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sapphire hearts 10-07-2012 03:57 PM

*hugs Faye* you don't fail honey, and you ARE good enough

How can I cut myself and not remember? I don't SH anymore. I don't even want to. But there they are. What the **** is happening?

*hugs everyone*

Shattered_N_Scared 10-07-2012 08:08 PM

*hugs sapphire*

Sometimes you just go numb and don't remember things.

That's how I am right now. Numb to the world around me. Feeling like I should cry, but I can. Feeling like I should freakout, but just blank.

happiness...its all a lie 10-07-2012 09:30 PM

I wish i had never been born its more obvious now than ever that im not wanted and my family dont care. I cant do this. Please sedate me and let me die.

sapphire hearts 10-07-2012 09:38 PM

*hugs faye* sorry hun, no can do. if your family doesn't appreciate you they are complete idiots. everyone here values you so much, you are a lovely person, and i'm not ever giving up on you.

risenfromperdition 10-07-2012 10:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sapphire hearts (Post 3292084)
*hugs faye* sorry hun, no can do. if your family doesn't appreciate you they are complete idiots. everyone here values you so much, you are a lovely person, and i'm not ever giving up on you.

qft.

happiness...its all a lie 10-07-2012 10:34 PM

thanks, i wish you could though. Its like im in money trouble and need help but if i ask my family ignore me and get angry but my brother who is always in trouble with money if he asks then its not a problem. Im the runt, the black sheep. The one who shouldnt be here.

RootsbeforeBranches 11-07-2012 02:26 AM

Happiness - You should be here - there is a reason you are here and we love you.

I'm having a very hard time not falling into old habits tonight... I just want to give up

sapphire hearts 11-07-2012 04:06 AM

*hugs faye* in a similar situation with my brother - he gets whatever he wants and anything he does wrong is blamed on my problems. you're not alone honey. wish i could help. xxx

happiness...its all a lie 11-07-2012 10:06 AM

thanks hun, im sorry your in the same boat. My friend has said she will lend me the money if she can but wont know until the weekend. If not my car will stay on the drive uninsured and i wont drive it. It sucks having family like that. At last im alone and it feels like heaven. I just want to be gone.

roots- sorry your having a bad day hun, keep fighting its hard but you can do it.

midnightphoenix 11-07-2012 11:10 AM

*hugs sapphire and happiness*

happiness...its all a lie 11-07-2012 11:32 AM

hugs, how are you? xx

midnightphoenix 11-07-2012 11:50 AM

I'm not sure happiness, I don't know what I am any more. I think I'm a cat and I want to run away back to Yorkshire ...

happiness...its all a lie 11-07-2012 12:54 PM

hugs, sorry you dont knwo what you want. Have you got anyone you can talk to about things?

sapphire hearts 11-07-2012 03:13 PM

*hugs midnight* if you're a cat, your typing is excellent :) sorry you're feeling this way. did anything trigger this?

*hugs faye* how you doing honey?

happiness...its all a lie 11-07-2012 03:29 PM

hey *shrugs* not good. Still stressing, things seem a little better with my dad but yeah i dont know. I give up still money is my biggest worry.

hugs. how are you?

sapphire hearts 11-07-2012 05:30 PM

surge of motivation means my room is finally tidy. its fading though, now i'm vegging watching buffy.

sorry things are bad with your dad hun *hugs* he doesn't deserve someone as great as you as a daughter.

midnightphoenix 11-07-2012 07:16 PM

I've just been remembering the past a lot, remembering the rescue and it's making me want to run away back to Yorkshire ... Not sure why I feel like I'm a cat ...

sapphire hearts 11-07-2012 07:33 PM

cats are cute and fluffy. no reason not to want to be one i guess :)
sorry the past is difficult to deal with honey, but it's over and you're safe *hugs*

Gem-Louise 11-07-2012 07:58 PM

:( ended up in AandE this morning because i was feeling suicidal and i dont feel any better told the crisis team that i was planning on overdosing today and she wasnt even listening i just feel so low and upset right now just want everything to end :(

sapphire hearts 11-07-2012 08:06 PM

*hugs butterfly* I'm sorry things are so bad at the moment, and that the crisis team didn't listen to you. Do you have a regular therapist or a friend/family member you can talk to and who can help keep you safe?

Gem-Louise 11-07-2012 09:09 PM

i have a mental health worker that was supposed to phone me today and she hasnt and now there office is closed and i dont have anyone else i just dont know what to do ...i dont see the point in going back to AandE when i have been once already today and it didnt help me

YodaBearInterrupted 12-07-2012 01:26 AM

*hugs all*

Sorry for the random in and out. I feel bad about doing that. Back in here again cause I failed. Or is it going to fail? Things happened today that caused me to quickly go into depression and a bit of psychosis with the Voices. I tried to go for a walk and listened to some music and it helped a lil, but its all coming back. I hate myself. What did I do to deserve this? All I wanted was understanding and love. Love mostly from my parents. Not for them to ignore me and help my younger siblings to no end. I love my siblings, trust me I do. Just wish... you know... I could get the same help they did? Have my parents tell me they love me and want to help me? *tears up some* I dunno how I do this everyday... I should just do stupid stuff... then they paid attention to me even though it was negative... I should do that. I think I will. Make me feel better

sapphire hearts 12-07-2012 03:30 AM

*hugs YodaBearInterrupted* I'm sorry your family is so unsupportive of you. Don't do anything stupid honey. Don't hurt yourself, they're not worth it. It won't help you in the long run. Is there anyone you can talk to? xxx

*hugs butterfly* I'm so sorry no one is around, but please don't hurt yourself.

Both of you, PM me anytime. Stay safe. I love you both.
Katie x

happiness...its all a lie 12-07-2012 08:39 AM

*hugs all*

im so nervous and scared of this interview :( I cant not get it. I MUST have this job at all costs. I hate being this nervous. ahh. It sucks but at least its an easier feeling to cope with and then crash after it until i find out what they say.

Gem-Louise 12-07-2012 09:53 AM

*hugs sapphire* thanks hun :(

*hugs happiness* hope you get it hun and it goes well thinking of you

happiness...its all a lie 12-07-2012 01:59 PM

thanks, it went well i just want to know now if i got it. Im so nervous and worried and stressed all at once.

Laura2.0 12-07-2012 08:34 PM

*hugs all* sorry I wasn't here in the last few days. I'm struggling with my ego states and don't have much time to turn on the computer.

happiness...its all a lie 12-07-2012 10:19 PM

hey laura how you doing now?

*curls up in corner* i want to sleep but everytime i shut my eyes bad things appear.

xMakeSomeNoisex 13-07-2012 03:16 AM

*stares blankly at the wall*

I am so mad at myself, I specifically didn't go out to dinner with my family so I wouldn't have to eat but they brought me something home and I didn't have much of a choice. It wasn't a high calorie or high fat food but still I didn't want to eat. It is making me uncomfortable and making me want to well do something that is bad. Tonight officially sucks. *sigh* I am just going to take something that will knock me out so this day can already be over and I can do better tomorrow.

midnightphoenix 13-07-2012 10:09 AM

*hugs everyone* how are you all? I really need to be productive and go clean the bathroom

happiness...its all a lie 13-07-2012 10:36 AM

good luck cleaning. Im just waiting for a phone call i really want it today to see if i got a job so im a little inpatient lol.

sapphire hearts 13-07-2012 01:59 PM

sick :( not fun.

midnightphoenix 13-07-2012 02:03 PM

hugs saphire

I'm absolutely frozen today and the bathroom sink's still a bit gunged up and I don't know how to degunge it because the spray's not working

happiness...its all a lie 13-07-2012 02:42 PM

Hugs, hope you feel better.

i ****ING hate families they do my nut in. Im just a bloody failure to them. I may as well be dead. I dont do this, i dont do that. Im just a bollocks daughter who should never have been born.

xMakeSomeNoisex 13-07-2012 03:07 PM

*hugs happiness*
I know what you mean, I am the failure in my family and the messed up one, just a huge disappointment.
You would not be better off dead, your family loves you in there own way even if they say things that hurt you. I am sorry you are having a rough time but I am always here if you want to talk.



*curls in in bed*
I feel like a ninny for freaking out about dinner last night, it is just one of the many things that come with having eating issues (it didn't help that I hadn't been able to sleep in days). I took something to get some sleep last night and feel much better this morning, finally got some much needed sleep, it sucks that I can't sleep without pills it annoys me. Hopefully today goes better than yesterday.

happiness...its all a lie 13-07-2012 05:11 PM

thanks hun, i just feel so rubbish right now.

I hope you feel calmer today and the food thing is ok. Rest well and look after yourself.

Laura2.0 13-07-2012 06:26 PM

*hugs all* sorry I'm not posting much lately... I'm busy stabilzing myself and I have JuJitsu now.

RootsbeforeBranches 13-07-2012 11:54 PM

I have had the day from hell - got a new blade and I just want to use it

sapphire hearts 14-07-2012 04:13 AM

*hugs everyone* sorry everyone seems to be struggling so much atm

Roots - I know how tempting it is, but please don't use it, it won't help in the long run *hugs*

So tired of this. Flashbacks almost non-stop. Who can function like this?

m0nk 14-07-2012 06:10 AM

ok so i went and cut myself again. ****ing thoughts are too much. ppl stressing me out. thoughts that arent mine are in my vicinity and is bothering me.

Don't let my smile fool you,
It's only a diguise.
My life is like lightning,
and rained filled skies.

Don't let my laugh fool you,
I just am scared to tell the truth.
Don't assume my life is perfect,
Until you have your proof.

Don't let my expression fool you,
I just can't show you how I feel.
My heart has always been broken,
And I doubt it will ever heal.

Don't let my easygoing spirit fool you,
Don't think that I won't care.
Because when I need you the most,
I'm expecting you to be there.

happiness...its all a lie 14-07-2012 08:44 AM

I cant deal with this **** anymore. I keep thinking about him and it makes me sad. It makes me mad. I cant cope with the money. I dont knwo i cant do this. I have a brand new blade just waiting sat there waiting for me.

Doikers 14-07-2012 11:50 AM

*Huggles Faye* Can you throw the blade away , Please be careful hun .

Laura2.0 14-07-2012 02:48 PM

*hugs Faye* here if you want to talk. Can you get rid of your blade?

*hugs Mark* how are you today?

I've had a first aid course today and it was really informative. I'm still tired and dizzy, because I had to take calming medication yesterday evening/night twice and being dizzy the next day seems to be a side effect.

happiness...its all a lie 14-07-2012 02:56 PM

*snuggles mark* i cant get rid of the blade. I havent cut i just need it for comfort for now ill try to put it away later

sapphire hearts 14-07-2012 04:11 PM

*hugs faye* it's ok honey, just try not to use it okay? please keep yourself safe - if you can't, could you go and be somewhere around other people where you can't hurt cut?

*hugs Laura* apart from the side effects, how you doing honey?

happiness...its all a lie 14-07-2012 04:29 PM

Nope all my friends are out well the 2 that i have near me, my bro has gone and my mums at work til later. I feel rubbish i want to do damage. Im trying not to. I distracted myself as much as possible but im running out of ideas.

Hope your feeling better laura *hugs*

How are you katie? x

sapphire hearts 14-07-2012 04:42 PM

bath? or go for a run? don't know what the weather's like for you, but in Scotland *whispers* it's actually sunny! (if you don't whisper the sun might hear you and leave, lol) i used to find knitting really soothing when i wanted to harm, because it's cathartic and keeps your hands busy while you watch tv or something :)

I'm... as always. doesn't matter much.

happiness...its all a lie 14-07-2012 04:53 PM

I just had a shower but due to my leg(its broken) cant run or drive or anything. Its raining here. The cat is sat with me which is nice and i just dont know im online doing things but i just dont know how much more i can take.

Do you want to talk?

sapphire hearts 14-07-2012 04:58 PM

Nah, it's nothing important. so sick of how whiny I get on here, lol, so resolution to stop boring people with my sh*t and save it for R&V or journal.

Sorry to hear about your leg :( that sucks. do you bake? I always like baking, plus yummy cookies after! Glad your cat is sitting with you - good kitty * won't stroke - allergies - but waves at kitty* Are there online games you play? Or maybe write a story or poem about how you're feeling?

Laura2.0 14-07-2012 05:43 PM

*hugs faye*
*hugs Katie*

I feel fat, I ate too much today but my mom is a good cook so I couldn't resist and ate until there wasn't much left. Excited to go watch a movie with a friend later. The new spiderman movie.


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