*pushes a note out* kat how old is ur baby

Why don't you wanna get caught on your laptop Julie?
*Hugs Shadowed Soul*

My suicidal feelings are getting more intense. I don't know what to do. I have been doing ok, I don't want to get back to the point where I landed in hospital (although I do long to be in hospital.)

How is everyone?

i'll get in trouble

I'm ok Lindsay Thanx , Not great but Not suicidal which is something . Just Constantly Numb , maybe I'm getting used to it :S I hope I don't have to , Still feeling *watched* though.
I'm sorry you are feeling so horrible *Offers huge hugs to Lindsay* I hope I got your name correct ?

Oh and Lindsay I totally relate with your longing to be back in hospital , I get that too sometimes , just so you know you're not alone in that ..

Good morning everyone... *cuddles for those who want them* :)

Mark, it's fine to talk about how you're feeling, how you slept, etc., because, well, it's summat to talk about and maybe other people can empathize. I know that I feel more tired after I sleep a long time than when I don't, but later I eventually get extremely exhausted if I only sleep a short time. (I hope that made sense!!) How's your day going so far? *cuddles*

Kat, I'm sorry you're so tired... how's the baby? :) Did she keep you up last night a lot? *cuddles*

Lindsay, I also understand the longing to be in hospital... things there are regimented, there's a routine you follow and you know what's coming next, everything's taken care of, you don't have to worry about who's going to make the meal or go grocery shopping etc., etc. I miss being there because I've met some of my most supportive friends in there. *gentle hugs* I hope that you feel better soon though & don't have to go in hospital, because it is crummy to have to go... I hope I'm making sense cos I feel like I'm not!! :(

Julie, how are you doing? *makes a hole under the slab of concrete and pushes a small box of hugs through* And are you still banned from the laptop then? :(

Kahlia, I'm sorry that you are so exhausted... hopefully you sleep tonight though... how else are you doing?? feeling any better? You sounded a bit more positive in your last post although that may be me being mistaken.

Laura, how are you doing? *big cuddles* I know, this thread is moving quite quickly and I'm lucky that I have access to a computer and time to spend on it to keep up with everyone!! I'm sorry you're feeling overwhelmed by it though... *more cuddles* How is school going? Just think, soon it'll be out for the summer. :) That's a happy thought, right?

I know I missed some people and I apologize... there are just so many people posting now that it's difficult for me to keep up with everyone. Oh well, I tried at least!!

Am feeling a bit muzzy headed as it took me awhile to fall asleep last night. Also got up earlier than we've been tending towards, 6am, not really that bad but I'm still exhausted. :( Pathetic I know... going to bed at 8:30pm & getting up nearly 8 hours later and still being exhausted.

Played WoW for awhile this morning and my pally dinged 73. I'm excited about that. And when she transferred servers, she brought her flying mount with her - YEY!!! - so she can fly in Northrend even though I don't have a level 80 on that server yet. Guess because my level 80 bought her that flying training on the other server, I can fly on this new server. Woohoo. :) Anyway, sorry for the WoW-talk... :-S Mark, speaking of which, do you know when you'll get the game? :)

I don't want to take that stupid 40 minute general education exit exam... we're supposed to take it for senior sem and I'm worried about it as I don't retain information well, other than what is in my major, and I'm scared that I won't do well on it. Oh well, it doesn't really matter as long as I take it - my "grade" on it doesn't affect my grade in senior sem. WHEW. And that's our final, so I don't have to worry really about studying or anything... I hope!! :-S

Listening to Delain, Mark. :D I can't wait until I get one or two of their albums... <3

*hides in a cardboard box in the corner* :(

*cuddles everyone*

Laura, I'm the same, the speed does overwhelm me and now we have so many members, I'm scared of forgetting someone!! Plus trying not to support too much, in order to save myself from worsening. So I can relate to your post so much *squishes*

Kat, it's not a nice place to be indeed. Wish I could do something to get out too. Me & my Mum seem to be better so far today. So hopefully it's passed. I think she's just took all her stress about work, money, our house, etc out on me. She really is worried/stressed about it & can't blame her. I've not been diagnosed with anything, so can't say that I'm ill...but I know I'm not fine. If that makes sense? *accepts flowers and gives big hugs back*

*wants real cuddles*

My day is going ok :) nervous that someting will come along to wreck it and also I wish my day was GREAT not just ok , so selfish.
The fair is in town rides and candy floss ( Cotton Candy ) and such.
It's a Bank holiday here today April so no post until tommorow and Amazon haven't sent me a message saying it's been shipped , delivery estimate is 7th - 11th May , I'm all nervous about it .

Soon I wil know what this means , so complex :S
*huggles to everyone who wants them*

Yeah, that makes sense. Same here. My GP diagnosed depression way back when I was 15, before the second major trauma, since then I've kinda picked that label when asking for help and hidden behind it, you know? Except I know i'm mentally ill, because the things I think and feel arn't normal. Well maybe they are for someone traumatised, but you know what I mean.

*huggles Lindsay* I almost feel like wanting to be in hospital too, if only for a break from daily doings. I'm sorry that you feel this way. *gives you magic flowers*

*hugs april* She was really good last night, eventually. took 2 hours to get her to settle, and I stupidly stayed up until midnight again, goodness knows why. No desire to go to bed and get woken up. I've gotta get over this silly anxiety.

Julie: Hazel is coming up for 8 months old.

*hugs mark* You are not pathetic, or whingy, or moany, or whatever ever self-degrading description you used in your last thread (wish i could remember but hubby is stressed and cursing about and baby is whinging for extra attention because he forgot to feed her)*cuddles more* stop thinking like that. Your feelings are valid.

I just wrote a letter to my first abuser..now I've just got to get the courage to post it on the letter's thread. *cheekily asks for supportive cuddles*

*Supportive Cuddle for Kat*

thanks mark. i edited just as you posted...

Thanx Kat. It means a lot to have people gee me up from time to time . I think I refered to myself as Selfish .:S
I'd like to go out to the fair but I skirted by it earlier and it is PACKED with people . Crowds make my anxiety worse so I'm in 2 minds ,hmm

yeah, you did. And it's not true mark, not at all. a fair? ohh. what type? what can you achieve by going? thanks for the cuddles, i posted *sighs* i feel a bit better for letting those feelings out.

A fair , they have like ball toss games , and rides and candy floss , it's taken up all of the town I think ,the sun is (Sorta) out which means it will still be packed, I would like to go check it out but so many people is anxiety provoking.

ooh candy floss is the best reason I can see there! Is there anything you can do to conteract the anxiety?

Well I could take a preemtive Diazepam but I shoulden't take them unless I NEED them and I've been taking too many recently but not for a few days. Oops went off on a tangent . I don't want to get anxious and have to calm down ,I'd rather stay calm , if that makes any sort of sense ?

*hugs everyone* hope your all doing ok today?. and mark- go to the fair if you want to! just try it, and if you get even a little bit anxious, leave. if its anything like the fair near me, it is packed with kids in the day time, but even MORE packed with adults/teenagers at night, so day is probably best.-oh, plus the fair by me is the largest street fair in the uk :/ lol

i agree with you there on the diaz, my dad uses it. best to stick clean if you can, well done for doing so for a few days. makes perfect sense. staying calm is definately good. are there any other methods you can use? maybe like rationalising before you go?