |
I'm well I'm not AS low Crimson as I have been but I still feel the urge, THAT urge *Sigh* . Thanks about your help with the books Crimson :) *Hugs* How are you feeling today?
*Hugs Sarah* How are you hun? |
*hugs Mark* bleh. Last night sucked so much, I was up until 4am crying and I did some pretty stupid things. I told my fiance I wanted to talk about it today but we were too busy to sit and talk so I'm waiting. I feel so guilty about last night. I didn't SI or OD but still, I feel awful.
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This is what my boss put on my desk this morning... it's cute but not all that good for me. It's filled with Hershey kisses.
*hugs Mark and Sarah* It's np Mark. If I didn't get shorted on sleep this weekend I'd have probably sent the info to you already though. On the upside My daughter has finished one of her 3 social studies books for this year completely. (1.5 more SS books, .5 of a reading book, .5 of a spelling book, 1.75 science, 1 art, .5 math, .75 spanish left... the science and art we make her wait on or she'd never do her other work lol) I'm achy and tired but overall not too bad. |
*Hugs Sarah* I'm sorry you had such a crap night hun , Don't feel down on yourself about last night , I mean you felt awful but you didn't S.I. and you Didn't OD , that shows real strength .
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*cuddles Crimson*
*cuddles Mark* My tummy hurts :( I kinda made myself ill last night, I felt awful and guilty and meh :( |
*hugs Crimson, hugs Mark*
*waves at Sarah & Kitty * nice to meet you Sarah leaves hugs for Laura, thanks chick. Off to work now, really busy couple of days then Xmas and I can sit for a few days. You all take care of each other JK x |
*Hugs Sarah* I'm sorry you had a rough night.
Crimson, that's such a cute gift. *sigh* I'm listening to If I Die Young by The Band Perry. I love this song, but yeah... I need to stop thinking about death. It's not pretty. Also, I'd like to get off this roller coaster of moods. Up... down, down, up, up, standstill, down, up.. It's tiresome. |
Awh , thats a sweet gesture from your Boss Crimson :)
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*Hugs JK* In case I don't run into you before the event.... Happy Christmas JK !!! Take it easy at work :)
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*hugs JK* Nice to meet you
*cuddles Felicia* I hope you're okay hun Thats a lovely gesture Crimson, all fancy and glittery *cuddles* *hugs Mark* |
Thanks Mark, all hugs gratefully accepted! Xmas is a tough time, as many on here will attest to. But I'm looking forward to the break that's for sure. Will try and take it easy here, its about 26 degrees and 90% humidity again, today I have a hair appointment and lunch out with my team, so nothing tooooo strenuous..lol
*hugs back* |
*Hugs Sarah* I'm sorry that that happened Hun :( how long has your tummy hurt for ? Could you take any painkillers?
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Been about 2h now, like heartburn and a dull ache mixed. I'll be fine I guess. A blip I hope. I don't want it to happen again, I feel so terrible about it. I think I need help
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*Squishes Sarah*
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*squishes Mark* thanks. I'm feeling a little better being here.
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The following content has been hidden - Reason : whiny female crap
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*Hugs Crimson , whilst I can't ralate ( Wrong Gender :S) I can empathise , I hate having pain *Makes a hot water bottle up for you*
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Oh no. I have a copper coil and thats caused me no end of problems. I refuse to ever have another implant. Ever.
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I'm going to have a bath now , That sometimes helps me feel more relaxed , Triggered feeling are less than previous days but still there in the back of my mind , telling me I should cut because I can :S
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*cuddles Mark* I hope you feel better after your bath
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Okay I am back , and damp heh In my top that Hannah L bought me for my birthday and my PJ bottoms.....
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Oh looking at my wounds on my leg , 1 seems okay, 1 seems redish and the other one is red and angry looking , not entirley sure what to do , I hope it's not infected :S , They don't usually get infected .
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Do you have any antiseptic creams Mark? It could just be deeper than the other 2 or it could have gotten irritated and inflamed but I'd apply an antiseptic cream just to keep it from getting infected if it isn't.
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Yeah I have some cream for rashes and bites I'll try that.
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*Spots and Hugs Nicole* How are you Hun?
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