*hugs kahlia* Oh hun, things sound so hard for you right now. you can make it though all of this though. I really believe that... and you are most definitely not useless or a bad ward mate.

*hugs april* you're not a bad ward mate either. We understand you have a lot going on.

*hugs heather* you are NOT fat or yucky.

*hugs lia, felicia, helen, jess, and oliver*

=\ but... mmm thanks. i'll stop being a brat.

hows you

NOBODY IS WORTHLESS

I know we all have very low opinions of ourselves. Or most of us anyway. But NOT one of us is useless/a useless wardmate. We're all very special and individual people. As someone who's been posting regularly in here since late 2007, I've seen many come and go. But I still love everyone & getting to know some awesome new people. So please, no more branding ourselves with the word 'useless'....please? :(

*cuddles all*

*Hugs Kahlia* You're not useless at all :) and I hope your friend is right and your shoulder noise isn't too serious .

*Hugs April*

*Hugs Heather*

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Oliver*

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Felicia* It okay its hard to keep track of usernames/ real names :)

hey mark =] hows you

Invisible.
Oh well.

*hugs Mark back*

It wasn't invisible to me at least, Hels... thank you for posting that. *cuddles gently* I'll try not to even think that about myself anymore, as hard as that will be!! :-/ How are you doing, sweetie??

Laura, how are you, darling? *huggles* Thanks for the support... :) It means a lot.

Kahlia, you're not useless either. If I'm not useless then you're definitely not useless!! *gentle hugs* I hope that your sister is right in that it's not too serious, but yes, definitely talk to your physio the next time you see him/her... I'm worried about you a bit. :(

Heather, NOT fat. Lovely. :) *hugs*

*hugs Felicia* What's up, love?? I'm sorry that your grandma is/was giving you the silent treatment... :( That really sucks. I hate it when people do that to me, but I must admit that I also do it to people sometimes. :-/ Hah. I'm not a very nice person - at times anyway. :-S

*huggles Oliver* Yes, haven't seen you around a whole lot... but I take it that stuff is kind of going well? Seems to be, from your posts at least.

Mark, how are you, love? Hopefully "okayish" at least, if not better than that... :) Have you played WoW much lately? *cuddles*

*cuddles everyone else she hasn't replied to or missed - sorry!!!*

*curls up next to Mark and plays WoW for awhile*

I went to meet my Substance Missuse Nurse this morning and ended up telling her the majority of the details of my suicide "Plan" , I've not not told anyone else IRL, I think I may have only told one person online , she is worried and wants to see me this afternoon too. I really wasn't planning on telling her about it it just of "came up" . Is it a positive thing that I told her? She wants me to tell my SW or she will hmmm , I'm worried I may have started the ball rolling to a hospital admission :(

Aw Mark... but I think it's good that you told her - definitely very brave - and I'm proud of you, for whatever that may mean to you. :) Hopefully it won't mean a trip to hos but if it does, maybe they'll be able to help you there? I don't know how helpful you've found your hospital stay(s) to be, but I know that mine have been useful in keeping me safe, at least, even if I didn't learn a lot of coping skills etc. at them. Keep us informed... if you don't want to talk about it here could you email me at least? *extra cuddles*

Also Crimson, forgot to say, that I did get your emails with the essays. Thanks!! :) I'll try to look at them in the next few days and get 'em back to you shortly. And I'm sure you're much more brilliant than you give yourself credit for!! *cuddles*

Oh , April It means a Ton that you think that of me . I've found hospital helpful in some ways but highly unpleasant ( like when I was on level 3 Observations, meaning I coulden't even close the door to the toiilet or had a nurse watch me "Sleep")(And the food was crap , I lost a stone in 100 days)in other ways . I'm definatly worried hmm.

I haven't been playing WoW a LOT But the other day I Pinged level 21 and a guild member paid for my horse riding lessons and I got my first horse :) I ran into Hayley , of all the places in WoW we ended up meeting in a fort in redridge completely by accident lol

I'm having a really really bad day. I don't deserve any of this, or maybe I do.
**** IT ALL. Last night's incident is still having a very big knock on today. Ugh. Wankers. The lot of them.

Glad you read it and agree April.

Sorry I haven't been very talkative. I've been feeling so low that I'm even having trouble staring blankly at things. I have my doctors appointment tomorrow afternoon and I'm freaking out about it. I'm so nervous.

*hugs to everyone*

*Hugs Jessica* *Roots for your Dr's appointment to go well*It's normal to be nervous , I got my Dr's appointment in the post today and am nervous about it too .

*hugs Mark* Thanks. I just feel so pathetic that it's come to this. It's probably well overdue but I'm way to stubborn to admit that I need to go even though I have the appointment. Ugh. I have no idea what I'm even going to say.

Helen- I know it's easier said than done, but try to ignore them. They are the ones who should be feeling like that, not you. You've done nothing wrong and you most certainly don't deserve it. *Hugs*

Jess- Good luck in your appointment. I hope it goes well for you and well done in admitting you might need the help, it's a huge step and one I haven't managed to take yet, so you're stronger and braver than me at any rate, but that's not saying a lot. *Join in hug?*

How are you today Mark? Did you get a good night's sleep last night?

xx

Thanks Lia *cuddles* You're right. But it won't happen ha.

Jess, I hope your doctor appointment went aswell as mine went this afternoon ^_^ *cuddles*

*cuddles everyone else*

argh im so angry right now!

Why Nicole?

because ive spent6 months thinking im a complete freak because im suicidal and self harming and all the proffesionals are saying theres nothing wrong with me, and then my mum just let slip that actually i was diagnosed with BPD in march and everyone else knew. i know i should be happy that ive finally got a diagnosis, and i am dont get me wrog, but im so pissed off that theyve let me think im a complete freak for so long! ive been going over and over it wondering what the **** is wrong with me, and they all knew!

*hugs helen* you are right, nobody is useless. I know that i'm guilty of calling myself that in here too... but we all should really stop. In no way is that healthy for us to continue saying. Also, I'm so sorry about last night. I agree that you should try to ignore them, although I know that is way easier said than done. you're not invisible to me though.

*hugs april* How are you?

*hugs nicole* whats wrong?

*hugs jess* good luck at your appointment.

*hugs lia* how r u doing today? and I spy you!

*hugs mark* that was very brave of you to tell about your plan. I think that you should tell your SW too. Maybe then you could get some extra help/support. You never know until you try at least.

I'll update about myself later. Kind of ran out of steam right now.