*cuddles* i'm here if you'd like to talk..

*hugs all*

Laura, I'm in the process of trying to sort my appointments out with uni counsellor, she's messed me about but hopefully will get it all sorted soon.

Emma, make sunday hurry up, are you picking me up btw? :D

Arrrrgh THURSDAY >.< I HATE HATE HATE HATE thursdays and this lecturer I have today, didn't please me last week. Please don't let him trigger me again gah.

But least I get to see Nosheen, James and go to start of year service in the chapel :D and have a good chat with them two =)

Arrrgh!!!

Kahila, please keep safe darling if you can xxxxxx

I see Emmmmmma

*cuddles helen*

*squishes Soph*

*is squished* you ok honey? just you seem a bit... crazy?

Me?

Crazy in what way?

I'm not okay.

just how your post up there ^ was going in all directions. wasnt the right word to use but i couldnt think of anything else, sorry...
you want to talk about it hun? *cuddles*

thanks guys, will try write wen i have more strength...really losing it in a empty, disintigrating kind of way. keep switching and gettin angry or wind myself up

get well soon Kate,...hugs to you and everyone here...x

Soph, mm I see what you mean, maybe it's because I normally construct them better than that.

I'm feeling guilty for missing a lecture & tutorial again today when I've been off already this week & last week (well two days each week now). pissed off because someone emailed me reminding me to contact my notetakers (i have 3 covering 4 days) if I'm not going to be in my lectures in advance, like I hadnt done so today but I feel ill because I've got a ****ing migraine still (think it might be a tension headache now) and feel like I'm gonna be sick. Tired cus of change of routinue. Worried about me and a few of my friends. Stressed about everything, uni, life etc. Suidical as you know:(and my chest keeps hurting again....

*cuddles lots* i hope things start to get a bit better soon...
i have to go now but i'm thinking of you *squishes and huggles lots*

Thanks sweetie.

I hate this.

xxxxx

Hi all. I ended up at my RYL sister's place with her and our friend. Then we went out doing stuff. I'm doing a lot of acting ... people think I'm okay and then they see me when I'm sitting by myself and get .... concerned (I guess). I keep telling them that I'm not worth worrying about but they don't seem to believe me.

Meh. I don't know. Sorry for boring you all with this ... I just have to get it out somewhere. I don't even know if it's worth coming out of this episode. I-just-want-to-curl-up-and-die.

Sorry.

I hate myself

*snuggles for all* zowie don't hate yourself, we love you *holds zowie tight*

I dunno if i can take this much longer, i cannot express myself anymore, not verbally...i try and trick myself into bein positive but something always triggers me....think im just gonna stay in and not face the world.
feel so ...disassoiative, angry, lonely, lost and confused
sorry

I'm so ****ing ANGRY,
it isn't even funny anymore.
I've ****ing had it with this website and people taking there **** out on me.
HAD IT.

sorry....

What are you sorry for??
Had nothing to do with you or anyone inparticular, certainly no one on this thread.
I'm merely venting anger.

is it me Dramatic??? :(
I know I can be a whinny ass bitch at times ><
I'm sorry...

Ah its got nothing to do with ANYONE,
it's just ME.

Forget it. Ignore my posts.

*snuggles Dramatic*

*Hugs Dramatic* You alright?

I'm feeling...empty. Just. Empty.
I miss my mum.

im just takin everything personally....self destruct is in process
just feel so unloved....

I've had enough.
**** this.
After sunday I'm giving up for good.

But looks like I may have a counsellor sorted out at ****ing long last.

*snugggles helen* dont give up sweetie, i'm glad that you have sorted out a councillor surely thats a step forward

*hugs all*

*curls up under the bed and cries*

*hugs Kahlia* whats wrong honey

Can't keep going anymore.

*hugs helen* I know what you mean.

I just can't keep fighting. I'm not able to see the point. I mean, I'm SI free for more than a month and I keep asking myself "WHY????". What does it change ? In the grand scheme of things nothing matters and right now that's pretty much where my head is. I don't want to hurt people, and I keep hurting people while I'm living .... so my head tells me that dying would cause less hurt. I don't know anymore.

I just want to cry.
:crying:

*hugs tight*

I am so furious. >.< OMG.

Well I've seen her true colours once again. But this time, it's over. for good >.< no turning back on never talking to her again either....

Whats going on Hells honey? *hugs you* xx

Cry if you need to Kahlia. I have no real words because I understand a little too well what you are feeling. I hope it passes soon *hugs*

*huggles and cuddles everyone* i'm here if anyone would like to talk

*hugs Emma & Soph tight*

I've had a bad evening. A huggggggge row. Probs explain to you when in person on Sunday, along with everything else ha.

I hate arguments.

How you doing Soph?

i'm ok. a bit lonely but ok.
*cuddles you lots* i hope you're feeling better soon hun...

Ok Hells, any chance we could make it 4pm on sunday instead of 3pm just in case? (May have made it that time anyway, I'm too lazy to check). Don't let arguments upset you, your worth more than that sweetie. Tell me about it on Sunday....perhaps over a drink or two?



*sits next to Sophie* See...now you aren't alone! My PM box is open if you ever want to talk about anything.

Will be in and out of RYL for an hour or two so will check back in here in a bit. *muchos hugs and love*

Oh, that reminds me...Hells, phone is playing up AGAIN as friggin usual. Not sure if I am recieving messages or what! But I can recieve and make calls so worst case scenario I will call you on Sunday if haven't heard from you (I'm in portsmouth on saturday night so won't be able to check internet)

Oooh okay Emma. *has words with your phone*

3/4pm is fine, just let me know sometime??

I will deffo tell you over a drink or two (what kinda drinks are we thinking of :p). I'm trying to not let it upset me though, thought about cutting after it and thought NO WAY!!! Do I need to text you my postcode again or do you remember it?? PS I'm pretty sure Amy will still be around on Sunday so you can't poark on my drive incase you were thinking of doing so, thats assuming you're picking me up :P

*snuggles Soph* You're not alone sweetie. xxxx

thanks hun, however internet company isnt the kind of company i'd like atm. just want to be able to see my friends but they're all really busy and everything so i'm lonely. having you here does help a little bit though *hugs*

I wish I could be with you in person, but I can't and I'm glad this is helping a bit. Tried seeing any of your friends? xxx

yeah. but all my friends go to uni so they're always busy. and when they're free i've got school. and the friends that dont go to uni are either busy with work, aren't up to visitors or live interstate.
i'm seeing people next month for the melbourne meet but it just gets so lonely some times, you know?

I really do understand Soph. I'm feeling a bit isolated from my friends at the moment espically tonight. I haven't seen any of my old friends for a while, fallen out with some more, haven't seen all my uni friends for a few weeks aswell. Bit depressing really. *snuggles* Love you xxx

I hate struggling. But I still am. :( But anyway I'm going off to bed now, feeling dead sleepy yay.

So Emma, feel free to reply to my post to you in here or pm if you'd like. Love you darling.

goodnight hun *hugs*

I understand wanting to see and be with friends and loved ones, Sophie. Hope you feel better soon x

Any kind of drink you like Hells, coffee or alcohol or we could go to Wetherspoons again and have dinner and alcohol or coffee OR all three! <----I'm liking the last plan. Can pick you up if you want but you will need to PM me your post code again. Don't text as it's too unreliable with my phone atm x

i'll be ok. only 4 weeks till the melbourne meet and i'll see some of my favouritest people then so that should help a bit :)

Thanks for the hugs guys. *hugs everyone*

I've spent most of the day with a friend. I cried infront of her ..... now I feel bad for letting myself show that I'm not doing so great.

We gave our other friend a present. He keeps acting gay and saying that he's a girl so we gave him his present wrapped in Barbie paper. I made some alterations to the paper last night so that it read "You're our "Barbie" Girl" and "You're our "Barbie" Princess". We also made an addition to the present .... we put in a little plate that had a picture of the four Disney princesses on it. Then we left it where his laptop normally sits as a nice surprise. We knew when he'd found it ... we both got a text at the same moment. He said it made his day.

I thought that might have lifted me .... but it didn't. And if that doesn't, then nothing will.

I'm sorry. I'm just checking in to say that I'm still here and still kicking. Now I'm going to go hide under the bed and start crying again.

*hugs everyone, then hides under the bed with 4 boxes of tissues*

*hugs Helen and Kahlia* sounds like there are some rough times going on out there in the ward, just to let you know that im here for you *hands out fuzzy blankets and boxes of extra soft tissues*

I am so glad I have fridays off now, and that me & mum went out today. Feeling okay at the moment, but knowing I've had a **** week. There's just no way I would have gotten through today without falling apart completly!!!

*sighs* Beginning to swing straight back to crap, cus today's just masked up those feelings..?

Gah, sent you a PM Emma about Sunday =D

*hugs Helen* but you have sunday to look forward to *offers you chocolate milk*

I'm going to a meet tomorrow! Yay! In Brighton!
Gonna get drunk tonight methinks. I might be hungover at the meet but I think I'll get enough sleep in. x

zowie thats cool :) Brighton is a fun place