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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

SoMuchMore 09-07-2010 05:21 PM

^epic reply lia!

Sorry I'm not posting much. Have been reading/trying to keep up though.

nicole94 09-07-2010 05:27 PM

*hugs everyone*
thanks guys, and uhuh. i mean she was MAJORLY fit though, i was like just staring at her, it nearly made me ignore my fear of heights and go on the bungees :/ lol

I'mJustMe 09-07-2010 05:30 PM

Hey Laura *hugs* how are you today? xx

Lol Nicole, maybe she would have held onto you to help you with your jumps ;)


nicole94 09-07-2010 05:34 PM

;) lol. i think i ,ay go back just to see her, damnit brain, i SO have a crush :/

shadowedsoul 09-07-2010 05:39 PM

Hugs lia and April. Not really sure what triggered me off.wish I could stay out of my mums way but I need to go out with my perents today. Hmm I'm walking around like a zombie that's mabye why there hasn't been
Any arguements because imjust giving in to my mum today. =(

one_step_closer 09-07-2010 06:31 PM

I'm worried that i'm going to overdose tomorrow and make people very annoyed with me because I did it last weekend too.

I'mJustMe 09-07-2010 06:31 PM

Ok, I am going to try and get some of my story out. In third person because I don't like talking about myself using first. I just hate myself too much and sound far too whiney when I do that, so here goes.

Lia was a little girl when it started. No older than 3. That was the first time her mum hurt her, Lia bit her sister so her mum bit her, after that, she didn't stop. She didn't just bite, she used her stick to hit Lia with, or her hand. Anything she could reach really. Once it was a hockey stick. It wasn't always just one hit either, sometimes, it was several. Lia's mum didn't just hit either, she threatened her. She told her she would kill her, she said she would lose it one day then Lia would be dead and she would be in jail. Or even worse her brother or sister would be and she would be in care. Lia couldn't stand the thought of losing her mummy and tried to be good.

Lia's mother's comments hurt too. She would call her names. Stupid cow, bitch, useless, pig, dirty cow etc. Lia's mum doesn't hit anymore, but the threats are still there. She used to sit with the stick by her side as a threat of what would happen if Lia was bad. She still brings her down and calls her names. She once found out about her cutting and although Lia told her it was a once off, she asked, calmly, if Lia could do a better job of it the next time so she would have one less mouth to feed. Lia wasn't even hurt by this, to her, it was and still is the complete norm.

Ok, I can't do this anymore. There's more, but I have to stop. Said too much already. I don't even know if I should post. Maybe I should just click it, just click the button, clicky click click...

I'mJustMe 09-07-2010 06:36 PM

Lindsey- Please don't OD. What's the matter sweet? Try to hold on, think of what has kept you here all this time. Think of all the people you live for, those who love you. We here would certianly miss you. Just don't give up, not yet or if you have to, wait until sunday. Then when it gets to sunday, say you will do it on monday etc etc so then you never will! Stpid plan, but actually kinda works...

Jill-Sorry you feel so bad :/ I don't know what else to say really. I tend to just go with the flow when it comes to the mother, I don't care anymore. Boggartify her (you know, like in Harry Potter) and imagine something that would make the situation really funny. Like when my mum was yelling at me once, telling me to wash up, she was stabbing a plate with her finger as she spoke and I thought about how funny it would be if the plate broke. Only then I had to hide my smile or I would get another bollocking for insolence.


shadowedsoul 09-07-2010 06:39 PM

Hugs lia very tightly. I'm so sorry that happened Hun, you are not any of those things Hun, your a caring lovely girl who doesn't deserve any of that.

Scarletdreamer 09-07-2010 06:44 PM

Lia, that was indeed an epic reply!! Well done. Now on to reply to your post... I am so sorry about what happened to you as a child & continues to happen... no one should undergo physical/emotional/verbal abuse and it is NOT the norm. I understand how it may feel like it is for you and may be your way of blocking out the bad parts of your life, making them seem normal, but once you can move out, I would say do so. You are such a lovely person, and you definitely deserve better. Also, I am so, so proud of you for opening up just a little - well, more than a little, quite a bit - and that wasn't too much to say, although I understand why you would feel that way. I wish there were something I could do to help you... know that I'm always just a PM away, 'kay? *gentle hugs*

I'm not "bang-tidy" at the moment... just ate lunch & feel so full. I knew it, but I want to purge... stupid life of mine. :'( I won't, but still... it SUCKS wanting to and not being able to. The same goes for cutting. I really am trying not to cut right now because I know that I NEED to quit... but... it's so ****ing hard. And I really, really want to do that right now too. :'(

Anyway. Enough about me. Sorry for always blathering on about how I'm doing...

PoisonedApple 09-07-2010 06:45 PM

*cuddles Lia* Good job getting that much out. I know it's hard to do.
*hugs April* I'm glad you found the post helpful. I hope Jarrod does too. If either of you have any particular questions I can try to answer them. If it's about particular branches of the military I can probably find out the answer... Aside from my deployed bro-in-law, my husband's aunt was in the navy and his uncle was in the air force and i have a friend in the marines, so I have resources if I don't know the answer :)
*hugs Lindsay* Is there anything you can do tomorrow to distract yourself?

Sorry it's not more guys but I'm kinda fighting with myself today...
Yesterday had good parts though... I'm trying to hold on to them...One of the nice things yesterday: My boss had bought a pair of earrings that were handmade that she liked but the posts were to thick for her ears so she gave them to me since she knows I like earrings. *wills self to keep holding on to the good things and for the mind to not eat them*

PoisonedApple 09-07-2010 06:48 PM

oops April I was typing a reply and missed a post... don't be sorry about telling us how you are I'd worry if you didn't. I prefer to know how my friends are doing. *cuddles*

I'mJustMe 09-07-2010 06:56 PM

April- Thanks for the Pm offer, you never know, I might take you up on it one day :) Try to hold on, resist the urges. Go for a walk, that's distrating and if you don't take your blades with you, you can't cut. And purging would look a little odd as well...You're doing so well already with resisting urges, please continue to do that. You're done it before and can do it again:)

As for me, yes, I did open up too much. I shouldn't have done, but there's very little I can do about it now. Except go back into the hole and put the mask back on. Hide behind myself again.

I'mJustMe 09-07-2010 06:57 PM

Oh and Crimson, carry on thinking about those things and let none of the bad stuff in. Get yourself some mind boucers to chuck out all the unwanted bits. I hear they sell them on ebay.


one_step_closer 09-07-2010 07:16 PM

*hugs everyone* Sorry for no proper replies, I feel so bad right now.

The thing is, I don't want anyone, or myself, to stop me from overdosing. I'm not doing it to kill myself but at the same time I don't mind if I die.

Doikers 09-07-2010 07:23 PM

*Hugs Lia* It was very brave of you to open up , abuse like that is not the norm and is not right.

*Hugs April* Try not to cut , going for a walk like Lia said is a good idea.

*Hugs Crimson* That was really nice that your boss gave you ear-rings.

*Hugs Lindsay*Please try not to OD this weekend , I know its hard but you can do it!:)

PoisonedApple 09-07-2010 07:33 PM


*Hugs Crimson* That was really nice that your boss gave you ear-rings
*hugs mark back*
yeah it was quite pleasant, especially since she's usually not the most pleasant. still kinda waiting for the other shoe to drop though I know I shouldn't...

I'm not doing it to kill myself but at the same time I don't mind if I die.
I totally understand this statement but try not to all the same *hugs Lindsay*

Oh and Crimson, carry on thinking about those things and let none of the bad stuff in. Get yourself some mind boucers to chuck out all the unwanted bits. I hear they sell them on ebay.
LOL @ mind bouncers on ebay *hugs Lia*

PoisonedApple 09-07-2010 08:36 PM

I rushed through a test earlier this week and got a 65%... I did the retake today and got 100% but since it was a retake the highest % that can go on my record is a 70% FML.

Doikers 09-07-2010 08:44 PM

Awww Crimson that royally sucks *Hug* I wish I had better words of advice than that .:S

Doikers 09-07-2010 09:01 PM

I updated my R/V/ thread
Trigger warnings for those who choose to read it.

shadowedsoul 09-07-2010 09:05 PM

What the hell is wrong with me I'm watching somthing on tv, and I start to cry, over nothing, god I'm pathetic. Should just curl up and die. Sorry =(

PoisonedApple 09-07-2010 09:24 PM

To lighten up the day... A coworker (B) was telling us about his son talking to him this morning before work... The son is 3 and this is how the conversation went:
E- "daddy do you have to go to work today?"
E- "to catch bad guys?"
B- "to put bad guys in jail."
E-"do you shoot them?"
B- "no"
E- "do you slap them?"
B- "nope"
E- "why not?"
B- "because I put them in jail."
E- "why?"
B- "because jail is like a really big time out"
E- "why do they go to jail?"
B- "because they didn't listen to their mommies."


PoisonedApple 09-07-2010 09:26 PM

*huggles Mark*
read your r/v. and you are not useless, pointless or a piece of crap.

Scarletdreamer 09-07-2010 10:46 PM

*cuddles all*

Sorry in advance for the lack of individual replies... I'm in a shitty place mentally - still, or again, or whatever you want to call it - and I just want some hugs and cold weather!! I'm warm & sticky and pretty anxious... need to send in a mail-order form for my Klonopin but haven't gotten 'round to it yet... I don't know why, I'm just a lazyarse I guess. :'(

I don't know anymore. I just want to get out of this life. :'(

SoMuchMore 09-07-2010 10:48 PM

*hugs everyone* sorry its not more. <3 u guys. hang in there.

MammaMia 09-07-2010 10:56 PM

*hugs everyone and then curls up*

Am in pain with my chest. Ugh, my best friend wants me to go up hospital but I'm not as it'll be so busy and will make my already shitty breathing worse. Ha, if I was at hers, I'd apparently be going. Meh.

Scarletdreamer 09-07-2010 11:00 PM

*cuddles Laura & Hels* Laura, how are you doing, hon? You've been evading that question lately, it seems... And Hels, are you sure that going to the hospital wouldn't be a good idea? If you're having trouble breathing & it's not "just" a panic attack......... *extra cuddles for both of you*

SoMuchMore 09-07-2010 11:07 PM

helen - hope you are okay. If your chest feels any worse please go to the hospital. *hugs*

april - i know i'm evading it. Things are... well things. Sorry to hear you've been struggling so much lately. I've been trying to keep up with reading tho. *hugs you too*

I spy kahlia! *offers cuddles*

Kahlia1981 09-07-2010 11:15 PM

*huggles all*

sorry i'm not up to much at the moment. :-( me crap.

PoisonedApple 09-07-2010 11:19 PM


Originally Posted by Fallinstar0317 (Post 2394100)
helen - hope you are okay. If your chest feels any worse please go to the hospital. *hugs*

^this^ *cuddles Helen and offers a plushie* I know it sucks to go to hospital but sometimes it's better safe than sorry.


Originally Posted by Fallinstar0317 (Post 2394100)
april - i know i'm evading it. Things are... well things. Sorry to hear you've been struggling so much lately. I've been trying to keep up with reading tho. *hugs you too*

I suck at replying but my PM box is open if you need a listener or just to vent and get something out... *hugs*

Oh I remembered another good thing from yesterday that you guys would all think was awesome (or well the ones that know my apartment is like a halfway house for friends and in-laws anyway...) J finally finished getting her crap out of my place. I freed up a good 4 ft by 4 ft space yesterday! :D *claps with excitement* so I'm down to me, D, my kids, MIL (who should be out but isn't actually staying where she's house sitting so far) and V. If we get MIL and V out I'll have a huge amount of space in my livingroom again. But with J's stuff gone Ari said "look daddy we have a fireplace again!" LOL gotta love 3 yr olds... it's like she thought the fireplace was actually gone since she couldn't see it lol. And I asked if she wanted to use it to roast marshmallows and she got excited... D's gonna get a hatchet so we can chop some of our wood (we have a couple bundles and a part of a trunk of the birch the landlord cut from the front yard this spring) to kindling and get roasting sticks n hot dogs n marshmallows :) I can't wait... SMORES!!!! lol *sorry for the randomness... just one thought followed another and tada...*

*hugs everyone*

MammaMia 09-07-2010 11:23 PM

April, Laura, it probably would be a good idea. But fridays tend to be very busy due to drunken people etc. So yeah & my mum wouldn't take me. Although I think if I asked Matt (my on/off boyfriend), he probably would take me. Last time I told her about my chest hurting, she just looked at me to say what do you want me to do about it? :'( Yeah, my breathing isn't really due to panic attack, I don't think :S

shadowedsoul 09-07-2010 11:45 PM

Hmm anybody about. =(

PoisonedApple 09-07-2010 11:46 PM

what's up?

shadowedsoul 10-07-2010 12:09 AM

hmm doesn't matter forget I asked that. Hmm somthing is up but it's okay. I'm okay sort of. Sorry to waste your time.

PoisonedApple 10-07-2010 12:10 AM

You aren't wasting my time... I was just sitting here to start. *hugs* Still around for the most part for another hour and 20 min if you change your mind...

I'mJustMe 10-07-2010 12:30 AM

Sorry for no individual replies, I want to, but I just can't. This is going to sound so so selfish, but I am too tired. I'm forever comforting other people, giving them advice and when I need it I look and there's no one there. That's my fault, I know, I pushed them all away but I just can't anymore. I can't give other people comfort and advice, I can't hug everyone when I am breaking myself. Oh God, that is so selfish. I just don't know what to...sorry, so sorry.


Scarletdreamer 10-07-2010 12:38 AM

Lia, sweetie, you're not selfish, not at all. You've given so much here and taken so little, it's time that you got some support yourself. Please try not to tell yourself the lies that your mum tells you... please try and listen to us, when we say that you are a lovely, kind, caring person that deserves happiness/health/peace. *cuddles gently if okay?*

Crimson *cuddles* That is happy!! *does the happy dance with you* Hehe... :) Awesome. Hopefully MIL will move out shortly... and then you can REALLY do the happy dance. I hope you enjoy your fireplace. :D

*cuddles Laura* Wish I had words of wisdom to offer, but know that we're here for you when you're ready to talk and also, my PM box is open if you need - anytime!!

*cuddles Kahlia* You're not crap. What's up??

*cuddles Jill* What's up, sweetie?

I'm about to learn more about the Air Force... and I am royally terrified about any changes that will be taking place in our lives. :-S I don't know how to evade them, I don't think I can, and THAT is the scary part. :'(

*hides in a hole and cries*

PoisonedApple 10-07-2010 12:38 AM

*pokes Lia* that's not selfish and i'm here :) *offers hugs and an ear*

PoisonedApple 10-07-2010 12:42 AM

*cuddles April* but at least if you can't evade the prospect of Jarrod in the AF at least you can be included and know what's going on and what will happen... Not the solution you want I know but it's better than being blindsided, hun. I'd write down all your questions in advance and anymore you think of while the person is talking so you don't forget any and get a business card if you are getting answers from a recruiter so you can call if you think of any.

MammaMia 10-07-2010 12:58 AM

*cuddles everyone*

Incase anyone should care, my chest is much better, as is my breathing.

PoisonedApple 10-07-2010 01:04 AM

*glomps Helen* of course we care! and I'm glad you are doing better. *huggles*

MammaMia 10-07-2010 01:11 AM

Thanks sweetheart, hopefully going to sleep soon, getting quite tired & was awake early yet again!

Can I take my last post back, it's started up again :'( Going to try sleep.

SoMuchMore 10-07-2010 01:24 AM

*hugs helen* i care too! i'm glad it is feeling better. hope you can get some sleep.

EDIT: i saw that you posted as i was typing... sorry to hear that it started again. Maybe you should get it checked out soon.

*hugs crimson* that is happy news about those that you live with!

*hugs april, lia, jill, kahlia, luke, nicole, mark, JK, and everyone else i'm missing*

For those that offered to let me PM them, thanks. I can't really talk about anything right now though

o yea... and a response to earlier.. Lia - It was really brave of you to open up in here. I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that. *hugs*

MammaMia 10-07-2010 01:30 AM

I'm going to try sleep now, or least soon, I think it's stopped again, but I'm not sure. Hope it has & stays away. *hugs Laura* I hope you can talk soon sweetheart, not good to isolate yourself.

Oh & forgot to say, well done on being so brave to open up earlier Lia *cuddles* I'm really sorry you've gone/going through that sweetheart.

wolfos3d 10-07-2010 02:34 AM


Originally Posted by Scarletdreamer (Post 2393561)
Jess, I hope you sleep well. I'm still confused about the whole schooling system in Aussie/NZ/etc. (sorry to lump you all together!!)... well, and the UK system as well. I only really understand the one in the States... lol. How old are you, if you don't mind me asking? *huggles*

I'm 19, 20 in November. What I'm doing is essentially the last two years of high school. Then I'll either get to repeat the second year if my score wasn't good enough or go to uni. yay. I think.
I read over your r/v too. *hugs* Sorry I don't have too much to say. I didn't sleep too well and my brains not working. I did want to say that I know how you feel with not being able to get rid of the blades. I can't manage it either. :(


Originally Posted by I'mJustMe (Post 2393590)
Jess *Hugs*- Sorry you're struggling so much at the momnet. I know school's stressful, but it can also be agreat distraction, and it's not all that bad. There must be some lessons you like, some parts you enjoy. If nothing else, it's something to do with your time to stop you wallowing and thinking dark thought. Carry on resisting those urges, I know it's hard but it's worthwhile in the end and it means you can do the washing up without getting your sleeves wet ;)

Thanks Lia. I do actually like the lessons and I've made a few good friends this year but I'm struggling to concentrate to any extent at all, especially outside of class, which means that I'm not getting the best marks which is causing stress and major dissapointment. It seems I'd rather panic then get work done.
Getting my sleeves wet has actually been a rather annoying issue. :P I've had to wait until my housemate goes to work to do the washing up, and he works strange hours.
And it was good of you to open up too. *cuddles* I'm here if you ever want to talk.

Sorry about the lack of replies to everyone else. It's taken me an hour just to read over stuff and make this reply. *hugs and stuffs to everyone*

risenfromperdition 10-07-2010 06:56 AM

im 21 i swear ;]

Kahlia1981 10-07-2010 07:15 AM

Being 21 doesn't mean you can't love kids movies ... otherwise I'm screwed because I'm almost 29 and I l-o-v-e kids movies

Kahlia1981 10-07-2010 07:17 AM

hmmm, although the guy the gave me to pretend to be my psychologist so that the HQCC would think they were trying to "help" me when they weren't told me I only liked kids movies because I never had a childhood. I said then how come most adults liked Shrek??

shadowedsoul 10-07-2010 07:32 AM

Thanks April would you believe me if I sad nothing was wrong? or would you know I'm talking rubbish when I say that. The answer proberly yes to that. I will try and answer later when I'm not feeling completely out of it. =( not sure anything I have just said makes sence.

Doikers 10-07-2010 11:25 AM

*hugs Crimson* I'm glad you are slowly getting space back in your house and you can now toast stuff :)

* Hugs Helen* I hope your chest is feeling better today.

*Hugs Jill*

*Hugs Kahlia*

*Hugs April*

*Hugs Heather* What movie is that I don't think I've watched it :S hmmm.

*Hugs Jessica*

*Hugs Laura*

*Group hugs to everyone else *

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