Don't want to be :(

*hugs helen* yea i understand, sometimes i dont like broadcasting stuff on here either.. hence my sometimes vague posts.. even tho nobody i know in "real life" is on here. lol. If you decide to go out I hope you have fun.
But yea, go ahead and PM if u want/need to.

*hugs everyone else*

*group huggle*

Well there's been 6pages since I last paid attention (bad hayley-rose!) and at the moment my eyes are fuzzy and contact lenses dry so I have to admit I've not read them (bad bad hayley-rose!!) Sorry I've been quiet, been PMDDin and it makes me rather anti-social. Been hiding out all evening on WoW and I was even antiasocial on that, spending my evening fishing rather than joining in on quests with others. Going to my mum's tomorrow, so being social is being forced upon me. *sigh*

*waves at Chris* oh hello and welcome, crimson forgot to show you the luxury smoking shelter we have outside! You may not be a smoker, but just incase, there's heaters and comfy chairs and self cleaning ashtrays! Beautiful view of the ward garden! Oh and if you follow the corridor on your right (any right it doesn't matter, lol) amongst the numerous corners, you'll find a door situated somewhere that opens into the padded room. I've put myself in there a few times, can be handy. Oh and a hiding place of mine is under the floorboards, so be careful how you tread as a few of them may be loose!!!

urgh, gotta put rubbish out now and take my meds....

Thinking of you all. *super duper snuggles*

*puts out rubbish and recycling*

*toddles off to choose a corner to snuggle down in....decides to hide under floorboads as not been there in a while*

LOL Sorry bout that Hayley! Totally forgot about the smoking shelter since I don't use it but silly me since I like to sit in the garden!
*huggles* Being social can be good for us when we don't wanna be social.

*hugs n cuddles for all*

*gets tired of the windowsill being so solid and builds a window seat out of some pillows and curls up with a blanket to look at the flowers outside*

ARGH am so frustrated and angry with myself, for no good reason. Am not okay, am not fine, and I don't know if I ever will be. :crying:

Sorry no individual responses at the moment, but hiya Chris and welcome to the ward!! *hugs*

*cuddles April* You will be okay. We're survivors :) PM me if ya need.

*cuddles everyone*

PM me if you need April.
Laura, will pm you in a bit. Didn't go out aha.

Hi Chris *hugs* welcome

*hugs Helen* how are you doing now?

*hugs Mark* I'm sorry you cut, harsh exercise and dieting isn't good, please try and stay healthy with your eating and exercise regularly but at a pace suitable for you.

*hugs April* you will get throught this and be ok, stay strong

*hugs crimson* how are you doing?

*hugs JK* how are you doing?

*hugs laura* I hope you managed to get to the party and had fun.

*hugs Hayley*

why is the world so damn judgemental, why can't we just be who we are without fear of hate and discrimination.
I dont want tomorrow to come, I dont even know if I'll be able to get dressed, I feel sick thinking about it, I know its so pathetic, its just a few days.

*hides in a corner where no one can find him, because he is being pathetic and whinging.*

I've calmed down now & rationalised the situation if that makes sense?

Still feel bit **** but ah well. Getting my hair cut tomorrow!!! =D

I'm ok so far, Oliver. Aside for dreading tomorrow (I don't blame you I would too), how are you?
The world is judgemental because 95% of people learn nothing from being judged. I had a gay guy my sister in law knows tell me (the first time he met me) that I'm not bi because I am attracted to men and women it's just what I say because I'm greedy and want everyone to be mine and that it's an excuse to be a slut...*shakes head* How much more judgmental can you get? Everyone judges everyone else I think because then the focus is on someone else not on them. It's not fair and quite sad and pathetic but it's the way many people are. That it bothers you isn't pathetic. If it helps think of it as dressing up as a girl for Halloween... just a long Halloween. I know that sounds kinda dumb but never know it might help the getting dressed part. ...erm I kinda rambled there... *hopes it's readable and understandable*

"If ignorance is bliss why aren't more people happy?"

*goes out to walk in the garden and tend the plants*

Well if you take out the dreading tomorrow and the week which has to follow, I guess I'm okish, but I'm pretty scared that I am going to self harm next week to cope with it, I've been free for 2 months now. Its ok in the day because rehearsing and my best friend on the course is now over 18, so she can come to the pub in evening too, but its the nights when we have to be in our own rooms which will be the worse.
I get so angry when people say bisexual people are greedy and I get even more angry when people in the LGBT community judge others in the LGBT community, I know a lot of transphobia comes from within the LGBT community
Thats not a dumb idea, thanks, its just going to be tough, especially with probably no internet access and the stresses of having to learn the music in a week for a concert. Its going to be tough, but I am looking forward to the fact I get to buy my first DJ when I get back to uni for symphony orchestra, as I am out there and then get to live as male for qite a few months.
I'm rambling now so going to shut up.
*hugs Helen* I'm glad you've clamed down a bit, hope you begin to feel a bit better, hopefully getting your haircut will be good for you.

*goes out into the garden to stroll around*

I am so ****ing angry with myself.

Pathetic whinger.

:crying:

But you all are awesome... *cuddles everyone*

*hugs everyone*

I don't want to be awake. I've been awake for awhile ... but I still don't want to be awake. I think I'll have what my housemate refers to as a homosexual (fag/cigarette) - with definitely no menace intended. And then look at the time again and decide whether I can afford to have a little rest.

*huggles everyone then toddles off to the smoking shelter*

*hugs Kahlia & April lots*

*dances around happily even if she is low at same time LOL*

*comes back in from the garden satisfied with the results and hugs everyone*
time to go home from work... if I don't get online tonight I'll see everyone in the morning.

*cuddles all*
I'm off to bed and probably won't have time to come on tomorrow morning, so I hope everyone has a good week and a bit and I shall be back sunday week.

*leaves lot of cuddles and fresh fruit*

*huggles Oliver*
*grabs a couple strawberries and a banana*
Don't let 'em drag ya down. Have fun at your concert.
*packs hidden hugs and cuddles in Oliver's suitcase*

*cuddles everyone* sorry my head hurts, i cant do individual replies right now.

I did wind up going out tonight. It was alright, but I'm home early b/c ppl really didnt want to stay out. I feel kinda numb and stupid.. but idk why really.

Sorry for the lack of individual replies I feel kind of numb.....
*Hugs the good folk of the ward*

*cuddles everyone*

I am so tired. Exhausted really. Jarrod stayed home from work today because I woke up whimpering from a nightmare and also because I don't feel safe. At all. And I don't know how deep (or where) I would cut if he weren't home to act as an accountability partner type of thing.

:(

*more cuddles*

I spy a Mark!! *cuddles* How are you?

April *HUGS* I'm sorry you don't feel safe , I wish I knew what to say but I don't feel all that safe either , it's good that Jarrod is staying with you today .
Today is a milestone for me , I'll post about it later, right now I must leave the flat to keep from S.I. , lucky its a nice day :)

Yey for milestone days... *cuddles Mark* I look forward to hearing about it... and good luck staying safe. :)

My eyes are heavy I'm that tired...

*sigh*

Just updated my r/v thread... :(

*cuddles everyone*

Am having a really good start to my weekend :D The sun is out shining again, I have a new boyfriend *giggles*, been out shopping & off to the hairdressers soon. I got a good feeling about today & tomorrow. Sunday, blah I'll get through it somehow :)

April, am sorry you don't feel safe but glad Jarrod there to keep you safe :D

*hugs Helen* I hope you have a WONDERFUL weekend , Sunday included :-)

*hugs everyone*
How can I feel like it's nap time when I only got up about an hour ago?
*curls up in a corner for a nap*

Mark, I seriously doubt Sunday will be good, but thank you.

*hugs everyone*

My hair's been cut =)

*reads messages from earlier*
Mark~ What kind of milestone? *gets excited for you*
Helen~ Have a wonderful weekend hun. Who knows maybe you'll enjoy the weekend with the bf and haircut so much Sunday will just fly by without you realizing.
*cuddles April* Do you think sleeping some would help since you aren't feeling safe?
*group huggles April, Mark, Oliver, Helen, Kahlia, Laura and anyone else I can find in the ward*

I suposse you're right :) I can't wait to talk to my boyfriend already aha!! No doubt he'll be drunk when I next speak to him, typical boy!! *squeals and jumps about*

Sorry, just making the most of it whilst I can :D

Awh Hels, I hope that this relationship works out well for you. :D *cuddles* And yeh, I agree, I hope that you'll be having so much fun that the weekend will just fly by. If not, well, we're here, as you know... :)

Oliver, sorry that you've had to put up with people being mean to you. That's never fun. :( I wish I could help you somehow... and I hope that this weekend goes okay for you. *hugs*

Mark!! I am getting more and more intrigued about this milestone!! *cuddles*

*huggles Crimson* Erm, hubby wouldn't let me sleep as I tend to overdo it when I do sleep during the day. So I played WoW and got my priest (who is level 60 [out of 80 levels]) to exalted with Darnassus, the night elf capital city. I worked on that for about 4 hours this morning... I know, lame, right? :-/ (Hayley, what do you think? :D Cool or what? I've been working on that for a loooong time... I also have a 41 warlock that's exalted with Darnassus, for the mount[s].) But anyway... how are you??

Laura, how're things going? *squishes*

I'm so tired... damnit... :( And I've practically the whole day ahead of me. I'm on campus until 5:20pm and it's only 1:20pm now. Four more whole hours... :( Boo hiss. At least I have the internet and books and my journal...

*sigh*

And of course I want to SI now that no one is here watching me closely. :(

I am so over myself. :crying:

*hugs april, mark, crimson, helen, kahlia, oliver, and whoever is around other various spots around the ward*

I'm sorry... I am trying really hard... but nothing is helping. I hate all of this.
*curls up in corner and rocks back and forth*

I eat hot food for the first time in 4 days today . Feel like such a pig now :(

My Milestone is ( and I think I've built it up too much) , today marks the 2 year point that I managed to quit alcohol , I slipped up at the beginning of last month on 6 non consecutive days which really ruins it but had it not been for that it would be 2 years . :S

*throws some confetti for mark* That IS a milestone. Slip ups happen sometimes, that doesn't ruin anything. Great job!!

Congratulations Mark <3

*cuddles April, Laura, Mark & anyone else who wants one lots and lots*

Pictures to follow :D

*Hugs Laura* I'm sorry you are struggling so much :( and Thankyou for the confetti

I just lost my job :(

*HUGS One step closer* I'm so sorry to hear that, what happened ? Do you want to talk ?

*cuddles one_step* Awh love, I'm so sorry... :( I don't know if you want to talk about it or not, but we're here to listen if you need...

*throws confetti for Mark, and puts out some non-calorific cupcakes!!* Congrats!!! That's awesome... and Laura's right, slipups do happen... :) Am proud of you, for whatever that may mean. And I spy you!! :D

*cuddles Laura* So sorry that things are so rough at the mo, love... is there anything I can do? Feel free to PM me anytime... I'm here if you need. ♥

*cuddles Hels* Can't wait for pictures :D I like seeing my friends. Mark, you need to post a pic of you sometime. :) Can't be any worse than mine, I'm fat and icky and awful...

*cuddles everyone else*

Just updated r/v thread AGAIN... geez, I think I use that thing way too many times in a day... lol. :-/

wow lots of posts.

1. proud of you slip ups and all mark.
2. can't wait for pics helen.
3. what happened one_step?
*cuddles and rocks laura*

i'm tired and frustrated but pushing myself through my day.

*huggles everyone*

April the fact that you are proud of me means a lot to me :) I don't have many friends so my online friends matter to me :) You are not fat , awful or icky , seriously you look great . I'll try and get a photo up soon ....

Thanks everyone.

My mental health has been really bad and I have been off sick since September. Because I am suicidal and keep overdosing HR decided that I am too unwell to work. They said that I am just as unwell as the patients I work with so they don't want me working with such vulnerable people. They also think that work is making my mental health worse.

Wow, lots of people are viewing this thread... yey...

Crimson, hope the rest of your day goes okay. Where are you located? (not counting the 7th layer of Hell... heh) *hugs* I'm tired too, just took a brief nappish thing, only laying my head down on the desk, but it worked. I feel a little more alert now. Heh.

*cuddles all*

One_step, I take it that you work in a MH related setting? or summat like that, anyway... "the powers that be" said that I can't do my internship in a clinical or counseling setting due to my current MH, suicidal and all, so it makes sense. I'm sorry though :( very sorry, especially since you're in such a bad place right now. *hugs gently* Things will get better... maybe post on here more so you can get more support? and do you have any support IRL?

Mark, I'm glad of that. :) I don't want to sound snotty or anything but I do like it when people think well of what I think of them. If that made any sense, that is... :P Thanks for the compliments... *curls up next to*

So, so, so tired... :(

http://i1016.photobucket.com/albums/...s/STA70793.jpg

A so-so pic of me , I hope this works I've never used photo bucket before


GRRRR how do you make it a pic not a link?

*cuddles everyone*

So many people viewing the thread, feels bit creepy??? :P

Sorry to hear about the job Lindsay :(

I'm in Anchorage, Alaska April. I had it on my profile till my mother in law joined the site... then I made a decoy account and changed my location lol.

Hey Helen , Your hair looks great , it really suits you :)

I still feel tired and icky but I just found out that a radio show I used to listen to (and that I love) is back on the air via a different website so now I'm excited. *bounces around the room listening to The Shaman's Brew* I'm listening to the archives though because it's been on again since last November lol.

That's a lovely pic Mark. (always nice to put a name and face together:) )

That sucks Lindsay(?). But it may be for the best for you right now. And when you are feeling more well they may just hire you back.

Oops I was typing when u posted pics Helen!
That hair cut rocks on you!